# Menfolk: If somebody physically assaults your wife... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2014, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232 "2014-04-03T05:38:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/1 "2014-04-03T05:38:49Z")
I was in a discussion recently, and the question of physical violence towards one’s wife, by a stranger, came up. My brother, the lawyer, pointed out that, even with eyewitness testimony, a prosecutor may decline to press charges. So, the concept of vigilante justice came up. The overall consensus was that a drubbing such as has never been seen, nor will be again, would suffice. If the perp dies, well, life ain’t fair. So, this is a question to manly men: If your wife (let’s add all womenfolk) were attacked, and the prosecutor failed to press charges, do you think that extra-judicial punishment is justified? Would you be open to it? ETA: I am all for it, but, I would never ask/suggest somebody else do same. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/2 "2014-04-03T05:47:49Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I was in a discussion recently, and the question of physical violence towards one’s wife, by a stranger, came up. My brother, the lawyer, pointed out that, even with eyewitness testimony, a prosecutor may decline to press charges. Huh? An unknown man physically assaults a woman, there are eyewitnesses and a prosecutor _doesnt_ press charges? Why? I don’t understand this hypothetical. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/3 "2014-04-03T06:02:55Z")
Seen so many cases of men manhandling women on the street and I took issue in four of them. I was disgusted in the fact that most people look away, believing it’s a marital spat or a lovers’ quarrel. Pure BS, I thought. I took out my pocket knife and shouted at the guy in the toughest baritone I can manage. Three times out of four it was a marital spat. That other instance was a robbery in broad daylight and the woman just sat dumbfounded, unable to ask for help. The scum saw I was serious and beat it, along with his second who I knew was standing by in case there was trouble. That one experience told me I must always walk the streets armed and to hell with the law. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/4 "2014-04-03T06:48:44Z")
Don’t fight the hypothetical; KILL 'EM ALL, LET GOD SORT IT OUT!1!!! ---
**Author:** ![Batistuta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/58956e/32.png) [@Batistuta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batistuta)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/5 "2014-04-03T06:57:01Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > Seen so many cases of men manhandling women on the street and I took issue in four of them. I was disgusted in the fact that most people look away, believing it’s a marital spat or a lovers’ quarrel. Pure BS, I thought. I took out my pocket knife and shouted at the guy in the toughest baritone I can manage. Three times out of four it was a marital spat. That other instance was a robbery in broad daylight and the woman just sat dumbfounded, unable to ask for help. The scum saw I was serious and beat it, along with his second who I knew was standing by in case there was trouble. > > That one experience told me I must always walk the streets armed and to hell with the law. Christ, I don’t know where you live but I sure as hell don’t want to go there I agree with **Ambivalid** ’s issue, though. I don’t understand how such an assault could not be prosecuted - at least here in Sweden, a guy would be in serious trouble for assaulting a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/6 "2014-04-03T08:51:19Z")
Accepting the hypothetical that someone has assaulted my wife and will face no legal consequences: I would undoubtedly fantasise about visiting some righteous vengeance upon him - and find that fantasy satisfying - but I would certainly not act on it. There are a number of considerations: 1. My wife has just suffered a traumatic event. My job is to help her recover from it. That means being a reassuring, stable presence and rebuilding her sense that she lives in a secure, violence-free environment. Getting myself involved in violence will achieve precisely the opposite. 2. Right doesn’t make might. Although I would like to believe that I could transform into an unstoppable violence-fuelled ass-kicking machine the truth is that: a) I’ve never been in a fight in my life b) My putative opponent is a guy so inherently brutal that he had no problem beating up my wife. It’s unlikely that this was his first fight. So my opponent has two major advantages over me - he won’t suffer any instinctive hesitation about inflicting violence, and he’ll be much better at channeling that into effective fighting techniques. Even assuming my righteous rage is so great that I overcome my natural reluctance to hurt people, simple lack of training and experience would mean I would most likely come of worst. Even if I won, I would hardly be walking away unscathed. The idea that I would leave my injured, scared wife at home alone, only to return some hours later badly beaten up myself doesn’t really stand up to scrutiny. That attitude may mean I’m not a “manly man” but hey-ho, you can’t please everybody. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/7 "2014-04-03T09:22:27Z")
First the asshole that did something to my wife, then the asshole prosecutor. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/8 "2014-04-03T09:30:35Z")
> [@Batistuta](#): > > Christ, I don’t know where you live but I sure as hell don’t want to go there Here at least, if you catch your wife in bed with another man and there’s a gun within reach, you can kill that snake and any judge will rule it a rape and justifiable homicide. All my lawyer friends say the husband is scott-free. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/9 "2014-04-03T10:02:16Z")
> [@Stanislaus](#): > > Accepting the hypothetical that someone has assaulted my wife and will face no legal consequences: > > I would undoubtedly fantasise about visiting some righteous vengeance upon him - and find that fantasy satisfying - but I would certainly not act on it. There are a number of considerations: > > 1. My wife has just suffered a traumatic event. My job is to help her recover from it. That means being a reassuring, stable presence and rebuilding her sense that she lives in a secure, violence-free environment. Getting myself involved in violence will achieve precisely the opposite. > 2. Right doesn’t make might. Although I would like to believe that I could transform into an unstoppable violence-fuelled ass-kicking machine the truth is that: > a) I’ve never been in a fight in my life > b) My putative opponent is a guy so inherently brutal that he had no problem beating up my wife. It’s unlikely that this was his first fight. > > So my opponent has two major advantages over me - he won’t suffer any instinctive hesitation about inflicting violence, and he’ll be much better at channeling that into effective fighting techniques. Even assuming my righteous rage is so great that I overcome my natural reluctance to hurt people, simple lack of training and experience would mean I would most likely come of worst. Even if I won, I would hardly be walking away unscathed. > > The idea that I would leave my injured, scared wife at home alone, only to return some hours later badly beaten up myself doesn’t really stand up to scrutiny. That attitude may mean I’m not a “manly man” but hey-ho, you can’t please everybody. This. I’m not going to get the better of any revenge attempt, and even if I did, charges could be pressed against _me_. Both outcomes would make my wife’s life worse, not better. And my wife needs me to be there to help her heal, not to track down her assailant and exact revenge. This has to be about _her_, not me. