# Men in their 40's or above, how do you stay attracted to women your own age? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 19, 2017, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623 "2017-07-19T03:47:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2017, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/321 "2017-07-25T17:58:37Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The gods must be trying to screw with me. I just got a message from a 42 year old blonde that works out all the time and is hotter than hell. She seems pretty nice too. I will have to see if I can go out with her. The 32 year old officemmate says that, if I don’t, he will. Good luck. Whatever you do, don’t express amazement over how hot she looks for her age. And if you want to improve your chances of seeing her, propose an activity for the first date but also give her the option of suggest something else. Controlling behaviors don’t tend to go over well with the 40 and over crowd. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2017, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/322 "2017-07-25T18:09:01Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Maybe it’s just me It is. Maybe there are a few others, but for the most part, it’s just you. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2017, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/323 "2017-07-25T18:12:04Z")
So, Shag, I hope you tell these women that you’re not looking for anything serious. At the very least, don’t let them think there might be a future. My guess is that the majority are looking for more than you are. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2017, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/324 "2017-07-25T19:33:27Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I’ve never been ticked off by your writing style. Not sure who you think is. Me, for one. Shaggy writes like he’s hoarding commas for the Great Comma Famine of 2026. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2017, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/325 "2017-07-25T22:38:14Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Maybe it’s just me but I’m not seeing anything about the criticism levelled at Shagnasty being due to history over the years. It seems to me it’s about his (alleged) comments in this thread. It’s not entirely you thinking he’s getting bashed by people taking a goody two shoes position they wouldn’t take as much if someone was equally blunt but with the PC gods on his or her side. 🙂 However he’s posted with a similar theme in other threads so I don’t know how to distinguish reactions to the previous times from reaction to this one. I’m not ‘offended’ by Shagnasty’s take on life though I do wonder what his perennial theme that ‘fewer marriages are happy than is advertised’ refers to or how he determines that. ‘Advertised’ by whom? And on a relative basis I really doubt the trend in society is for more people to pretend their marriages are good and suffer them in silence when they aren’t. It would seem those making any strong positive comment are simply self selected and no statistical conclusion can be drawn. But back on people’s selective judgment of what’s unacceptable and even the dreaded mortal sin of ist/phobe, I can see that many don’t like the deeply embedded social reality that older men (especially assuming reasonably well off) have better prospects on average with younger women than older women do with younger or even same age men. Some exceptions don’t disprove that rule. That’s life in society so far as it’s evolved, AFAICS. Also it doesn’t typically generate a lot of support to talk about how you’re personally well off financially. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2017, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/326 "2017-07-25T23:30:49Z")
> [@Corry\_El](#): > > But back on people’s selective judgment of what’s unacceptable and even the dreaded mortal sin of ist/phobe, I can see that many don’t like the deeply embedded social reality that older men (especially assuming reasonably well off) have better prospects on average with younger women than older women do with younger or even same age men. By starting this thread, the OP is marking himself as an older man who is having a hard time nabbing the nymphs of his dreams; we’re ribbing him for coming across as an entitled douche about it. So where are you getting this from? If anything, **Shagnasty** looks like a cautionary tale for younger men who are confident that playing the field stays fun well until their 40’s and 50’s. Nope, eventually that shit gets tedious, lonely, and frustrating if you’re like most people. His posts are proof of that. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2017, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/327 "2017-07-25T23:58:22Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I wasn’t born into money. I grew up pretty poor at times. Didn’t you mention you grew up with a nanny? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/328 "2017-07-26T00:19:58Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Didn’t you mention you grew up with a nanny? Yes, but it was in the Deep South and didn’t cost much at all. We were generally middle class at least in values (my mother was a teacher at the time) but things went to hell when my parents got divorced when I was a young teen and we really were broke then. Lola worked mostly on barter. She was old with no family in the area. She stayed around the house, watched TV and occasionally ironed but she didn’t do a whole lot besides that when we were older. Her main role was to keep me and my brothers from doing something really dumb. We just loved her, took her on errands because she couldn’t drive, helped her to pay her bills and things like that. She first joined our family when I was 17 months old and still living in a trailer next to my grandparent’s house. That type of household help cost next to nothing back then in cash terms. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/329 "2017-07-26T00:21:58Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Didn’t you mention you grew up with a nanny? IIRC, she was only paid in room and board. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/330 "2017-07-26T02:05:19Z")
