# Men are attracted to lesbians, but women are not attracted to gay men...how come? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 1, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148 "2005-08-01T15:29:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/21 "2005-08-01T19:15:14Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > In an extremely unscientific poll, once I asked most of the people I knew well enough whether they liked watching people of the opposite sex having sex with each other. Every guy I asked like watching two women, only one girl I asked liked said she liked seeing two guys together. I recall one (straight) woman being rather disgusted at the idea. I think an important follow up to this question is wether the women like porn at all. There is still the idea in American culture that porn isn’t something “decent” women look at. If a woman is disgusted by the idea at looking at any porn, she’ll probably be disgusted at the idea of looking at gay porn, too. Even among women who do consume porn, it occurs to me that the _gradual_ erosion of that idea may be responsible for part of this dichotomy between the genders when it comes to representations of homosexual sex. Some women may have internalized the idea that porn is okay to the extent that they enjoy heterosexual porn, but not to the extent that they’d enjoy the “really dirty” stuff, such as gay porn. > [@elmwood](#): > > Those two women getting it on are not likely to be lesbians. I can’t speak for all men, but I don’t think many of my peers would be interested in seeing two textbook butch or Earth Mother-type lesbians engaged in lovemaking. I’d probably be the exception to that, but then, I’m queer in more than one sense of the word. My porn interests tend almost exclusively towards girl-girl, but my actual sex life tends almost exclusively towards other guys. > [@Thin Lizzy](#): > > Yeah but only because they can share makeup tips. You don’t actually know any homosexuals, do you? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/22 "2005-08-01T19:28:42Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > Lots of women like gay porn. Anne Rice, for example. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/23 "2005-08-01T19:46:27Z")
Perhaps because men are more visually stimulated, so 2 females having sex is visually sexually appealing, while women might be less turned on by visual sexual stimulation (perhaps some are turned off), and perhaps more turned on by emotions and feelings, which 2 guys going at it is not emotionally arousing (but the stuff leading up to the 2 guy going for it may be arousing for females). ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/24 "2005-08-01T19:53:12Z")
I’m not attracted to lesbians… I’m a man… now two women groping each other naked and calling me to join is completely different. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/25 "2005-08-01T20:32:20Z")
Further to disagree with the OP’s premise, a girlfriend of mine once gave me a samizdat copy of a spot of Kirk/Spock slashfic. It was one of her favourite bits of reading, though admittedly it was mostly text with just the odd homoerotic drawing here and there. _Ex ano_ statistics tend to suggest that, in fact, women are more tolerant of the idea of same-sex activity, either way, than men are. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/26 "2005-08-01T21:21:51Z")
In my experience, some of the biggest producers and consumers of m/m written erotica are female. Plus, there are several [previous](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=129155) [threads](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=297673) where the women of the SDMB express just how much they like guy-on-guy stuff. So as not to overly disturb **Qadgop** , I’ll spoiler this: I am definitely no exception to the above trend. H\<3tt. Totally. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/27 "2005-08-01T22:46:32Z")
You’re even missing the cross-cultural ‘bishonen’ craze. Beautiful boys, who love each other. Popular in Japan, popular here. ---
**Author:** ![Amok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f17d59/32.png) [@Amok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amok)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/28 "2005-08-01T22:51:32Z")
Try browsing some of the threads at [Television Without Pity](http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com). There’s plenty of female posters over there extolling the virtues of “hoyay” on TV. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/29 "2005-08-01T22:58:34Z")
There are plenty of women who are attracted to the idea of men falling in love with each other and having sex. In Japan, they have a **huge** market devoted to what they call ‘[Boy’s love](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boy%27s_Love).’ Boy’s love or BL are stories/manga/doujinshi/videos that are made for women for women. They range from lighthearted to romantic comedies to down and dirty fuck fests. The market in the US is mainly underground but growing fast - enough for there to be [conventions](http://yaoicon.com/). Over here it is called Yaoi/shounen ai. If you do a google search on those terms, you will find a lot of websites (not all work safe of course!). I have a friend who is a self-made millionaire from selling yaoi/shounenai from Japan to Americans. ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/30 "2005-08-01T23:01:00Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > Those two women getting it on are not likely to be lesbians. I can’t speak for all men, but I don’t think many of my peers would be interested in seeing two textbook butch or Earth Mother-type lesbians engaged in lovemaking. Actual lovemaking, no. But I have no problems with two women showing affection for each other in public. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/31 "2005-08-02T00:17:57Z")
The vast majority of slash fiction is written by women, for women. Two hot guys doing sexy things with one another-what’s NOT to like? ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/32 "2005-08-02T00:47:17Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > I can’t speak for all men, but I don’t think many of my peers would be interested in seeing two textbook butch or Earth Mother-type lesbians engaged in lovemaking. You can speak for this man. ---
**Author:** ![no\_screen\_name\_for\_now](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5a626/32.png) [@no\_screen\_name\_for\_now](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/no_screen_name_for_now)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/33 "2005-08-02T00:51:17Z")
> [@Thin Lizzy](#): > > Ever noticed that men like to watch 2 women getting it on, but 2 guys getting it on would disgust a woman (and most men) > how come there is a double standard? Because we (women) look less silly when they’re naked. And if a man watches 2 women then he doesn’t have to have that little voice in the back of his head going “what if it’s the guy that’s turning me on?” Men look decidedly silly naked. Especially if they’re having sex or (worse) dancing. A major “ick” factor for most of the women I know. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/34 "2005-08-02T02:57:20Z")
