# Men - You catch a woman masturbating - What do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2004, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804 "2004-05-12T15:34:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![stormchaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@stormchaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stormchaser)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/41 "2004-05-13T18:56:10Z")
> [@FaerieBeth](#): > > Yayess, mercy, yayess…Darling hubby can protest that he’s not in the mood (or sleepy). All I have to do is (cough),er, occupy myself within plain sight, and the silent countdown begins- 10…9…8…until (imagine my surprise!) he joins me 😃 > FB I have done that a time or two. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/42 "2004-05-13T18:59:00Z")
The above post by **stormchaser** was made by me. I didn’t realize he was logged in. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/43 "2004-05-13T19:04:47Z")
[Lebowski] Uh… you fix the cable? [/Lebowski] ---
**Author:** ![Shirt\_Ninja\_13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19b73/32.png) [@Shirt\_Ninja\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirt_Ninja_13)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/44 "2004-05-13T19:12:26Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Hard to do cause they’re often so sneaky about it, but per the other thread on this subject, what do you do? What can you do? What should you do? I’d completely lose my train of thought. Afterwards, I’d probably do my best to keep from staring and stammering as I quickly tried to figure out whether it would be more appropriate to run away and hope I wasn’t seen or “lend a hand” (old jokes get put in quotes, today. It’s Put Old Jokes In Quotes Day! Whee! It comes but once a year! (insert obligatory dirty pun here) ). And I’d probably be hungry. This, however, would be unrelated, as I’m _always_ hungry. _bamf_ ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/45 "2004-05-13T19:28:47Z")
Been there, done that. Offered to help. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Llama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@The\_Llama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Llama)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/46 "2004-05-13T21:07:03Z")
If you don’t offer to join, then you are either not a man, gay, or not a man and not gay… or just a wussie. ---
**Author:** ![GGW\_Abu\_Ghraib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9d8465/32.png) [@GGW\_Abu\_Ghraib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GGW_Abu_Ghraib)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/47 "2004-05-14T04:55:05Z")
Only happened to me once. Date got bored during ‘Magnolia’. I wasn’t, so after I realized what she was doing I went back to watching the movie. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Llama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@The\_Llama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Llama)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/48 "2004-05-14T05:08:54Z")
> [@GGW Abu Ghraib](#): > > Only happened to me once. Date got bored during ‘Magnolia’. I wasn’t, so after I realized what she was doing I went back to watching the movie. wussie ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/49 "2012-08-09T16:38:11Z")
Is it true that people in England drink their beer warm? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/50 "2012-08-09T17:43:20Z")
I’ve woken up a couple times in the middle of the night to find that my wife is in the middle of a rubout session. I’m always so tempted to reach over and include myself, but I don’t because I figure if she wanted me to be involved, she’d have woken me up, which she occasionally does. So I lie there, pretending to still be asleep but raging hard and horny. I listen and surreptitiously watch until she finishes. If she falls back to sleep quickly, I rub one out myself, but occasionally I manage to fall asleep before she does. I can’t imagine myself in a situation where I would catch anyone but my wife doing it, although in a couple of years I’m sure my daughters will discover that little pasttime. And I will quickly and quietly retreat from the room, bleaching my brain immediately thereafter, if I ever encounter them in the midst of it. ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/51 "2012-08-09T17:59:15Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Is it true that people in England drink their beer warm? More like room temperature I think, maybe slightly below that 50 to 60 degrees. Barely chilled John Courage is excellent that way. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/52 "2012-08-09T18:03:56Z")
If it’s a mother, a grandmother, a sister,an Aunt (which actually happened to me:eek:) ) I would want to get my eyes washed out with bleach. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/53 "2012-08-09T18:05:45Z")
> [@Lukeinva](#): > > More like room temperature I think, maybe slightly below that 50 to 60 degrees. Barely chilled John Courage is excellent that way. Thank you; This is exactly the kind of information that _Penthouse Forum_ is so badly lacking… ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/54 "2012-08-09T18:37:47Z")
This zombie thread was resurrected by someone who made an inappropriate response, which I removed. I also edited the portion of MPB in Salt Lake’s post which contained the entirety of it. It was of the bow-chicka-wow-wow variety, for those of you burning with curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/55 "2012-08-09T18:43:35Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > This zombie thread was resurrected by someone who made an inappropriate response, which I removed. I also edited the portion of MPB in Salt Lake’s post which contained the entirety of it. > > It was of the bow-chicka-wow-wow variety, for those of you burning with curiosity. Haven’t all of the responses been of that variety? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/56 "2012-08-09T19:26:52Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > If it’s a mother, a grandmother, a sister,an Aunt (which actually happened to me:eek:) ) Wow. All four of them together? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/57 "2012-08-09T19:49:22Z")
I’ve been working on this response for eight years: “Depends. Did I pay for it?” ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/58 "2012-08-09T20:30:53Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > This zombie thread was resurrected by someone who made an inappropriate response, which I removed. I also edited the portion of MPB in Salt Lake’s post which contained the entirety of it. > > It was of the bow-chicka-wow-wow variety, for those of you burning with curiosity. Huh- didn’t even check the date. I’ll be darned. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/59 "2012-08-09T20:34:30Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Wow. All four of them together? I have been trying for years to get my original image out of my head. Now it has been replaced by a new and MUCH more disturbing one. Thanks a lot. **Goes off to find a pistol to blow out brains with** ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804/60 "2012-08-09T22:34:54Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I really had it happen before with my very attractive female roomates. I just watched for a couple of minutes before I worried about being caught so I left. Do you have any stories regarding the opposite sex that don’t make you seem like a total scumbag? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-you-catch-a-woman-masturbating-what-do-you-do/244804.md?page=4)