# Men: What Makes You Feel Appreciated? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300 "2010-07-11T14:06:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/21 "2010-07-11T16:44:20Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I think the best thing for me personally would not be some single act of recognition, but an ongoing demonstration by attitude and words that I am truly appreciated. Of course, that comes from by marriage history where the occasional good word was overwhelmed by the daily flood of negativity. Of course. I would like to think that this is an expectation we already both have from one another. I told him last night that so many shitty circumstances in my life would be so much shittier without him, starting with the sickness and running down the list of things where his support has been essential. He smiled and said, ‘‘I know how much you appreciate me, and I’m really thankful for that.’’ So he _does_ know. I just want to… you know, do something concrete in return. One thing I can confidently say is that if something terrible ever happens to me, nobody will be left wondering how I felt about them, least of all **Sr. Olives**. As for housework suggestions, during the school year we tend to split chores equally as we are both insanely busy, but due to Summer Break I currently have no commitments and therefore have taken over all the chores and cooking most nights. Me doing that once I’m better will not be ‘‘special,’’ just business as usual. However, I can definitely get creative in the kitchen to do something extra special. [QUOTE=pbbth] If you want to go above and beyond it should take a full day. Once you are feeling better make sure he wakes up to his favorite breakfast. Put a love note in with his lunch. Cook him his favorite dinner and get him a small gift to let him know how much you appreciate him. With mr. pbbth if I did this he would get blueberry pancakes, a love letter in with his favorite lunch, steak and potatoes for dinner and a copy of God of War 3. [/QUOTE] I’m loving this. I’m not a man but hell, this would make _my_ day. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/22 "2010-07-11T16:51:17Z")
> [@sevenwood](#): > > Assuming that he has an office or cubicle somewhere, have one of those flower delivery places send him a vase of flowers Flowers ? For a man ? WTF ? For an exceptional gift, a man deserves cigars and whiskey. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/23 "2010-07-11T17:05:20Z")
> [@Khaki\_Campbell](#): > > Flowers ? For a man ? WTF ? > For an exceptional gift, a man deserves cigars and whiskey. He doesn’t drink or smoke. Or enjoy sports. He’s kind of a geek, much like myself. His interests include psychology, comic book heroes (especially the X-men), video games and science fiction. He likes when I get him flowers. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting a man flowers. I mean, I don’t generally get him roses or carnations or anything, usually something a little more non-traditional. But he’s always appreciated them. And I think he did especially the day I had them sent to his office, because how awesome must a man be for his woman to make that kind of romantic gesture? In other news, I just stuck my foot in my mouth. I stated upthread that he was working on his Master’s thesis, but it occurred to me he might still be in the proposal-writing stage. He’s behind where he feels he should be. While he was at his computer, I turned to him and said, ‘‘Are you working on the proposal still?’’ His reply. ‘‘Yup.’’ (Exaggerated pause.) ‘‘Would you like to add a little rust to that knife before you stick me with it?’’ He thought it was hilarious, but still. Oops. Not the feeling I was going for. ---
**Author:** ![meflin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@meflin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meflin)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/24 "2010-07-11T17:18:59Z")
Every person is different. For me I would just about kill for eating dinner at the kitchen table. No TV/radio. Talking would be nice but not required. Your question isn’t what men want. It is what MrOlive wants. Perhaps when his stress time is over you could treat him to dinner and a musical. If those are his sort of things. Sounds good to me … but MrOlive might just want a new video game a 20 hours alone to play it. Meflin ---
**Author:** ![happyslappy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@happyslappy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyslappy)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/25 "2010-07-11T18:05:06Z")
I would get my man an expensive steak, bottle of his favourite booze /drug of choice and a few spontaneous bjs. And make sure to tell your family and friends how great he has been. I bet that would mean a lot to him. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/26 "2010-07-11T18:39:49Z")
Sorry, I don’t get it. I was brought up to look at the household as being the place where everyone lives, so everyone should take a hand in doing the chores. My parents both worked, so housework was done by whoever had time to do it whenever they had the time. It didn’t bother my father to do dishes, or vacuum, or wash the floor or dust. Naturally, he also did the traditional “guy” things – hunting, fishing, woodwork, mechanics – but the message he had for us boys (there were three of us) was that having a tidy house was one of the basics of self-sufficiency, for the future when we would have our own places. Oh, and plus chicks really liked guys who could keep their own livingspace clean. The OP’s description of recent events sounds typical of everyday life around here…plus I make sure I always put the toilet seat down when I’m done… Maybe I should be renegotiating my situation for more oral sex, or something. ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/27 "2010-07-11T19:29:38Z")
