# Men who stare... and act ashamed about it. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 15, 2013, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020 "2013-03-15T16:55:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/121 "2013-03-19T09:39:09Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Thanks **panny** , we like you too. Uh oh, logged into the wrong account Donna?šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Donna\_Lange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Donna\_Lange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donna_Lange)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/122 "2013-03-19T09:46:11Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Uh oh, logged into the wrong account Donna?šŸ˜‰ While that would be extra cute to be a turnip, I must confess Iā€™m not. He was referring to the ā€œhatersā€ and ā€œlovingā€ **panaccione** back. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/123 "2013-03-19T14:02:41Z")
> [@Donna\_Lange](#): > > I preface this with the fact that there are many other women who would keel haul me for even saying what I am about to say and I expect to possible be attacked for it. > > But here goesā€¦ > > Guys, if I wear a low cut top and you canā€™t help but look at my cleavage, you donā€™t have to feel ashamed about it or even hide that you are looking. I find it more annoying when a man looks at them quite obviously and then looks away quickly as if its shameful to look at or think about. I have been told by society that if I look at boobs, then I am an evil pervert and I should be ashamed of myself. > [@](#): > > Seriously, like a tattoo thats visible or a strange haircut or even a T shirt with words over a girls breasts; I wear the top because I want to and Iā€™m perfectly happy for the attention and I know the kind of attention it will get. If I didnā€™t want to show off my cleavage I wouldnā€™t have, ok? This may be true for you, but thereā€™s a dozen women for every one like you that act in the opposite fashion. There needs to be an ā€œIā€™m not a bitch, you can look at me without feeling dirtyā€ T-shirt. > [@](#): > > So please~ if you are going to look, just look or even say something. I complement guys who are cute or cut and even other girls with great styles and bodies that make me look like trash. > > So, seriously, look and donā€™t hide it. Iā€™m hiding it because society tells me Iā€™m an evil pervert if I have a tent in my pants. This one is particularly unfair since I have no control over it. ---
**Author:** ![Donna\_Lange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Donna\_Lange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donna_Lange)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/124 "2013-03-19T14:13:47Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > I have been told by society that if I look at boobs, then I am an evil pervert and I should be ashamed of myself. I certainly donā€™t think that is fair at all. But where did you learn this in society? Just life experience or were you taught by parents or school? I was never taught that boobs are wrong but it could just be a guy thing? Could be my own home too. > [@](#): > > This may be true for you, but thereā€™s a dozen women for every one like you that act in the opposite fashion. Yes, I know some do that and its flat out stupid to show off your body and not expect attention. Iā€™ve talked to some of those women and they LIKE to tease men and make them feel things but arenā€™t willing to let it go beyond a sidelong glance. They usually claim that they are free to dress as they want and a man should be able to control himself. I usually reply : ā€œAnd if a guy had his wang all out in the open, just covering the tip you wouldnā€™t look or even stare? What about a topless guy?ā€ > [@](#): > > There needs to be an ā€œIā€™m not a bitch, you can look at me without feeling dirtyā€ T-shirt. Sounds like a good idea! Maybe I should make some šŸ™‚ > [@](#): > > Iā€™m hiding it because society tells me Iā€™m an evil pervert if I have a tent in my pants. > > This one is particularly unfair since I have no control over it. This one bother me because not only do you have no control over it, I get hot looking at some guys but its not so obvious. I personally take it as a complement that I would get a guy hard but thatā€™s the kind of woman I am. I suppose that puts the shameface in a bit more understanding light. Though I donā€™t think its fair. But then I suppose I donā€™t know why you would feel shame about it? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/125 "2013-03-19T14:22:50Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > I have been told by society that if I look at boobs, then I am an evil pervert and I should be ashamed of myself. Dude, society was just messin with ya. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/126 "2013-03-19T14:32:03Z")
> [@Donna\_Lange](#): > > As far as some of the guys who feel like they are being taunted or teased by women in general who dress like me. Some of those women are total bitches and are indeed trying to flaunt themselves and titillate you knowing they are doing so. But honestly, most the girls I talked to that show off like to do it and like complements and above all are totally secure in their womanhood and how we like to dress. Its just part of the fashion we like, just like hair styles or tattoos. And we LIKE when a guy looks; and thats the honest truth. And Iā€™ve been told that looking at them is impolite and creepy, and complimenting them is even creepier. I know a good number of especially endowed women, and to a person theyā€™ve said that they hate it when men stare at them. I was told by one extra curvy woman that I got shot down by a different extra curvy woman specifically because I complimented her. > [@](#): > > What irks me is that they look and then look shamefaced. Thats what I donā€™t get and I donā€™t know why looking at pretty or sexy or cute things is somehow wrong. Is it because the women fluster you or is it because of an inborn polite feelings? Cā€™mon, tell a girl why you really do it! Probably because theyā€™ve been shamed for it before. > [@](#): > > To the guys who feel to old or ā€œcreepyā€ to look. Just look. Old guys and people most wouldnā€™t consider pretty or handsome are men too and they have needs and feelings and I sure wonā€™t deny an old man his fantasies ^\_- In my experience, you would be unique in this. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/127 "2013-03-19T14:40:18Z")
