# Men in their 40's or above, how do you stay attracted to women your own age? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 19, 2017, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623 "2017-07-19T03:47:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/482 "2017-08-10T03:56:08Z")
FWIW I do find the top urban dictionary definition of the [op’s self-chosen username](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shagnasty) a bit telling in the context of this thread … ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/483 "2017-08-10T04:38:13Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > FWIW I do find the top urban dictionary definition of the [op’s self-chosen username](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shagnasty) a bit telling in the context of this thread … I object to that because I predate that entry. It is actually an old Southern word that doesn’t mean much in particular except for a vaguely contemptuous figure and it has been around for well over 100 years. My best friend gave me the nickname in junior high so I used it here. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/484 "2017-08-10T12:13:51Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > FWIW I do find the top urban dictionary definition of the [op’s self-chosen username](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shagnasty) a bit telling in the context of this thread … Or he named himself after a small island in the Antarctic. > **[Shagnasty Island](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shagnasty_Island)** > > Shagnasty Island is a small, rocky ice-free island lying 0.3 miles (0.5 km) west of Lenton Point in the north part of Clowes Bay, close off the south coast of Signy Island in the South Orkney Islands. Roughly charted in 1933 by Discovery Investigations personnel, and surveyed in 1947 by the Falkland Islands Dependencies Survey (FIDS). The name, applied by FIDS, arose from the unpleasant state of the island due to its occupation by a large colony of blue-eyed shags (Phalicrocorax atriceps). >  Th... ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/485 "2017-08-10T12:28:24Z")
> [@standingwave](#): > > It could be worse. You could have scored a date with [this guy](http://gawker.com/309684/nightmare-online-dater-john-fitzgerald-page-is-the-worst-person-in-the-world). That is how textbook narcissism works. This guy thinks he is the standard by which all other people should be judged. It would never occur to him that the woman might have turned him down because she found a guy who scored a solid 9 on Hot or Not, HBS grad, Prometheus Society member, can bench/squat/leg press 1400 lbs, had lunch with the Secretary of State, has a business degree from the top INTERNATIONAL school (INSEAD), lives in a Soho Manhattan high rise, drives a Mercedes (hard top with moon roof…because he’s not a tool), and was in GQ’s Best dressed. He’s only been in 12 motion pictures…but did win a two Golden Globes and an Academy Award for two of them. Also he doesn’t wear silver ties with pink shirts, and doesn’t have a face shaped like a big tie having trouble taking a dump. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/486 "2017-08-10T12:42:29Z")
> [@standingwave](#): > > It could be worse. You could have scored a date with [this guy](http://gawker.com/309684/nightmare-online-dater-john-fitzgerald-page-is-the-worst-person-in-the-world). **Shagnasty** , did you read this? I’m curious how this guy comes across to you. Do you see in his writing what we see in yours? Because the parallels are there, even if your posturing is not as flagrant as his. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/487 "2017-08-10T13:20:09Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Based on Shagnasty’s comment’s, misrepresenting yourself as “divorced” when you’re really “separated” is a different story. It’s been a long time since I’ve dated, but I’m generally operating under the assumption of two single people on a first date where any discussion of “marriage” or “exclusiveness” is premature. This is from a while back, and I was going to comment on it then, but real life happened. Anyway, your experience is different because you are talking about causal dating in college, when fewer people are taking active measure to seek committed relationships leading to marriage. It would be strange to have that as a checklist. Bring up wanting a committed relationship on the first date would be a damn good way of never having a second date.