# Men abandoning old friendships when they find a partner or GF **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 5, 2014, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539 "2014-09-05T02:29:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539/61 "2014-10-11T20:51:54Z")
> [@MaverocK](#): > > The caustic truth is, they regard our loneliness as a weakness, and people do not want to associate with those whom they regard as weak. > > What do you think? Why would men abandon such old good friendship with a guy for a woman? That’s a rather weirdly selfish perspective on things. Free time is a limited resource and a relationship is going to consume some; marriage and kids all but eliminate it. It’s hardly a commentary on the lives of single friends. In my experience, as someone with close friends of both genders, women are _much_ worse about this. Often it goes “I’m seeing someone new - he’s great!” then dead silence until I get the call that “\ It’s over!” One of my favorite exchanges on “Bunheads” was “Why don’t you hang out with him at school?” “I hang with my friends at school.” “Sasha, you’ve got a guy now, you _dump_ your friends!” In fact, one of the gender differences in such friendships is we guys bitch about it while the girls accept it unless the woman’s a complete jerk about it. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539/62 "2014-10-11T21:54:27Z")
> [@MaverocK](#): > > Perhaps, you think that you are not because it hurts your ego to not accept that you are. 🙂 OK, you just keep on believing that and enjoy your misery. I’ll go on being happy. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2014, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539/63 "2014-10-12T00:14:25Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Can I tell you a personal story? Wonderful story about how you explicitly planned to make sure there was some time for both, and found a way to have it work with your partners. We all need time both tegether and apart from relationships. It’s been since shortly after the post-college scattering that I can remember having the option to try and see high school friends regularly on a night. The closest that I can think of off hand is about 6 hours drive away from me, It certainly can apply to other friendships though. ---
**Author:** ![MaverocK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@MaverocK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaverocK)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2014, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539/64 "2014-10-26T23:57:36Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > OK, you just keep on \*\*believing \*\*that and enjoy your misery. The verb _believe_ means regarding something as true. In the matter of our conversation, the belief is not the case; it is highly likely to be the truth itself 🙂 > [@Telemark](#): > > I’ll go on being **happy**. Well, someone constantly making negative posts can hardly be happy 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2014, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539/65 "2014-10-27T10:49:09Z")
I think I’m beginning to understand why some of the OPs friendships are being abandoned… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2014, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539/66 "2014-10-27T14:11:47Z")
The OP might test his theory by offering anal sex and blow jobs to his male friends who’ve gotten into relationships recently. Um, I’m not sure what this will prove … but it’s the effort that counts! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539/67 "2014-10-27T14:17:20Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > I think I’m beginning to understand why some of the OPs friendships are being abandoned… Yeah, I think that sums it up pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2014, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539/68 "2014-10-27T15:00:32Z")
I’ve had two friends who were completely subservient to their girlfriends. And sometimes they’d have girlfriends who would either deliberately want to isolate them and sever their connection to their former friends, or they simply demanded their complete attention at all times. And so they would change their lifestyles to accomodate that - they’d involve herself in her world completely, and cut off contact with their friends. When they’d break up, they’d come back. And if they happened to have a girlfriend that didn’t want to isolate them, then they could still stay your friend (although typically only if she gave permission or didn’t require attention that night). It’s very douchey on the part of both of those in the relationship, and I suspect it’s fairly common. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-abandoning-old-friendships-when-they-find-a-partner-or-gf/697539.md?page=3)