# Men are very wary of 20 and 30 something female virgins - Is it with good reason? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 8, 2006, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907 "2006-09-08T13:56:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/141 "2006-09-09T18:25:20Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] what you’re telling me is that you still find the _concept_ of virginity, and the word _virgin_, useful and meaningful when applied to human beings (as opposed to wool, forests, olive oil, airlines or record stores). [/QUOTE] Not only that, but you can’t even imagine what it would be like _not_ to classify people this way. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/142 "2006-09-09T23:38:11Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] What does “not ready” mean and why would a grown woman not “be ready?” [/QUOTE] Sex has greater consequences for women than it does for men, both biologically and sociologically. Women who have large numbers of sex partners are considered sluts while men are considered studs. Heck, even women with low numbers of sex partners are sometimes called “whores” and “sluts” after rejecting men. Biologically, some STIs have a greater impact on women than they do on men (not even to speak of the social consquences) and the burden of pregnancy overwhelmingly falls on the female. Not too mention the fact that sex for the first time can be painful for the female. Even though I have a sex drive higher than that of most men, I did not lose my virginity until I turned 21 because of a combination of biological and sociological factors. Although I am pro-choice I never want to get an abortion and to avoid ending up in that situation, I only wanted to have sex with a girl or a guy that I had a committed relationship with where I felt comfortable enough to risk the dangers of a pregnancy with. I am not attracted to most women and the women that I did have crushes on ending up being straight or identified as such back then. There were a few males that I was interested in but until I turned 21, either there wasn’t mutual attraction or he came on too fast and too hard and I didn’t feel comfortable being with him sexually. I was raised to expect sex to come with marriage and, although I gave up the idea of marriage, I still wanted love before sex. When I finally felt ready, it was with a boy that I was insanely in love with, and more importantly, incredibly sexually attracted to. It was an amazing experience and I am glad to have shared it with him. I was worried that it would hurt but he was very gentle and kind. He was so gentle, that I didn’t technically lose my virginity until later. It did hurt, but it was worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2006, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/143 "2006-09-10T03:00:55Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Not only that, but you can’t even imagine what it would be like _not_ to classify people this way. [/QUOTE] For some reason I’m getting the feeling you think this is a bad thing. It isn’t, anymore than classifying people by whether they’re hard workers or Star Trek fans is – all these things give you useful, if sometimes falliable, information about a person which may be important to decisions-making w/r/t that person. Especially in the case of virginity (i.e., a characteristic defining a person’s past sexual behavior) when one of the decisions the hypothetical “you” is making is whether you want to have/pursue sex with her. _Not_ trying to intuit her behavior based on her adult virginity would be cutting off your nose to spite your face. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2006, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/144 "2006-09-10T05:37:07Z")
OK, I’m someone who actually has real experience with this. My wife was a 36-year-old virgin when when we met just a few years ago. So maybe I can dispell some of the myths about older virgins that have been spread in this thread, at least in regards to her: She’s not very religious. She wasn’t “saving herself”. She simply hadn’t met any guys she really liked. Admittedly, she pretty much never dated. We were introduced by a mutual friend. Apart from that one quirk, she’s totally a beautiful, normal, fun-loving, easy-to-be-with, intelligent woman. Obviously, or I wouldn’t have married her. Oh, and she has no hang-ups about sex at all – she loves it, and really gets into it! ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2006, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/145 "2006-09-10T10:50:57Z")
just a BTW because someone is a virgin it doesn’t mean they don’t have a clue what sex is , or how to “perform”… ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2006, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/146 "2006-09-10T12:05:30Z")
[QUOTE=Belrix] However, enter girlfriend number three six months later. This one knocked my socks off and in very little time I had decided to have an exclusive relationship with her. Girlfriends number one and two were dumped as gently as I could. My reformed born-again virgin didn’t take it well at all. There’s numerous examples but I’ll sum it up by saying it culminated in a police report. [/quote] Had the same thing happen to me (no police, though). Somewhere along the line, before I ever got involved, the gears in her head had shifted from “I want the next guy I sleep with to be the one I’ll spend my life with” to “I want to spend my life with the next guy I sleep with.” It’s a moot point now, but I’d be wary of a 30+ virgin just based on past experience. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2006, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/147 "2006-09-10T13:40:51Z")
> [@](#): > > **suranyi** said: > My wife was a 36-year-old virgin when when we met just a few years ago. I think the key word is wife. There’s no way, at this point in my life, that I’d even entertain the notion of having sex with a 30 year-old male virgin because I’m not prepared to make a rest-of-life commitment. I’d run screaming if a guy said to me ‘Well I just never met anyone I liked enough to have sex with.’ What you found to not be a problem is a big warning bell for someone else. ---
