# Men vs women- take NO for a answer? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 26, 2021, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839 "2021-02-26T20:00:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/341 "2021-03-09T18:11:12Z")
> [@DemonTree](#): > > I’m amazed you’ve never seen it before Oh he absolutely has. Why he’s feigning ignorance, I don’t know. Searching “DrDeth” and MRA brings up _several_ hits. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/342 "2021-03-09T18:11:31Z")
Spice\_Weasel: [claim about typical usage of a particular word] DrDeth: ??!! You got a cite for that?! Kimstu: [exhaustively documented cite of that usage as typical of that word] DrDeth: Eh, that’s just a few losers who make no difference to the word’s real meaning! everybody else: [sigh] > [@DrDeth](#): > > Look, because a few asshole 4Chans and gamergate losers use a word that way, it doesnt change it’s real meaning. The “real meaning” of a word is whatever people are actually using it to mean. As several other posters have explained to you, the slang term “cuck” (as opposed to the word “cuckold” that it was derived from) is definitely used and recognized very widely as a misogynistic slur. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/343 "2021-03-09T18:17:22Z")
I quite well might have, but I didnt remember. Old guy. I dont remember what I had for breakfast yesterday either. Note that the Free dictionary has 88 possible meanings for "MRA: and it generally means _Magnetic Resonance Angiography._ OTOH, how long would it take to write out Mens Rights Activist? ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/344 "2021-03-09T18:19:56Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I quite well might have, but I didnt remember. Old guy. I dont remember what I had for breakfast yesterday either. Well, if you know that about yourself, then maybe your go-to response when encountering a term you don’t immediately recognize could be doing a search to remind yourself of previous discussions, rather than coming right back with a combative Huh? What the hell does that mean? reaction? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/345 "2021-03-09T18:26:27Z")
I did indeed do a Google search as i have explained. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/346 "2021-03-09T18:44:00Z")
Protip: You usually get more enlightening google results by searching on the entirety of a phrase you’re confused about, rather than its component parts. Since you didn’t understand what Spice\_Weasel meant in post #331 by the phrase "the MRA term ‘cuck’ ", if you had googled that phrase itself, you would have figured it out much more quickly. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/347 "2021-03-09T18:46:44Z")
Thank you for that totally useless tip. I am surprised that you have decided to let those misogynistic trolls over at 4Chan decide how you use the English language, however. Can you please done hijacking my thread with “cuck”? Which has nothing whatsoever to do with Films & TV and asking women out after they say no. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/348 "2021-03-09T19:00:05Z")
---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/349 "2021-03-09T19:02:31Z")
**Modhat** : Several flags all with some merit. A detour on Cuck & Cuckold that really is off topic and derailing the thread. Testy replies back and forth. Everyone please dial it back. The thread will automatically reopen in 15 minutes. _This is in lieu of many modnotes or possibly 2+ warnings. Hope everyone is OK with that._ ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/350 "2021-03-09T19:02:44Z")
---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/351 "2021-03-09T19:02:58Z")
---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/352 "2021-03-09T19:16:12Z")
This topic was automatically opened after 13 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/353 "2021-03-09T19:19:26Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I am surprised that you have decided to let those misogynistic trolls over at 4Chan decide how you use the English language, however. It’s not that 4chan misogynists or anybody else can decide how I use the English language; rather, it’s that the linguistic patterns of other people, including 4chan misogynists, can influence how readers interpret my use of the English language. Refusing to acknowledge that reality is not going to do any favors either to my writing in particular or to the English language in general. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/354 "2021-03-09T21:58:15Z")
Getting back to the original topic… > [@Strassia](#): > > In your scenario, how should you respond to a non-committal answer? “I don’t know, I’m pretty busy with work/school.” > [@RivkahChaya](#): > > So I told him no, I wasn’t going, and I didn’t care for whatever sport it was, but I was going to get a cup of coffee at [popular location] if he wanted to join me now. I dunno about everyone else, but if someone invites me to do something I don’t like, or if someone I don’t want to spend time with invites me to anything, I generally respond with some version of, “sorry, I’m not available”. Not a blunt rejection, but an answer that doesn’t invite another invitation. If someone I want to spend time with invites me to do something I want to do with them, but I’m actually unavailable due to some prior commitment (which used to be pretty common for me pre-covid, actually, as I was heavily scheduled) I replied in a more detailed way, and EXPLICITLY SOLICITED ANOTHER INVIATION. Something like, “gee, I’d love to, but I’m having a friend over for dinner that night. But if you organize another game party, I’d really love an invitation”. Or, “Sorry, I can’t have do supper that night, but …hmm [checks calendar on phone]… do Wednesday or Thursday of next week work for you?” I’ve been out of the dating game forever, and only really was “on the market” for a couple of years (I was a late bloomer, and started dating my eventual husband in college) but I would think the same sort of thing would work in dating. If you ask, and don’t get any encouragement, then they likely aren’t interested. If they express explicit interest in something other than the precise thing you offered, you should feel fine making a second offer. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/355 "2021-03-09T22:16:33Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I dunno about everyone else, but if someone invites me to do something I don’t like, Well, a girl invited me to see a horror film which I hate but I did suggest another film. But if they are someone I dont wanna hang out with, I do give the Busy anser or even “Naw, I dont think so.” which is about as close as one can come to “not with you, not in a box, not with a fox” answer without being rude. So yeah, I have no issues with women giving “No thanks, busy that nite” answers to guy they arent interested, _and_ I have no issue with said guy suggesting one more nite- but that’s it. Two strikes and you’re out. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/356 "2021-03-09T22:25:44Z")
Two other answers , sometimes given, I’d like some FB on (now these are usually what a women gives a man after he asks her out for the first time, but could apply the other way too). Can I get back to you on that? (I think this invites another request? but only after a suitable interval? and Can I get a raincheck on that? (I think this invites another request, later?) ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/357 "2021-03-09T22:29:02Z")
The raincheck answer definitely invites another request later. ‘Can I get back to you on that?’ doesn’t. It may be anything from a polite ‘no’ to an actual ‘I have to check my calendar’; but it means the initiative stays with the person who said that unless/until they actually do get back to you. ---
**Author:** ![eschrodinger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschrodinger/32/122_2.png) [@eschrodinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschrodinger)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/358 "2021-03-09T22:52:39Z")
I mean, I don’t really see how this discussion is still going. I’m going to ask a woman out. I ask either a specific thing – e.g., would you like to see the new Marvel movie with me on Saturday? – or something general – would you like to get a drink with me sometime? The answer is either a form of “yes,” a form of “no,” but containing some encouragement or invitation – e.g. “I can’t this Saturday, but how about next weekend” – or a form of “no” with no encouragement or invitation. To ask someone a second time, I would want to essentially have consent to ask again. Positive consent. If not, I think I’d be being a jerk. A “no” but with encouragement or invitation to ask again is consent to ask again. A yes is a yes. A flat no is a no. Focusing on whether I get another “chance” is ignoring that I’m imposing a burden on her to have to reject me, again. And it is a burden, and it is unfairly imposed on women, like so much other emotional work. Thinking of it as another “chance” _for her_ to get to accept a date with me is outright narcissistic. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/359 "2021-03-09T22:55:37Z")
> [@eschrodinger](#): > > I mean, I don’t really see how this discussion is still going. I PMed the mods and said it was Ok to close. FYI. ---
**Author:** ![eschrodinger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschrodinger/32/122_2.png) [@eschrodinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschrodinger)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2021, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/360 "2021-03-09T22:58:19Z")
OK. You just asked another question, but, your thread I guess. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839.md?page=19)