# Men vs women- take NO for a answer? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 26, 2021, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839 "2021-02-26T20:00:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/21 "2021-02-26T21:48:58Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > But women _do_ find them romantic. Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/22 "2021-02-26T21:51:11Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > And see what response you got. I’m betting it wouldn’t be like Tom Brady’s from my documentary above. More like the other guy. I would be even more concerned if she showed up as requested. Then I’m out $500, which still would not make it the most expensive bad date I’ve been on, but I could buy a lot of good whiskey with that kind of money. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/23 "2021-02-26T21:55:07Z")
Yo’ pays yo’ money and yo takes yo’ chances. It was (and will be) ever thus. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/24 "2021-02-26T22:08:49Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > And many woman want to be pursued hard by someone that they _like_ . The problem comes when someone they _ **don’t** _ like is pursuing them hard. Well, yes, exactly. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/25 "2021-02-26T22:10:14Z")
Reviews, ratings. Reviews from female reviewers. Popularity. I worked at Borders, the Romance aisle was 99% female buying them. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/26 "2021-02-26T22:15:43Z")
This actually happened to me, as an adult. I was already thinking of asking a woman out when a mutual friend told me she was interested (we had never discussed her before). I called and asked her out, and she said “I don’t know”. I figured she wasn’t interested, and left it at that. Friend asked me if I asked her out, and I said “yeah, but she didn’t really seem interested.” I figured that was that. Then I hear “she wants to be pursued.” First, what are we; eighth graders? Second, and this was my response: “I don’t play games” The following weekend I met the future Ms. P, so that really was that. ---
**Author:** ![gdave](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gdave/32/3683_2.png) [@gdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gdave)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/27 "2021-02-26T23:26:03Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Reviews, ratings. Reviews from female reviewers. Popularity. > > I worked at Borders, the Romance aisle was 99% female buying them. I enjoy action movies. I enjoy watching fictional portrayals of people shooting at each other. I enjoy fictional combat. I find it fun and exciting (when it’s done well). I was also in the Army. I never actually saw combat, but I knew some guys that did. I was in a couple of very tense situations that seemed like they were about to go south, fast. I was in a couple of situations where I thought it was highly probable my unit was about to be ambushed. Fortunately for me, that never happened. But those situations, and the prospect of actually being in combat, were _not_ fun and exciting. It was fucking _scary_. I _never_ want to actually experience a gunfight, first hand, in real life. I still watch action movies, though. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/28 "2021-02-26T23:42:07Z")
> [@Mundane\_Super\_Hero](#): > > It’s always ‘No’ unless it is stated so clearly otherwise that the man’s ears bleed from the klaxon. > > And even then, save the text, email, letter, video tape or recording where she said yes. No, men do not need, as a matter of course, to be afraid of being falsely accused of rape by consensual partners who will lie about it afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/29 "2021-02-26T23:42:09Z")
FWIW, the only time I’ve ever gotten dating advice in my life “don’t take a woman’s no as no” was from…a **female** friend. Not sure why. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/30 "2021-02-26T23:50:47Z")
Maybe they meant “maybe her hair actually _was_ dirty, and if you ask again later about something different she might still have a chance of being interested.” Asking about the same thing repeatedly, though, is somewhere between nagging and doing the same thing and expecting different results. ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2021, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/31 "2021-02-26T23:53:23Z")
Is not being able to understand this all just a weird “nice guy” thing? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/32 "2021-02-27T00:03:09Z")
I really like action movies. The Raid is one of my favorite movies. But I’d rather not get in a desperate knife fight in real life TYVM. Movies aren’t real, and you shouldn’t pattern your life around them, especially escapist fare like rom-coms or action flicks. ---
**Author:** ![eschrodinger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschrodinger/32/122_2.png) [@eschrodinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschrodinger)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/33 "2021-02-27T00:13:49Z")
It’s not just that it isn’t real. It’s also that this is our culture. Both women and men are raised and inculcated with the idea that a man “pursuing” a woman is romantic/hot/proper. Also that a woman pursuing a man, or to a certain extent, anything she wants, too vigorously is unnatural/a turn-off/wrong. Men should be forceful, certain, and courageous. Women are weak, uncertain, and timid. Rom-coms show how that all plays out to everyone’s benefit. It’s satisfying to the part of your brain that recognizes the pattern that’s been ingrained. But, it may not be satisfying if you engage your critical thinking about it. And it might even be repulsive, criminal, and traumatic if someone tried to play it out with you in real life. ---
**Author:** ![Ranch\_Dip](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranch_dip/32/5238_2.png) [@Ranch\_Dip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranch_Dip)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/34 "2021-02-27T00:16:27Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > But women _do_ find them romantic. What women? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/35 "2021-02-27T00:17:14Z")
Again, you miss the point. Yes, romcoms and such arent realistic. No one claimed they were. It is just that women find them romantic. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/36 "2021-02-27T00:18:53Z")
Reviews, ratings. Reviews from female reviewers. Popularity. _(citation needed)_ Also- the sun rises in the East. _(citation needed)._ The earth is round. _(citation needed)_ Jeebusfreekenkeeerist. ---
**Author:** ![Ranch\_Dip](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranch_dip/32/5238_2.png) [@Ranch\_Dip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranch_Dip)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/37 "2021-02-27T00:29:30Z")
You are saying it like it is as obvious as the sun rising in the East. But you are not getting the fact that it not only isn’t that obvious or universal, but it is demonstrably false. It is a trope for a movie or a book. It isn’t truth. Reading a story or watching a movie does not translate to real life. FFS ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/38 "2021-02-27T00:34:32Z")
Mind you, in most rom-coms the guy does not relentlessly pursue the women against her wishes. It certainly isn’t the case in any of them that are mentioned in this thread - _You’ve Got Mail_, _Sleepless in Seattle_, _Splash_ , _Big_ or _Joe Versus The Volcano_. Maybe _Groundhog Day_, _Moonstruck_ or _10 Things I Hate About You_ but generally it’s the woman doing the chasing. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/39 "2021-02-27T00:34:52Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Again, you miss the point. Yes, romcoms and such arent realistic. No one claimed they were. It is just that women find them romantic. I think you’re the one missing the point, because you’re the one who seemed puzzled about why “romcoms and such” even exist, given that they aren’t realistic: > [@DrDeth](#): > > But then why all the “romantic” films and TV shows where it is considered highly romantic for the man to keep chasing? Do you have a similarly difficult time understanding why movies about dragons or superheroes or elaborate bank heists exist? Those aren’t realistic either. ---
**Author:** ![gdave](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gdave/32/3683_2.png) [@gdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gdave)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2021, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839/40 "2021-02-27T00:38:26Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It is just that women find them romantic. _Some_ women, _sometimes_ find them romantic. Some women can’t get enough of them. Some hate them. Some enjoy them when they’re in the right mood. Again, the fact that _some_ women _sometimes_ find a _fictional_ portrayal of a hot guy relentlessly pursuing a woman to be “romantic” does _not_ mean that they would enjoy it in real life, anymore than the fact that I find fictional gunfights fun and exciting means that I find real life gunfights fun and exciting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-vs-women-take-no-for-a-answer/933839.md?page=3)