# Men: If at 16, you had sex with your HOT teacher... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 8, 2014, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755 "2014-10-08T13:46:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/121 "2014-10-09T14:06:14Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Since almost all my high school teachers were either Jesuit priests or nerdy lay males, yes, I think I’d feel rather damaged! > > We NEVER had anything resembling a hot female on our faculty! Wow… sounds like you went to my high school! Theoretically speaking, I’d think it depends on whether there was a coercive or element of use to it or not. I mean, if it was somehow a case of this 25 year old woman actually liking me enough to have the happy-fun-time sex with me, no strings attached, then I’m not so sure it would have screwed me up, with the possible exception of making the girls my age seem inexperienced by comparison. However, if this was some way for her to get back at her husband, or was used as some sort of potential stick to beat me with, then I don’t think that being used as a pawn in someone else’s game would be good for anyone, and especially not for a 16 year old boy having no experience with sex, romance, or for the most part, girls. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/122 "2014-10-09T14:13:51Z")
This thread reminds me of a situation in my high school. In 11th grade when we were 17 a guy on the soccer team starting sleeping with the female coach who was probably late 20s. Everyone knew about it and the coach was eventually fired. The guy’s parents freaked out and forbid him from seeing her but never pressed charges. They ended up getting married and are together to this day, 20 years later! That is not a normal outcome for this situation… ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/123 "2014-10-09T15:05:05Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Have we established yet whether or she’s hot, though? Unless this is a whoosh… read the thread title again. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/124 "2014-10-09T15:11:05Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > This thread reminds me of a situation in my high school. In 11th grade when we were 17 a guy on the soccer team starting sleeping with the female coach who was probably late 20s. Everyone knew about it and the coach was eventually fired. The guy’s parents freaked out and forbid him from seeing her but never pressed charges. They ended up getting married and are together to this day, 20 years later! That is not a normal outcome for this situation… Maybe it’s more normal than we think. The teacher in the original teacher/student sex scandal, Mary Kay Letourneau, was released from prison in 2004. She ended up marrying the student she had an affair and they’ve been together for ten years now. They’ve lived a mostly anonymous life. > **[Mary Kay Letourneau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau)** > > Mary Katherine Fualaau (previously Letourneau, née Schmitz; January 30, 1962 – July 6, 2020) was an American teacher who pleaded guilty in 1997 to two counts of felony second-degree rape of a child and subsequently married her former student. The case received national attention. > Mary Schmitz met Steve Letourneau while attending Arizona State University; they married out of social pressure and had four children together over the years. Their marriage was unhappy. After achieving a teaching deg... PLEASE NOTE, the student was 12 when this all began and I think that is incredibly sick. I’m just posting this because it seemed relevant. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/125 "2014-10-09T16:09:22Z")
A couple of paragraphs excerpted from [Hines and Finkelhor’s literature review](http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/CV150.pdf): > [@](#): > > _4.3. Adolescent male/adult female sexual relationships_ > > How do adolescent males view their sexual relationships with adult females? Some studies show that if the relationship was not forced and the female adult was not a relative, a majority of males viewed these relationships as positive (Condy et al., 1987; Okami, 1991), about a third viewed them as neutral (Fromuth & Burkhart, 1987; Okami, 1991), and a minority (\<5%) viewed them as negative (Fromuth & Burkhart, 1987). Nonetheless, they had slightly elevated levels of psychological distress: they had slightly more psychological, alcohol, and deliberate self-harming behavior problems than men without such experiences, but they were not as distressed as those who experienced forced sexual encounters (King et al., 2003). > > A point to consider is that societal standards have in the past given a certain legitimacy to sexual contacts between adult women and teenage boys, in contrast to the perceptions of adult men having sexual relationships with teenage girls. Because society tends to condemn this latter type of relationship, teenage girls may more readily describe harms done; however, because society tends to view adolescent male/adult female sexual relationships as nonabusive and perhaps as “sexual initiation”, teenage boys and adult males who had these types of experiences may be unable to admit to any negative repercussions or recognize the relationship as abusive, and adult women who become involved with teenage boys may also not view their behaviors as abusive (Mathews et al., 1990). Although some boys may legitimately view these relationships as positive (as do some girls involved with adult men), case examples and some empirical studies give indications that not all boys are positively affected by these experiences. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/126 "2014-10-09T16:23:09Z")
I will note that there are good reasons, based on this hamster study, for teenagers to delay having sex, whether it’s with a same-age or adult partner. [http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/adolescent.htm](http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/adolescent.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Pazu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pazu/32/15522_2.png) [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/127 "2014-10-09T16:33:38Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > As was mentioned I think the young man is going to be forever traumatized and labeled as “the kid who had sex with his teacher”. Think about the media attention he and his family are getting, think about the trial the 2 women will get, think about the class reunions 20 years from now. For the rest of his life it will be something he will always be remembered by. Coworkers will ask about it. Future girlfriends will ask. His kids and grandkids will later ask. He could be a straight A student going to Harvard but this is what he will be known by (and with the internet people will always know). “…I can get straight A’s for four years, but do they call me John the valedictorian? No. I can graduate from Harvard, but do they call me John the Harvard alum? No. I can get my JD, but do they call me John the lawyer? No. But I fuck just _one_ teacher…” ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/128 "2014-10-09T16:55:20Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > As was mentioned I think the young man is going to be forever traumatized and labeled as “the kid who had sex with his teacher”. Think about the media attention he and his family are getting, think about the trial the 2 women will get, think about the class reunions 20 years from now. For the rest of his life it will be something he will always be remembered by. Coworkers will ask about it. Future girlfriends will ask. His kids and grandkids will later ask. He could be a straight A student going to Harvard but this is what he will be known by (and with the internet people will always know). I seriously doubt this. When I comes to this type of stuff people tend to have a memory span of all about five minutes. There has been a whole plethora of scandals like these over the past decade and I don’t remember the names of the people involved in any of them. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/129 "2014-10-09T17:29:10Z")
