# Men: If at 16, you had sex with your HOT teacher... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 8, 2014, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755 "2014-10-08T13:46:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/141 "2014-10-10T02:56:42Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > You dont think every kid in that school doesnt know the name? You think they havent told the media? > > As I said this will always be there as part of his past. He would have to move far away to escape it. If he stays in that town it will always be “Hey, remember…”. > > Again, how will he explain this to his own kids and grandkids? Tiny old Granpa Iosif would tell us in excruciating detail about every sexual encounter — real or imagined — the earlier the better, he had ever had whilst he and his vastly extended family were pruning the vines or washing the livestock; the girls would blush and exclaim: “_Oh Grandpapa !_”, whilst the boys would grin and wink, privileged to join in this ancient tradition of rural bragging. There is a healthy tradition of absolute honesty and explicit frankness regarding sexual matters amongst elderly perverts. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/142 "2014-10-10T05:43:40Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Again, how will he explain this to his own kids and grandkids? “Well, Johnny. You can get A’s by being smart, by working hard, or you can just bang the teacher. I was stupid and lazy, so…” ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/143 "2014-10-10T14:49:57Z")
I answered “others” for a couple reasons. First because adults didn’t qualify as attractive to me when I was a teenager. Nope, not even the super hot 25 yo or so biology teacher. Not even extra hot celebrities. I might have been an exception amongst teen males. So, I never had even the slighest bit of interest in any teacher. They couldn’t be hot, by definition. Second, because even though I believe that the risk of bad psychological consequences resulting from sex between a teen (of either sex) and an adult is vastly overrated, I’m not convinced either that the experience will necessarily be pleasant, teenager fantaisies notwithstanding. Because there are things that are leading to sex, things that happens around sex, things that result from sex. You don’t just screw your teacher in a vaccum. S/he has to hit on you (or the reverse), both have to come to terms with the idea, there might be some level of manipulation, the situation is likely to be awkward, there’s hiding and probably fear of being caught involved, probably feelings of guilt on either of both sides, the issue of relating with the teacher when not in bed, and so on… So, even though I doubt serious damages are likely, I still think that the experience might be generally much less pleasant than people who are still daydreaming about the hot 25 yo teacher from 25 years ago would suppose. I don’t think I would have been harmed if it had occured. I might even have discovered that people past 20 were very screwable, and enjoyed the situation much more than I would have guessed. I would probably have no regret, nor would I be damaged. But I’m not convinced at all that this would be a fond memory. My best guess is that I would remember it as something not very pleasant, but not worth worrying about. So, “other”. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/144 "2014-10-10T15:12:11Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > This poll is not a fair characterization of many of these scenarios. A much more realistic question would be “Would it have hurt you if you had fallen desperately in love with a crazy older woman who used her superior emotional distance, perspective, and distorted access to your private life along with sex to manipulate you to the point that you couldn’t function without her esteem and affection?” Because that’s supposed to be a fair characterization? I don’t think most people here are much considering the possibility of falling desperately in love. I can’t even envision such a scenario happening to me back then. I know it happens sometimes in these cases, but I doubt it’s the norm. And her “superior emotional distance and perspective”? From a teacher who screws her students? She’s likely to have even less distance and perspective than the 16 yo himself. Distorted access to your private life? I don’t remember my teachers having such an access. Manipulate you is very possible, but I’m not even convinced this is likely. I think you’re picturing some cold-blooded, intelligent, predator, but I have more in mind the image of an immature and not so bright woman who can’t really control herself, let alone someone else, even a 16 yo. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/145 "2014-10-10T15:26:50Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > It occurs to me that the vast majority (80+%) of retrospective dudes don’t overtly recognize this as an inherently damaging scenario. Not that it never is, just that it is not, in and of itself, damaging. > > Now this seems to fly in the face of what professional people who work with this sort of thing seem to believe, as it is not only frowned upon but very strongly condemned and punished. Is it? Mostly, 16 yo are fair game in most places for adults, and the restriction is only placed on adults in a position of authority. Which makes full sense but doesn’t imply that it is seen as something horrific. In fact, when it comes to female teachers with male students, most people seem to give it a pass and not to be worried much. I’m also unconvinced that professionals believe it’s necessarily inherently damaging, either. > [@](#): > > In short: is it considered damaging based solely on philosophy and the testamony of those who come forward saying they’re damaged? And is there any evidence that, if teacher/student sex DOES yield some damage, that it does so in greater proportion than any other random coupling? Affairs often are started under unsavory conditions & with ulterior motives, and end badly anyway. I think the outrage comes in a good part from people picturing their nice innocent girl being fucked by an adult (and not caring nearly as much for their nice not so innocent boy). In the thread this stemmed from a poster admited that his reaction were mostly driven by mental images (gross, old fat male teacher having sex with a pretty frail reluctant thing vs super hot young female teacher, having sex with enthousiastic male teenager who really, really looks like themselves at the same age). I’m not convinced _at all_ that it comes from any fair, study-based, well-thought assessment of the risks and consequences. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/146 "2014-10-10T15:34:41Z")
I never thought any of my teachers were particularly hot, and was more interested in a long-term relationship than just sex. So it just wouldn’t have happened. ---
