# Men are very wary of 20 and 30 something female virgins - Is it with good reason? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 8, 2006, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907 "2006-09-08T13:56:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/121 "2006-09-08T21:18:25Z")
[QUOTE=Autumn Almanac] I don’t know, any of the practical reasons for not having sex (pregnancy risk, STD risk, relationship not serious enough, etc.) could apply to a man just as well as a woman. [/QUOTE] Well sure, in a perfectly rational sense it doesn’t necessarily make good sense to have sex at all unless you want to make babies. I have to admit I’d be wary of someone with that degree of Spock-like “take it or leave it” self control. If a woman was that in control of her urges I don’t think sex with her would be much fun, or life for that matter. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/122 "2006-09-08T21:22:00Z")
For most guys, there’s no such thing as a relationship “not being serious enough” to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/123 "2006-09-08T22:03:57Z")
Hm, maybe I should start a thead. “Ask the 20-something virgin.” [QUOTE=Trunk] Either 1. She probably isn’t that hot at all, virgin or not. Hasn’t had boyfriends, or HAS had boyfriends, but got NUTSO when it got to having sex-time. [/quote] I’ve had boyfriends. Quite a few, actually. I’ve never dated any of them past 3 months, however. And none of them asked me to sleep with them. Or even mentioned sex in any context. (They were Korean guys, so part of this is due to a cultural difference.) The white guys I’ve hooked up with have all been people I met briefly (at hostels and stuff). One night stands are not really my thing. > [@](#): > > OR > > 1. She’s been saving herself for that someone special. I’m not criticizing you if that’s your thing, but it’s not the kind of thing that should induce the “woo hoo, get in line” stuff. Is this the kind of thing that these guys are getting in line for. . .that finally they can have sex with that girl who’s been waiting for that someone special? I don’t think so. I am not waiting for that special someone. I am not religious and I am not particularly attached to my hymen. I am, however, unwilling to sleep with someone just so I can be deflowered. I don’t consider myself inexperienced about sex just because I am a virgin. I’m only a virgin in the most technical terms (never had anal or vaginal sex). But I’ve always wondered if confessing my virginity to a guy before we did the deed would turn him off. Apparently it will, if they’re anything like **Trunk**. I dunno if lying about virginity falls under an innocent white lie, though. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![parrot\_recipes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@parrot\_recipes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parrot_recipes)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/124 "2006-09-08T23:24:21Z")
[QUOTE=hawksgirl] Seriously? I wasn’t aware that sex was a requirement for a serious relationship. I sure have been wasting my time then, in my so-called serious relationship before we had sex. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] And what of the christians who don’t have sex til marriage? i guess they aren’t serious, even though they date for years until I do. duh ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/125 "2006-09-09T00:09:37Z")
[QUOTE=Surly Chick] Huh. Reading this thread has brought me to the conclusion that sex doesn’t mean all that much to people these days. [/QUOTE] Indeed, quite a few of us have arrived at the point where _not_ having it means more than _having_ it. ---
**Author:** ![parrot\_recipes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@parrot\_recipes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parrot_recipes)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/126 "2006-09-09T02:01:53Z")
When I was a young adult, I belonged to a strict church which considered all sex outside of marriage a sin. I disagreed, and many young women churchgoers turned up pregnant. Myself, i was 22, and I waited because I wanted to get out from under my parents control, be more mature, and not become pregnant. The church used to claim a couple who were (ideally) both virgins on the wedding night would work through any incompatibility. I used to believe that, til I dated a guy who, no matter how we tried, just couldn’t do it for me. Imagine how awful had i married him. ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/127 "2006-09-09T03:23:37Z")
[QUOTE=Surly Chick] Huh. Reading this thread has brought me to the conclusion that sex doesn’t mean all that much to people these days. [/QUOTE] Depends on what you mean by “these days”. I certainly don’t recall the 80’s being a time of universal celibacy, no one could convince me that the 70’s were either. Sex is sex, love is love, love should include sex but sex doesn’t have to include love. It’s fun, it helps pass the time, and it’s fun. Plus, it’s kinda fun! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/128 "2006-09-09T03:25:31Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Indeed, quite a few of us have arrived at the point where _not_ having it means more than _having_ it. [/QUOTE] Sex is like air…it doesn’t matter until you aren’t getting any! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![parrot\_recipes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@parrot\_recipes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parrot_recipes)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/129 "2006-09-09T03:30:24Z")
But people can live without sex. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/130 "2006-09-09T03:34:49Z")
[QUOTE=parrot recipes] But people can live without sex. [/QUOTE] They can live without indoor toilets too, but why the hell would they want to? ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/131 "2006-09-09T04:05:46Z")
[QUOTE=Bobotheoptimist] Depends on what you mean by “these days”. I certainly don’t recall the 80’s being a time of universal celibacy, no one could convince me that the 70’s were either. Sex is sex, love is love, love should include sex but sex doesn’t have to include love. It’s fun, it helps pass the time, and it’s fun. Plus, it’s kinda fun! [/QUOTE] And if you can’t get any, you must _really_ be a fuck-up. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/132 "2006-09-09T04:06:44Z")
No spoiler intended here, but if you ever get a chance to hear an Australian comedian named James Smith, he has an absolutely hilarious routine about this topic. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/133 "2006-09-09T04:50:10Z")
