# Men - You catch a woman masturbating - What do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2004, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804 "2004-05-12T15:34:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/21 "2004-05-12T18:03:08Z")
Find a different seat on the bus. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/22 "2004-05-12T18:11:40Z")
Hit the snooze alarm to see how this dream turns out. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/23 "2004-05-12T18:47:37Z")
Get my videocam. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/24 "2004-05-12T18:47:39Z")
> [@verbenabeast](#): > > …Masturbatin’ Lady Wasn’t that a song by Bob Welch? ---
**Author:** ![Chastain86](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Chastain86](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chastain86)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/25 "2004-05-12T18:49:52Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Find a different seat on the bus. > > Regards, > Shodan Ding ding ding! We have our winner! ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/26 "2004-05-12T23:18:41Z")
Wonder if she is using Duracells or rechargeables. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/27 "2004-05-12T23:42:33Z")
What I should do is quietly leave, and perhaps mention to her later that she should possibly be a bit more discreet. What I would do is thank God, get in a posistion so she wouldn’t discover me, and watch. Intently. ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/28 "2004-05-12T23:46:26Z")
Shoot the hostage? No…wait…gimme a sec, I know this one… ---
**Author:** ![RainGrowsBrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@RainGrowsBrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RainGrowsBrite)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/29 "2004-05-13T00:15:51Z")
> [@neofishboy](#): > > Shoot the hostage? > > No…wait…gimme a sec, I know this one… HAHAHAH! That got a huge laugh out of me! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![citrus\_x\_paradisi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6f9a4e/32.png) [@citrus\_x\_paradisi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/citrus_x_paradisi)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/30 "2004-05-13T00:23:51Z")
> [@neofishboy](#): > > Shoot the hostage? I’ll take "Masturbation Euphemism or Topical Current Events Reference for a thousand, Alex. ---
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/31 "2004-05-13T00:41:44Z")
Probably kinda falter off on whatever comment I was in the middle of as I entered the room. Gawk open-mouthed for a few moments as my mind puts the scene before me into a meaningful order. Blink. Leave the room (either by turning around and walking or merely backing out) and close the door. Cough slightly, but loud enough to be heard. Knock. Wait for an ACK. Repeat interrupted comment if acknowledged… otherwise go back to whatever I was doing. In all probability, forget it happened within 30 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/32 "2004-05-13T00:53:24Z")
> [@SanguineSpider](#): > > It’s all part of the lovin’. Yayess, mercy, yayess…Darling hubby can protest that he’s not in the mood (or sleepy). All I have to do is (cough),er, occupy myself within plain sight, and the silent countdown begins- 10…9…8…until (imagine my surprise!) he joins me 😃 FB ---
**Author:** ![Call\_me\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Call\_me\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Call_me_Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/33 "2004-05-13T02:58:42Z")
I’d stop drinking/smoking whatever it was that produced that hallucination 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/34 "2004-05-13T03:00:46Z")
😃 [sup] **Ask if I can lend a hand.** [/sup] ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/35 "2004-05-13T03:17:02Z")
> [@astro](#): > > **Men - You catch a woman masturbating - What do you do?** Er… Can I keep her? 😃 –SSgtBaloo ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/36 "2004-05-13T05:39:09Z")
> [@SSgtBaloo](#): > > Er… Can I keep her? 😃 > –SSgtBaloo Crikey! The _femenis masturbatus_! A very rare breed indeed! It’ll go perfect right next to the buck head above me fire place! ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/37 "2004-05-13T10:39:27Z")
Take notes. Er, you know, in case I ever got amnesia and forgot how to please a woman that is. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Clanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/38 "2004-05-13T11:11:09Z")
Just want to say, at the moment the thread title directly below this one is: Dude, where’s my digital camera? ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/39 "2004-05-13T18:12:01Z")
Happened to me. I noticed the bathroom door was open a crack, and then noticed that my (now ex-)wife was enjoying one of my magazines… I watched for a few minutes, then snuck off and did it myself. When I mentioned it to her a few days later, she was really really pissed that I had caught her. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/40 "2004-05-13T18:55:08Z")
What would I do? Well, my answer is contained in a little piece that I published once. It begins: “Dear Penthouse Forum …” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804.md?page=3)