# Men: If at 16, you had sex with your HOT teacher... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 8, 2014, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755 "2014-10-08T13:46:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/41 "2014-10-08T17:05:13Z")
This poll is not a fair characterization of many of these scenarios. A much more realistic question would be “Would it have hurt you if you had fallen desperately in love with a crazy older woman who used her superior emotional distance, perspective, and distorted access to your private life along with sex to manipulate you to the point that you couldn’t function without her esteem and affection?” ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/42 "2014-10-08T17:08:17Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > This poll is not a fair characterization of many of these scenarios. A much more realistic question would be “Would it have hurt you if you had fallen desperately in love with a crazy older woman who used her superior emotional distance, perspective, and distorted access to your private life along with sex to manipulate you to the point that you couldn’t function without her esteem and affection?” Still no. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/43 "2014-10-08T17:08:58Z")
I don’t think it would bother me at all,but I suppose there’s a whole lot of circumstances where it might. But I voted option 1. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/44 "2014-10-08T17:09:32Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > This poll is not a fair characterization of many of these scenarios. A much more realistic question would be “Would it have hurt you if you had fallen desperately in love with a crazy older woman who used her superior emotional distance, perspective, and distorted access to your private life along with sex to manipulate you to the point that you couldn’t function without her esteem and affection?” High school teachers should be prohibited from having sex with their students, of course, because of the potential for abuse. But must an older woman who has sex with a younger man be crazy? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/45 "2014-10-08T17:10:53Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > This poll is not a fair characterization of many of these scenarios. A much more realistic question would be “Would it have hurt you if you had fallen desperately in love with a crazy older woman who used her superior emotional distance, perspective, and distorted access to your private life along with sex to manipulate you to the point that you couldn’t function without her esteem and affection?” But she’s still hot, right? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/46 "2014-10-08T17:17:56Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > This poll is not a fair characterization of many of these scenarios. A much more realistic question would be “Would it have hurt you if you had fallen desperately in love with a crazy older woman who used her superior emotional distance, perspective, and distorted access to your private life along with sex to manipulate you to the point that you couldn’t function without her esteem and affection?” We all have to deal with heartbreak, it’s just a fact of life. Have you ever witnessed a 25yo get his first GF and then have to deal with the emotion of a break up for the first time at 25? Good lord it aint pretty. I witnessed a friend of mine do exactly that and I remember feeling so embarrassed for him because he was acting so immature both when he got the GF (which is why he lost her) and after the break up. He was doing things I learned not to do back when I was a teenager. (Anecdotal, I know.) ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/47 "2014-10-08T17:18:48Z")
It occurs to me that the vast majority (80+%) of retrospective dudes don’t overtly recognize this as an inherently damaging scenario. Not that it never is, just that it is not, in and of itself, damaging. Now this seems to fly in the face of what professional people who work with this sort of thing seem to believe, as it is not only frowned upon but very strongly condemned and punished. It’s difficult to decide whether it’s much ado about nothing, or if it’s an abysmal public perception failure. Have there been any studies done that don’t focus solely on people that come forward (or are outed) as victims? Has anyone discussed the effects with students who have had a fling with teacher and come through unscathed or better? In short: is it considered damaging based solely on philosophy and the testamony of those who come forward saying they’re damaged? And is there any evidence that, if teacher/student sex DOES yield some damage, that it does so in greater proportion than any other random coupling? Affairs often are started under unsavory conditions & with ulterior motives, and end badly anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/48 "2014-10-08T17:20:37Z")
There are scenarios where a sane, well-adjusted older adult might have a healthy relationship with a younger partner. This just isn’t one of them. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/49 "2014-10-08T17:27:31Z")
It would have a lot to do with whether the 16-yo also had sex with anybody else. For a guy who is generally promiscuous and knows his way around the block, it would have very negligible effect, if any. But if the guy has to be shown where to put it, the experience could constitute quite a lot of heavy baggage. In my case, I knew exactly who I would have wanted that teacher to be, but with my luck, it would have been somebody else. That by itself would influence the general effect. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/50 "2014-10-08T17:28:39Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > There are scenarios where a sane, well-adjusted older adult might have a healthy relationship with a younger partner. This just isn’t one of them. Can you give us some age ranges here? What’s the minimum age of the younger partner, for instance? ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/51 "2014-10-08T17:30:52Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > Now this seems to fly in the face of what professional people who work with this sort of thing seem to believe, as it is not only frowned upon but very strongly condemned and punished. If a person was cynical (and I am) it would strike me that they have a vested interest in having ‘victims’ to treat. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/52 "2014-10-08T17:36:37Z")
