# Men at the urinals: a poll \[clearly, TMI\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 10, 2007, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460 "2007-01-10T22:17:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/21 "2007-01-10T23:31:13Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] So you guys don’t compare penis size and stuff? [/QUOTE] Absolutely not. Any acknowledgement that another man even HAS genitals is considered proof of homosexuality. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/22 "2007-01-10T23:58:28Z")
I usually ignore the other guy, and I don’t get into contests. My urologist said I have the biggest bladder in the county, anyway. If the other guy is somebody I know, we might say, “Hi, howya doin’,” and some guys get into the ritual recitation of urinal jokes: “Is this where the dicks hang out?” “Oo, this water’s cold!” (implying it’s long enough to hang in the water.) (The usual reply,) “Yeah, and deep, too!” It seems to me, though, if you really want to trump his ace, you say, “Not very deep, though. I think there gravel in the bottom of this one.” 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/23 "2007-01-11T00:00:06Z")
A for sure, unless he talks to me. If he does, I’ll mutter something short and trite like “yup…” trying to give the impression that I don’t want to speak while taking a leak. After we’re done, we can chat about the weather or other topics, but not while in the act. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/24 "2007-01-11T00:04:24Z")
[QUOTE=Kairos] If I might commit a slight hijack…please fight my feminine urinal ignorance. In [The Urinal Game](http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html), why is taking the urinal closest to the door okay on problem three, but taking the urinal furthest from the door NOT okay on problem six? [/QUOTE] That is a joke. The “answer” says to turn around and walk out. Really, if you have to go, you have to go, and it’s okay to do so next to someone. Even one of the black guys. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/25 "2007-01-11T00:15:05Z")
[Elaine Bemis of Seinfeld]Honestly, I don’t know _how_ you guys walk around with those things.[/EB] Why, if there’s a guy already at a urinal (even if there’s more than two of them to choose from), don’t you just use a stall? Then you don’t have to worry about getting beaten up… and your eyes are free to roam and read the graffitti! ---
**Author:** ![JCorre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3da27b/32.png) [@JCorre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JCorre)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/26 "2007-01-11T00:21:17Z")
[QUOTE=Kairos] If I might commit a slight hijack…please fight my feminine urinal ignorance. In [The Urinal Game](http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html), why is taking the urinal closest to the door okay on problem three, but taking the urinal furthest from the door NOT okay on problem six? [/QUOTE] You take the urinal closest to the door because it is the nearest one. Why walk all the way to the farthest one unless you _wanted_ to be whizzing next to that particular guy? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/27 "2007-01-11T00:21:26Z")
[QUOTE=The Scrivener] [Elaine Bemis of Seinfeld]Honestly, I don’t know _how_ you guys walk around with those things.[/EB] Why, if there’s a guy already at a urinal (even if there’s more than two of them to choose from), don’t you just use a stall? Then you don’t have to worry about getting beaten up… and your eyes are free to roam and read the graffitti! [/QUOTE] We joke about not wanting to be near another guy peeing, but we really don’t care _that_ much, unless he’s so drunk he’s swaying. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/28 "2007-01-11T00:25:23Z")
[QUOTE=The Scrivener] [ Why, if there’s a guy already at a urinal (even if there’s more than two of them to choose from), don’t you just use a stall? [/QUOTE] A _stall_? We are not animals! ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/29 "2007-01-11T00:36:16Z")
A) All the way. No eye contact, no conversation, not communication period in the men’s room. [QUOTE=Pygmy Rugger] Although, one time, I was at a bar where you could see into the sink part, and the urinals were just out of view. The guy next to me looks over, and says “Let’s show the gals looking in here our cocks.” I was pretty hammered, and he counted to three, and zipped up his pants. Just as I turned, with myself exposed, another bloke walked in. “What the \*\*\*\* are you doing? Get the \*\*\*\* out of here!” I felt pretty dumb right about then. But it was still funny. [/QUOTE] I’m sorry, what?! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/30 "2007-01-11T01:20:54Z")
I don’t view urinating as a social event. I ignore the other guy. ---
**Author:** ![Phantom\_Dennis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/51bf81/32.png) [@Phantom\_Dennis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phantom_Dennis)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/31 "2007-01-11T01:31:43Z")
I hate using the restroom at work, and I’ll only use it if the room is empty when I arrive. If I walk in and somebody’s at a urinal or in a stall, I’ll simply go to the sink and quickly wash my hands, as if that were my intention for entering the restroom. I can always try again a few minutes later. On occasion I’ll walk into an empty restroom, only to be joined by a coworker a few moments later. Very unpleasant. Nobody’s ever tried to talk to me while I’m at the urinal, although I’ve had a few conversations with folks if we both happen to be at the sink (I believe this is the only acceptable occasion for conversaion in a public restroom). ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/32 "2007-01-11T02:00:13Z")
