# Men in their 40's or above, how do you stay attracted to women your own age? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 19, 2017, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623 "2017-07-19T03:47:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/41 "2017-07-19T14:29:02Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I didn’t say that at all. I am telling you my preferences but I wish your version was more accurate. I am having trouble finding the right combination. Don’t focus so much on looks. Go out with some people that might be great people, but a few pounds overweight (by your standards), or a few years too old, or a few inches too short, or similar. You might find that attraction can develop just because of their personality. I’m not saying go out with people you find terribly ugly – just that maybe you should try focusing less on physical hotness. ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/42 "2017-07-19T14:29:48Z")
I think the only \*guaranteed \*way to resolution is philosophical. You’ll have to change how you think about women/humans. It serves one better if you can look deeper into the soul and personality of the person to see the beauty. Also remember that you’re dating a mind/soul/personality. That pretty face and ass is just the packaging. Another approach is to realize that all/most of us get bigger or less-solid as we age. It just happens. When you accept that fact of life you realize you’re not getting _cheated-out-of_ anything. Young women only look that good because they are young. We have a saying in our house when we see a cute/pretty person (male or female). “It’s easy to look good when you’re that age”. Another saying that gets thrown around the locker-room; “It doesn’t matter how hot she is. There’s still some guy tired of listening to her shit.” Also… quit watching that goddamn porn. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/43 "2017-07-19T15:19:05Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > And how do these guys not remember their own 20s? Property damage or theft, alcohol and drug abuse, infidelity, jealousy, mental and financial instability, epic fights where the police are called, unplanned pregnancies or pregnancy scares, STDs - that chaos and drama is the milieu of 20-somethings. My 20s didn’t involve any of the things you listed, except financial instability. And I’m not alone in that. I’d hazard the guess that your own experience is the exception rather than the norm, if anything. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/44 "2017-07-19T15:34:08Z")
I am not ashamed to admit that I am in agreement with the OP. Old chicks are just gross. If you’re over the age of 48 hours don’t even bother texting me. You’re just wasting both of our times. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/45 "2017-07-19T15:41:56Z")
I find plenty of women my own age attractive, they just tend to be in relationships. The problem with younger women is I sometimes honestly don’t know whether they are 15 or 25 or 30. It depends on the person, some 15 year olds look 25 and some 25 year olds look 15. So I just don’t go there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/46 "2017-07-19T15:51:24Z")
When you’re over 40, your priorities change. Sure, some young thing with a good body would be nice to look at, but then what do you have? The upkeep. Young and pretty requires a lot of maintenance, which takes up time and money. The older I get, the lower my tolerance for that kind of bullshit gets. Older women are also (and I know, I’m generalizing) more sexually adventurous. I’d rather be with, “Fuck yeah, let’s do this thing!” than, “Oh em gee, no way, so embarrassing!” Again, low tolerance for bullshit. There’s also love, but from what I hear my wife and I might be lucky in that respect. She may not be as “hot” to someone else as she was when she was 22, but those years from then to now are years she spent loving me, and that’s fuckin’ “hot”. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/47 "2017-07-19T16:13:57Z")
Never really thought about it, but… I’ve never had to try to become attracted to women my own age. It just happened. When I was 14 I was way into 14 year old girls. Today? I look at photos of the “hot” girls from my 8th grade class and think, “What the hell? She’s just a little kid!” When I was in college, 19 year old girls were alluring. By the time I was 30, they seemed silly and immature. I never consciously decided younger females weren’t for me. I Just evolved. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/48 "2017-07-19T16:33:31Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > Sorry to interrupt, I’m just curious what the heck “good bone structure” means? Does that mean no sharp knees? No elephant man/woman need apply? Years ago I visited Universal Studios, and there was this HUGE photograph of a very old woman with a network of wrinkles, and I thought “man, what _gorgeous_ bone structure, she must have stopped traffic dead, back when she was younger than Ramses II”. A bit of a search ID’d her as Ava Gardner (what, no, she didn’t only stop traffic; the woman stopped whole countries :p). Another one with “good bone structure” would be Katherine Hepburn: both of them looked a lot like “themselves with a lot of tiny wrinkles” when they were old. **Shag** , your question is kind of reminding me, on one hand of people who ask “but _how_ can you like _that_?” when somebody’s tastes don’t match theirs, and also of those preachers who think every male out there has to “fight the gay demon”. You’re certainly not the only guy to prefer spring chickens, but the guys who don’t aren’t “doing” anything. To them, being attracted to whomever they’re attracted to requires no more effort than for you. Y’all just happen to have different triggers. ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/49 "2017-07-19T16:34:21Z")
