# Men - Are you offended when a woman holds the door for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 29, 2016, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731 "2016-06-29T18:44:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/1 "2016-06-29T18:44:21Z")
In keeping with a recent set of threads on similar topics, I am wondering how men feel when a woman holds the door for them. I appreciate it when the person in front of me at a door, male or female, holds it for me, and I always try and be as courteous to those behind me. How do the menfolks feel about this? Is it an appreciated gesture or are the women making you uncomfortable by stepping into your role? What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/2 "2016-06-29T19:20:34Z")
It’s polite to hold the door for someone regardless of the sex of the holder or the someone. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/3 "2016-06-29T19:23:01Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > It’s polite to hold the door for someone regardless of the sex of the holder or the someone. +1 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/4 "2016-06-29T19:31:31Z")
A person’s sex is irrelevant. Especially since my spinal injury, I appreciate all the help I can get. To not appreciate someone helping you is dickish. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/5 "2016-06-29T19:32:28Z")
I find it mildly uncomfortable when anyone of either gender holds open the door for me if it is a door that opens toward me. That way I walk in first, ahead of the person who got there first and should logically go in first. The only exception to this is if I am holding something. I even find it mildly uncomfortable if they were already holding the door open for other people: then, by going in, I feel like I am breaking up their party. I don’t find it uncomfortable if the door opens away from me and they delay for a second or so until I get there so I don’t have to open it myself. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/6 "2016-06-29T19:33:43Z")
No, not offended. Tell you what though, someone needs to set an international standard for how far away someone needs to be before you don’t. I feckin hate it when someone holds a door for me when I’m about 100 metres away, and I have to do that joggywalky thing with the fixed grin and the thumbs up and so on. Sometimes I’m not even heading for that feckin door, but I go for it anyway so’s not to disappoint them. ---
**Author:** ![TheSeaOtter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed655f/32.png) [@TheSeaOtter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSeaOtter)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/7 "2016-06-29T19:34:51Z")
> [@ddsun](#): > > How do the menfolks feel about this? Is it an appreciated gesture or are the women making you uncomfortable by stepping into your role? Insofar as I don’t think either my Y-chromosome or my external genitalia make me better at doing so, I don’t perceive holding doors open to be ‘my role’. Holding doors is the role of whoever happens to get to the door first, assuming they realize there’s someone behind them and feel like being polite. When someone does this for me, I thank them, because they’re being polite and I feel like I should be too. I don’t give it more thought than that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/8 "2016-06-29T19:43:10Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > No, not offended. > > Tell you what though, someone needs to set an international standard for how far away someone needs to be before you don’t. I feckin hate it when someone holds a door for me when I’m about 100 metres away, and I have to do that joggywalky thing with the fixed grin and the thumbs up and so on. Sometimes I’m not even heading for that feckin door, but I go for it anyway so’s not to disappoint them. Whut? Are you Canadian? Just tell them, “No thanks, I’m not going in.” ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/9 "2016-06-29T19:45:58Z")
I am, apparently, an outlier. I very much appreciate when anyone holds a door open for me, but I can’t claim I don’t notice the gender of the person doing it. The idea of it being one gender’s responsibility to do things like that for the other seems to be disappearing with time, which is great. But I suppose it hasn’t gone away enough for me to not have some awareness of who is doing it, and how they’re doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/10 "2016-06-29T19:56:38Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > It’s polite to hold the door for someone regardless of the sex of the holder or the someone. But only if it’s done correctly. If the holder is far enough ahead of the approacher to cause the approacher to feel the need to hurry up, that’s a bit of failure. If the holder doesn’t know where to stand, and thus occupies part of the doorway, that’s a major fail. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/11 "2016-06-29T20:08:39Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Whut? Are you Canadian? Just tell them, “No thanks, I’m not going in.” No. Welsh/English with some French. Also not entirely serious. In fact, I’ve never knowingly been serious. I have an allergy to po-facedness. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/12 "2016-06-29T20:10:24Z")
I’m not offended at all. I usually offer the woman a hearty handshake as thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/13 "2016-06-29T20:54:37Z")
I am not offended at all. I routinely hold the door for men and women alike. Makes no difference. ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/14 "2016-06-29T20:58:43Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > It’s polite to hold the door for someone regardless of the sex of the holder or the someone. This, thank you. The end. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/15 "2016-06-29T21:08:53Z")
Holding the door open for the next person behind you has nothing to do with gender, as far as I’m concerned, and everything to do with simple common courtesy. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/16 "2016-06-29T21:39:11Z")
Not offended. What’s polite for one sex or gender is polite for the other. We are all just people. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/17 "2016-06-29T21:51:15Z")
I"m pretty pragmatic on the subject. First one to the door holds it for anyone closely following, someone with free hands holds it for someone who doesn’t (arms full of packages, pushing a stroller, etc.). > [@Peremensoe](#): > > But only if it’s done correctly. If the holder is far enough ahead of the approacher to cause the approacher to feel the need to hurry up, that’s a bit of failure. If the holder doesn’t know where to stand, and thus occupies part of the doorway, that’s a major fail. Agreed, but it sort of depends on how quickly the door closes. Assuming we’re talking about a shopping mall, or some similar public place where the door closes on its own. If the next closest person is far enough away that the door will be completely closed before they reach it, I’ll let it close. But if there’s someone who will reach the door while it’s still in the act of closing, I’ll often hold it open and wait those few seconds. Something about the door still being moving when the next person reaches it feels rude to me, like I’m letting it slam in their face. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/18 "2016-06-29T22:03:54Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > I’m not offended at all. I usually offer the woman a hearty handshake as thanks. 😃 Do you stare at her too? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/19 "2016-06-30T00:24:12Z")
> [@ddsun](#): > > In keeping with a recent set of threads on similar topics, I am wondering how men feel when a woman holds the door for them. I appreciate it when the person in front of me at a door, male or female, holds it for me, and I always try and be as courteous to those behind me. > > How do the menfolks feel about this? Is it an appreciated gesture or are the women making you uncomfortable by stepping into your role? > > What do you think? I appreciate common courtesy, wherever/whomever it comes from. > [@panache45](#): > > A person’s sex is irrelevant. Especially since my spinal injury, I appreciate all the help I can get. > > To not appreciate someone helping you is dickish. Absolutely. > [@RobDog](#): > > No, not offended. > > Tell you what though, someone needs to set an international standard for how far away someone needs to be before you don’t. I feckin hate it when someone holds a door for me when I’m about 100 metres away, and I have to do that joggywalky thing with the fixed grin and the thumbs up and so on. Sometimes I’m not even heading for that feckin door, but I go for it anyway so’s not to disappoint them. OMG, I hate this so much. At my gym, the parking lot is directly in front of the entrance. Many times, a person who is already all the way at the door will see me getting out of my car and stop to hold the door for me. Like about 200 feet away. In these instances, I will just tell the person im not going in, then hang back and wait till that person is gone. I hate, hate, hate being put on the spot like that in my chair and in the times I’ve been unable to shake the do-gooder at the door, ill simply wheel myself to the door _very_ slowly. I mean, I _am_ disabled. For all this person knows, im going as fast as I can. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731/20 "2016-06-30T00:55:09Z")
If a woman reaches the door before I do, and opens it, I will try to take the door from her, and let her walk through first. I think that’s polite. But, I don’t insist on it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-are-you-offended-when-a-woman-holds-the-door-for-you/758731.md?page=2)