# Men: Do you EVER do what you say you're going to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 5, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508 "2006-06-05T18:27:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/21 "2006-06-06T00:20:13Z")
We asked thirty Helens what they thought of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/22 "2006-06-06T00:27:33Z")
> [@Large Marge](#): > > I mean, seriously, do you? No fibbing. When you tell a woman that you’re going to do something, what are the odds that you’re actually going to do it? > \ When I tell \*anyone \*I’m going to do something, the odds are as close to 100% as possible that I am going to do it. Barring something huge, I will keep my word. And this type of behavior works both ways. I have a woman friend whose “yes” translates to maybe an maybe means no. I met a young woman a few weeks ago and she told me she sells office supplies in my building. I told her to give me a call next time she was in town, I would buy her lunch. She puched my number into her phone and promised it would be next monday or the monday after. 4 mondays have passed with no call. ::shrug:: being rude is limited to men. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/23 "2006-06-06T00:55:45Z")
Some women do this too. Going through these experiences is part of the weeding out process. Who wants to date such an inconsiderate creep anyway? And **no** they are not all like that – not even close. You’ve just had a run of bad luck. I like the idea of the female getting the phone number – or at least both having them. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/24 "2006-06-06T01:39:58Z")
C’mon, guys, cut **Marge** some slack - she’s run into more than her fair share of losers lately, and she sounds a little jaded by the whole thing. Guys are looking like they _are_ all the same to her right now, I’d guess. **Marge** , you sound like you’re being nice and accommodating to these guys, but that isn’t getting you anywhere. I would suggest you make firm plans with the next guy who seems like a dating prospect, clearly letting him know what your expectations of him are, and if he disappoints you in any way, forget about him and move on. Guys (and girls) are at their _best_ when first starting to date; these guys you’ve been meeting have been doing you a favour by showing you what big losers they are so early on, so you don’t have to waste any time on them at all. ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/25 "2006-06-06T02:11:56Z")
Thanks to everyone for their honest answers, especially the guys. I’m very sorry this got moved to the pit, because there’s a lot of personal stuff in here–stuff I don’t typically share with the board–and because I’m not sure my confidence can take many more blows. So be honest, but please don’t be brutal, k? > [@Kalhoun](#): > > I hate vague anything. If we’re doing something, I need to know when. We have friends who are like this and it drives me crazy. Just fucking commit to something or don’t mention it to me. > > I’m afraid it’s not only men who do this, but it’s still frustrating as all get-out. Yeah, I have girlfriends who do this, but it’s way worse when it’s a man you’re interested in. > [@saoirse](#): > > One of the things I discovered when I started dating again was that, when I asked a woman for her phone number, she would frequently ask me for mine instead. I think this is terrific. I don’t have to worry about when to call, or how to introduce my self, or any of that crap. I can gauge whether the woman was serious, or just idly interested. And since I usually give my cell number, there’s no “waiting for the phone to ring.” Maybe you should try taking guys’ numbers and then you can call them. Or not, as the mood strikes you. I did this for a while, but as it turns out, I prefer it when they call me. That way, I know they’re actually interested and not just backed into a corner (I can be rather assertive). In this situation, there just wasn’t an opportunity to get his number. He is one of my managers (dating within the company is allowed), so it would have been appropriate for me to give my number, but not for him to give his. Besides, he has access to mine through employee records. > [@Sage Rat](#): > > (Ignoring grunting noises we make when asked to take out the trash while watching the TV, though we have no idea what we were really just asked to do) 100%! > > But I really can’t imagine missing a date or not calling someone when I said I would, outside of getting stomped on by an elephant or whatever. You might just need to find a guy who was properly raised to be chivalrous. I think you’re right about this, but I fear chivalry is mostly dead. I may be looking a very long time. > [@Waverly](#): > > I think most guys _intend_ to follow through, but for some of them, there is a list of small offenses that will cause them to change their mind. The date not appearing enthused would do it. The guy in question might feel she needs an out and he’ll give a lame excuse just to save face, thinking that a ‘good’ excuse is not necessary… she wanted out anyway. The date appearing _too_ enthused will also do it. Might freak the guy out. Even though a better excuse is probably called for, he might be too uncomfortable to do anything more than ‘put off’ the date, knowing he has no plans to reschedule. Lastly, his idiot friends may have interfered and made him feel self conscious. Really the worst motivation of all, but it happens. > > So what do I recommend? Act like you couldn’t care less, but at the same time really want to go! There is no known defense against a person who can be swayed by idiot friends. Wow, there is so much truth in everything you said, and it applies to women as well as men. Dating is just impossible. How do people do this? I hate it! > [@askeptic](#): > > Marge, not to be rude but in my opinion he’s just not that in to you. When I was dating, if a smoking hot chick indicated she was willing, I was there with bells on. If it was a person I was not in to, I probably spaced more than once. This is what I think, too. But I would really like to know why they play this little flirty game with me. I mean, if they’re not into me, why invite me to breakfast and a motorcycle ride and tell me that we can “do whatever I want” all day? I mean, why go to all that trouble if they aren’t interested in dating me? Is it a conquest, or something? (really, I want to know.) > [@featherlou](#): > > C’mon, guys, cut **Marge** some slack - she’s run into more than her fair share of losers lately, and she sounds a little jaded by the whole thing. Guys are looking like they _are_ all the same to her right now, I’d guess. > > **Marge** , you sound like you’re being nice and accommodating to these guys, but that isn’t getting you anywhere. I would suggest you make firm plans with the next guy who seems like a dating prospect, clearly letting him know what your expectations of him are, and if he disappoints you in any way, forget about him and move on. Guys (and girls) are at their _best_ when first starting to date; these guys you’ve been meeting have been doing you a favour by showing you what big losers they are so early on, so you don’t have to waste any time on them at all. Thank you, **featherlou** , for the great advice and for the support; it’s right on the money and very much appreciated. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/26 "2006-06-06T13:20:04Z")
