# Men how you feel about being quizzed about your "3, 5 and 10 year life plans" on a first date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525 "2014-08-26T02:11:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/41 "2014-08-26T16:35:18Z")
I think it would have bugged the shit out of me when I was single, because typically a first date is just the time that you figure out if you even like the person enough for a second date, and that kind of thing is pretty heavy, when typically you talk about music, food, TV, sports, college, etc… Any woman who’d be putting me through that level of interrogation would likely be one of two things- one, some kind of super-career-focused woman who is trying to figure out if I fit into HER career, or two, some kind of gold-diggerish woman who’s trying to engineer the “perfect” future for herself, and trying to see if I fit into HER perfect future. In either case, they’re basically judging you right off the bat to see if you’re longer-term material, and to me, that’s pretty much a huge turnoff. They may as well have emailed me a questionnaire to fill out before the date was scheduled. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/42 "2014-08-26T17:00:55Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > From the video: “Ask him if he has any hidden talents you should know about.” > > That sounds deliciously dirty. “Why yes. I have the ability to date 8 different women long term with out any of them finding out or my three wives finding out about them.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/43 "2014-08-26T17:50:57Z")
> [@astro](#): > > How would you react to a woman wanting to know your your 3, 5 and 10 year “life plans” on a first date? I would think such a woman was so insufferably dull that I’d never want to spend another minute with her. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/44 "2014-08-26T17:59:18Z")
I would think… goddammit, I’m about to be pitched some kind of MLM crap. And here I thought she actually _liked_ me. ---
**Author:** ![jharvey963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/54ee81/32.png) [@jharvey963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharvey963)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/45 "2014-08-26T18:04:29Z")
Check out the video short entitled “Full Disclosure” with Judy Greer. (I’m too lazy to look up a link for it right now, but you can probably get it on iTunes.) It’s about a guy who decides to lay everything on the table at the first date. It’s both hilarious and moving. J. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/46 "2014-08-26T18:10:07Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Because the linked video was about conversational topics for women dating men? Because men don’t quiz women about 3, 5 and 10 year life plans on a first date, or media aimed at men don’t advise them to? And because women can’t date women, duh. :dubious: I know three people on this earth who I could imagine asking such questions, and they are men. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/47 "2014-08-26T18:17:58Z")
Well, it’s good to see that the driven, career-minded men and women, who don’t waste their time and have five year plans, are finding each other. It leaves more of the actually interesting slobs and wackos for me. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/48 "2014-08-26T18:48:34Z")
Also, I’m utterly confused as to what is the message of the linked video. “You’re a strong, independent woman. You can stand up for yourself and take control of a conversation. You don’t waste your time. Here’s how you find a man that can take care of you.” Wait, what? ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/49 "2014-08-26T18:55:20Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Also, I’m utterly confused as to what is the message of the linked video. “You’re a strong, independent woman. You can stand up for yourself and take control of a conversation. You don’t waste your time. Here’s how you find a man that can take care of you.” Wait, what? Prezactly! This video is about a relationship as a business opportunity, maximizing returns in the interests of the woman. Granted, men have been doing that for years so I will concede part of the premise. This isn’t a how to for dating; it’s a job interview. It also has crappy advice. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/50 "2014-08-26T19:05:49Z")
“I really want to live in an abandoned lighthouse on a lonely coast in 5 years time, no distracting possessions or modern machinery: just me and the right woman, a **strong** healthy woman with the guts to work hard and play hard. In the evenings I’ll play my flute.” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/51 "2014-08-26T19:21:19Z")