Look at it this way, Shag, you’re starting a new journey in life. Over the next decade or two you will slowly, almost imperceptibly, metamorphosize into a dirty old man, and all the grannies in the old-folks home will hide their 20-something year old visiting granddaughters from you. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/331 "2017-07-26T02:37:39Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Look at it this way, Shag, you’re starting a new journey in life. Over the next decade or two you will slowly, almost imperceptibly, metamorphosize into a dirty old man, and all the grannies in the old-folks home will hide their 20-something year old visiting granddaughters from you. That is a little about what I am worried about but I am not going to hit on anyone’s granddaughters as an old man (although I am certain I will still admire the pretty ones). I just realized that time is ticking and I can probably pull off a version of I want for now but it has a shelf life. Call it a minor version of a mid-life crisis but there are no combovers or sports cars involved. I just want to get the best available while I can still get it. It will probably be different in ten or twenty years. I am already happy sitting in a rocking chair reading a book without listening to any complications or bullshit. Hopefully, it will be a smooth transition. I have seen lots of people do it incorrectly and I don’t want to do that. I am not sure though. I have never done this before. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/332 "2017-07-26T03:29:28Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/333 "2017-07-26T03:48:44Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > That is a little about what I am worried about but I am not going to hit on anyone’s granddaughters as an old man (although I am certain I will still admire the pretty ones). I just realized that time is ticking and I can probably pull off a version of I want for now but it has a shelf life. Call it a minor version of a mid-life crisis but there are no combovers or sports cars involved. > > I just want to get the best available while I can still get it. It will probably be different in ten or twenty years. I am already happy sitting in a rocking chair reading a book without listening to any complications or bullshit. Hopefully, it will be a smooth transition. I have seen lots of people do it incorrectly and I don’t want to do that. I am not sure though. I have never done this before. Maybe the “best available” could be someone you’re ignoring because of your overwhelming focus on physical attractiveness? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/334 "2017-07-26T04:38:13Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I love the assumption on his part that she’s just down to date whoever. When your screen is drowning in spittle from self indulgent outrage, I accept it can be hard to read accurately. Perhaps wipe your screen and try again? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/335 "2017-07-26T04:41:35Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > It is. Maybe there are a few others, but for the most part, it’s just you. . Great. So you can easily provide actual quotes from this thread to show this, right? ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/336 "2017-07-26T05:43:00Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > When your screen is drowning in spittle from self indulgent outrage, I accept it can be hard to read accurately. Perhaps wipe your screen and try again? ??? She’s talking about the 32 year old coworker who said if **Shagnasty** doesn’t date the woman, he (the coworker) will. If he said that if **Shagnasty** doesn’t date the woman, he’s totally gonna ask her out, that would sound better and, frankly, less entitled. Why the fuck is he assuming she’d be interested in him? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/337 "2017-07-26T06:40:27Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > ??? She’s talking about the 32 year old coworker who said if **Shagnasty** doesn’t date the woman, he (the coworker) will. If he said that if **Shagnasty** doesn’t date the woman, he’s totally gonna ask her out, that would sound better and, frankly, less entitled. Why the fuck is he assuming she’d be interested in him? When trying not to comprehend, it’s hard to do so. > [@Shagnasty](#): > > I will have to \*\*\*see if \*\*\*I can go out with her. The 32 year old officemmate says that, if I don’t, he will. [my emphasis] Think about it some more. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/338 "2017-07-26T07:12:49Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > . > > Great. So you can easily provide actual quotes from this thread to show this, right? Why? I’m not going to waste my time. If you want to think you’re right and I’m wrong, fine by me. It’s not worth my energy to argue about it. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/339 "2017-07-26T07:26:06Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > Why? I’m not going to waste my time. Yes, looking for support for your position would indeed be a waste of time. I’m glad you agree. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/340 "2017-07-26T10:22:04Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > I will have to see if I can go out with her. The 32 year old officemmate says that, if I don’t, he will. > > Think about it some more. I have. Let’s break it down. “I will have to see if I can go out with her.” Shaggy is contemplating if he will decide to go out with her. “The 32 year old officemmate says that, if I don’t, he will.” But should he decide not to, his co-worker will step up and do it. Nowhere in these two sentences is there any indication about what the woman in question wants. Hey, I just had an idea. Maybe he and officemmate can switch places while having sex with her, and she won’t notice. I hope Shags has a good deodorant or his vagina smelling armpits might trip him up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623.md?page=18)