# Men in their 40's or above, how do you stay attracted to women your own age? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 19, 2017, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623 "2017-07-19T03:47:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/61 "2017-07-19T19:02:28Z")
Some people notice only the flowers, others focus only on the vase. It takes lots of different people to make a world. Good Luck with your pursuits! ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/62 "2017-07-19T19:05:09Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > You gotta wonder at the messages **Shagnasty** is sending to his own daughters. Well, “Don’t be ugly when you get older.” sounds like a good life lesson for everybody. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/63 "2017-07-19T19:20:15Z")
My last GF was my age (47) but she was freakishly “hawt” for her age. Long red hair and abs you could bounce a quarter off of. I do admit, I find it hard to get motivated to get back into the game. And that is due in large part because most of the women my age do not look as beautiful as my last GF. I hate this about myself and am hoping with the passage of time, these shallow feelings will pass. ETA: I was never so hung up on looks before my previous GF. Ironic. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/64 "2017-07-19T19:25:24Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > You gotta wonder at the messages **Shagnasty** is sending to his own daughters. He’s probably just sending the message that it’s okay to date older men. I wouldn’t worry about that. They’ll like who they’ll like. I have a friend whose husband is six years younger than _her father_…and whose stepmother is one year younger than my friend is. It is okay with her if her daughters date younger men, older men, or even women–whoever, as long as they treat her daughters right. I guess it has to be okay with her husband as well. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/65 "2017-07-19T19:44:32Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Haha, that isn’t far from the truth. My then-girlfriend and I were at a restaurant and ran into a guy I know who I hadn’t seen for quite a few years. After chatting a bit I realized he thought my girlfriend was my daughter. Embarrassing and flattering at the same time I suppose. She was 6 years younger than me, not that much difference really. I’ve been on the opposite end of this with my ex-wife, who was several years older than I. It might have been flattering to her, but it was probably one of the things that led towards the eventual end of the marriage. No, not because she was older (I knew that going in), but the humiliation (amongst other things, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/66 "2017-07-19T19:56:55Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > I’ve been on the opposite end of this with my ex-wife, who was several years older than I. It might have been flattering to her, but it was probably one of the things that led towards the eventual end of the marriage. No, not because she was older (I knew that going in), but the humiliation (amongst other things, of course). What humiliation are you referring to? ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/67 "2017-07-19T19:57:12Z")
I know my own Father after his first two marriages ended went for women in their 30’s when he was in his 40’s and then even dated a 21 year old when he was in his mid-fifties. But these relationships were pretty parasitic and superficial on both ends, he spent a lot of money on them, and they had the youth and the looks. The last woman he dated was closer to his age, and they almost got married but he even told me they just had a lot more in common and she wasn’t impressed by him throwing a bunch of money around. I don’t think **Shagnasty** , is totally off base here though. I think in certain ways men age better than women, this isn’t a hard and fast rule but you do see a lot of older men/younger women couple than the other way around, and it’s not just dirty old men, there’s a lot of young women out there that prefer to date older men. The “Cougar” that seeks out younger men seems to be more myth or wishful thinking than reality, there are exceptions here and there, but it isn’t nearly as common. There was an episode of Sex and the City that dealt with this where one of the characters dates a younger man and she observed something to the effect that an older woman can be really great looking and hold the attention of a room, but as soon as two 18 year old girls walk into the same room that’s the direction all the men’s eyes start looking. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/68 "2017-07-19T20:38:54Z")
Sometimes when I’m in a sporting goods store I’ll admire the new baseball glove models - all smooth, firm, and tight. They smell nice, too. But I always and only play with the one that’s been with me for most of my life - wrinkled, patched, worn, and a bit floppy in spots but also comfortable, reliable and proven. That old glove, to me, is a thing of beauty not because of what it looks like to others, but what it means to me. When I first got that glove there was a break in period, for sure. When I was a younger man I didn’t mind that so much. Now, however, I have no desire to break in another. Not a perfect analogy for the OP’s issue, but it’ll do for me. ---
**Author:** ![epolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@epolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epolo)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/69 "2017-07-19T21:08:27Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I am not ashamed to admit that I am in agreement with the OP. Old chicks are just gross. If you’re over the age of 48 hours don’t even bother texting me. You’re just wasting both of our times. Do you think I was born yesterday? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/70 "2017-07-19T21:22:12Z")
I just turned 50, so I have long been invisible to the opposite sex. I am also married, so I don’t have to try any more. Truth be told, I find many women of my age group attractive. Especially if they have taken care of themselves and are fit, confident, and independent. They may ignore me, but I notice them. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/71 "2017-07-19T22:17:15Z")