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/10 "2014-04-03T10:04:12Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > Here at least, if you catch your wife in bed with another man and there’s a gun within reach, you can kill that snake and any judge will rule it a rape and justifiable homicide. All my lawyer friends say the husband is scott-free. I’m glad I don’t live in a place where most people believe that a death sentence is the appropriate penalty for adultery. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/11 "2014-04-03T11:18:44Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > Here at least, if you catch your wife in bed with another man and there’s a gun within reach, you can kill that snake and any judge will rule it a rape and justifiable homicide. All my lawyer friends say the husband is scott-free. > [@RTFirefly](#): > > I’m glad I don’t live in a place where most people believe that a death sentence is the appropriate penalty for adultery. Not only that, **the\_diego** has every right to rape him first. Vot a kontry! ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/12 "2014-04-03T12:01:12Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > That one experience told me I must always walk the streets armed and to hell with the law. Well quite, but by the time you need to use your scary weapon it may be too late. I suggest that you start your offensive the moment people start looking or acting “funny” Why give these proto-creeps the chance to get the jump on you? I personally slapped a child just this morning for back-chatting me, that’s how it starts you see. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/13 "2014-04-03T12:06:39Z")
And where, exactly, is, ‘Here at least…’? Italy ? Mexico? Honduras? Europe? Please share some context. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/14 "2014-04-03T12:23:14Z")
If it’s in Reno you know my answer. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/15 "2014-04-03T16:30:33Z")
My wife is a CCL holder & is always armed. I am CCL holder & always armed. A person physically attacks my wife? There are independent witnesses? Somebody has some buryin to do. Back in the 1950’s Dad, Mom & I were walking down a downtown street in Tulsa, OK. Dad was curb side, I was behind. As we passed a bar, a drunk rushed out and shoved and cussed at my Mom for being in his way. My Dad put him down hard with one blow. Dad started walking away with Mom & told me to come on. A cop was standing not 10 feet from us. He said, “Go on, I have this.” I have a great big extended family. Some of them are even raging liberals. Some do not like violence at all. The only way any of the females could be attacked and the attacker prosecuted is if they were killed from range with no relative withing miles. As for Prosecutors that are that evil, they are out there in droves if their political ambitions are in any way involved. Well, OK. & IL. I have personal experience with but I don’t think it is just those 2 states or cities within just those two. If a man is present & feels he would not fight, no matter the odds, then IMO he should be very clear about this with his SO in advance so they are not surprised when they are allowed to be beaten, raped or killed in their presence. The OP makes no distinction about being present or not but above is my answer & opinion about the results of my being present. If I was not present, my wife would be dead or the attacker would be. Unless she was shot from range. She will never be that unaware of her surroundings and like myself, does not believe in the sanctity of human life to the detriment of herself and her family. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/16 "2014-04-03T16:46:15Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > Here at least, if you catch your wife in bed with another man and there’s a gun within reach, you can kill that snake and any judge will rule it a rape and justifiable homicide. All my lawyer friends say the husband is scott-free. Tell me you kill your wife too – she’s as much of a snake. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/17 "2014-04-03T19:27:54Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Tell me you kill your wife too – she’s as much of a snake. Better to shoot the wife once than a different man every week… ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/18 "2014-04-03T20:09:33Z")
If my wife is being currently assaulted, then I’ll do whatever it takes to make that stop happening. Once it stops happening, it will be up to the authorities to handle the rest of the issue. Maybe some kind of civil lawsuit if there are damages that need to be recovered. However, the idea of pursuing some sort of vigilante retribution after the fact seems utterly inappropriate to me. If the prosecutor chooses not to pursue charges, I would resort to some strongly worded letters to the DA’s office and that’s about the extent of it. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/19 "2014-04-03T20:45:31Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Better to shoot the wife once than a different man every week… …and you just know your Sealy/Simmons/Posturpedic/Serta warranty won’t cover that. “What’s your sleep-number?” “Fifteen. And its a Really tight grouping too…” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/20 "2014-04-03T20:57:38Z")
> [@Stanislaus](#): > > Accepting the hypothetical that someone has assaulted my wife and will face no legal consequences: > > I would undoubtedly fantasise about visiting some righteous vengeance upon him - and find that fantasy satisfying - but I would certainly not act on it. There are a number of considerations: Said perfectly. I’ve spent my life doing things other than fighting. Someone that’s never baked who tries to bake a tasty pan of biscuits is gonna screw up their first batch badly, whereas mine come out flaky and delicious every time. But that’s okay; the consequences of failure are pretty small. Whereas if I, who haven’t fought since I was ten, tried to get in a rumble with someone who’s free with violence, I’d screw up just as badly as that biscuit-baker, but the consequences would be far worse. I don’t know how to fight. What I DO know how to do is how to navigate government bureaucracies and apply pressure as needed. And that’s what I’d do. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232.md?page=2)