\* \*(Outside of Mormondom, where college aged kids are strongly encouraged to quickly pair up and get married. As insane as it sounds, it not uncommon for couples to be engaged by the third date.) However, it’s completely different with online dating for people in the 30s and 40s who know what they want. Note that the person is not asking for a committed relationship with that person, they are looking to see if the person is open to that type of relationship. For many people not having that would be a deal breaker. Shag himself has a number of deal breakers, as do most people. Having deal breakers itself isn’t a problem. It helps you narrow the field, since it’s pretty much a numbers game. Some people don’t want a partner with kids. Others don’t want someone who smokes. Or someone who drinks. Or doesn’t drink. Is a particular religion or isn’t a particular religion. Whatever. A huge deal breaker for many people who have signed up with these sites would be someone who isn’t interested in a committed relationship, doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t want to spend that much time together. I didn’t see the original thread, but it sounds like Shag wasn’t informing dates of these things until after the first date, which isn’t cool because it is such a big deal for lots of people. If one is only interested in just having arm candy, the kind thing would be to tell their potential dates. Incredibly hot women in their 30s and 40s could be having dates seven nights a week, but they also face the same difficulties of winnowing down the field. Many of them simply aren’t interested in dates – even when the guy picks up the tab – if there isn’t a potential committed relationship down the road. Many of these women are actively seeking for a relationship and not looking to simply be arm candy for some random guy no matter what other qualities he has. If he weren’t so upset about people who don’t meet his criteria, then at least there would be the defense of "Well, _I_ don’t care about dates with people who waste my time so why should they? Not a particularly great defense after the first dozen times or so but at least it wouldn’t be hypocritical. Were he meeting women in person or only on hookup sites then it would be a different story. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/488 "2017-08-10T13:42:55Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I object to that because I predate that entry. … Ah. So that’s how it got the meaning! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/489 "2017-08-10T14:38:58Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > **Shagnasty** , did you read this? I’m curious how this guy comes across to you. Do you see in his writing what we see in yours? Because the parallels are there, even if your posturing is not as flagrant as his. it’s him! ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/490 "2017-08-10T14:47:40Z")
[The Playa’s Club Recipe.](http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/jeff-mauro/the-playas-club-recipe-2007804) Sounds yummy. Among the ingredients are some ham, some turkey, some arugula for pretension, and of course a few nuts. (And it’s a classic American - a variety of ethnic ingredients mixed together.) > [@Shagnasty](#): > > … I don’t think I am a full-blown sociopath. I may be on the low side for some emotions but I love kids, pets and even the people I am really close to. … I can’t change how I think … if she doesn’t like me in person, I will have to work on my attitude and personality … I have to admit, that “_even_ the people I am really close to” made me smile a little. Nah, not a sociopathic thought process at all! Maybe you are not parodying the clueless but sociopathic playa wannabe. But it least it reads as good satire! ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/491 "2017-08-10T15:12:21Z")
One of the annoying things about the OP is that he repeatedly refers to how different he is or how his writing style is unique. Nothing about his posts on here ever convey any uniqueness to me. To me he is a total stereotype of the socially awkward IT guy who thinks he is a way better catch than he really is. ---
**Author:** ![stolatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@stolatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolatt)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/492 "2017-08-10T15:34:49Z")
You might want to add this to your criteria list: She must be a woman who doesn’t care how poorly you think of women who don’t meet your standards. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/493 "2017-08-10T15:39:20Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > It isn’t that hard to figure out what I look like. I am not some obscure person. My photos are all over the web already but we aren’t running a tutorial on Stalking 101 here. An aging drag-queen with with a bleached blond mullet. Now THAT’S my ideal man. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/494 "2017-08-10T17:53:55Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > That is how textbook narcissism works. This guy thinks he is the standard by which all other people should be judged. It would never occur to him that the woman might have turned him down because she found a guy who scored a solid 9 on Hot or Not, HBS grad, Prometheus Society member, can bench/squat/leg press 1400 lbs, had lunch with the Secretary of State, has a business degree from the top INTERNATIONAL school (INSEAD), lives in a Soho Manhattan high rise, drives a Mercedes (hard top with moon roof…because he’s not a tool), and was in GQ’s Best dressed. He’s only been in 12 motion pictures…but did win a two Golden Globes and an Academy Award for two of them. > > Also he doesn’t wear silver ties with pink shirts, and doesn’t have a face shaped like a big tie having trouble taking a dump. Almost sounds like the world’s most interesting man. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/495 "2017-08-10T21:19:16Z")