Heck yes massages are good **Olives**! If I had a choice between a blowjob and a deep neck/back massage I would hesitate before deciding. I don’t mean some half assed 1-2 minute deal like something I normally get but a serious 25-30 minute meaningful effort. Hmm. That could be a thread all by itself or in my case a rant. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/28 "2010-07-11T19:48:25Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > No offense taken, and yes, there were/are some issues, but getting better, much better, and we have been deliberately making it a regular thing. So the sex is going to happen regardless of what else I do, not because I feel obligated but because we both want it, and he knows that. I was thinking to make it special I could start with a full-body massage or something. Massages are good, right? I’m really pleased to hear that. And since you’re on board with what **pbbth** said, I’ll just add that a full-body massage added in to the package would go down great. This isn’t the time to mention that I don’t get bj’s even as reward sex, is it? Nope, thought not. I’ll just go crack open a brewski with **In Winnipeg** and sit quietly over here. ---
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/29 "2010-07-11T19:55:32Z")
> [@In\_Winnipeg](#): > > Sorry, I don’t get it. > > I was brought up to look at the household as being the place where everyone lives, so everyone should take a hand in doing the chores. My parents both worked, so housework was done by whoever had time to do it whenever they had the time. > > It didn’t bother my father to do dishes, or vacuum, or wash the floor or dust. Naturally, he also did the traditional “guy” things – hunting, fishing, woodwork, mechanics – but the message he had for us boys (there were three of us) was that having a tidy house was one of the basics of self-sufficiency, for the future when we would have our own places. > > Oh, and plus chicks really liked guys who could keep their own livingspace clean. > > The OP’s description of recent events sounds typical of everyday life around here…plus I make sure I always put the toilet seat down when I’m done… > > Maybe I should be renegotiating my situation for more oral sex, or something. I don’t think **Olives** meant that she normally does all the chores. I assumed from what she said that they have an even split with certain tasks allocated to each of them. In my household, I do the cooking (including packed lunches for work) and grocery shopping, my husband does the washing up, tidies and cleans and laundry is shared. I assume **Olives** and her husband have a similar split and Sr Olives has taken on “her” tasks while she’s too ill to do them. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/30 "2010-07-11T20:02:40Z")
Don’t send a guy flowers. Just don’t. Otherwise, as noted, we are simple creatures. Maybe bring us a sammich and a beer while we’re watching the game. And then go away, so we can watch the game. After the game, sex. Of course. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/31 "2010-07-11T21:29:40Z")
Don’t overlook the obvious. Food and sex and flowers may be nice. But the best way to let him know how much he is appreciated is to tell him. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/32 "2010-07-11T21:35:37Z")
> [@happyslappy](#): > > And make sure to tell your family and friends how great he has been. I bet that would mean a lot to him. This can be a surprisingly important thing in a marriage, especially when the inlaws are not huge fans of Son in law. It gives them less to bitch about knowing that their daughter is being well cared for. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/33 "2010-07-11T21:41:10Z")
> [@In\_Winnipeg](#): > > Sorry, I don’t get it. > > I was brought up to look at the household as being the place where everyone lives, so everyone should take a hand in doing the chores. My parents both worked, so housework was done by whoever had time to do it whenever they had the time. > > It didn’t bother my father to do dishes, or vacuum, or wash the floor or dust. Naturally, he also did the traditional “guy” things – hunting, fishing, woodwork, mechanics – but the message he had for us boys (there were three of us) was that having a tidy house was one of the basics of self-sufficiency, for the future when we would have our own places. > > Oh, and plus chicks really liked guys who could keep their own livingspace clean. > > The OP’s description of recent events sounds typical of everyday life around here…plus I make sure I always put the toilet seat down when I’m done… When we are both full time graduate students, each working 70+ hours weekly, we split the chores 50-50, though it might interest you to know that he did 90% of the housework for years before I stepped up and started doing my part. Most of the clutter in our house is mine, and he’s a compulsively neat person. I am currently on Summer Break. I am literally sitting on my ass playing video games all day long. Meanwhile, he is still a full-time grad student, and because of this Masters thesis dealy, he’s busier this summer than he’s been all year. For this reason we agreed that, while on Summer Break, I would take most of the chores (he still has garbage and pot-washing duty, which I hate.) We agreed in particular that I would do the grocery shopping this summer because it is very time consuming for a grad student to take 2-3 hours out of his weekend to get food. Putting dinner on the table is just something I did because I like cooking and have had time to do it. During the school year we usually fend for ourselves. So not only has he taken over the chores I agreed to do, he has waited on me hand and foot, fixed my meals, fetched medicine from the store, given me foot rubs and essentially made me feel that I come first despite the fact that this Masters thing is weighing heavily on his mind. I appreciate that. I’m not the one conflating appreciation with reward. I just wanted to know what things guys have experienced that make them feel really appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![runcible\_spoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@runcible\_spoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runcible_spoon)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/34 "2010-07-11T22:07:13Z")
