# Men are attracted to lesbians, but women are not attracted to gay men...how come? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 1, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148 "2005-08-01T15:29:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Thin\_Lizzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9a140/32.png) [@Thin\_Lizzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Lizzy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/1 "2005-08-01T15:29:48Z")
Ever noticed that men like to watch 2 women getting it on, but 2 guys getting it on would disgust a woman (and most men) how come there is a double standard? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/2 "2005-08-01T15:33:21Z")
Lots of women like gay porn. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/3 "2005-08-01T15:33:30Z")
Women are more Ascetically pleasing to both Male & Female eyes? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/4 "2005-08-01T15:34:39Z")
An invalid premise makes for a short debate. I move this thread be closed and **TL** take a wee peek in the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/5 "2005-08-01T15:35:51Z")
Actually, there are plenty of women who enjoy [reading](http://strangeplaces.net/sylvia/recshp.htm/) about two men together, or seeing visual depictions of it. True, it is a bit more romanticized then lesbian porn, but still… Oh, and anyone who say “eewww!”? You should know better. ---
**Author:** ![Oregon\_sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/6 "2005-08-01T15:39:39Z")
I _LOVE_ gay porn! More men for the money! -ggurl. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/7 "2005-08-01T15:42:17Z")
> [@Thin Lizzy](#): > > Ever noticed that men like to watch 2 women getting it on, but 2 guys getting it on would disgust a woman (and most men) > how come there is a double standard? Those two women getting it on are not likely to be lesbians. I can’t speak for all men, but I don’t think many of my peers would be interested in seeing two textbook butch or Earth Mother-type lesbians engaged in lovemaking. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/8 "2005-08-01T15:55:14Z")
> [@jrfranchi](#): > > Women are more Ascetically pleasing… With all those bumps and curves and things? I think **not**. Now aesthetically pleasing, that you could make a case for. Back in college, the gay dudes _always_ had a circle of gals around them at parties. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Lizzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9a140/32.png) [@Thin\_Lizzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Lizzy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/9 "2005-08-01T15:57:04Z")
> [@Squink](#): > > Back in college, the gay dudes _always_ had a circle of gals around them at parties. Yeah but only because they can share makeup tips. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/10 "2005-08-01T16:06:49Z")
A critical part of being a wag is that your quips actually be _funny_, dearie. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/11 "2005-08-01T16:12:34Z")
> [@Thin Lizzy](#): > > Yeah but only because they can share makeup tips. Or maybe its because many women feel gay men are more sensative. I think the OP is flawed. My own experience is that most women don’t have any serious hang ups about gay men…or gay male sex for that matter. I have a gay friend who was the best man at my wedding and my wife adores him and his life mate. He is always surrounded by women when we are at parties even though he is openly gay. Maybe this has to do more with the fact that he’s intellegent, sensative and very good looking…or maybe women just don’t have the same hang ups as (some) men…like perhaps the OP for instance. As to why men don’t mind lesbians, well, I don’t think that many men think it through to be honest. They aren’t sitting there thinking about two women having sex…they are sitting there thinking about two naked women (most thoughts flee at this point), and considering them in the context of having the male in question inserted into the picture. ‘If those two hotties would do that with each other, imagine what they would do with a hunka hunka hunka man like me!!!’ 😃 -XT ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/12 "2005-08-01T16:12:49Z")
In an extremely unscientific poll, once I asked most of the people I knew well enough whether they liked watching people of the opposite sex having sex with each other. Every guy I asked like watching two women, only one girl I asked liked said she liked seeing two guys together. I recall one (straight) woman being rather disgusted at the idea. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/13 "2005-08-01T16:15:15Z")
> [@Thin Lizzy](#): > > Yeah but only because they can share makeup tips. Huh, I’ve never known any gay men who wear make-up, except for one who was a drag queen, and he only wore it when “in costume”. Also, two (hot) men together is really hot, and I’m a straight woman. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/14 "2005-08-01T16:21:31Z")
Men are attraced to the **idea** of lesbians having sex. If they (the men) thought about it for half a second they’d realize that the lesbians aren’t the least bit interested in them, so the fascination doesn’t go both ways. Additionally, as a rather butch lesbian pointed out to me once, “Man, you don’t want to watch me having sex - it ain’t pretty.” ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/15 "2005-08-01T16:38:52Z")
I take it the OP has never heard of slash. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/16 "2005-08-01T16:45:40Z")
It’s a cultural thing. As a culture, we consider lesbians to be a bit silly. They don’t really intimidate us, we just think they are a little confused. Women’s actions arn’t considered very socially meaningful, so in our minds what women do in their spare time isn’t really a big concern. Sometimes this is an advantage. We get a little more leeway in regards to gender roles, our sexuality, how we dress, etc. I’ve also heard that men see these “lesbians” as performing for them. Since they don’t have a good idea of what lesbians do, they figure they must need a penis in their somewhere and he’d be glad to oblige. But men are a different story. In our culture men are considered the head of the family and the keeper of order. So if they go out fucking each other it’s the downfall of society, a perversion of nature and a threat to everything. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/17 "2005-08-01T16:54:33Z")
Hasn’t the OP ever heard the Bloodhound Gang’s classic “I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks”? ---
**Author:** ![Sofis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Sofis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofis)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/18 "2005-08-01T18:16:06Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > As to why men don’t mind lesbians, well, I don’t think that many men think it through to be honest. They aren’t sitting there thinking about two women having sex…they are sitting there thinking about two naked women (most thoughts flee at this point), and considering them in the context of having the male in question inserted into the picture. ‘If those two hotties would do that with each other, imagine what they would do with a hunka hunka hunka man like me!!!’ 😃 > [@even sven](#): > > I’ve also heard that men see these “lesbians” as performing for them. Since they don’t have a good idea of what lesbians do, they figure they must need a penis in their somewhere and he’d be glad to oblige. Cite? Seriously, where do you people get this shit from? Is it based on any actual research into the question (in which case, see my first word in this post), or is it just another of the usual based-on-nothing This Is What Insert Gender Is Like (And Don’t Worry About People Being Individuals Rather Than Mildly Differentiated Instances Of A Gender, Because They’re Not) memes? If I want to watch pornography involving penises, I’ll watch pornography involving penises. I often do. It’s not like there’s a shortage. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/19 "2005-08-01T18:25:19Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > I’ve also heard that men see these “lesbians” as performing for them. In most porn, I’m sure the “lesbians” are performing mainly for a male audience, since I believe the majority of porn is still made with men in mind. The rest of your post is full of generalizations that attempt to justify the OPs apparent ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/20 "2005-08-01T19:07:44Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > I’ve also heard that men see these “lesbians” as performing for them. Since they don’t have a good idea of what lesbians do, they figure they must need a penis in their somewhere and he’d be glad to oblige. I asked my SO this question (long ago, nothing to do with this thread) and got this same answer. He said something along the lines of “if they need sex bad enough to resort to that, well, I have what they need!” (FTR, this is not the way he really thinks; he was trying to analyze his feelings.) I thought that was very interesting, because if I saw two guys together, I’d think, “Well, I can see I’m not needed around here.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148.md?page=2)