Since almost all my high school teachers were either Jesuit priests or nerdy lay males, yes, I think I’d feel rather damaged! We NEVER had anything resembling a hot female on our faculty! ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/53 "2014-10-08T17:37:15Z")
Once? Ongoing affair? Does the teacher discard me afterwards with no subsequent semblance of warmth or connection, and perhaps react with contempt when I try to seek her out afterwards? Yeah, it could have messed me up. I’d been craving a girlfriend for years before the age of 16 but didn’t have one and was a lonely teenager. I was also a virgin and remained one for many years past 16. It might have been really nice to have had an affair with a teacher, but there are more ways in which it could have been really devastating instead. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/54 "2014-10-08T17:39:55Z")
> [@Uzi](#): > > If a person was cynical (and I am) it would strike me that they have a vested interest in having ‘victims’ to treat. That and they are content with completely sanitizing people from any emotional drama what so ever. Almost as if our past heartbreaks isn’t a part of what makes us who we are. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/55 "2014-10-08T17:48:09Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Can you give us some age ranges here? What’s the minimum age of the younger partner, for instance? **Skald** this is about girls, not boys, but it’s a paper (from the Guttmacher people, whose political biases I decidedly do _not_ share) about negative impacts on teens with older sex partners. The money quote is here and it suggests that while sex with older partners is generally damaging for younger teens, it’s generally not particularly damaging (at least with respect to these particular negative effects) for older teens. Which is, again, not an argument that the age of consent should be lowered (something needn’t _usually_ have bad effects, to _occasionally_ have bad effects). > **[Sexual Intercourse and the Age Difference Between Adolescent Females and...](https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/psrh/2002/11/sexual-intercourse-and-age-difference-between-adolescent-females-and-their)** > > Researchers and policymakers have focused concern and attention on adolescent females who have romantic relationships with older males. The age difference between a female and her partner may influence relationship dynamics in ways that put the... “Furthermore, Leitenberg and Saltzman found that among females who had had first sexual intercourse at ages 11-12, those who had a partner five or more years their senior had an elevated risk of attempted suicide, substance abuse and pregnancy. Among females who had had first intercourse between the ages of 13 and 15, having older partners was associated only with truancy. In contrast, among females whose age at first intercourse was 16-18, having older partners was not linked to these negative outcomes. **Thus, adverse effects of partner age difference may lessen as females mature**.7” ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/56 "2014-10-08T18:02:51Z")
Voted no, I don’t think I’d be _damaged_. I’d probably eventually grow feelings and screw it up somehow, given the age, and it likely wouldn’t turn out to be anything better than a disaster. I’d probably be hurt for a few weeks, but I’d get over it. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/57 "2014-10-08T18:04:34Z")
I did have such-Spanish teacher, 23 or so, fresh out of college, a fair amount of chemistry involved. If it had come to all that, I doubt I would be any better, or worse, than where I am now. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/58 "2014-10-08T18:08:24Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > Now this seems to fly in the face of what professional people who work with this sort of thing seem to believe …and rightly so. Human beings mature at different rates during teenage years. Protecting children under the age of consent from predators is the responsibility of law enforcement and not only do I applaud them for it, I hope they always take it seriously. Pushing the conservative cap on consent back seems reprehensible and the only people I’ve ever seen pushing for it are damaged adults who can’t manage their prefered sex life with consenting adults, so they target inexperienced children. Look, people, if this is your hot-button issue… if you want to start a grass roots campaign to roll back the statutory rape laws or limit equal protection from applying to one gender instead of both, feel free to go out, get your signatures, and put it on a ballot. Just don’t try to imply that the majority of this board or even the majority of the men on this board support you in those actions. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/59 "2014-10-08T18:34:40Z")
An experience like that may have screwed me up but it’s also pretty likely that I wouldn’t have been able to\* tell\* that I was being screwed up. Or _more_ screwed up, as it were. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/60 "2014-10-08T18:49:03Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Just don’t try to imply that the majority of this board or even the majority of the men on this board support you in those actions. What 'choo talkin 'bout Willis? Pretty consistently 80% of the people who responded to the poll either don’t know or don’t believe it would cause them a problem. Not my number, read the poll results. And I’m not seeing a big push to roll the age of consent back either. But I think it’s fair to ask whether anyone has actually developed a scientific basis for saying teacher/student affairs are fundamentally more problematic, if that’s even possible, than any other type of affair–whether teen + teen, adult + adult, or teen + adult. Sure, there needs to not be a significant authority gap in a physical relationship for all kinds of reasons. But is this really one of them? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755.md?page=4)