# Men: If at 16, you had sex with your HOT teacher... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 8, 2014, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755 "2014-10-08T13:46:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/81 "2014-10-08T21:56:00Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Can we point out that the teacher is mentally disturbed and had a history of making extremely bad decisions that harm people she interacts with- some of which you will almost certainly be a target of now that you are in her sights? > > Can we also point out that you were not chosen because you were the hottest sophomore on the block, but rather because she thinks you are easily manipulated and probably stupid? LOL. Well sure you _could_, but I don’t think my 16yo self would care. (Speaking only for myself of course.) ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/82 "2014-10-08T22:08:06Z")
I know that if I had been offered the chance to do a hot teacher when I was 16 and I didn’t take her up on it I would still be kicking myself over 40 years later. Know the best part about sleeping with a teacher? If you don’t do it right she makes you do it over. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/83 "2014-10-08T22:10:22Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Can we point out that the teacher is mentally disturbed and had a history of making extremely bad decisions that harm people she interacts with- some of which you will almost certainly be a target of now that you are in her sights? > > Can we also point out that you were not chosen because you were the hottest sophomore on the block, but rather because she thinks you are easily manipulated and probably stupid? This is the cool thing about being. What goes on in someone else’s head is entirely out of your reach, all you have is how you perceive what the universe has presented to you. And frankly, with a few exceptions most 16 year-old guys don’t see beyond what is actually in front of them. Wiggling around. I think it would be an exceptionally astute guy whose assessment of his partner’s mental health went beyond “She’s willing, right? Not crying or struggling? Into it? Go!” Now, maybe 10-20 years later he might recall and think, “Huh, I wonder what was up with her that she’d want to bang some homely loner like me? Musta been lonely herself.” Probably not going to give it much more thought than that, certainly not enough that it’s going to go off in his head like a time bomb. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/84 "2014-10-08T22:11:28Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > LOL. Well sure you _could_, but I don’t think my 16yo self would care. (Speaking only for myself of course.) Right, but what about your kid? How would you feel if you found out a teacher had him so tied up in hopeless knots he couldn’t breathe, he was convinced he loved her, she loved him, they were gonna start a life together? If you found thousands of text messages between them confirming that she was obsessed with him, that he felt like they couldn’t live without each other, that they were soulmates? And you are thinking “It’s different for my kid, he’s got developmental issues that would make that wrong”, but that’s who predators target–kids with mental or developmental issues that would make that wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/85 "2014-10-08T22:13:02Z")
Excellent point, **Manda** , and spot-on. But that’s not the perspective the thread is asking about. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/86 "2014-10-08T22:15:51Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > This is the cool thing about being. What goes on in someone else’s head is entirely out of your reach, all you have is how you perceive what the universe has presented to you. And frankly, with a few exceptions most 16 year-old guys don’t see beyond what is actually in front of them. Wiggling around. I think it would be an exceptionally astute guy whose assessment of his partner’s mental health went beyond “She’s willing, right? Not crying or struggling? Into it? Go!” > > Now, maybe 10-20 years later he might recall and think, “Huh, I wonder what was up with her that she’d want to bang some homely loner like me? Musta been lonely herself.” Probably not going to give it much more thought than that, certainly not enough that it’s going to go off in his head like a time bomb. Some teenage boys are QUITE capable of falling hopelessly in love. Doesn’t mean they have an accurate assessment of anyone’s mental state, but it does mean they are incredibly susceptible to being manipulated and exploited. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/87 "2014-10-08T22:21:21Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > And frankly, with a few exceptions most 16 year-old guys don’t see beyond what is actually in front of them. Wiggling around. I think it would be an exceptionally astute guy whose assessment of his partner’s mental health went beyond “She’s willing, right? Not crying or struggling? Into it? Go!” Well, yes. A lot of the people responding to this thread, remembering feeling like that, are forgetting that when they felt like that, they were _idiots_. You’re making a case for a 16 year old boy being an exceptionally poor source of insight on what’s good for a 16 year old boy. That being the case, I don’t think it’s as easy as remembering what you thought would have been cool when you were 16 and assuming that it probably would have been that cool. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/88 "2014-10-08T22:23:09Z")
