# Men - Which of these would you rather be forced to fight? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642 "2011-07-11T16:58:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/41 "2011-07-12T16:30:08Z")
Thread fail: You left out “Wheelchair bound body builder, health nut, and obnoxious ADA advocate” ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/42 "2011-07-12T16:31:37Z")
> [@Kevbo](#): > > Thread fail: You left out “Wheelchair bound body builder, health nut, and obnoxious ADA advocate” Holy shit :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/43 "2011-07-12T16:38:16Z")
Probably the frail guy. I don’t care if I look like a douche, I just want it over with. I’ve never been in a fight and hopefully I could come out of that one uninjured. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/44 "2011-07-12T16:40:29Z")
I want to point out that I _HAVE_ had my ass kicked by 2 different girls half my size that had martial arts training. I was in a martial arts class at the time(s)… I would not want to fight any of them, but all things being equal, I’d use enough force to make sure I won, and to end it as quickly as possible. Of course, if they were the aggressors and were threatening me with great bodily harm, all bets are off; in that case a fair fight means I go home as healthy as possible. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/45 "2011-07-12T16:42:00Z")
> [@Toucanna](#): > > I am a girl. I am probably half your size. I do not have martial arts training. Please do not beat me up. Hey, it’s you or the kid. You’re not a child-hater, are you? ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/46 "2011-07-12T16:51:49Z")
I picked the midget. 1.) I’m not a fan of beating up on (let alone killing) women or children and would probably get really disturbing flashbacks for the rest of my life if I picked them. 2.) Though it’s tempting to kill the elderly dude (long life, quality of remaining years etc), I don’t want to be on the receiving end of his 'Nam flashback. He doesn’t have to know what decade it is to cause some damage. 3.) Of the two remaining, I don’t have any moral preference and I’ve got an insane reach advantage over the midget. Why risk taking a hit? If you made the frail dude elderly (which some people seem to think the OP did), then I’d go with him. > [@VunderBob](#): > > I want to point out that I _HAVE_ had my ass kicked by 2 different girls half my size that had martial arts training. I was in a martial arts class at the time(s)… Out of curiosity, do you mean literally half your size? I know martial arts training can be a great equalizer, but the only adult female I know who is half my weight just doesn’t have the strength and mass to accomplish much. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/47 "2011-07-12T16:55:14Z")
Question: are all the options in the same room? What I mean is : Can I club the old man over the head with the midget? ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/48 "2011-07-12T16:57:02Z")
Give me the frail asthmatic. I can hold him off long enough for him to tire himself flailing at me and leave him wheezing on the ground without throwing a punch. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/49 "2011-07-12T18:39:42Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > You’d try to cop a feel off of a girl that knows martial arts? Then again, she’s intent on killing you anyway. I know, right? If there’s some super powered, mind-controlling uberdouche dead set on making sure you get publicly humiliated, you might as well go whole hog. Get that supernatural douche’s rocks off but good and then maybe it’ll leave you alone afterward. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/50 "2011-07-12T19:53:24Z")
> [@Kevbo](#): > > Thread fail: You left out “Wheelchair bound body builder, health nut, and obnoxious ADA advocate” I shouldn’t even have to explain this, but you have been warned for trolling against a specific poster who isn’t even participating in this thread. Convince me otherwise and I’ll rescind it. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/51 "2011-07-12T19:58:33Z")
* * * ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/52 "2011-07-12T20:00:15Z")
> [@MOIDALIZE](#): > > Give me the frail asthmatic. I can hold him off long enough for him to tire himself flailing at me and leave him wheezing on the ground without throwing a punch. In case I wasn’t clear, none of these opponents will tire themselves out. You will have to beat their ass for them to stop. Also, you don’t need to beat them to death. Just bad enough that they can’t continue. (Still pretty bad though). > [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > Question: are all the options in the same room? What I mean is : Can I club the old man over the head with the midget? No, just the one option will appear. And no weapons (so you can’t bring your own midget). > [@Telcontar](#): > > Out of curiosity, do you mean literally half your size? Figuratively. I’m 5’10" 190 lbs so she wouldn’t be 2’11" or 95 lbs. Visibly smaller and petite, but strong enough to hurt you if she connected. > [@Kevbo](#): > > Thread fail: You left out “Wheelchair bound body builder, health nut, and obnoxious ADA advocate” Maybe make him a cop like Joe Swanson from Family Guy? Nice! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/53 "2011-07-12T20:06:00Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > I shouldn’t even have to explain this, but you have been warned for trolling against a specific poster who isn’t even participating in this thread. > > Convince me otherwise and I’ll rescind it. There’s a real guy like that?😕 ---
**Author:** ![Toucanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Toucanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toucanna)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/54 "2011-07-12T20:58:16Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > You’re not a child-hater, are you? Dear Og, no! :eek: I _ **love** _ children! (But not fricasséed; gives me gas.) ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/55 "2011-07-12T20:59:18Z")
Can I select the option from the poll, instead of the OP? Because while the OP read “An aggressive but frail, uncoordinated, athema afflicted, bespectled man”, the Poll option read “Aggressive but frail, uncoordinated, asthma afflicted, **bespeckled** man”. That’s description matches Mr. Burns to a tee - agressive, but frail, uncoordinated, and asthma afflicted. Sure, he doesn’t wear glasses, but he **is** _bespeckled_. And I doubt the denizens of Sprigfield would begrudge me opening up a can’o’Duff-flavored-whoopass on a him - they couldn’t be bothered to get angry at Maggie when she **shot** him. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/56 "2011-07-12T23:05:37Z")
I go for the aggressive nerd. Makes me look least douchy, and is the least likely to get me killed. Win-win. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/57 "2011-07-12T23:17:34Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > There’s a real guy like that?😕 Yeah, kinda confused me, too. As for the fight…I’d take the martial arts chick. Seems more fair. And, she’d be smart enough to realize what a choke hold was and tap out before any real damage was done. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2011, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642/58 "2011-07-13T02:27:52Z")
I’ll go with [this guy.](http://www.flickr.com/photos/paullikespics/5584332639/) mmm [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-which-of-these-would-you-rather-be-forced-to-fight/588642.md?page=2)