All I can say Shagnasty, is don’t ever change. I’d sooner destroy a stained glass window than ask you to change. I’ll say one thing in Shaggy’s defense though. Sometimes genuinely self-centered people like him are great to hang around with. Sure, every social interaction is about them, but making sure you’re having a good time is part of making themselves into the hero. So they’ll sometimes make a huge effort ingratiate themselves. The self-centeredness leads to a paradoxical intense concern for other people. And sometimes dealing with people in a straightforward transactional way can be quite refreshing. So I have no problem believing that lots of people in real life have great, albeit superficial, relationships with him. And finally, for everyone wondering I think I found this video of Shagnasty proclaiming his world view: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/J1okpAj7Fhw/hqdefault.jpg "I WANT ROOM SERVICE!") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1okpAj7Fhw) ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/496 "2017-08-11T05:00:37Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > All I can say Shagnasty, is don’t ever change. I’d sooner destroy a stained glass window than ask you to change. Thank you! I know am a terrible person and always have been. However, I think the gods are continuing to smite me and shine on me at the same time. I met a 4th grade elementary school teacher today that is a recent widow (it was a local news story about a year ago) in her early 30’s and she has two semi-orphaned kids because of it. She is only wants someone to teach her dating because she married her high school sweetheart and they had a great relationship before he died tragically. I can’t imagine any possible way that anyone that pull on my heart-strings any more than that. She matches me really closely in interests as well. I would have have to be the biggest asshole in the world to do anything to offend her. My intent is to help her recover and enjoy some nice activities. She is willing to do it and we will. That is a perfect example of someone that I will never criticize no matter what. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/497 "2017-08-11T05:05:30Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > All I can say Shagnasty, is don’t ever change. I’d sooner destroy a stained glass window than ask you to change. Thank you! I know am a terrible person and always have been. However, I think the gods are continuing to smite me and shine on me at the same time. I met a 4th grade elementary school teacher today that is a recent widow (it was a local news story about a year ago) in her early 30’s and she has two semi-orphaned kids because of it. She is only wants someone to teach her dating because she married her high school sweetheart and they had a great relationship before he died tragically. I can’t imagine any possible way that anyone that pull on my heart-strings any more than that. She matches me really closely in interests as well. I would have have to be the biggest asshole in the world to do anything to offend her. My intent is to help her recover and enjoy some nice activities. She is willing to do it and we will. That is a perfect example of someone that I will never criticize no matter what. I have already sworn off lawyers because of bad experiences and compliance officers and corporate executives aren’t far behind. I was married to a corporate VP. It isn’t fun. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/498 "2017-08-11T17:34:37Z")
Just avoid the Carnegie Museum here in Pittsburgh. You’ll see more flip-flops and _gasp_ sports jerseys than you can count. Seriously, what’s wrong with flip-flops at a museum? It’s fucking hot out. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/499 "2017-08-11T18:37:51Z")
Flip flops in a museum? Classism against all those barefoot classic statutes. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/500 "2017-08-11T19:28:50Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Just avoid the Carnegie Museum here in Pittsburgh. You’ll see more flip-flops and _gasp_ sports jerseys than you can count. > > Seriously, what’s wrong with flip-flops at a museum? It’s fucking hot out. Keeping in mind the OP has told us he started out in life scraping by, he climbed socially through Tulane to Dartmouth, worked at a fancy restaurant and then married into a wealthy family. There’s none more zealous about observing norms and rules than a convert. He’s so classist b/c he loathes the class he came from; everyone should aspire to a higher class like he did - or else they don’t have any couth. Why, I bet they’d drink milk at a nice bar in flip-flops if they could! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/501 "2017-08-11T19:57:09Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Just avoid the Carnegie Museum here in Pittsburgh. You’ll see more flip-flops and _gasp_ sports jerseys than you can count. > > Seriously, what’s wrong with flip-flops at a museum? It’s fucking hot out. Meh. Monet is like the “flip flops” of French Impressionists. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623.md?page=24) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623.md?page=26)