The [Oneida Community](http://csus-dspace.calstate.edu/bitstream/handle/10211.9/122/Final%20Draft~The%20Paper~02.pdf?sequence=1)(a Perfectionist communal theocracy near Buffalo) set up a micro-society in which post-menopausal women sexually mentored adolescent males, and elder males who were good at \*not \*ejaculating sexually mentored adolescent females, because . . . _SCIENCE!_ . . . no, _RELIGION!_ . . . no, _SCIENCE!_ Surprisingly, it wasn’t the disaster that one might expect it to be. Let’s put it this way: forget about (OK, bleach your brain about) the sexual grooming and the stirpiculture (you really don’t want to know), and simply ask what would you expect from a Perfectionist communal theocracy. So what’s the point of this seeming digression? Through decades of assigning adolescent males to elder females, there wasn’t much of a issue, but as the years went on, the women asserted more and more unease and dissatisfaction about adolescent females being assigned to elder males. This dissatisfaction by the women eventually became a major factor leading to the dissolution of the Community (which then, like any self-respecting Perfectionist communal theocracy, incorporated as a [cutlery manufacturer](http://www.oneida.com/)). This suggests to me that when it comes to adolescents being sexually used by elders in authority, it might be harder on the young women than the young men. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/89 "2014-10-08T22:29:31Z")
It MIGHT “screw me up,” but here’s why: I would probably end up being one of those people who peak in high school and I would spend my life knowing that I would probably never beat that accomplishment. Heck, I already know I will never again reach the heights of my dating/sex life when I was 19-20, and I’m only 35 and in good health. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/90 "2014-10-08T22:29:43Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > An older woman who is willing to risk everything–her personal and professional reputation–to have sex with a student is probably not the most emotionally stable. > > Right, but a teacher is different. A teacher has watched you with your friends, read your essays, seen your test scores, talked about you with other teachers, has discussed you with your parents, knows your schedule, your influences . . .while concealing most of themselves. It creates a tremendous distortion and imbalance. > > Out of 130 or so, I teach 40ish kids right now who \*adore \*me, who live in fear of disappointing me, who would go to ridiculous lengths to please me. And while I like them all, while I am really emotionally invested in their success, I don’t need them to like me, approve of me, like they need my good opinion. Age gives you distance, a separate support structure, a LIFE. There is no way a romantic relationship there could be healthy, because one person could so clearly and easily manipulate the other, and the reverse is not possible. Again, do you care to provide some evidence for that? Not speculation, and not anecdote, but evidence? I already provided a link that suggests that relationships between older teenagers and adults are _usually_ not harmful, though I’m sure sometimes they can be. You on the other hand are making a big claim (“no way…could be healthy”) and I’d like to see some evidence. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/91 "2014-10-08T22:36:01Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > The [Oneida Community](http://csus-dspace.calstate.edu/bitstream/handle/10211.9/122/Final%20Draft~The%20Paper~02.pdf?sequence=1)(a Perfectionist communal theocracy near Buffalo) set up a micro-society in which post-menopausal women sexually mentored adolescent males, and elder males who were good at \*not \*ejaculating sexually mentored adolescent females, because . . . _SCIENCE!_ . . . no, _RELIGION!_ . . . no, _SCIENCE!_ Surprisingly, it wasn’t the disaster that one might expect it to be. Let’s put it this way: forget about (OK, bleach your brain about) the sexual grooming and the stirpiculture (you really don’t want to know), and simply ask what would you expect from a Perfectionist communal theocracy. > > So what’s the point of this seeming digression? Through decades of assigning adolescent males to elder females, there wasn’t much of a issue, but as the years went on, the women asserted more and more unease and dissatisfaction about adolescent females being assigned to elder males. This dissatisfaction by the women eventually became a major factor leading to the dissolution of the Community (which then, like any self-respecting Perfectionist communal theocracy, incorporated as a [cutlery manufacturer](http://www.oneida.com/)). > > This suggests to me that when it comes to adolescents being sexually used by elders in authority, it might be harder on the young women than the young men. While you have a point, one difference from this teachers situation is that the Oneida community was practicing sex intercourse with thirteen year old _girls_ (and younger), not with ‘younger women’, and not even with older teens midway through high school. Not that I think that’s ‘okay’ either, but sexual contact with 13-year olds is, I think, a much bigger outrage than with a 16-year old. “The independent examining physician, Dr. Van de Warker, found in his non-random sample of forty-two Oneida women, for those who experienced menarche while residents of the community, their initiation into the complex marriage experiment occurred between the ages of ten and eighteen, with a mean age of thirteen.” ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/92 "2014-10-08T22:41:16Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Right, but what about your kid? How would you feel if you found out a teacher had him so tied up in hopeless knots he couldn’t breathe, he was convinced he loved her, she loved him, they were gonna start a life together? If you found thousands of text messages between them confirming that she was obsessed with him, that he felt like they couldn’t live without each other, that they were soulmates? > > And you are thinking “It’s different for my kid, he’s got developmental issues that would make that wrong”, but that’s who predators target–kids with mental or developmental issues that would make that wrong. You are conflating two different things here. This has been pointed out several times before but let me state very clearly: Not only do I not want _my_ kids boinking their teachers, I don’t want _anyone’s_ kid boinking their teachers. That’s not the issue being discussed here. The question is: Would YOU as a 16yo boy be damaged from the experience? Even if the answer is no, the teacher in question should still be punished to the fullest extent of the law. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/93 "2014-10-08T22:45:34Z")
