# Men, check in if you've ever been groped unwillingly **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2013, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874 "2013-08-22T14:52:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/1 "2013-08-22T14:52:35Z")
by a woman. by a man. A boy/classmate who bullied me around for laughs when I was 13 grabbed my testicles through my pants and hung on real tight for half a minute in front of an entire line of boys waiting to enter into the wood shop. I was terrified never mind embarrassed. Never by a woman although it would be difficult for me to believe I could be upset by it ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/2 "2013-08-22T14:57:45Z")
No, damn it. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/3 "2013-08-22T15:16:08Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > Never by a woman although it would be difficult for me to believe I could be upset by it Seriously? Imagine a woman so grotesque you wouldn’t want to touch her with someone else’s hands, and then imagine her trapping you and fondling your genitals without your permission. Are you saying that would be a neutral experience and you’d be able to blithely go about your day as if it hadn’t happened? ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/4 "2013-08-22T15:25:34Z")
Doesn’t every boy at some point go through what the OP describes? It’s a rite of passage in middle school, except for a few alpha bullies who probably get it from adults. In 8th grade (yep - wood shop) I had my head forced between a guys legs as he jumped up and down and made jokes about me sucking him off. It was a hoot for the whole class. A guy used to show me his dick in the cafeteria - the teachers told him to stop it when they noticed. Fortunately, by high school I’d figured out how to put up a little fight so I just ignored it as the smaller guys took the towel snapping, and being stuffed into lockers or taped or worse. Most of us learned how to get out of taking a shower after gym by like the 9th grade. Naked and wet in a room with psychopaths - no thanks coach. Isn’t this universal for guys? I’d always assumed it was intentional on the part of gym teachers, to make us men or to at least teach us to avoid psychopaths. I’ve been groped by a few women who I’d rather wouldn’t have. It wasn’t so bad. The difference I think is that I didn’t feel physically threatened in those situations. ---
**Author:** ![lazybratsche](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ba8739/32.png) [@lazybratsche](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazybratsche)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/5 "2013-08-22T15:32:36Z")
Yup, when I was in college. A gay man was flirting with me rather aggressively, “accidentally” dropped something in my lap and groped around to “find” it. I was mostly flattered and bemused by the experience. Probably helps that I was with my girlfriend and other friends who told him to knock it off, and we all laughed a little about it and moved on. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/6 "2013-08-22T15:34:14Z")
TTBOMK No woman or man has ever evinced the slightest hint of lust for me. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/7 "2013-08-22T15:34:35Z")
I had a creepy weird old lady try to molest me when I was 5 or 6. You really missed out on something **astorian**. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/8 "2013-08-22T15:35:37Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > Doesn’t every boy at some point go through what the OP describes? It’s a rite of passage in middle school, except for a few alpha bullies who probably get it from adults. I never experienced anything like that. To **Gallows Fodder** , it wouldn’t throw me off as I expect it would a woman. I wouldn’t enjoy being groped, but I doubt it would bug me for more than a few minutes. I could go blithely about my day. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/9 "2013-08-22T15:37:14Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > Seriously? Imagine a woman so grotesque you wouldn’t want to touch her with someone else’s hands, and then imagine her trapping you and fondling your genitals without your permission. Are you saying that would be a neutral experience and you’d be able to blithely go about your day as if it hadn’t happened? Well old fat ugly bitchy and annoying lady from work has been patting my ass since I was 17 and its never even occurred to me to be bothered by it. It was only recently that it even clicked it was sexual harrasment. A neutral experience that i completely ignore and go about my day as it had never happened is the perfect description for it. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/10 "2013-08-22T15:39:23Z")
By drunk adults (my age) and sober bullies (when I was a kid), yes. ---
**Author:** ![sylmar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@sylmar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sylmar)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/11 "2013-08-22T15:57:56Z")
Been groped by women I’ve had no interest in. Not traumatic, but have had a few get unpleasant and start in with loud," What are you, too good for me or gay?" type comments once I disengaged the hands. Would rate being unwillingly groped ahead of getting kicked or punched in the fork on my list of personal preferences. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/12 "2013-08-22T16:25:46Z")
Twice by nice looking women in clubs, I enjoyed it both times. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/13 "2013-08-22T16:28:42Z")
I’ve encountered some overly aggressive women. I was frankly surprised by the amount of hostility when they got turned down. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/14 "2013-08-22T16:28:58Z")