Speaking as a slightly nerdy guy, one of the most touching moments I’ve had was in architecture school. One of my best friends was having a rough time with her project, and we talked about it. Nothing out of the ordinary, that’s why we all have studio together, but after her final review, she left a vase of lilies and a thank-you note (written with a Micron on rolled-up notebook paper, of course) on my desk. And now I’m a sucker for lilies. Alright, so maybe I do live in San Francisco, but I’d way rather have flowers than cigars. I’m also a huge fan of just fancifying regular things - even if you usually cook dinner, using your nicer serving wares, or cloth napkins and placemats, or even just having a pitcher of water instead of filling up from the faucet can make it obvious that you care. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/35 "2010-07-11T22:16:50Z")
It was my birthday six weeks ago, and as it was a major landmark I got given a shedload of presents. Most of 'em weren’t expensive but they were chosen with my likes, interests and pastimes in mind, so they all hit the spot. That put a smile on my face for a mighty long time. Perhaps something similar? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/36 "2010-07-11T22:47:43Z")
As odd as this sounds, you need to give him one request, at a future date, that you cannot deny. “This, you must not refuse…” -The Godfather It might be sex, it might just be helping him when he needs it most, and when you’d ordinarily say no. [spoiler]It might even be as simple as helping him clear a pore he can’t reach easily on his back that is causing him no end of continous pain. Even if you Hate… _that_. [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/37 "2010-07-12T00:31:46Z")
> [@](#): > > As odd as this sounds, you need to give him one request, at a future date, that you cannot deny. I disagree with this. It puts the burden of picking out his “gift” back on him. ---
**Author:** ![rbroome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@rbroome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rbroome)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/38 "2010-07-12T00:50:54Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > My husband is a god among husbands this week. Due to my ridiculously protracted illness (going on Day 8 right now with no sign of improvement) he has been helping me with pretty much everything. He’s done all the chores (including take care of my cat), gone grocery shopping, fixed me meals, and otherwise waited on me hand and foot, without a word of complaint. Yesterday he even came up with the idea to take me for a little ride in the car because I was going stir-crazy. And if I’m not better soon, his next order of business will be hauling my butt to the doctor’s office. > > This is extra-significant because he is in the thick of writing his Master’s thesis right now, preparing it for successful defense before he moves onto the dissertation. He has been stressed but has taken so much time this week to be there for me. It sucks being sick, but I feel like the luckiest sick person on the planet. > > Obviously there’s not much I can do now other than give him a verbal tongue-bath, but I’m so outrageously bored from spending 8 straight days laying on the sofa that I figured I might as well start thinking about how I can express my gratitude once I’m feeling better. > > So, gentlemen, what does your partner do that makes you feel appreciated? If you don’t feel appreciated, what do you wish your partner would do? > > Partners of gentlemen, what have you done to make your man feel appreciated? > > One-off things or continued habits are both welcome as suggestions. I just feel like spreading the love. > > Thanks, > > Christy all the sex ideas are great-and it encourages him to exert effort in the future. However, I agree with the poster that says talk him up to others. When my wife brags me up to relatives/friends well, that is a warm glow that lasts for days. I know I did the right thing for my wife and that is the most important thing I can do. So, sex is great. But bragging makes him feel like he did the right thing for a long time! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/39 "2010-07-12T01:19:38Z")
Can I suggest grocery shopping at night during the week? Going on weekends is like entering hell. You guys are in a pretty busy area (IIRC), so the stores should be open till 11 at least. Try going at 930 or so one night - it’ll make shopping a 45 minute instead of 90 minute trip. I’m voting for the massage - my SO loooves them, and if Mr. **Olives** is hunched over the computer all day, really good hand and jaw/neck/upper shoulders massage (like, 20-30 minutes worth) can make all the difference. Give him one every other day for say, 5 days (so 3 massages). Like **pbbth** said, it should be a multi-day affair. You doing the chores he likes least and picking him up a comic book and/or videogame. If he hasn’t tried Gamefly, I’d suggest getting him a subscription to see if he likes it (I know Gamefly gets hell on this board, but my SO has been pretty satisfied with it so far). One word of advice - don’t rush into it quickly. Day one you should ease yourself back into being healthy, day two take on more, and day three really go all out. I’m gone all THANK YOU YOU’RE THE BEST with things, only to go overboard and get sick again. It’s so silly, and then nobody’s happy! ---
**Author:** ![Bartman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Bartman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bartman)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300/40 "2010-07-12T03:52:12Z")
Honestly, I would _ask_ him. Once in a similar situation I as taken for a surprise pedicure. It was supposed to be relaxing and wonderful. She was sharing her favorite destressor. And while I appreciated the thought, I have had medical problems with my feet and have developed a strong phobia about people touching my feet. So for me it was like being locked in a box with a bunch of snakes. And at the time I felt like I had to smile and be gracious about the whole thing. In the end it made me bitter and resentful… not grateful and appreciated. So my advice is, whatever you come up with, if it is a novelty, run it by him first. Surprises, no matter how well intended, aren’t always good things. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-what-makes-you-feel-appreciated/546300.md?page=3)