You know, I was a little suspicious of your debut considering it has been oddly timed with other coexisting threads about the creepy, lecherous behavior of some men and how most women donā€™t like it. But I blew it off and you just liking the attention and I appreciated how you were handling any criticism here in the Pit. Besides, Iā€™m usually at loggerheads with most of my female counterparts here too. But post #124 seals the deal for me because it seems to specifically ream on those ladies in exactly the ways theyā€™ve been addressing the few vocal men who _insist_ that their pervy actions are just a-ok fine. So, Iā€™m guessing youā€™re a friend of one of those fellows who talked you in to signing up to do this for no other purpose than to twist the knife against those so-called prudes, harridans and ā€œteases.ā€ Yep, no longer buying it at all and an E for effort on whatever guy who came up with the idea. It is somewhat original, like a living sock. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/128 "2013-03-19T14:41:09Z")
I was speaking in the generic ā€œmeā€ as in ā€œguysā€. That being said, if I were to pop out [edit: oh gawd. This reads poorly in retrospect] from behind my anonymous internets username for a moment, despite being a prime-time jerkass when it comes to politics and religion discussions (unashamedly so) when it comes to the ladies I have difficulty behaving in any way that is considered un-gentlemanly. > [@](#): > > I certainly donā€™t think that is fair at all. But where did you learn this in society? Just life experience or were you taught by parents or school? As a female, you can look at boobs and society wonā€™t think youā€™re a pervert or a rapist. Unfortunately some of the men that came before me behaved badly and now many women live with very real and understandable distrust of men. Where I learned this- generally speaking, many women are tired of being thought of as little more than sexy pieces of meat. This is because some men focus on only certain physical attributes and ignore the rest of the woman. After a while, you get women who would like you to see something besides tits when you look at them, and get offended if you stare at them. My experience is not as direct, I tend to see other guys get admonished for behaving badly or women being somewhat overprotective or oversensitive regarding that subject. > [@](#): > > Yes, I know some do that and its flat out stupid to show off your body and not expect attention. Iā€™ve talked to some of those women and they LIKE to tease men and make them feel things but arenā€™t willing to let it go beyond a sidelong glance. They usually claim that they are free to dress as they want and a man should be able to control himself. I usually reply : ā€œAnd if a guy had his wang all out in the open, just covering the tip you wouldnā€™t look or even stare? What about a topless guy?ā€ I tend to picture women acting repulsed by a guy with his wang out. Even in the strip clubs for women the guy doesnā€™t tend to let his longfellow out for fresh air. As for topless guy, Iā€™d suppose it depends on the guy. Hairy back fat man isnā€™t probably going to do as well as tanned model looking guy. I do think itā€™s bizarre to write the word ā€œjuicyā€ on your ass and get offended if someone looks at your ass. Iā€™m a fan of reading. If you write words on yourself Iā€™m probably going to read them just out of curiosity. I come for the words, I stay for the curves. > [@](#): > > Though I donā€™t think its fair. But then I suppose I donā€™t know why you would feel shame about it? Societal attitudes toward sexuality are quite varied, but often veer into immature territory, and unhealthy fear and shame. Those who are afraid of it try to shame everyone else into chastity and modesty. Itā€™s a peer pressure thing. Why I would feel shame about it? In public isnā€™t a good place to have an obvious erection. Particularly bad are places like work, where itā€™s a professional environment and even G-rated flirting is frowned upon, and there might be close quarters situations. My job doesnā€™t have a lot of walking around space and thereā€™s bunches of people involved. Iā€™m pretty sure no one at my work wants to either see my erection or feel it brushing up against them as I squeeze past. Some people consider it crude and vulgar and think less of the person with the erection, like this person is a pervert who canā€™t stop thinking about sex. Sad part is, sex could be the last thing on my mind, and there could be no one attractive around, and the thing will still behave on its own. Thatā€™s why you gotta beat the living heck out of the poor thing before going out in public, to make sure it doesnā€™t decide to misbehave in the middle of buying a freakinā€™ donut and a coffee. Which of course makes you a pervert again in the eyes of some, because you know, touching yourself is the devil, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/129 "2013-03-19T14:44:09Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Dude, society was just messin with ya. Again!? This is like the tenth time. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/130 "2013-03-19T14:48:38Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > Again!? This is like the tenth time. The eleventh time is free. ---
