# Men: Do you EVER do what you say you're going to do?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [June 5, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508 "2006-06-05T18:27:21Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/1 "2006-06-05T18:27:21Z")
I mean, seriously, do you? No fibbing. When you tell a woman that you’re going to do something, what are the odds that you’re actually going to do it?
Yes, I’m a bit bitter, thanks to some recent unfortunate dating experiences. I got two dates in with the first guy, but after deciding we’d make better friends, he freaks out on me, then calls me two days later, drunk. That was the end of Guy #1.
Guy #2 catches me off guard at work, asking if I’d go out with him “sometime.” When I paused remembering my last experience dating someone at work, he said, “Just think about it. I’ll pay for everything, pick you up, the whole nine yards,” to which I reply, “Sure, give me a call,” and I give him my number.
Two weeks later, he still hasn’t called. We had several flirtatious exchanges in between that time, so I figured he was just busy. Then, a week later he comes up to me and says, “Yeah, I moved to nights, so I go in late and come home after 2, so, uh, …” So he’s taking back his offer, apparently. Absolutely classless.
Guy #3 has some potential. We’ve been flirting with each other for weeks, and he seems genuinely interested. He was giving me an exceedingly hard time the other morning, so I pretended to be upset with him, saying, “You’ll have to do something nice for me now, to make up for that. I’ll let _you_ decide what it is.”
The next day I come into work and he says with a sly smile, “I’ve decided what nice thing I’m going to do for you: I’m going to let you take me out for breakfast.”
I reply, “Um, you know, I’ll have to think on that one for a while,” to which he says, “Ok, _ **and** _ I’ll take you on a long motorcycle ride up in the mountains.”
“You’re on,” I say, and I assume we have a date.
Saturday morning when I come in to work, I ask him what time we’re meeting on Monday and where. He says, “I was kidding about you buying me breakfast. I’ll take you for a long ride and then we can do anything you want to do.”
“Anything?” I ask him. “Anything,” he says with a smile. “Great, I get off at 9 a.m. and can meet you up here at 10 a.m. Will that work?” He answers with a question: “Are you working Sunday morning?” I tell him yes, and he says he’ll let me know then.
So, I come in Sunday morning at 8:05, and apparently he got off work at 8. Did he look up my schedule to see when I’d be in Sunday? No. Did he leave a message for me about Monday? No. Did he leave his number so I could call him? Again, no. And Monday was his day off, so I wouldn’t be seeing him at work.
I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he’s a good guy, he’ll either find a way to contact me (he has access to my number/address at work) or he’ll just show up at 10 a.m. Monday.
Well 10 a.m. Monday came and went, and there’s no sign of him. He didn’t call in a message, either.
I realize our date wasn’t etched in stone, but he set it for Monday, not me, and was just going to confirm the time.
Am I out of line in thinking we had plans for Monday? Shouldn’t he have left a message for me at work? All he had to do was call, and he knew I had no way to reach him.
Guys, what would you have done? And Gals, would you feel the way I do?
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### Author:  [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/2 "2006-06-05T18:45:24Z")
I always do what I say. The problem is getting me to say it in the first place.
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### Author:  [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/3 "2006-06-05T18:55:38Z")
I hate vague anything. If we’re doing something, I need to know when. We have friends who are like this and it drives me crazy. Just fucking commit to something or don’t mention it to me.
I’m afraid it’s not only men who do this, but it’s still frustrating as all get-out.
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### Author:  [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/4 "2006-06-05T19:07:37Z")
Typically. If I don’t know that I’ll be able to do something, I wont say I’ll do it.
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### Author:  [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/5 "2006-06-05T19:20:11Z")
One of the things I discovered when I started dating again was that, when I asked a woman for her phone number, she would frequently ask me for mine instead. I think this is terrific. I don’t have to worry about when to call, or how to introduce my self, or any of that crap. I can gauge whether the woman was serious, or just idly interested. And since I usually give my cell number, there’s no “waiting for the phone to ring.” Maybe you should try taking guys’ numbers and then you can call them. Or not, as the mood strikes you.
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### Author:  [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/6 "2006-06-05T19:23:00Z")
We always do what we say we’re going to do.
The problem is that we don’t always do what women irrationally and wishfully assume our words to mean.
There. I’ve answered the stereotype with a stereotype.
My work is done here.
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### Author:  [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/7 "2006-06-05T19:24:31Z")
> [@Large Marge](#):
>
> I mean, seriously, do you? No fibbing. When you tell a woman that you’re going to do something, what are the odds that you’re actually going to do it?
90% that I’ll do it. The 10% are things I intended to do, but which slipped my mind.
