# Men Choosing to Disengage from Emotional Involvement with Women (... and Bears)

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-choosing-to-disengage-from-emotional-involvement-with-women-and-bears/1001627>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [May 16, 2024, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-choosing-to-disengage-from-emotional-involvement-with-women-and-bears/1001627 "2024-05-16T10:50:07Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 1\
**Showing post:** 64

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**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\
**Post date:** [May 16, 2024, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-choosing-to-disengage-from-emotional-involvement-with-women-and-bears/1001627/64 "2024-05-16T17:14:00Z")

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> [@Revised man, bear, woods discussion](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revised-man-bear-woods-discussion/1001499/65):
>
> Opening a new thread here in order not to hijack [this one](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revised-man-bear-woods-discussion/1001499).
> 
> > [@Revised man, bear, woods discussion](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/revised-man-bear-woods-discussion/1001499/65):
> >
> > But the biggest disagreement I have is with that final paragraph that I quoted. Who are these guys who are deciding that disengaging totally from emotional involvement is the only smart thing to do? I don’t want to be insulting\*, but that comes across as a profoundly cowardly reaction that misses the point entirely. The courageous, honest, and compassionate thing to do is to pay attention to what people are saying, to not be over-defensive, and to think about what real concerns there are and how one can be part of addressing those concerns.
> 
> I am one of them. And if that makes me a coward, fine. I’d much rather be a coward than an abuser, even an involuntary one.
> 
> I’m curious, though. Would you say to someone that keeps on losing at the casino that he’s a coward for deciding not to gamble anymore ? Especially when they realize that the casino staff is terrified of their mere presence ?
> 
> The reason I have decided to disengage from any emotional involvement with women is not because they are all poisonous to men as @thorny_locust wrote, although some absolutely are. It is because there’s so much fear and bigotery on both sides that it is a losing game. A game in which you can play by the rules for decades and still have the rug pulled from under you time and time again because people will strike preemptively when they, justifiably or not, feel insecure.
> 
> I have seen the fearful, furtive glances when I come across them in the streets. I have seen them quickly change places when I sit down less than 5 meters away from them. I know they’re afraid. And I’ve felt hurt every time this has happened. Since carefully minding my words, my movements and my gaze haven’t proved sufficient, avoidance is the only way to be sure that I’m not a nuisance to them. And that I don’t get metaphorically hit again ‘just in case’.

I guess my first question might be what is it about you or your appearance or where you live or whatever factor it is that you think is making you experience life as some sort of Frankenstein monster?

I mean I’ve known plenty of men who have chosen to disengage from emotional involvement with women because maybe they had some bad dating experiences. Not because women scatter from their mere presence like frightened villagers in a monster movie.

Not that this necessarily applies to you, but in my experience men who don’t “understand” women often lack both self-awareness as well as an ability (or interest) to recognize social cues in women.

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