# Men: would you choose certain death by cancer over penis amputation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 21, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540 "2011-08-21T16:55:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/21 "2011-08-22T00:00:47Z")
Of course get it chopped off! I spent lots of time doing fun and interesting things with my life today, and only about 15 seconds of that involved my penis. ---
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/22 "2011-08-22T00:06:28Z")
this deserves all-caps: NOTHING CAN BE WORSE THAN DEATH. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/23 "2011-08-22T01:00:56Z")
History of penis amputation is disqualifying for all (AFAIK) US armed services. So there goes my career plan. Plus, if I got the big casino, I’d just as soon take the quick route to leave – I wouldn’t hesitate to amputate my brain-stem. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/24 "2011-08-22T02:01:13Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > What the hell… > > [pedantic prick] > _ **penes** _ > [/pedantic prick] I have never seen this word before. Please tell me that it rhymes with “weenies” because if so whole realms of limerick fun have just opened up. . . 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/25 "2011-08-22T02:18:44Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Eh, what’s life without a dick? > [@TruCelt](#): > > I have never seen this word before. Please tell me that it rhymes with “weenies” because if so whole realms of limerick fun have just opened up. . . 😃 That’s the Latinate plural of penis. In English, there are only two acceptable plurals for penis: penises and penes. And, yes, it rhymes with “weenies.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/26 "2011-08-22T04:04:12Z")
I move we change the official word to “Peenies.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/27 "2011-08-22T04:16:14Z")
In fact, I asked my husband this question earlier today. He said that he and his penis are inseparable buddies, and if he dies from cancer of the penis, at least his buddy will be with him to the end. That’s pretty much what I was expecting him to say. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/28 "2011-08-22T10:53:28Z")
_Reads OP and faints_ (doctor takes advantage of the situation). ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/29 "2011-08-22T12:06:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Men: would you choose certain death by cancer over penis amputation? Well a lot depends on the girl involved, actually… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/30 "2011-08-22T14:15:08Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > What’s a penius? > > In other words, you do that just to piss off Latin-speakers, don’t you? Obviously. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/31 "2011-08-22T20:49:30Z")
> [@mac\_bolan00](#): > > this deserves all-caps: > > NOTHING CAN BE WORSE THAN DEATH. I quite envy this simple view of life. Nothing is worse than death, not even being tortured or watching your children be killed in front of you. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/32 "2011-08-22T21:01:59Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > I quite envy this simple view of life. Nothing is worse than death, not even being tortured or watching your children be killed in front of you. Well, that’s simply not true. My son died when he was six. If I could change that with a choice – my own death or his – I’d choose his life in a New York minute. And it wouldn’t be an _unselfish_ choice, either. Nor is it unique. I can’t believe I’m even the only person on the board, much less in the world, who’d rather die than see his child die. I disagree about the torture as well. If you’ve watched anyone slowly die of cancer (which I have, several times), you might understand that death is sometimes a mercy. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/33 "2011-08-22T21:07:09Z")
I choose to die fully encocked and with a skinful of morphine. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/34 "2011-08-22T21:09:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I choose to die fully encocked and with a skinful of morphine. We often disagree, **Dio** , so please do not take the next paragraph as a personal attack; I am honestly curious and not trying to do a gotcha. You’re a father with young children (a twelve-year-old daughter, no, if I recall aright). Isn’t that rather selfish of you? Do not your children deserve a living father if that is possible? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/35 "2011-08-22T21:09:32Z")
Irrational as it may be, I might be able to deal with a penis amputation, but not a testicle amputation. I might choose death over that. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/36 "2011-08-22T21:45:39Z")
Yeah, life-circumstance would make a difference in the decision, I suppose by the time I’m in my 80s I’d choose to just mainline morphine until I walk into the light still fully equipped. But were it to happen in current times I suppose I would, if medically advisable, have a “farewell tour”, so to speak, and then go ahead and say goodbye to the ladies’ friend. Mind you I’d be ticked off to no end and be one mean, ornery patient in recovery… ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/37 "2011-08-22T21:58:01Z")
This is great - a Skald the Rhymer Extreme Hypothetical Thread that’s actually based on a real event. But I have no penis to cut off, despite what a surprising number of people assume after my decade here. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/38 "2011-08-22T22:17:20Z")
Life would suck without a penis. But it’s still life. I don’t find this to be a difficult decision to make. Doctor – make with the cutting! C’mon, chop chop! (Yeah, I said it.) ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/39 "2011-08-22T22:29:28Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Well, that’s simply not true. My son died when he was six. If I could change that with a choice – my own death or his – I’d choose his life in a New York minute. And it wouldn’t be an _unselfish_ choice, either. Nor is it unique. I can’t believe I’m even the only person on the board, much less in the world, who’d rather die than see his child die. > > I disagree about the torture as well. If you’ve watched anyone slowly die of cancer (which I have, several times), you might understand that death is sometimes a mercy. You misunderstand my intent; we are one and the same, you and I. Sorry if the snark was undetectable. I intended to show through mild parody the ridiculousness of **mac\_bolan00** ’s simple world view. Maybe I should have used a question mark at the end of my original statement, instead. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2011, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540/40 "2011-08-22T22:47:09Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > This is great - a Skald the Rhymer Extreme Hypothetical Thread that’s actually based on a real event. In the first place, they are called _Skaldtheticals_. The great **WhyNot** so named them and she is not to be questioned by the likes of you. :mad: In the second place this wasn’t one. Skaldtheticals have named characters. There’s a rule someplace. In the third place there have been Skaldtheticals based on real-life events. I’d link to one if I weren’t so lazy, but I am, so I won’t. There was a fourth place but I forgot what it was. Something about Keira Knightley I think. > [@](#): > > But I have no penis to cut off, despite what a surprising number of people assume after my decade here. I will send someone over to supply you with a penis if you wish to have your penis cut off to prove a point. I am not sure what that point could be, but then, it’s not MY point, so that doesn’t matter. > [@rachelellogram](#): > > You misunderstand my intent; we are one and the same, you and I. Sorry if the snark was undetectable. I intended to show through mild parody the ridiculousness of **mac\_bolan00** ’s simple world view. Maybe I should have used a question mark at the end of my original statement, instead. Sorry. Rhymers don’t have senses of humor (there’s a sacred story that explains why) so I missed your snark. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-choose-certain-death-by-cancer-over-penis-amputation/593540.md?page=3)