Marge, I haven’t read page 2 of the responses, but after reading the OP my advice is: STOP FLIRTING WITH GUYS FROM WORK! Also, aren’t you glad you learned about the character of these guys before things wen’t further? Consider yourself lucky - it could have been much worse and… STOP FLIRTING WITH GUYS FROM WORK! ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/27 "2006-06-06T13:23:12Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > 90% that I’ll do it. The 10% are things I intended to do, but which slipped my mind. I’m famously absent-minded, but when it comes to women I have the memory of a stone tablet. Heterosexual men do NOT have their mind slip when it comes to potential poon. ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/28 "2006-06-06T13:25:57Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I’m famously absent-minded, but when it comes to women I have the memory of a stone tablet. Heterosexual men do NOT have their mind slip when it comes to potential poon. Unless its “potential poon” you’re not that interested in. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/29 "2006-06-06T13:26:49Z")
> [@Large Marge](#): > > I’m very sorry this got moved to the pit … Are you kidding? This is a _great_ rant! ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/30 "2006-06-06T13:36:44Z")
> [@askeptic](#): > > Unless its “potential poon” you’re not that interested in. No such thing…at least in my single days, there was no such thing. Of course, I didn’t get to realize my potential anywhere near as often as I would have liked. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/31 "2006-06-06T13:44:27Z")
Yeah, we men are terrible. I mean, there was this woman at work once who was really into me, and she shyly asked me for a date one time, so I asked for some time to think it over, and then a week went by, and she asked me if I’d thought it over, so I stammered and said “Er, no… I, er… don’t go out with women from work”. Actually I’ve gone and got her and me mixed up in that little story, wouldn’t you know? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/32 "2006-06-06T13:58:05Z")
WARNING: Story of a career loser lies ahead. Consider being the “him” in the following exchange: Her: Wow! I had a great time! You’re really special! Him: I had a great time too. Her: Here’s my number. Will you call me? Him: I’d love too. Thursday night OK? Her: You’d better, mister (shakes his hand with an extra-special sex-squeeze, kisses him). Thursday night: _ring ring_ Roomie: Hello? Him: Hi, is Becky Sue there? Roomie: Sure, she’s sitting right here. I can see her sitting right here. She is within touching distance. Him: Great, can I speak with her? Roomie: Sure, hold on and I’ll get her. (mumbling in background) Roomie: Umm… Who’s calling? Him: It’s (name). Roomie: Err… Hold on. (More mumbling) Roomie: Umm… She’s not here right now. Can I take a message? Now, I can accept that one or two women in the world might not be that into me. But when several dozen women (in the same month) all assume that I’m that much of a moron, my attitude towards dating tends not to be optimistic. The next woman that tells me to call her is likely to get a “Sure, babe, count on it. Wait by the phone. 'Til you die. Bitch.” Not that I’m bitter. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/33 "2006-06-06T14:00:18Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Actually I’ve gone and got her and me mixed up in that little story, wouldn’t you know? :smack: I briefly thought of starting a thread called “Share your tales of dating woe”, but there’s probably no way that would end well. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/34 "2006-06-06T14:23:40Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I briefly thought of starting a thread called “Share your tales of dating woe”, but there’s probably no way that would end well. It’s been done, hasn’t it? I only recently shared the other memorable run-around I got given… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/35 "2006-06-06T14:27:45Z")
Yeah, you gotta kiss a lot of toads to get to your prince/princess. They _do_ exist, though - take heart, weary ones. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/36 "2006-06-06T19:22:40Z")
> [@Large Marge](#): > > But I would really like to know why they play this little flirty game with me. I mean, if they’re not into me, why invite me to breakfast and a motorcycle ride and tell me that we can “do whatever I want” all day? I mean, why go to all that trouble if they aren’t interested in dating me? Is it a conquest, or something? (really, I want to know.) Damned if I know. Back when I was single, there weren’t many times when a woman came on to me that I didn’t want to take her up on it. But in those rare instances, I simply didn’t flirt back, and that pretty much took care of it. And I certainly wouldn’t have made wide-open offers like “I’ll take you for a long ride and then we can do anything you want to do” unless I was hoping, regardless of expectations, that ‘anything she wanted’ was pretty extensive. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/37 "2006-06-06T19:39:32Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > We asked thirty Helens what they thought of this thread. But we couldn’t hear their response over the roar of 30,000 ships churning up the water. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/38 "2006-06-06T20:10:14Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Yeah, you gotta kiss a lot of toads to get to your prince/princess. They _do_ exist, though - take heart, weary ones. You are aware, aren’t you, what Freud’s interpretation of “kissing the frog” was? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/39 "2006-06-06T21:29:54Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > You are aware, aren’t you, what Freud’s interpretation of “kissing the frog” was? Let me guess - it involved a penis. That Freud - what a character! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508/40 "2006-06-06T21:45:09Z")
> [@askeptic](#): > > Marge, not to be rude but in my opinion he’s just not that in to you. When I was dating, if a smoking hot chick indicated she was willing, I was there with bells on. If it was a person I was not in to, I probably spaced more than once. I think this comment deserves support. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-do-you-ever-do-what-you-say-youre-going-to-do/359508.md?page=3)