[QUOTE=Kairos] If I might commit a slight hijack…please fight my feminine urinal ignorance. In [The Urinal Game](http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html), why is taking the urinal closest to the door okay on problem three, but taking the urinal furthest from the door NOT okay on problem six? [/QUOTE] I didn’t quite get that either. I picked the door for #3, and it told me I couldn’t do that. I figured I couldn’t do it on #6, either. Anyhow, my answer here is (A). I don’t want to have a conversation while I’m urinating. A guy did that to me at church once, where the men’s room has two urinals (with divider between) and a stall. As I was there first he really should have taken the stall, but he took the open urinal instead. And then attempted to start a conversation by asking questions that required more than simple one-word answers (and I did my damnedest to give him one-word answers). Worst of all, he was one of those people who cannot speak without looking at the other person, so he’s standing a foot away from me and looking at me while I’m trying to piss … I ended up standing there for another minute after he left attempting to regain the relaxation required for urination, because I didn’t release a drop while he was yammering. The only person I’ll converse with in the men’s room is my best friend. But even then, we piss with the most possible distance between us and look straight ahead ---
**Author:** ![Caridwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Caridwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caridwen)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/33 "2007-01-11T02:03:59Z")
I wonder why they don’t make little privacy walls or half-walls between the urinals? ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/34 "2007-01-11T02:27:00Z")
[QUOTE=Sapo] I’m sorry, what?! :eek: [/QUOTE] I think he knew the girls, and was trying to mess with em. I thought he was going to do it too. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I was 21, and it was one of the first times I’d been to a bar. I probably shouldn’t be telling stories about myself when I’m doped up on pain meds! [QUOTE=Caridwen] I wonder why they don’t make little privacy walls or half-walls between the urinals? [/QUOTE] They do, but they’re not ubiquitous. [QUOTE=pravnik] We joke about not wanting to be near another guy peeing, but we really don’t care that much… [/QUOTE] Yes… we do. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/35 "2007-01-11T03:30:17Z")
[QUOTE=robardin] Don’t you keep mental track of whether or not you beat other drivers at the stop lights (first off or last through), or of whether or not you’ve picked the fastest lane at the supermarket checkout or toll plaza? It’s the same sort of thing to me. Am I just some sort of hyper-competitive freak? I assumed most guys were like this. [/QUOTE] One early morning after a hard night of partying, I woke up with the mother of all piss hard-ons. I also hard to go very badly. The best I could manage was an uncontrollable trickle like one of those kids yard toys that sprays when you turn on the hose but doesn’t work worth a damn when the water pressure is too low. I just leaned up against the wall and waited and waited to be done. I can’t say exactly how long it took to the second but it was close to 5 minutes total. I just use that as an image of my personal best so there is no need to challenge the unsuspecting. Peeing faster than someone else just isn’t a good game even in theory because you have no idea whose bladder was holding the most at the start and I doubt both of you started at the same time. It is a little creepy to sit their idling at the urinal waiting for a competitor to show up. You should at least give them some warning by sticking your index finger up in the air and making circles. A nod means that they are in. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/36 "2007-01-11T04:08:24Z")
A) Ignore the guy. I’m busy at that moment, and so is he. I need my privacy; if the bathroom is crowded, I’ll gladly use a stall rather than stand shoulder-to-shoulder with three or four other guys while taking a wizz. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/37 "2007-01-11T11:08:38Z")
(D) Look for a stall, or walk out I’m not risking a _freeze up_ at the urinal - standing there with your dick out and not being able to pee is hugely embarrassing, and should be avoided at all costs. Si ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/38 "2007-01-11T11:34:55Z")
d) Finish after him, because I won’t actually be able to go until after the other guy is gone. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/39 "2007-01-11T11:56:08Z")
Piss, wash my hands and leave. I couldn’t care less about what anyone else is doing and it wouldn’t occur to me to think about it. Are people really thinking about stuff like this all day? ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2007, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460/40 "2007-01-11T12:08:24Z")
[QUOTE=robardin] Don’t you keep mental track of whether or not you beat other drivers at the stop lights (first off or last through), or of whether or not you’ve picked the fastest lane at the supermarket checkout or toll plaza? It’s the same sort of thing to me. Am I just some sort of hyper-competitive freak? I assumed most guys were like this. [/QUOTE] Sure, we probably all do the fastest lane thing, who’s got the smallest phone, the latest toy, first off the line if it’s anything close to a race, etc but who can pee faster? It’s not like you’re starting from the same base with a pistol shot or anything. sheesh, first I’ve ever heard of a contest to pee faster. Do you ever like pinch it off in mid-flow to “win” or dribble the final bit’s to “win”? I’m just saying thas totally fucked up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-at-the-urinals-a-poll-clearly-tmi/387460.md?page=3)