# Men trying hard **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 2, 2000, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-trying-hard/15485 "2000-04-02T09:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2000, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-trying-hard/15485/21 "2000-04-03T05:42:00Z")
RE: Men trying hard You rang? From Lystra’s web page: > [@](#): > > About me, > I am 15, partially insane, psychotic, pretty, and athiest. Now I’m getting turned on. 😉 Lystra said: > [@](#): > > I aam often upset with my boyfriend, whom chooses to play computer instead of play with me quite often. When we talk he asks what he can do to change, and I let him know. I am always told that men try their hardest to keep their women happy, but why is it that they never do? Do they not know how? Interesting dilemma. Welcome to the world of dating. Lots of good advice already about understanding that he’s young, you can’t change him, find what makes you happy and pursue that, see if there are mutual interests to help pursue with him, try to give him some space to play on his own. And in the end, be true to you. If there’s nothing in common, nothing to share, then realize that and move on. (Very hard thing to do. Moving on without some dramatic reason.) Some reasonable advice for a 15 year old - it’s okay to date around, not have one steady boyfriend. Although you did mention your troubles, so I understand having some stability seems important. Just realize that you can date without getting deeply involved. And I’ll be blunt and say that includes sex. You’re 15 - don’t rush the sex. Even if you’ve been wild, it’s okay to regain control, become “tame” again. Don’t let **anyone** pressure you into doing what you aren’t ready for. Don’t let anyone pressure you into sex. Don’t trade sex for love - it doesn’t work that way. There are lots of games, lots of ploys to manipulate young girls. Games like calling you a prude, or a slut, or saying everyone else does it, or saying guys need it. Be true to you. > [@](#): > > I don’t know, it just feels like he doesn’t understand anything I say to him. He probably doesn’t, and you probably don’t understand him very well - and he probably doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to you and telling you all his troubles. If you’re lucky, things will make more sense when you’re older. If not, you’ll be like the rest of us. 😉 Truly, one of the hardest problems is understanding yourself. If you don’t understand yourself, you can’t share with others. > [@](#): > > Anyways, I have some serious issues, I was somewhat a crackwhore last year, I lived on the street, ran away from my family, didnt speak to them. I mean, I know that isnt as bad as some people have it… but I came back all “new and reformed” expecting to get a little bit of respect and attention from those that I had dissapointed earlier. “Somewhat a crackwhore”? I didn’t know that was something you could do partway - isn’t that like being “sorta pregnant”? 🙂 Seriously, it’s good that you’re trying to pull your life back together. Sadly, you’re probably not going to get the respect and attention you desire (at least the way you desire it), at least for some time. Running away kinda destroys trust. I hope whatever troubles prompted your running away, you have found a way to address them and work to resolve them. > [@](#): > > I just need affection once in a while, Don’t we all. > [@](#): > > and I want him to have as much enjoyment with me as he does his computer. Laudable. You care about him, and want to be a part of his happiness. But also, it seems you’re seeking validation for yourself in him, the attention he pays you, and how much fun you are for him. You must realize that you cannot judge yourself by how much attention he pays you, vs how much time he spends on the videogames. His priorities are not a commentary on your value, it is not a sign of a problem with you. In fact, it’s very natural. Trying to change him won’t work. Don’t expect him to change. Evaluate whether you’re getting what you want and need from your relationship, or not. If not, then move on. If you can, do so without hurt feelings by explaining as best you can it isn’t his fault (because it really isn’t). Hope that helps. ---
**Author:** ![Lystra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Lystra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lystra)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2000, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-trying-hard/15485/22 "2000-04-03T13:21:00Z")
I don’t really know to say to that. It is a well thought and good peice of advice. Thanks. * * * Questioner of all things human, Lystra. ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2000, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-trying-hard/15485/23 "2000-04-04T05:11:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Lucretia: > \*\*Lystra, > there are many men out there who genuinely want to make the woman they are with happy. _Hold out for one of those, and accept nothing less_. \*\* What Lucretia said! _AND_,at 15, you’ve got plenty of time to choose. don’t rush it, sweetheart; take it from a man with 3 teenage daughters. Also accept the fact that during adolescence girls tend to mature faster than boys. * * * VB Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-trying-hard/15485.md?page=1)