**Author:** ![Kansas\_Beekeeper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kansas\_Beekeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kansas_Beekeeper)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/147 "2014-10-10T15:56:34Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > do you think you would walk away from it damaged somehow? > > Keep in mind, this is NOT a question of if it’s right or wrong. I think we can all agree teachers shouldn’t be boinking their students. Just, do you think having a sexual encounter at 16 with a teacher who you found attractive, would you walk away from it emotionally damaged? > > (Poll is public) I don’t think that question is focused enough. Are you asking about just a casual, one night stand or are you asking about some sort of more long term, emotion filled relationship? For me in high school, the one night stand with a teacher would not have happened. I was too interested in long term, meaningful relationships. Had I somehow convinced myself I’d fallen in love with a teacher, a sex filled emotional relationship with a teacher probably would have been harmful given the power differential, and also given the suspect emotional stability of a teacher who would engage in such a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/148 "2014-10-10T16:06:55Z")
I didn’t vote because I’m a woman, but i have relevant experience to offer: In my jr/sr years of high school (midwest, 78-79), I started “seeing” my Spanish teacher, who was a woman. I definitely don’t feel like it damaged me in any way, nor even that the power relationship went that way. I was more in control… Then for most of sr year, I dated the (male) English teacher and FOOTBALL coach. We kept it discreet, and then two weeks after my graduation we got married. We were married for several years, and no, I never felt affected adversely during either the school year dating or the subsequent marriage. Hey, maybe I should start a "Ask the woman who dated… and then later dated and married… Or maybe just Ask the woman who married her high school’s football coach. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2014, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/149 "2014-10-10T16:10:12Z")
> [@Nema98](#): > > On a side note, I got to thinking. This student turned 17 very recently, as the incident was barely a month ago on Sept 12. So he was born fall of 1997, right after Princess Diana was killed. :eek: You mean you were born around the time the Soviet Union collapsed? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in primary school or something? ---
**Author:** ![Nema98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d2c977/32.png) [@Nema98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nema98)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/150 "2014-10-14T00:10:23Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > You mean you were born around the time the Soviet Union collapsed? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in primary school or something? LOL good one. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2014, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/151 "2014-10-14T02:32:38Z")
> [@Uzi](#): > > Depends on what you are suggesting messes a person up. Did the actual sex act cause the boy issues? > Did the reactions of all the people to the sex having occurred cause issues? Your example points to this as being the answer. I can’t say if the actual sex messed the kid up at in in later life, I haven’t seen him in years. It certainly didn’t upset him at the time, he was as pleased with himself as a dog with 2 dicks. It was the other issues that caused problems. His mother found out and reported it to the Police which instantly fractured their relationship. He was the eldest, his father had only left a few years prior. It did break up the family unit. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/152 "2014-10-23T11:56:19Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/153 "2014-10-23T12:47:06Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > It was the other issues that caused problems. His mother found out and reported it to the Police which instantly fractured their relationship. He was the eldest, his father had only left a few years prior. It did break up the family unit. It sounds like the mother’s reaction broke up the family, not his actions. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/154 "2014-10-23T15:03:33Z")
At 16, I was undergoing a tremendous change in that at some level, I was starting to realize that the extremely conservative religion I grew up in, and my family and I were still members of, was false. It would still be a couple of dozen years before I realized it is a cult. In that church, everything is about sex and shaming people for normal behavior. High school and junior high school kids are grilled if they masturbate, let alone do anything worse, such as touching a girl’s breast, even over clothing. I was also screwed up because in while middle of this super strict environment, my family had far more than its share of sexual abuse. My father molested my sisters and my older brother raped me, a younger brother, and several other kids. When I was 12, my father told me about molesting my sisters, and made it sound like it wasn’t his fault. Yet within Mormonism, sexual sins are the second worst, next to murder. My mind simply shut down while he was talking. I still remember the words and his face while he talked about it. I now can look back and see I was in a state of shock. Hormones being hormones, combined with being unable to resist authority, I would undoubtedly have had sex and then because I wasn’t out of the cult yet, would have been devastated. I was pretty screwed up sexually anyway. I found out the hard way that you don’t put your dick in the crazy. I do wonder how many of the teachers who “date” students are normal and how many are “the crazy” that even adult men should avoid. For most guys, if it were just sex, no strings attached, one time, thank you ma’am, I doubt it would cause any harm. But not me. ---
**Author:** ![DevilMayhem666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/258eb7/32.png) [@DevilMayhem666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DevilMayhem666)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755/155 "2015-01-10T09:38:50Z")
Was lurking and came across this topic. My answer is no and there is evidence for that. > [@](#): > > Two studies have investigated the association between age difference and aspects of females’ sexual debut. Abma and colleagues used 1995 NSFG data to examine partner age difference in the context of measuring “wantedness” of first intercourse. Their findings suggested that wantedness is inversely related to the age difference between a young woman and her partner, and that it may be related to her limited control over the situation.6 Furthermore, Leitenberg and Saltzman found that among females who had had first sexual intercourse at ages 11-12, those who had a partner five or more years their senior had an elevated risk of attempted suicide, substance abuse and pregnancy. Among females who had had first intercourse between the ages of 13 and 15, having older partners was associated only with truancy. **In contrast, among females whose age at first intercourse was 16-18, having older partners was not linked to these negative outcomes.** Thus, adverse effects of partner age difference may lessen as females mature.7 > **[Sexual Intercourse and the Age Difference Between Adolescent Females and...](https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/psrh/2002/11/sexual-intercourse-and-age-difference-between-adolescent-females-and-their)** > > Researchers and policymakers have focused concern and attention on adolescent females who have romantic relationships with older males. The age difference between a female and her partner may influence relationship dynamics in ways that put the... [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-if-at-16-you-had-sex-with-your-hot-teacher/700755.md?page=7)