# Men: Would You Date a 40 Year Old Virgin Woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 17, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622 "2014-10-17T21:23:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/21 "2014-10-18T18:50:28Z")
Trust, but Verify ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/22 "2014-10-18T22:36:17Z")
Not a problem. At the very least, no STDs. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/23 "2014-10-18T23:04:39Z")
Her virtue (and that of any other women reading this) is safe. For not only am I married, I am horribly disfigured. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/24 "2014-10-18T23:37:37Z")
Oh yummy! A virgin 11 years younger than me! ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/25 "2014-10-19T00:04:22Z")
> [@Sefton](#): > > Not a problem. At the very least, no STDs. Unless the STDs were passed down from an infected parent in utero. ---
**Author:** ![Ibn\_Warraq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e19b73/32.png) [@Ibn\_Warraq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibn_Warraq)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/26 "2014-10-19T00:25:02Z")
No, it’s not a deal breaker. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/27 "2014-10-19T01:07:55Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > You’re really stereotyping here. Yup. I’m the same way when it comes to resumes that people who have no relevant professional experience send me in hopes that they will get hired. Hey, now there’s the trick. Just run all the middle-aged potential dates who have never had a personal relationship before through a [rigorous but fair test](http://youtu.be/xS3VuRbizDs) for general relationship equivalency – sorta like a GED. More seriously, Velocity, you’re fighting the thread’s hypothetical when you ignore the odds. By all means identify exceptions that defy the odds, but don’t go dissing people who recognize the odds. [Emtar KronJonDerSohn](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17826174&postcount=19) and [Indistinguishable](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17826286&postcount=20) in this thread, and [Lemur866](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17821555&postcount=57) and [Penfeather](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17822301&postcount=78) in the women’s thread, pretty much match how I look at it. You don’t, but that’s what a poll based discussion is all about – learning what others think, and how they have arrived at their opinions. Oh, and Velocity, you might consider whether or not you are being judgmental. It’s one thing to differ in your personal preferences as to whom you would be likely to date, but it is quite another to get catty with others who do not share your personal preferences. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/28 "2014-10-19T03:04:54Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Yes, you’ve made that joke. Then how about two 18-year-olds and some change? ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/29 "2014-10-19T04:18:06Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > More seriously, Velocity, you’re fighting the thread’s hypothetical when you ignore the odds. By all means identify exceptions that defy the odds, but don’t go dissing people who recognize the odds. [Emtar KronJonDerSohn](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17826174&postcount=19) and [Indistinguishable](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17826286&postcount=20) in this thread, and [Lemur866](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17821555&postcount=57) and [Penfeather](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17822301&postcount=78) in the women’s thread, pretty much match how I look at it. You don’t, but that’s what a poll based discussion is all about – learning what others think, and how they have arrived at their opinions. The person in this thread who closest matches how I look at it is **Gatopescado** , I think. I certainly don’t agree with **Lemur866** and **Penfeather** that this would be definitive proof of inability to handle an adult romantic relationship. It would cause some concern which would have to be assuaged, and I agree that each individual can perfectly well choose not to date whoever they want. But, for a woman I otherwise found “personable, bright, and attractive”, I’d like to think I would take it as the beginning of a conversation rather than the end. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/30 "2014-10-19T05:16:26Z")
(Or rather, as the middle, since women do not typically introduce themselves to me with “Hi. I’m a virgin…”) ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/31 "2014-10-19T14:01:30Z")
I answered Yes hypothetically, since I’m married and faithful. It’s not a deal-breaker in itself, but odds are, the reason for it might be. But I can imagine scenarios like a lovely nun who had a crisis of faith and realized religion wasn’t for her, or other scenarios. Mostly ones that belong in the imagination or a rom-com. I’d also be happy to play tutor, if the circumstances are right. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/32 "2014-10-19T14:08:52Z")