**Author:** ![Donna\_Lange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Donna\_Lange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donna_Lange)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/131 "2013-03-19T14:48:48Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > You know, I was a little suspicious of your debut considering it has been oddly timed with other coexisting threads about the creepy, lecherous behavior of some men and how most women donā€™t like it. But I blew it off and you just liking the attention and I appreciated how you were handling any criticism here in the Pit. Besides, Iā€™m usually at loggerheads with most of my female counterparts here too. But post #124 seals the deal for me because it seems to specifically ream on those ladies in exactly the ways theyā€™ve been addressing the few vocal men who _insist_ that their pervy actions are just a-ok fine. So, Iā€™m guessing youā€™re a friend of one of those fellows who talked you in to signing up to do this for no other purpose than to twist the knife against those so-called prudes, harridans and ā€œteases.ā€ Yep, no longer buying it at all and an E for effort on whatever guy who came up with the idea. It is somewhat original, like a living sock. Heh, I never said a pervy action was ok, now did I? If a guy whipped his thing out at me unprovoked, I would have serious issues with it. Also, I donā€™t actually know anyone here. What I find rather funny though is that on the one hand, my argument would be invalid as a man, but as a woman if I have that kind of view Iā€™m a puppet of a man. Iā€™m not here to bash prudes or teases. I want to know why guys feel the way they do and I donā€™t think its fair that there is such a double standard. Is this going to turn into some kind of John Brown thing where Iā€™m crazy? Iā€™m not siding with anyone and I welcome the skeptical view. But please, Iā€™m no ones puppet. Though I might have made a few people want me to be THEIR sock ^\_- (yes, a joke) Also, Pizzaguysā€™ second post answered most of what I wanted to know from an actual guyā€¦ if he is a guy o.o ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/132 "2013-03-19T14:57:31Z")
> [@Donna\_Lange](#): > > If a guy whipped his thing out at me unprovoked, I would have serious issues with it. And what would you consider just provocation? ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/133 "2013-03-19T14:57:32Z")
> [@](#): > > Also, Pizzaguysā€™ second post answered most of what I wanted to know from an actual guyā€¦ if he is a guy o.o I would photo my dick and post it on the internets as proof, but to be honest, the internet is already full of dicks. I donā€™t need to join in. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/134 "2013-03-19T14:58:46Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > And what would you consider just provocation? Lacy panties, stockings, garter belt, and a come hither stare? ---
**Author:** ![Donna\_Lange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Donna\_Lange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donna_Lange)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/135 "2013-03-19T15:03:17Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > And what would you consider just provocation? ā€œCan I see your dick?ā€ That would be pretty obvious. If I told him I wanted to fuck him. Stuff like that. I donā€™t whip out my vagina at a hot guy. I consider actual privates to be private. Tits are tits šŸ˜› Even if you TRY to hide them it can be hard. I donā€™t think men in general are anymore sex driven than myself or other women. Some want it a lot, some donā€™t want it at all. And thats fine, isnā€™t it? Its the actions of the people, not how they feel that matters, isnā€™t it? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/136 "2013-03-19T15:25:41Z")
Yeah, yeah, still donā€™t believe you. \< shrug \> However, the Dope is an equal opportunity place for all types, so itā€™ll be interesting to see what trajectory you take after this quite revolutionary stance on this subject. I guess only time will tell. Now I return you to your tittage and the admiration or shamefulness of same. ---
**Author:** ![Donna\_Lange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Donna\_Lange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donna_Lange)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/137 "2013-03-19T15:31:50Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Yeah, yeah, still donā€™t believe you. > > \< shrug \> > > However, the Dope is an equal opportunity place for all types, so itā€™ll be interesting to see what trajectory you take after this quite revolutionary stance on this subject. I guess only time will tell. > > Now I return you to your tittage and the admiration or shamefulness of same. And thats ok and Iā€™m glad Iā€™m not so easily accepted. Its my view verses many other views and I am just here to interact and contrast my life with others. Thats the whole point šŸ™‚ And thank you for being gracious even if you feel me untrustworthy of being an actual person. From what I see here, most of you donā€™t normally deal with someone like me (a few do, as seen above) and it can be shocking to have a moreā€¦ um.. out there? kind of view on a feminine sexuality. And donā€™t worry, you will see lots more of me and there wonā€™t be a whole lot of this kind of thread from me in the future. There will, however, be more tits than there once was around here ^\_- ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/138 "2013-03-19T15:33:35Z")
> [@Donna\_Lange](#): > > And donā€™t worry, you will see lots more of me _begins sweating profusely_ Gosh, did it just get hot in here? ---
**Author:** ![Donna\_Lange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Donna\_Lange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donna_Lange)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/139 "2013-03-19T15:42:46Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > _begins sweating profusely_ > > Gosh, did it just get hot in here? _wipes the sweat from your brow_ Sure did ^\_- ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020/140 "2013-03-19T15:50:20Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > _begins sweating profusely_ > > Gosh, did it just get hot in here? Easy there, Hoss. You donā€™t want to be erecting your trouser tent just yet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-who-stare-and-act-ashamed-about-it/653020.md?page=8)