> [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](#): > > How do we define hosebeast? The definition has clearly changed since I was young and dating. It used to mean a girl that couldn’t get enough hose [cock] and loved to fuck…a lot! AKA a nympho, a word I haven’t heard in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/72 "2017-07-19T22:29:37Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > The definition has clearly changed since I was young and dating. It used to mean a girl that couldn’t get enough hose [cock] and loved to fuck…a lot! AKA a nympho, a word I haven’t heard in a while. Happily, there’s less slut-shaming than there used to be, even on this board. It wasn’t that long ago no one was quite sure how much sex women were supposed to want; it always seemed they were either frigid or sluts depending on the speaker’s intent. Women and their sexual desire is almost always wrong to someone. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/73 "2017-07-19T22:49:50Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Don’t focus so much on looks. Go out with some people that might be great people, but a few pounds overweight (by your standards), or a few years too old, or a few inches too short, or similar. You might find that attraction can develop just because of their personality. > > I’m not saying go out with people you find terribly ugly – just that maybe you should try focusing less on physical hotness. I love your posts and usually, I agree with you, but in the case of the OP, I’d rather he stuck to popping boners with women on the computer rather than inflicting himself on any real-live women. This is based on years of watching how he devalues and objectifies women, particularly if they (gasp!!) have the audacity to be over 25. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/74 "2017-07-19T23:00:25Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > I am also married, so I don’t have to try any more. And guys wonder why the blowjobs stop after getting married? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/75 "2017-07-19T23:10:29Z")
> [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#): > > How is this thread appropriate? This has been a relevant criteria around here since when? > [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Well, “Don’t be ugly when you get older.” sounds like a good life lesson for everybody. Damn but I wish somebody had just told me this a little earlier. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/76 "2017-07-19T23:14:15Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > Older women are also (and I know, I’m generalizing) more sexually adventurous. I’m surprised no one has dragged out [Ben Franklin’s musings](https://www.swarthmore.edu/SocSci/bdorsey1/41docs/51-fra.html) on the subject. Excerpts: _“Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable. 2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman. 4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. 8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!”_ (true, this advice relates to flings and not marriage) ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/77 "2017-07-19T23:21:17Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > This is based on years of watching how he devalues and objectifies women, particularly if they (gasp!!) have the audacity to be over 25. I don’t devalue women. I love them in general as daughters, mothers, grandmothers, coworkers, bosses and everything else. What I do devalue is WIVES, especially harpy ones that let themselves go, but I am not looking for a wife because I know that. A big part of being a date or a girlfriend is to be sexually desirable and that strongly includes looks. There isn’t much point to it otherwise at least for me. The whole thing is recreational and attraction is a core requirement. Otherwise we would just be friends and I already have plenty of female friends and everything else. I didn’t say anything about 25 either. That is a little young although I wouldn’t turn it down in Las Vegas or something. The magic range for me seems to be late 20’s - mid 30’s. I know this isn’t the takeaway that some of you wanted me to get but I just reactivated my [Match.com](http://Match.com) profile and adjusted the age range down to something that I find palatable. I was trying to stick to people close in age to me but that wasn’t doing it. I figured that if other men are getting younger women, I can too. I am already starting to get responses so maybe that is the solution. Thanks! If I find the right one, I will treat her like gold at least for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/78 "2017-07-19T23:30:09Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > And guys wonder why the blowjobs stop after getting married? 😃 They do? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/79 "2017-07-19T23:33:58Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > They do? I don’t know, not married. I was referring to the well-known cliche/stereotype. You mean to tell me you’ve never heard this before? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2017, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623/80 "2017-07-19T23:37:02Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I don’t devalue women. I love them in general as daughters, mothers, grandmothers, coworkers, bosses and everything else. What I do devalue is WIVES, especially harpy ones that let themselves go, but I am not looking for a wife because I know that. What will happen if/when your daughters become wives? Will you devalue them? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-in-their-40s-or-above-how-do-you-stay-attracted-to-women-your-own-age/791623.md?page=5)