# Men: Would You Date a 40 Year Old Virgin Woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 17, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622 "2014-10-17T21:23:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/41 "2014-10-20T01:19:16Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > You, on the other hand, described someone who you had every evidence was not a social misfit, but declared she must be one anyways, because she’s a virgin. Dude was being nice by just calling it “stereotyping.” You appear to believe that not having developed personal relationship skills equates with being a social misfit. They are very different things. It is one thing to get by in the world – hold a job, pay the mortgage, join a club, socially fit in quite nicely, etc. It is quite another to maintain a conjugal relationship, which to say the least, requires personal relationship skills that in large part are developed through having such relationships. The odds of someone reaching forty having develop those skills without having been in such relationships are not good, so I would “most likely not date her.” If you believe that the odds of her having developed those personal relationship skills are good despite not having had personal relationships, then we’ll have to disagree on that one. I’ve spent a significant portion of my career listening to people talk about how and why their relationships failed. Although occasionally it is because one or the other or both are seriously messed up, usually it comes down to one or the other or both simply not having the skill set necessary to maintain their relationship. If you believe that the forty year old virgin may have developed personal relationship skills by having been in a conjugal relationship that for some physical reason precluded having sexual intercourse, then I suggest you go back and read my post, where I qualify “not” with the phrase “most likely”, and where I state that we could “be friends”. Now obviously we differ on this issue, for I am of the opinion that the best way to get to know someone is to become friends. For me, friendship comes before dating, rather than the other way around. One of the nice things about this approach is that it lets the parties get to know each other before jumping into dating. Like I say, we’ll just have to differ on this. What you consider to be negative stereotyping is what I consider to be a reasonable approach to dating by keeping my eyes open. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/42 "2014-10-20T01:51:30Z")
Do most people advertise their numbers of sexual partners? I honestly don’t know why/how I would know how much sex a potential date has had, and I can’t imagine anyone would have any clue how much sex I’ve had. I have conceived one child who lived- so I guess most women would assume I had sex at least once, assuming we are all telling the truth about paternity. Other than that, which still requires some assumptions, there’s no way for anyone to know how much sex I’ve had if any. Do these things work on referrals these days? Like, I’m going to be introduced to Jane by my pal Johnny who tells me she takes cock like a champ or something? Or does everyone hook up via sextape these days? I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/43 "2014-10-20T02:26:54Z")
These days it’s done by each party completing and disclosing a sexual history form before [NSFW][negotiating the terms of, and executing a consent to, the sexual part of the date](http://youtu.be/UH3mQmbC41g)[/NSFW], with the assistance of independent legal advice of course. ---
**Author:** ![Aeschines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aeschines/32/16251_2.png) [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/44 "2014-10-20T03:23:21Z")
This seems like a no-brainer to me: no. (Assuming she doesn’t have a really good excuse, such as she has been disabled since her teenage years and couldn’t have sex but now can, was unjustly in prison for the past 20 years, etc.) Consider the possibilities. There are really only two: 1. Has never been in a relationship A. …but has wanted sex. She’s either really shitty with relationships or her looks and personality are so bad that she hasn’t been able to be in one. Isn’t going to be good. B. …and hasn’t wanted sex. She’s been asexual and it’s impossible to imagine a good reason for a change at age 40. 2. Has been in relationships but has never had sex. She’s got issues with sex. It’s not a matter of stereotyping. Logic tells us that it just can’t be good and normal. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/45 "2014-10-20T03:41:07Z")
No as it would show that we have completely different values and morals and as such I don’t think we would be compatible. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/46 "2014-10-20T04:11:49Z")
If everything else lined up and she ticked off the other boxes then yeah, no problem and take it from there. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/47 "2014-10-20T04:55:57Z")
Nope. Meeting a virgin of advanced years isn’t like finding a cherry automobile with low mileage. It’s not like you wear it out by using it. Relationships are more like having a pilot’s license; you need to re-certify if it’s been too long since your last “flight”. Either she has hangups about sex, and so hasn’t found a reason to have any in 20+ years, or she has such severe problems with interpersonal relationships that in the same timespan she hasn’t ever reached the point of having sex with someone else. Regardless of what her problem is, I’m not interested in it becoming my problem. It probably wouldn’t be an issue anyway, as whatever torpedoed her past relationships would probably affect our relationship the same way. We’d then either default to friend or acquaintance status, or not meet again unless our mutual social spheres overlapped enough to produce another random meeting. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/48 "2014-10-20T05:18:51Z")
It depend. Since that means I might I said yes I would as the most correct answer. There’s a reason or reasons behind why they’ve gotten to that incredibly uncommon point. The reason makes all the difference. I’d still think No would be more likely than not. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/49 "2014-10-20T13:50:41Z")
It depends - does she have kids? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/50 "2014-10-20T18:08:57Z")
I have yet to be convinced that “virginity” is a useful concept or category in today’s world. I’m not sure how I would know that a 40-year-old woman I was considering dating was a virgin. I wonder if it would be even more of a red flag for a 40-year-old to have had exactly **one** experience of sexual intercourse than to have had zero. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/51 "2014-10-20T19:43:37Z")
> [@Indistinguishable](#): > > If she was otherwise a good fit… There’s a catch 22. Can’t find out if she’s a good fit without ruining the hypothetical. > [@SiamSam222](#): > > Two 20-year-old virgins would be more preferable. I have it on good authority that you are not wired for 220.😛 ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622/52 "2014-10-20T19:53:34Z")
> [@Aeschines](#): > > This seems like a no-brainer to me: no. (Assuming she doesn’t have a really good excuse, such as she has been disabled since her teenage years and couldn’t have sex but now can, was unjustly in prison for the past 20 years, etc.) > > Consider the possibilities. There are really only two: > > 1. Has never been in a relationship > A. …but has wanted sex. She’s either really shitty with relationships or her looks and personality are so bad that she hasn’t been able to be in one. Isn’t going to be good. > B. …and hasn’t wanted sex. She’s been asexual and it’s impossible to imagine a good reason for a change at age 40. > > 2. Has been in relationships but has never had sex. She’s got issues with sex. > > It’s not a matter of stereotyping. Logic tells us that it just can’t be good and normal. This is basically why I answered “no”. As far as I can tell, there are no reasons that I’d consider positive for a person to be a virgin at 40. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-would-you-date-a-40-year-old-virgin-woman/701622.md?page=2)