> [@no screen name for now](#): > > Because we (women) look less silly when they’re naked. And if a man watches 2 women then he doesn’t have to have that little voice in the back of his head going “what if it’s the guy that’s turning me on?” > > Men look decidedly silly naked. Especially if they’re having sex or (worse) dancing. A major “ick” factor for most of the women I know. :eek: It boggles my mind that a hetrosexual female\* could think men look silly naked. Men are beautiful…preferably naked. No offence, chacun a son gout, but it boggles me. Anyway though, Thin, I’d say you have your answer…for the percentage of women who would agreee with the OP. But as has been noted, LOTS of woman are not only attracted to gay men but are turned on by the idea of two men having sex. The major difference may be more that men are the greater consumers of visual porn. \*I’m assuming given the OP you’re posting to speak from a hetrosexual standpoint, I could be wrong 🙂 . ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/35 "2005-08-02T03:00:31Z")
> [@Sofis](#): > > Cite? Seriously, where do you people get this shit from? Is it based on any actual research into the question (in which case, see my first word in this post), or is it just another of the usual based-on-nothing This Is What Insert Gender Is Like (And Don’t Worry About People Being Individuals Rather Than Mildly Differentiated Instances Of A Gender, Because They’re Not) memes? This is what my boyfriend told me when I asked him. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/36 "2005-08-02T03:08:53Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > This is what my boyfriend told me when I asked him. No offense intended to your boyfriend, but why should we believe that he knows what he’s talking about? ---
**Author:** ![brickbacon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@brickbacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brickbacon)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/37 "2005-08-02T03:32:15Z")
> [@elfbabe](#): > > In my experience, some of the biggest producers and consumers of m/m written erotica are female. [This](http://64.233.161.104/search?q=cache:LsEUk1WV8dkJ:www.ynot.com/modules.php%3Fop%3Dmodload%26name%3DNews%26file%3Dea_article%26sid%3D8356%26mode%3Dthread%26order%3D0%26thold%3D0+playgirl+gay+men+women+subscribers&hl=en) site says 80% of Playgirls’ subscribers are gay men. I would imagine most people who buy stuff like that are gay men. I think society has more of an expectation that men fulfill traditional gender roles, than it has for women. As a result, male homosexuality seems more unnatural and unappealing. ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/38 "2005-08-02T03:46:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Men look decidedly silly naked. Especially if they’re having sex or (worse) dancing. A major “ick” factor for most of the women I know. This is what I’ve always heard, from American women, anyway. But then, how do you explain the women who go nuts over male strippers? Women’s only nights, bachelorette parties, etc. If that well hung beefcake looks so silly jumping around and swinging in the breeze, why does it take some women in the crowd just a few drinks before they’re shaking hands with Mr Happy and even doing the whipped cream slurpee? ---
**Author:** ![AThingWithFeathers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@AThingWithFeathers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AThingWithFeathers)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/39 "2005-08-02T04:31:35Z")
> [@Thin Lizzy](#): > > Yeah but only because they can share makeup tips. Honey, guys don’t need to be gay to give makeup tips, just “emo.” Or glam rock. Nope, with my gay friends it’s more like “We can talk about hot guys/music (hot guys who sing) together,” and in my drama geek of a sister’s case, many of her gay friends share her love of Broadway. (As they say, there’s a reason for stereotypes.) My view: two gay guys together can be hot, two lesbians can be hot, and hell, even heterosexuals can be hot. You simply don’t hang out with the right type of girls. It’s funny, that it is socially acceptable for guys to like lesbian action, but if I mention the opposite, I usually get the response “Eww, gay sex.” Of course, this only applies to the jerks who are dumb enough to start on about the wonders of lesbians in front of women, as if they expect them to hook up for them. And yes, whoever mentioned [slash](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=slash) [or most written m/m erotica, really] is correct, most of the writers are female. But Anne Rice, she does it so badly I could die from laughing so hard. As someone else said, you won’t get very far with a flawed hypothesis. Lots of girls like male/male action, and they’re more likely to admit it on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148/40 "2005-08-02T04:39:49Z")
> [@Sofis](#): > > Cite? Seriously, where do you people get this shit from? Is it based on any actual research into the question (in which case, see my first word in this post), or is it just another of the usual based-on-nothing This Is What Insert Gender Is Like (And Don’t Worry About People Being Individuals Rather Than Mildly Differentiated Instances Of A Gender, Because They’re Not) memes? > [@ultrafilter](#): > > No offense intended to your boyfriend, but why should we believe that he knows what he’s talking about? Why shouldn’t you? Seriously, what’s up with all the over-reaction to **even sven** ’s post? If her boyfriend gives an opinion that jibes pretty well with what guys have been saying for decades, then it’s “you don’t know what you’re talking about!” and “where do you people get this shit from?” But if you take a clipboard and ask him and then write a journal entry about it, all of a sudden it’s hard science and research? **even sven** ’s assessment is pretty spot-on based on what I’ve been hearing for decades, from people who are open enough about sex to talk about it, anyway. I sincerely hope that nobody’s trying to deny that “girls on girls is hot, guys on guys is gross” is a commonly-accepted viewpoint. And the belief that women aren’t _really_ homosexual, and that lesbians are only lesbians because they haven’t found the right man yet, is such a common one that it’s become a stereotype. How many times have you heard an “I’ll fix her” type boast from a guy hearing about a hot lesbian, or a guy not taking a woman’s claim of bisexuality or homosexuality seriously? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-attracted-to-lesbians-but-women-are-not-attracted-to-gay-men-how-come/315148.md?page=3)