**Author:** ![parrot\_recipes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@parrot\_recipes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parrot_recipes)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2006, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/148 "2006-09-10T15:43:25Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] (FWIW, I am coming to realize that my gf- 23 year old virgin, is a bit too religious for me. When I mention the age of the oldest person in recorded history, she got indignant and started an argument about how people in the bible lived to be 900 because of a water canopy :eek: ) [/QUOTE] And then, 100 was considered old to still be a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/149 "2006-09-10T19:44:34Z")
[QUOTE=catsix] I’d run screaming if a guy said to me ‘Well I just never met anyone I liked enough to have sex with.’ [/QUOTE] The sad thing is, this is likely one of the reason’s they’ve STAYED a virgin this whole time. They’re worried that the stigma of being a virgin at IS going to get them a negative response from perspective partners. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2006, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/150 "2006-09-11T08:10:11Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Or more so. After all, female virginity is still prized by some people/some cultures. The OP is so alien to me I can hardly understand it…men getting turned off and disgusted by virgnity? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure some are, but to think the majority are? Not my experience, for sure. [/QUOTE] In my case: 1. I come from a culture where virginity is prized. Not as in “you must save yourself for marriage” but “it’s nice when your first time with your boyfriend is the first time for both”. There’s also a contradictory tendence of “ohmygawdhowcanyoubeavirginat15” but that’s mostly teen mags. 2. Too many guys who wouldn’t use a rubber. Sorry, I do not have sex without a rubber. Specially with some guy I just met at a club. 3. In my home town, the get-a-boyfriend process had been ridiculously complicated by the teens themselves. I had courses to pass, a bedridden mother and two little brothers to feed, couldn’t be bothered with all those hoops and loops. 4. A ridiculous amount of guys who assumed I HAD to be “taken”, either because I wasn’t anxiously grinning at anything with trousers on or because “you’re too hot to not have a boyfriend” :smack: 5. A couple times that could have become boyfriends or one-night stands but something went awry; both times as a consequence of the stupid loops and hoops. One of them: after making out in a club for over one hour (that was some interesting gymnastics), period in which I initiated several of the “steps forward” (first time he’d been with a girl who raised his shirt first instead of making a ruckus when he tried to raise hers), our friends decided it was time to move on to the next one. While we were going, he told me he’d have to go by 3am, since he had a soccer match next morning. I said “oh, ok, so that gives us…_check watch_ two more hours!” He: “uh.. you’re ok with that?” “yeah. Kick some butt at the match by the way :)” “you’re not going to make a scene” “nooooo”. He left at 8am, having spent the last 7 hours saying “oh my god you’re wonderful I’ve never met a girl like you”, didn’t even kiss me again until the bybye cheek kisses… and broke his ankle at the match :smack: So what the fuck should I have done? Like my cousin, who bought the ohmygodhowcanyoubeavirgin and celebrated her 15 Bday by going to his car with some dude who fell asleep on top of her? Her words later: “I’m told it gets better with time and practice… sure hope so, because if that’s all there is to it, it’s a wonder anybody was born!” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2006, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/151 "2006-09-11T08:20:20Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] What does “not ready” mean and why would a grown woman not “be ready?” “Not ready” is not really an explanation it’s just begging the question. [/QUOTE] My grandmother was a seamstress. Young, pretty, independent, surrounded by other young, pretty seamstresses who had “white horses” (gift-giving gents) or were looking for them; she claims to have rejected many an offer to introduce her to some guy who was interested in spending time with her; these other girls would keep telling her she had to “get her act going before she got too old”. Then she met gramps, and as she puts it “for 21 years I had no interest in sex; then I suddenly did, and we got married”. This was at a time when the average age for brides, country-wide, was 15. They’ve been married for over 70 years, but that’s basically because they both got Li-ion batteries… ---
**Author:** ![Nilli57211](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Nilli57211](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nilli57211)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/152 "2014-10-18T06:51:38Z")
I know this is an old thread, but I can’t believe some people’s ignorance. it’s ridiculous that anyone would write someone off because of experiences, or lack of experiences, that they had before even meeting you. you don’t know them, their situations, or what led them to be virgins. It’s very foolish to make assumptions. I’m almost 30 and a virgin, and it was a combination of factors, not including a low sex drive, extreme moral views, etc. I am super introverted, have always out school and career first, and on top of it all was dealing with OCD and depression for years. I’ve had other things on my plate to deal with other than worrying about getting laid. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/153 "2014-10-18T12:09:29Z")
We already have a poll and discussion on this topic [here.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17824895#post17824895) ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/154 "2014-10-18T13:14:39Z")
Man, this is the only chance I’m gunna get to ask Dopers … would you date a 30 year old _zombie_ virgin ? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/155 "2014-10-18T13:18:11Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > Man, this is the only chance I’m gunna get to ask Dopers … would you date a 30 year old _zombie_ virgin ? She didn’t care about my body, she was only after my brain. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/156 "2014-10-18T13:49:10Z")
I’m years late to this thread, but… > [@Bobotheoptimist](#): > > “I was a virgin until later tonight, so don’t get too freaky” …that’s an _astoundingly_ good pick-up line. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907/157 "2014-10-18T20:45:32Z")
> [@Nilli57211](#): > > I know this is an old thread, but I can’t believe some people’s ignorance. it’s ridiculous that anyone would write someone off because of experiences, or lack of experiences, that they had before even meeting you. you don’t know them, their situations, or what led them to be virgins. It’s very foolish to make assumptions. > > I’m almost 30 and a virgin, and it was a combination of factors, not including a low sex drive, extreme moral views, etc. I am super introverted, have always out school and career first, and on top of it all was dealing with OCD and depression for years. I’ve had other things on my plate to deal with other than worrying about getting laid. This will come as a surprise, but a number of men will not in fact view “a combination of lack of interest in sex and low-grade mental illness” as reasons to not find someone’s virginity alarming - even if the person does care enough about the subject to revive a conversation that died down eight years ago, and in which some participants are banned, have left the board, or may even have died, to offer their thoughts on the matter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-very-wary-of-20-and-30-something-female-virgins-is-it-with-good-reason/371907.md?page=7)