I would have serious concerns simply because I have a fairly high drive and it would seem on the surface we wouldn’t be compatible. If however we spoke and she turned out to be a completely normal person with a healthy sex drive who has simply decided that she didn’t want intercourse for some relatively sane reason, like say waiting to get married, then I’d be far more inclined to start a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/33 "2014-10-19T16:40:27Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Oh, and Velocity, you might consider whether or not you are being judgmental. It’s one thing to differ in your personal preferences as to whom you would be likely to date, but it is quite another to get catty with others who do not share your personal preferences. Nobody is judging. What I’m saying is, presuming a woman to have no personal relationship skills because she’s an old virgin is like presuming a person to be lazy or unmotivated because they’re overweight. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/34 "2014-10-19T22:14:20Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Nobody is judging. What I’m saying is, presuming a woman to have no personal relationship skills because she’s an old virgin is like presuming a person to be lazy or unmotivated because they’re overweight. Uh… ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/35 "2014-10-19T22:56:09Z")
> [@Indistinguishable](#): > > You’re allowed to do whatever you want when you’re dating; you have complete veto. But let’s not forget that it rather sucks for the woman if she is ubiquitously stereotyped as something she isn’t. You misspelled ‘for the other person.’ ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/36 "2014-10-19T23:24:46Z")
I voted because I asked my boyfriend. He said , “Yes”. When I asked why, he said because he wouldn’t have to worry about diseases (not that he does now). ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2014, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/37 "2014-10-19T23:40:59Z")
Ultimately, I answer yes on this because I’ll spend a couple of dates figuring out why she’s 40 and a virgin. (Assuming, of course, that I’m generally interested and on the market myself.) Now, there’s a pretty good chance that her explanation will raise some flags. We might not make it to a second or third date if she was a religious zealot, spent the last 20 years in prison, is totally neurotic, etc. Still, it’s worth a cup of coffee to get the story. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/38 "2014-10-20T00:10:00Z")
If I were in the market, it would be unlikely. I voted “no.” It’s not a 100% solid “no,” as there’s always possibility for an exception. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/39 "2014-10-20T00:32:14Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Oh, and Velocity, you might consider whether or not you are being judgmental. It’s one thing to differ in your personal preferences as to whom you would be likely to date, but it is quite another to get catty with others who do not share your personal preferences. It’s perfectly okay to be judgmental against judgmental people. You flat out said that, even if she were otherwise a good and attractive person, you would still not date her, because you would assume a bunch of other negative things about her anyways. She’s a good person who you like talking to. She’s shown she has social skills. You assume she doesn’t because your prejudice. You’re doing the classic “You aren’t tolerant because you don’t tolerate my intolerance.” Of course he’s judgmental towards you. And I say this as someone who won’t generally date fat people because I don’t find them all that attractive. See, it’s about me and what I find attractive, not being judgmental towards the person, assuming shitty things about them because they are fat. And I allow for the exceptions. You, on the other hand, described someone who you had every evidence was not a social misfit, but declared she must be one anyways, because she’s a virgin. Dude was being nice by just calling it “stereotyping.” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/40 "2014-10-20T01:01:36Z")
> [@Indistinguishable](#): > > The person in this thread who closest matches how I look at it is **Gatopescado** , I think. I certainly don’t agree with **Lemur866** and **Penfeather** that this would be definitive proof of inability to handle an adult romantic relationship. It would cause some concern which would have to be assuaged, and I agree that each individual can perfectly well choose not to date whoever they want. But, for a woman I otherwise found “personable, bright, and attractive”, I’d like to think I would take it as the beginning of a conversation rather than the end. And that is how you deal with a stereotype in a proper way. They have truth to them, and you are an idiot not to acknowledge that. I think you are making too much allowance for who you choose to date. The reason you have more leniency in that situation is not because it’s a free for all, but because you can’t control who you are attracted to. You can’t force yourself to be attracted to someone you’re not attracted to. But **Muffin** assumes she’s attractive. So that part is out of the way. After that, there are some things you shouldn’t do. You shouldn’t cling to a stereotype when you have evidence that it is false. When you like someone enough to be good friends with, you shouldn’t need to go by the stereotype anymore. Find out if she would make a good relationship partner. Find out if she’s somehow crazy. If someone being a virgin squicks you out or kills the attraction, fine. If it makes you a bit wary and cautious, fine. But if it makes you assume negative traits about them despite evidence to the contrary, then you’ve crossed the line. The fact that this is a dating situation is no longer an excuse. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622.md?page=3)