I appreciate men who are honest and weed themselves out of my dating pool. Don’t waste the time of women your own age. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/50 "2017-07-19T16:57:09Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Years ago I visited Universal Studios, and there was this HUGE photograph of a very old woman with a network of wrinkles, and I thought “man, what _gorgeous_ bone structure, she must have stopped traffic dead, back when she was younger than Ramses II”. > > A bit of a search ID’d her as Ava Gardner (what, no, she didn’t only stop traffic; the woman stopped whole countries :p). Another one with “good bone structure” would be Katherine Hepburn: both of them looked a lot like “themselves with a lot of tiny wrinkles” when they were old. Good bone structure refers to their face? And it is the ability to look the same old and young? Wouldn’t that be more about not gaining or losing weight in the face (or gaining or losing just enough to stay looking the same)? Or do people with bad bone structure have bones that change as they age so they look differently? I’m more confused on the “good bone structure” topic. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/51 "2017-07-19T16:57:18Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Never really thought about it, but… I’ve never had to try to become attracted to women my own age. It just happened. When I was 14 I was way into 14 year old girls. Today? I look at photos of the “hot” girls from my 8th grade class and think, “What the hell? She’s just a little kid!” +1 I remember being in ninth grade and having a crush on a senior girl. She was beautiful, unattainable, the perfection of womanly attributes, and when she passed me in the halls the angels sung hosanna. All her friends were equally sophisticated, knowing, and serene. Now my son is a sophomore, and I see the high school senior girls he interacts with in various school functions. Nice, level-headed kids for the most part, college-bound and not given to crazy behavior that I can see. . . but “kids,” they are, and no question about it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/52 "2017-07-19T16:58:45Z")
I, for one, got tired of waiters always having to ask, “and sir, would your date prefer seeing the kids’ menu?” ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/53 "2017-07-19T17:32:45Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > Good bone structure refers to their face? And it is the ability to look the same old and young? Wouldn’t that be more about not gaining or losing weight in the face (or gaining or losing just enough to stay looking the same)? Or do people with bad bone structure have bones that change as they age so they look differently? > > I’m more confused on the “good bone structure” topic. Good bone structure is a commonly used phrase to generally describe the face. For a woman, usually high cheekbones, defined (but not too prominent) jaw line, symmetry etc. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/54 "2017-07-19T17:33:25Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I, for one, got tired of waiters always having to ask, “and sir, would your date prefer seeing the kids’ menu?” Haha, that isn’t far from the truth. My then-girlfriend and I were at a restaurant and ran into a guy I know who I hadn’t seen for quite a few years. After chatting a bit I realized he thought my girlfriend was my daughter. Embarrassing and flattering at the same time I suppose. She was 6 years younger than me, not that much difference really. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/55 "2017-07-19T17:51:16Z")
Well, if you turn it around, back when I was in my 20s a few of my friends dated older men, and I just thought, “Ewwww!” I didn’t say that, but once I did ask, why these old men? (They were, like, 40.) I mean, sure they were nice, but… So, the one in question, when I asked, said, “He is much nicer to me than men my age.” I could relate to that. “And he’s so grateful.” Okay. So she was going for nice and grateful. (She was quite foxy; the one she had at the time looked like Les Nessman.) And nice places to eat out, and nice vacations. That wasn’t what I was going for, in my 20s. I went for the bad boys and the hot sex, and I’m not sorry. Maybe I should have tried an older man. But I just couldn’t get myself there. Preferences, and all. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/56 "2017-07-19T17:57:23Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Good bone structure is a commonly used phrase to generally describe the face. For a woman, usually high cheekbones, defined (but not too prominent) jaw line, symmetry etc. Thanks! I’ve heard of “high cheekbones” and I can now add “good bone structure” to the vocabulary. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/57 "2017-07-19T18:17:16Z")
How is this thread appropriate? You were hoping to get other men to band together with you in disparaging the other sex? And the elderly? What good could possibly come of that? It’s tough enough being old without you 'utes dragging us thru the mud. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/58 "2017-07-19T18:23:49Z")
> [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#): > > It’s tough enough being old without you 'utes dragging us thru the mud. Is the **OP** a Native American of the Ute tribe? Regardless, what do you have against [Utes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ute_people)? ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/59 "2017-07-19T18:38:52Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Is the **OP** a Native American of the Ute tribe? > > Regardless, what do you have against [Utes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ute_people)? Maybe I should have written ‘yutes’. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/K6qGwmXZtsE/maxresdefault.jpg "My Cousin Vinny (4/5) Movie CLIP - Two "Yutes" (1992) HD") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6qGwmXZtsE) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/60 "2017-07-19T18:58:20Z")
You gotta wonder at the messages **Shagnasty** is sending to his own daughters. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623.md?page=4)