# Men how you feel about being quizzed about your "3, 5 and 10 year life plans" on a first date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525 "2014-08-26T02:11:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/61 "2014-08-27T04:03:21Z")
First date is a bit soon but it’s a question that should be asked and honestly answered. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/62 "2014-08-27T04:07:10Z")
From the other side, I found it extremely strange whenever a guy would tell me his 3, 5, 10 or undeterminate life plan on a first date. They had a script and were looking for someone to fill Position Number Two, the Wife. The first time I was enormously confused. The other times I was a lot quicker in thinking “ok, no second date.” If I’d had a script of my own which happened to call for me to be the Wife, then I imagine I would have been interested rather than kind of freaked out. ---
**Author:** ![7e42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/51bf81/32.png) [@7e42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/7e42)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/63 "2014-08-27T04:28:07Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > From the other side, I found it extremely strange whenever a guy would tell me his 3, 5, 10 or undeterminate life plan on a first date. They had a script and were looking for someone to fill Position Number Two, the Wife. > > The first time I was enormously confused. The other times I was a lot quicker in thinking “ok, no second date.” If I’d had a script of my own which happened to call for me to be the Wife, then I imagine I would have been interested rather than kind of freaked out. He had a script because he was already used to being asked that dumb sh\*T ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/64 "2014-08-27T04:39:40Z")
**7e42** , are you always this grumpy or did someone piss in your cornflakes? For some reason, all the guys who did that were from the same country, from the same, how to put this, cultural group within that country, and all of them had identical plans. I assume they should have tried dating within their own group but, having had very little contact with women from the same cultural group and found them even more alien than their men, I cannot be sure. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/65 "2014-08-27T08:00:51Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > Nice missing of point. It was, but I didn’t think I ought to call you on it too harshly. Again: Had the linked video been advice to dating women regardless of orientation then maybe we’d be discussing how men and women felt about being quizzed. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/66 "2014-08-27T11:56:37Z")
> [@Belowjob2.0](#): > > I’ve got a ninety minute plan. Come back to my place, and I’ll show you my powerpoint. I’ll show you my late night infomercial. Only takes 90 seconds. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/67 "2014-08-27T14:09:24Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Gosh, women. They are terrible, amirite? Nah, just some of you. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/68 "2014-08-27T14:18:31Z")
> [@7e42](#): > > Marriage minded? Sounds like desperation to me Yeah, it’s totally desperate to care whether your date thinks sponging off their parents forever is awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/69 "2014-08-27T14:20:57Z")
> [@7e42](#): > > Women ask these questions because they think having a vagina makes them a great catch > [@even\_sven](#): > > Gosh, women. They are terrible, amirite? _The worst._ Those women really twist my neckbeard! ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/70 "2014-08-27T14:24:40Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > “I really want to live in an abandoned lighthouse on a lonely coast in 5 years time, no distracting possessions or modern machinery: just me and the right woman, a **strong** healthy woman with the guts to work hard and play hard. In the evenings I’ll play my flute.” I would have sex on the first date for that. ---
**Author:** ![TheSeaOtter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed655f/32.png) [@TheSeaOtter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSeaOtter)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/71 "2014-08-27T14:52:26Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > If someone asks me about my 5 year plan, my immediate impulse would be to say that it’s to increase steel production to support the Glorious Worker’s Revolution. Yeah, another vote for this as best possible response. With the caveat that it must be delivered in the worst Russian accent you can manage. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/72 "2014-08-28T01:56:41Z")
Yanno, on Tapatalk, the title cuts off after the 10. So… I came in here wondering how many guys were being quizzed right off the bat on whether they had 3, 5 or (and??) 10 inch junk. No penii for me. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/73 "2014-08-28T02:38:19Z")
Like even sven said, it’s not the idea of it but the specific execution. Knowing something about someone’s plans for the future is important, especially if you’re in a speed dating situation or looking for a life partner. But baldly asking “What are your 3, 5, and 10 year plans for yourself” is interrogation. It would indicate to me a lack of conversational or social finesse that would be off-putting. At my age, my 3 year goal is to still be breathing. Anything after that is gravy. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/74 "2014-08-28T03:51:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Unless she has a golden vagina she better not be asking me any of those questions > [@](#): > > And that’s personal info, I don’t reveal my goals with just any woman just because she has a vagina > [@](#): > > Women ask these questions because they think having a vagina makes them a great catch Yes, yes, you know the word “vagina” and typed it on teh intarwebs. Huh, uhuh, uhuhh haw haw. Now stop. ---
**Author:** ![Bouncer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@Bouncer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bouncer)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/75 "2014-08-28T05:21:15Z")
> [@astro](#): > > The topic is making conversation but the suggestions in this video’s suggestion come across (to me) like ham handed job performance or job interview questions. How would you react to a woman wanting to know your your 3, 5 and 10 year “life plans” on a first date? I’m fairly sure I would stand up, throw a ninja smoke/flash bomb to the floor and be gone before her eyes cleared or the smoke detector went off. Cause my 1 Minute Plan is to get the hell away from this whack job. Because this is SDMB, you may find directions on building your own ninja smoke/flash bomb here: [http://specialized-weapons.wonderhowto.com/how-to/construct-instant-no-fire-ninja-smoke-bomb-for-quick-escapes-410707/](http://specialized-weapons.wonderhowto.com/how-to/construct-instant-no-fire-ninja-smoke-bomb-for-quick-escapes-410707/) Also useable for power-point meetings and other tedious office celebrations of birthdays and the like. You may thank me later. Regards, -Bouncer- ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/76 "2014-08-28T06:10:07Z")
> [@7e42](#): > > Women ask these questions because they think having a vagina makes them a great catch What? Wait! Women have vaginas? All of them? I’d never made the connection before. I’m going to have to rethink my life goal of constantly motor-boating. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/77 "2014-08-28T06:44:10Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Yanno, on Tapatalk, the title cuts off after the 10. So… I came in here wondering how many guys were being quizzed right off the bat on whether they had 3, 5 or (and??) 10 inch junk. No penii for me. ☹ “penes” (pr. “pea-knees”), if you really want the Latin plural. ---
**Author:** ![mtonto20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a9adbd/32.png) [@mtonto20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtonto20)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/78 "2014-08-28T06:55:34Z")
To me this is just an offshoot of the Mission Statement Corporate Synergy bullcrap that has pervaded throughout our society now. With everyone getting college degrees comes the justification of having one in the first place, so people need to make themselves feel really important. IMHO she is disqualifying you from having a relationship even before it gets started. Just tell her that her 10 year plan is to look and act like her mother and leave before the check comes… ---
**Author:** ![Killing\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/76d3ee/32.png) [@Killing\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Killing_Time)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/79 "2014-08-28T09:23:58Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Yeah, it’s totally desperate to care whether your date thinks sponging off their parents forever is awesome. Hmmm…so your plan is to scope out whether your date is going to be a “breadwinner” for you? It does smack of low self-esteem. Why not be your OWN goddamn breadwinner? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/80 "2014-08-28T12:31:50Z")
> [@Killing\_Time](#): > > Hmmm…so your plan is to scope out whether your date is going to be a “breadwinner” for you? It does smack of low self-esteem. Why not be your OWN goddamn breadwinner? Fuck being a breadwinner, how about being a productive and well-rounded human being? I’d think guys who find the very idea of women asking about one’s dreams and goals offensive should be finding ways to ask this of their prospective more-than-a-fling dates, to make sure she’s not looking for a sugar daddy. (And I work in medical research; I don’t have, or need, a sugar daddy. Both my husband and I are decently well-rounded human beings, too.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525.md?page=5)