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### Author:  [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/8 "2006-06-05T19:32:20Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#):
>
> 90% that I’ll do it. The 10% are things I intended to do, but which slipped my mind.
So I “slipped his mind”?
How depressing is that?
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### Author:  [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/9 "2006-06-05T19:36:13Z")
All the time. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. I never promise to do something I can’t accomplish, or try to weasel out of a promise I made. Sometimes, if I’m loaded down with tasks, I may forget temporarily, but I’ll get to it.
If it had to do with taking a woman on a date, one that I asked, there is no way I would mess that up and make myself look worthless. I have some pride, but I also have a sense of shame.
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### Author:  [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/10 "2006-06-05T20:00:06Z")
If I meant to do it, I certainly wouldn’t talk about it. Opening my mouth and giving voice to the intention makes it leave my brain. Sort of like cracking open the skull to let the demons out.
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/11 "2006-06-05T20:00:41Z")
> [@Large Marge](#):
>
> So I “slipped his mind”?
>
> How depressing is that?
Oh god. Remind me to stay out of this thread.
I will not reply. I will not reply.
_smiles and nods_
_smiles_
_nods_
Huh?
Yes. They do. They’re nice.
I mean,. um… NO.
Those **don’t** make your ass look fat.
I dunno.
What?
huh?
Sure… whatever you want.
I mean,. that’d be great.
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/12 "2006-06-05T20:07:32Z")
> [@Large Marge](#):
>
> I mean, seriously, do you? No fibbing. When you tell a woman that you’re going to do something, what are the odds that you’re actually going to do it?
(Ignoring grunting noises we make when asked to take out the trash while watching the TV, though we have no idea what we were really just asked to do) 100%!
But I really can’t imagine missing a date or not calling someone when I said I would, outside of getting stomped on by an elephant or whatever. You might just need to find a guy who was properly raised to be chivalrous.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/13 "2006-06-05T20:46:14Z")
> [@saoirse](#):
>
> One of the things I discovered when I started dating again was that, when I asked a woman for her phone number, she would frequently ask me for mine instead. I think this is terrific.
I don’t. Usually, this meant she would never call.
It works both ways.
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### Author:  [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/14 "2006-06-05T21:10:20Z")
I think most guys _intend_ to follow through, but for some of them, there is a list of small offenses that will cause them to change their mind. The date not appearing enthused would do it. The guy in question might feel she needs an out and he’ll give a lame excuse just to save face, thinking that a ‘good’ excuse is not necessary… she wanted out anyway. The date appearing _too_ enthused will also do it. Might freak the guy out. Even though a better excuse is probably called for, he might be too uncomfortable to do anything more than ‘put off’ the date, knowing he has no plans to reschedule. Lastly, his idiot friends may have interfered and made him feel self conscious. Really the worst motivation of all, but it happens.
So what do I recommend? Act like you couldn’t care less, but at the same time really want to go! There is no known defense against a person who can be swayed by idiot friends.
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### Author:  [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/15 "2006-06-05T22:11:19Z")
What? Sorry…wasn’t listening. Could you keep it down, I’m kind of trying to watch something.
I’m not a girl so I don’t really grasp the concept of my lifes happiness riding on whether an almost complete stranger chooses to keep an arbitrary appointment we made.
Pretty much always assume all my plans are soft until you received written confirmation 30 minutes before the event.
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/16 "2006-06-05T23:11:27Z")
Moving thread from IMHO to The BBQ Pit.
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### Author:  [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/17 "2006-06-05T23:14:21Z")
Generalize much, **Marge**?
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### Author:  [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/18 "2006-06-05T23:18:04Z")
I’m not going to post in this thread.
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### Author:  [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/19 "2006-06-05T23:26:00Z")
Marge, not to be rude but in my opinion he’s just not that in to you. When I was dating, if a smoking hot chick indicated she was willing, I was there with bells on. If it was a person I was not in to, I probably spaced more than once.
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### Author:  [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)
#### Post date: [June 5, 2006, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/20 "2006-06-05T23:36:48Z")
> [@Large Marge](#):
>
> I mean, seriously, do you? No fibbing. When you tell a woman that you’re going to do something, what are the odds that you’re actually going to do it?
Generally speaking, I figure if a woman is willing to go out with me, I’m crazy not to make it happen. There was one time when I’d asked out a woman (let’s call her Amanda), but before we got to date one, I got a much stronger signal from someone else (Madame XXX 😃 ).
Madame XXX and I had a single hot date. I’ve seen or spoken to her a few times since but nothing for a long time. Amanda I see every once in a while, and she never looks happy to see me.
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