> [@VarlosZ](#): > > The student in these cases doesn’t get any media attention (in the U.S., at least). As far I know, their names are never made public. That also all depends on the affair coming out and the shit hitting the fan. ]. You dont think every kid in that school doesnt know the name? You think they havent told the media? As I said this will always be there as part of his past. He would have to move far away to escape it. If he stays in that town it will always be “Hey, remember…”. Again, how will he explain this to his own kids and grandkids? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/130 "2014-10-09T17:34:28Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > You dont think every kid in that school doesnt know the name? You think they havent told the media? > > As I said this will always be there as part of his past. He would have to move far away to escape it. If he stays in that town it will always be “Hey, remember…”. > > Again, how will he explain this to his own kids and grandkids? LOL, his Grandkids? Nobody is going to remember this guy five years from now., And BTW, at no point ever in my child life did I want to know ANYTHING about my grandparents sex lives. [shudder] ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/131 "2014-10-09T17:35:27Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Again, how will he explain this to his own kids and grandkids? He won’t have to. There was a teacher/student thing rumored between a twentysomething teacher and a student in my high school and I couldn’t tell you his name even if you had a gun to my head. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/132 "2014-10-09T17:36:11Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > You dont think every kid in that school doesnt know the name? You think they havent told the media? > > As I said this will always be there as part of his past. He would have to move far away to escape it. If he stays in that town it will always be “Hey, remember…”. > > Again, how will he explain this to his own kids and grandkids? 'member how they uncovered this? He was \*bragging \*about shagging the teachers to his friends. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/133 "2014-10-09T17:50:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > :: hands Nema98 a flame-proof umbrella :: > > You’ll need this. Not from me they won’t. People are free to have preferences of whoever they want to have sex with. It’s no anti-trans slur to say someone doesn’t want to sleep with one of my people. I don’t want to sleep with cisgender men, but I’m not misandric. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/134 "2014-10-09T21:58:30Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Again, how will he explain this to his own kids and grandkids? The one from the first teacher or the one from the second teacher? ---
**Author:** ![Nema98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d2c977/32.png) [@Nema98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nema98)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/135 "2014-10-09T22:02:58Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > Not from me they won’t. People are free to have preferences of whoever they want to have sex with. It’s no anti-trans slur to say someone doesn’t want to sleep with one of my people. I don’t want to sleep with cisgender men, but I’m not misandric. Thanks, I should make clear that I have no problem with transgender people, friendships, come to my home, or whatever. In fact I work for Human Rights Campaign which works to end discrimination of any kind against LGBT folks. Just having sex with them, and they never revealed will traumatize me for sure. Okay back to our regular program of teachers giving lucky students a ride and lesson of a lifetime.:D;)😛 ---
**Author:** ![Nema98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d2c977/32.png) [@Nema98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nema98)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/136 "2014-10-09T22:05:07Z")
> [@bup](#): > > 'member how they uncovered this? > > He was \*bragging \*about shagging the teachers to his friends. Right, it is simple as that. Maybe in other cases the student will take it in a negative way, but this student was bragging. People do not brag about things that effect them negatively or are deemed shameful. Say if he were in prison and a few men forced to him to service them, then he would not be bragging. ---
**Author:** ![Nema98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d2c977/32.png) [@Nema98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nema98)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/137 "2014-10-09T22:13:53Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > LOL, his Grandkids? Nobody is going to remember this guy five years from now., > > And BTW, at no point ever in my child life did I want to know ANYTHING about my grandparents sex lives. [shudder] He won’t go into details, but he’ll say that 50 years ago grandpa had sex with two teachers. No big deal, as long as he does not divulge details. On a side note, I got to thinking. This student turned 17 very recently, as the incident was barely a month ago on Sept 12. So he was born fall of 1997, right after Princess Diana was killed. :eek: Makes me feel so old, and I’m only a decade older. He was only three in the year 2000, and has already had a threesome that many born in 1960 still have not had. He is a kid after all. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/138 "2014-10-09T22:33:41Z")
I think it would have been disastrous. Either it would have come out and the resulting scandal would be way more than my 16-year-old self could handle, or it would have been kept secret and would - rather than boosting my self-esteem as some have suggested - have further alienated me from my peers and made me feel different and weird about sex. I don’t like keeping secrets, and at that age, having to keep a secret about sex (beyond the usual not talking about my sexual yearnings to adults or … well, anyone) would likely have seriously screwed me up and tainted all future relationships. I suppose it’s theoretically possible that the teacher in question (and there wasn’t any actual teacher I was even mildly attracted to in high school AFAIR) could have guided me through the experience in such a way that it would have been a positive experience, but that presupposes a wise, caring, and emotionally intelligent teacher, not the kind who sleeps with her students. So no, no good outcome possible. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/139 "2014-10-09T23:00:45Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > You dont think every kid in that school doesnt know the name? You think they havent told the media? > > As I said this will always be there as part of his past. He would have to move far away to escape it. If he stays in that town it will always be “Hey, remember…”. > > Again, how will he explain this to his own kids and grandkids? Can’t he just show them the medal? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/140 "2014-10-09T23:04:16Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > Can’t he just show them the medal? Snort! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755.md?page=8)