“I recently escaped from an island prison after being framed for treason and then recovered a treasure buried by a fellow prisoner who helped me escape. My three-year plan involves establishing myself in high society under the title of The Count of Monte Cristo. My ten-year plan involves taking my elaborate revenge on the men who wronged me.” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/52 "2014-08-26T19:26:25Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > i would inform her of my plans for world domination. in 10 years i would expect to be a total world dictator. at 3 and 5 years it would just be a country or a contient. Heh. When my second daughter was born, we were told that the hospital might require us to write our goals for 12 hours after the child’s birth, 2 hours after the child’s birth, 48 hours after the birth, etc. on a whiteboard in the room. I’d prepared similar goals to yours, something like: Hour 12: child sits up unsupported, issues her first order. Hour 24: Child’s army of spider minions assembled. Hour 36: North Carolina draped by web of spider minions, expanding exponentially at daughter’s psychic commands Hour 48: Earth transformed into haven for monstrous infant-spider hybrids Sadly, our room didn’t have the whiteboard. As for the question, I agree with others. If it’s organic (“You work for a humane society? Cool! Do you think you’re gonna stay there longterm?”) it’s a fine conversational gambit. If it’s asked as if the date has a checklist of HR-approved questions, it bothers me not for the content of the question, but for what it reveals about the date’s ability to chat. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/53 "2014-08-26T20:15:01Z")
My life plan has always incorporated a rolling assumption that I’ll be dead within five years. True, it hasn’t borne out, but eventually I’ll be proven right. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/54 "2014-08-26T20:15:23Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > And because women can’t date women, duh. :dubious: I’m sure they can, duh. But I’m guessing that wasn’t the hypothetical, duh. Hey, this is good. Any time I say “duh” it automagically makes what the other person said stupid. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/55 "2014-08-26T20:38:38Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > I’m sure they can, duh. But I’m guessing that wasn’t the hypothetical, duh. > > Hey, this is good. Any time I say “duh” it automagically makes what the other person said stupid. :dubious: Nice missing of point. ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/56 "2014-08-26T22:13:20Z")
I’ve got a ninety minute plan. Come back to my place, and I’ll show you my powerpoint. ---
**Author:** ![7e42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/51bf81/32.png) [@7e42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/7e42)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/57 "2014-08-27T00:24:25Z")
Women ask these questions because they think having a vagina makes them a great catch ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/58 "2014-08-27T01:23:46Z")
Gosh, women. They are terrible, amirite? Obviously being outright asked about a 5-year plan is stupid. But there are plenty of reasonable ways to share thoughts about the near (and not so near) future: “So, are you planning on staying in DC long?” “Studying Italian folklore sure sounds interesting! What are your plans for after graduation?” “What sorts of things are you really looking forward to?” It’s not just a ploy to find out potential salaries. You want to know if there are any big moves in the works, if someone is planning a major life change like going to med school or becoming a war journalist, if they ae looking forward to the house in the suburbs or something else, etc. In my case, I plan to live abroad again at some point in the future, so I wanted to get that out there early in case it was a dealbreaker. While finding the attraction is all well and good, there isn’t much point in a marriage-minded person investing a lot of time in something that isn’t going to go anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![7e42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/51bf81/32.png) [@7e42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/7e42)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/59 "2014-08-27T01:26:25Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Gosh, women. They are terrible, amirite? > > Obviously being outright asked about a 5-year plan is stupid. But there are plenty of reasonable ways to share thoughts about the near (and not so near) future: > > “So, are you planning on staying in DC long?” > “Studying Italian folklore sure sounds interesting! What are your plans for after graduation?” > “What sorts of things are you really looking forward to?” > > It’s not just a ploy to find out potential salaries. You want to know if there are any big moves in the works, if someone is planning a major life change like going to med school or becoming a war journalist, if they ae looking forward to the house in the suburbs or something else, etc. In my case, I plan to live abroad again at some point in the future, so I wanted to get that out there early in case it was a dealbreaker. While finding the attraction is all well and good, there isn’t much point in a marriage-minded person investing a lot of time in something that isn’t going to go anywhere. Marriage minded? Sounds like desperation to me ---
**Author:** ![Killing\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/76d3ee/32.png) [@Killing\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Killing_Time)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/60 "2014-08-27T03:57:56Z")
> [@CT\_Damsel](#): > > No wonder those women are single; they do not know how to talk to a man. (Or each other probably.:D) I have never asked a man how much he earns or his life plan. How you doin’?😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525.md?page=4)