I voted for “I’d be fine,” though of course the real answer is “it depends.” It’s easy to imagine plausible scenarios where it goes very wrong, but I don’t \*feel \*it would have been damaging in any meaningful way (nor would I totally write off the “confidence boost” theory). I also do feel that, _on balance_, it’s different for girls than boys – not by as much as is popularly assumed, but also not identical. All that said, I admit there’s a potential bias here. I \*liked \*all of my female high school teachers: they seemed nice and smart and well-balanced, and they seemed to like me. (Also, come to think of it, they were all reasonably attractive.) So, when I picture this happening, I naturally think about it in those terms, and it’s hard for me imagine one of these kind and well-balanced teachers being manipulative with me or careless with my well-being. Of course, in real life, there’s a better than average chance the teacher in question \*wouldn’t \*be so well-balanced, so I may be imagining an unlikely, idealized scenario. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/94 "2014-10-08T23:01:45Z")
My first thought was _“No, I would be fine.”_ But on reflection, I’d rather say _“terrific.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/95 "2014-10-08T23:04:16Z")
I voted no, but thinking about it it would probably make me an insufferably smug self-satisfied shit. Moreso, I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/96 "2014-10-08T23:15:39Z")
At 16, I was an addict and already pretty screwed up. Not sure if having sex with a hot teacher would make things better or worse. I mean, I would have enjoyed it, sure. But I enjoyed drugs too. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/97 "2014-10-08T23:15:54Z")
There’s layers to the onion and a risk that I might have blurred memory of how absolutely bizarre my brain and hormones still were after this long. - Sex with someone clearly an adult does sounds less than ideal at that point of my emotional development. - Sex with someone in a position of power on top of the age difference …probably negative. - Sex with someone that age willing to have sex with what I was at 16 despite all the risks … **DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON**!!! I was maybe 9+ inches shorter on my 16th birthday than I am now. I basically looked like I was 12 and was extremely shy. The level of crazy it would take for a teacher to chase and bed me at 16 might damage me now. Now at 17 suddenly growing almost by the minute and developing socially, there was an interesting teacher… You asked about 16 though. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/98 "2014-10-08T23:27:14Z")
> [@Uzi](#): > > If a person was cynical (and I am) it would strike me that they have a vested interest in having ‘victims’ to treat. Anndd you’d be incredibly incorrect. If therapists and mental health workers just wanted to have “victims” to treat, to make some easy money - I guess that’s what you’re implying, which also suggests you have wildly inaccurate ideas about how much the average therapist earns - they would treat the “walking well”, the mildly neurotic or people going through a rough patch. Therapists who work with sex abuse victims hear, absorb, and help their clients process some horrendous experiences. It’s emotionally wrenching work, and it takes a very strong therapist to do it for very long. My mother quoted a friend from Social Work school who lost it after doing an internship with sex abusers and survivors: “They’re fucking their _kids_, they’re fucking their _dogs_, they’re fucking their _vacuum cleaners_…” Most therapists I know would be very happy not to have any sex abuse victims to treat. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/99 "2014-10-08T23:42:11Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > This is the cool thing about being. What goes on in someone else’s head is entirely out of your reach, all you have is how you perceive what the universe has presented to you. And frankly, with a few exceptions most 16 year-old guys don’t see beyond what is actually in front of them. Wiggling around. I think it would be an exceptionally astute guy whose assessment of his partner’s mental health went beyond “She’s willing, right? Not crying or struggling? Into it? Go!” > > Now, maybe 10-20 years later he might recall and think, “Huh, I wonder what was up with her that she’d want to bang some homely loner like me? Musta been lonely herself.” Probably not going to give it much more thought than that, certainly not enough that it’s going to go off in his head like a time bomb. My point is that the crazy person doesn’t usually bang you out and then let you go on with your life. The sex is usually just a prelude to the crazy-- the manipulation, the head games, and the emotional vampirism. Teachers who pick out kids aren’t looking to give some lucky fellow a good time. They are looking for someone vulnerable that the can screw with, probably because she’s so batshit that grow ups won’t fall for it. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2014, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/100 "2014-10-08T23:55:45Z")
The psychological damage wrought upon my innocent little mind would’ve been incalculable. I’d be wondering why a woman I trust so much would want exploit me like that. I’d wonder if I’m even a person to them, or just an object to be passed around for their own twisted needs. This latest victim must be so brave. Just imagine trying to sleep after such traumatic events. Being taken advantage of again and again. The kaleidoscope of deviant images running through his mind would weigh heavily on anyone. The most cruel aspect of so many of these cases is that these predators convince their victims they’re actually doing them some kind of favor. The manipulation runs so deep the victims brag about it to their peers. They’re so broken they can’t understand their own Stockholm syndrome. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755.md?page=6)