I don’t see what all the fuss is about. I have a feeling there is some gender bias here regarding virgins. The salon article might say otherwise, but methinks society is more accepting of female virgins than male virgins. So long as the woman isn’t universally fugly, most people would likely write off her prolonged virginity as ‘waiting for the right person/picky/etc’. But take a guy the same age, also a virgin, and chances are people are going to look at it negatively. On a news show (can’t remember) they trotted out this 30 year old female virgin and discussed her quest to get laid. I blinked and wondered to myself, “when did this suddenly become a problem?” \would definitely tap a virgin ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/134 "2006-09-09T05:28:13Z")
Story of my life-can’t find something I want because it requires experience-but how the hell can one GET experience if one keeps being rejected? Meh. I’m getting too damned cynical. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/135 "2006-09-09T09:06:15Z")
[QUOTE=Incubus] I don’t see what all the fuss is about. I have a feeling there is some gender bias here regarding virgins. The salon article might say otherwise, but methinks society is more accepting of female virgins than male virgins. So long as the woman isn’t universally fugly, most people would likely write off her prolonged virginity as ‘waiting for the right person/picky/etc’. But take a guy the same age, also a virgin, and chances are people are going to look at it negatively. [/QUOTE] Exactly. [QUOTE=Guinastasia] Story of my life-can’t find something I want because it requires experience-but how the hell can one GET experience if one keeps being rejected? [/QUOTE] Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/136 "2006-09-09T12:03:39Z")
I suffered a serious back injury years ago and have been celibate ever since… at this point in time I’m as close to being a fat 40y/o virgin as is humanly possible, and I can’t see that changing on grounds that men just go “Eww” at the notion… ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/137 "2006-09-09T17:18:16Z")
what you’re telling me is that you still find the _concept_ of virginity, and the word _virgin_, useful and meaningful when applied to human beings (as opposed to wool, forests, olive oil, airlines or record stores). ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/138 "2006-09-09T17:38:19Z")
I dated a woman who was a born-again virgin, shall we say. 13 years celibate. I’m not sure exactly why - we were members of a social group where, in general, sex was available if wanted. Anyway, I was between wives, in the post-divorce screwed up period and had determined that I was going to have fun, date, screw-around but not get serious with anyone. This woman was one of the woman I was dating. (There was another woman in another city - they each knew I wasn’t seeing only them but they didn’t have details. I wasn’t cheating, in my mind, since everybody knew about everybody else.) This woman and I had many “friends only” discussions. It was never hours of conversation on this topic but things said and things implied done five minutes at a time. I used to jokingly refer to her as my “girlfriend du jour” and she would preen in response. Good clean fun - with benefits - not getting too serious. However, enter girlfriend number three six months later. This one knocked my socks off and in very little time I had decided to have an exclusive relationship with her. Girlfriends number one and two were dumped as gently as I could. My reformed born-again virgin didn’t take it well at all. There’s numerous examples but I’ll sum it up by saying it culminated in a police report. She had apparently building castles in the sky, knitting booties, etc. despite our numerous conversations that we were not getting serious, right?, and I was too screwed up from my divorce to be serious, right?, and all our other “keeping it light” kind of conversations. My worries of a thirty-some year old virgin, especially the ones that were waiting for the somebody special, is that she might choose me as the special one when I’m not in the same mode. Since it’s more common for men to desire casual sex, taking an older woman’s virginity moves it out of the “casual” column and puts it in the “serious relationship” column. Something that men are usually slow to do. There’s a reverse to this, too. I’ve known too many young men who have grandiose expectations built around sex. Not the, whoo-hoo-this’ll-be-great kind of expectation but rather the it’s-going-to-be-magical-and-emotional-and-such expectation. I think many of us have all rolled our eyes at men like this and said, “Yep, he’s going to marry the first girl that sleeps with him.” ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/139 "2006-09-09T17:44:04Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] WHAT?!?!?! Every time I’ve had sex there’s been a horse and a waterfall and a beach and candles **and shit**. No Really! I mean it! [/QUOTE] Bolding mine. Damn, you’re one kinky broad. What are you doing this coming weekend? (Hint: the answer is “staying indoors and getting the snot banged out of me.”) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/140 "2006-09-09T17:53:23Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] Apparently, I’m the only person who believes that a woman in her late twenties/early thirties can be a virgin and not be needy, clingly or very religious. [/QUOTE] Well, overall society tends to be more accepting of sex after a certain age (17-18 or so), and those that hold on to it, and generally it isn’t easy- they have hormones too, have strong reasons for doing so. Some start off with good reasons, but don’t have the conviction, so by the time they hit 21 or so, their resolve crumbled. The older the virgin is, the more likely they have gone through some serious temptation and survived. What other sort of motivation could somebody have to withold something they themselves are constantly tempted to give in to. Religious nutters for the most part. Some are unfortunate to be shy or introverted, but if you are 21, you have been a sexually mature (by societies standards, not physiological) adult for 3-4 years and have likely had some guys make you feel comfortable. If you are 30 and you are THAT shy and introverted, it probably won’t be safe for the guy to break you out of it. These are generalities of course, there are going to be exceptions. There always are. The exception doesn’t make the rule though, the vast majority do. (FWIW, I am coming to realize that my gf- 23 year old virgin, is a bit too religious for me. When I mention the age of the oldest person in recorded history, she got indignant and started an argument about how people in the bible lived to be 900 because of a water canopy :eek: ) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907.md?page=8)