Well, I had my bottom pinched by a woman once. She was actually rather attractive. We had had no previous interaction. It occurred to me quite recently, when the memory of the incident happened to come to mind for some reason, that it may actually have been meant as a come-on. I can’t think why she might have done it otherwise. Unfortunately, I have only realized this about forty years too late. ☹ Another time a woman sat herself on my lap uninvited. This was not entirely out of the blue - she had clearly been trying to chat me up for some time - but it was unexpected, and I was not much interested in her. It did not lead anywhere, although that had as much to do with my shyness and awkwardness as with my lack of attraction to her. (I didn’t find her positively attractive, either physically or otherwise, but she was not repulsive. I have since often regretted not taking advantage of the situation for some casual sex, which I certainly wasn’t getting much of in those days.) Also, once, in a pub, a prostitute rubbed her knee across my crotch in order to, er, attract my attention (as in the first case, there was no previous interaction and I think I had scarcely noticed her presence before this, and certainly had not realized she was a hooker - she wasn’t dressed in the stereotypical way). In this case it worked, and I ended up having some very unsatisfactory sex for money. (I am quite confident the women mentioned in the previous two paragraphs were not prostitutes.) I have had gay men try to pick me up on a small handful of occasions (when I was much younger), but I do not recall any of them physically groping me. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/15 "2013-08-22T16:31:27Z")
Only twice for me and both times were during high school when a bunch of girls were trying to settle bets. The first time, the bet was whether my pecs were muscle or fat, and the second time, it was trying to figure out the size of my package. Both times, one of them ran up, copped a feel and then ran back to report before I could even figure out how to respond. It was a little odd, but not particularly disturbing. I heard that they were impressed with the results… so I tend to think back on it as an ego-booster. Never been groped by males of any age. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/16 "2013-08-22T16:34:07Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Well old fat ugly bitchy and annoying lady from work has been patting my ass since I was 17 and its never even occurred to me to be bothered by it. It was only recently that it even clicked it was sexual harrasment. A neutral experience that i completely ignore and go about my day as it had never happened is the perfect description for it. I think the key difference here that’s making it hard for, say, female Dopers to understand the disconnect between posts like this and their experience is. . . well, in what you describe there, you were mildly annoyed, but not actually _afraid_. It doesn’t sound like you ever felt at risk for being violently raped, assaulted, or physically intimidated by these women, so it was less disconcerting. Surely, I definitely don’t label all gropings as the same. The ones from random, slighter built dudes copping a feel of my ass as I walk by barely even register, whereas the ones where the guy has a foot and 50 pounds on me, all while cornering me or something. . . those are way more traumatizing. I guess my point is: _in general_, I suspect female on male groping is less traumatizing for the victim because there is less of that whole power imbalance. Now, there are definitely physically or psychologically intimidating women, so please don’t think I’m saying it never happens. Rather, I’m just sort of babbling about the thoughts floating around in my head right now :). Now, I do suspect the school bullying described upthread is more in line with the experience of the average woman, since you _are_ physically intimidated and potentially worried about your life. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/17 "2013-08-22T16:34:09Z")
Yeah both men and women have groped me. Always in a bar setting. ---
**Author:** ![thatguyjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6de8d8/32.png) [@thatguyjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thatguyjeff)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/18 "2013-08-22T16:37:26Z")
A (female) friend of mine grabbed my crotch once at a party. It was (and still seems) really odd. We’re at my house, in my basement, bunch of friends there. She’s married. I’m married. Both of our spouses are there. Out of nowhere she just reaches down and grabs my crotch and says, “nice package.” I don’t think anyone else saw it and I’ve never mentioned it to anyone - not for any particular reason. What threw me was it seemed so out of character for her. I’d known her for years and had never seen or heard of this type of behavior from her. It was just really strange. I didn’t say anything in response that I can recall. And she just walked away. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/19 "2013-08-22T16:40:26Z")
> [@thatguyjeff](#): > > Out of nowhere she just reaches down and grabs my crotch and says, “nice package.” I don’t think anyone else saw it and I’ve never mentioned it to anyone - not for any particular reason. > > What threw me was it seemed so out of character for her. I’d known her for years and had never seen or heard of this type of behavior from her. It was just really strange. My guess is she was seeing if there was any interest in a foursome. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874/20 "2013-08-22T16:56:07Z")
Woman here. I once stroked the hair of a young man I had a crush on. (I was 35, he 28. We were out with a mutual friend. I was drunk, but not _that_ drunk. He did not seem to like it, but he also did not seem to mind it very much. He liked me, but not _that_ way, apparently. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-check-in-if-youve-ever-been-groped-unwillingly/666874.md?page=2)