# Men how you feel about being quizzed about your "3, 5 and 10 year life plans" on a first date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525 "2014-08-26T02:11:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/121 "2014-09-02T16:33:44Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I hate to say it, Which is right up there with “I’m not a racist, but…”. Carry on. > [@even\_sven](#): > > but the guy who spends more hours on WOW than working, the 35 year old who starts the day with a bong hit and the grown man who can’t do laundry or cook a meal are the equivalent of these things. It amazes me how many guys don’t take care of themselves at all, and yet would never dream of dating someone with their exact same flaws. And _that_’s what you (rhetorical you) are filtering out with this quizzing about 3, 5 and 10 year life plans. Of course. In which case: "Cool, I quite understand that you’re seriously looking for a life partner and fortunately I have the information you need on this tablet - career path, expected earnings, investment portfolio, and you’ll see that I have third-party buy-in at this, this and this key point on the timeline. Have a look at that and then you can run your eyes over this draft marriage contract and pre-nup. We’ll need to schedule a time to determine if we’re sexually compatible and I’ve no objections if this runs as late as the third date, but I will mention that interview performance will be of the essence and the contract is conclusively void if standards slip by more than 10% or if your weight increases by more than 30 pounds outside of a protected period covering pregnancy and six weeks afterwards. “Now have you chosen your starter, or shall I ask the waiter for more breadsticks?” ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/122 "2014-09-02T17:17:31Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > “Now have you chosen your starter, or shall I ask the waiter for more breadsticks?” She shouldn’t have the breadsticks with that 30# clause in the pre-nup. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/123 "2014-09-02T19:14:37Z")
I think part of it is the time scales; plenty of people have goals like “meet my life partner” or “Have children”, or even more concrete things like “Go back to school/grad school”, “Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro”, etc… But I doubt very many people except for the stupidly unrealistic, or obnoxiously driven have timeboxed them in a way that they could answer the OP’s hypothetical question with any sort of comfort. Plus, the very presence of such a question is inherently judgmental and doesn’t mince any words, which is IMO, not the way you go about first dates. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t ask hard questions, but bringing out the heavy artillery when most people are chatting about the food or music or TV shows is weird to say the least. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/124 "2014-09-02T19:50:29Z")
While I would never ask someone about a life plan or about specific years or the like, I like spending time with people who have dreams and goals. They don’t have to be financial. In fact, I will think you’re far more interesting if they aren’t financial. But they can be quirky or ambitious or even pretty slacker-y, so long as they are goals and interests. Finding out where a person is in their life and how/if you might fit in is also important. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/125 "2014-09-02T20:01:15Z")
If the woman herself doesn’t have a 3/5/10 year plan, but requires that a man have one, that seems a wee bit hypocritical. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/126 "2014-09-02T20:26:54Z")
> [@7e42](#): > > women set themselves up to be PLAYED because once they start asking all those stupid a$$ questions all the guy is going to do is LIE until he get them drawls:D You were told to stop posting these ridiculous remarks, with four of them cited by Idle Thoughts in this thread. I’m giving you a warning for failure to follow a moderator’s instructions. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/127 "2014-09-02T21:54:48Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > While I would never ask someone about a life plan or about specific years or the like, I like spending time with people who have dreams and goals. They don’t have to be financial. In fact, I will think you’re far more interesting if they aren’t financial. But they can be quirky or ambitious or even pretty slacker-y, so long as they are goals and interests. Finding out where a person is in their life and how/if you might fit in is also important. Gold digger! What about all the goalless guys who you owe a date to? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525/128 "2014-09-02T22:00:41Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Gold digger! What about all the goalless guys who you owe a date to? The thing about being a frumpy middle-aged woman is that they don’t want me. My life is AWESOME. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-how-you-feel-about-being-quizzed-about-your-3-5-and-10-year-life-plans-on-a-first-date/696525.md?page=6)