# Menfolk: If somebody physically assaults your wife... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2014, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232 "2014-04-03T05:38:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/21 "2014-04-03T22:13:29Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > However, the idea of pursuing some sort of vigilante retribution after the fact seems utterly inappropriate to me. If the prosecutor chooses not to pursue charges, I would resort to some strongly worded letters to the DA’s office and that’s about the extent of it. What if the perpetrator told you he was coming back to finish what he started? More strongly worded letters? That’ll show him! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/22 "2014-04-03T22:20:09Z")
Well as long as we’re doing ridiculous hypotheticals; what if someone ran up and grabbed your baby out of your arms and drop-kicked them across the street, in front of a bus full of church-goers, and of course a prosecutor would prolly decline to press charges…_what then?_ ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/23 "2014-04-03T22:36:05Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Well as long as we’re doing ridiculous hypotheticals; what if someone ran up and grabbed your baby out of your arms and drop-kicked them across the street, in front of a bus full of church-goers, and of course a prosecutor would prolly decline to press charges…_what then?_ You’d probably get sued by the owner of the bus. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/24 "2014-04-03T23:35:22Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > And where, exactly, is, ‘Here at least…’? Italy ? Mexico? Honduras? Europe? > > Please share some context. The Philippines. Land of beautiful women, cheap cost of living, razor-sharp balisongs. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/25 "2014-04-03T23:45:33Z")
Revenge is a dish best served cold. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/26 "2014-04-04T00:44:40Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Better to shoot the wife once than a different man every week… I thought this was the smartest forum on the internet? Better to shoot every man on earth. No one left to shoot ME. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/27 "2014-04-04T01:27:00Z")
“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” As others have said, going out and trying to play vigilante is likely to just get you hurt or killed. Something that is true regardless of whether or not the unavenged victim is your wife or not. If it’s the husband who is hurt and the prosecutor refuses to do anything, should the wife go out and kill the attacker? This entire argument is very Stone Age; “Me man, me protect woman! Ugh!”. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/28 "2014-04-04T01:28:23Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Well as long as we’re doing ridiculous hypotheticals; what if someone ran up and grabbed your baby out of your arms and drop-kicked them across the street, in front of a bus full of church-goers, and of course a prosecutor would prolly decline to press charges…_what then?_ The prosecutor would probably accuse the perp of threadshitting. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/29 "2014-04-04T01:32:01Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > As others have said, going out and trying to play vigilante is likely to just get you hurt or killed. Since when? I’ll admit, there are some marvellously maladroit fuckups, but, I doubt that what you aver is even close to true. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/30 "2014-04-04T02:33:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Well as long as we’re doing ridiculous hypotheticals; what if someone ran up and grabbed your baby out of your arms and drop-kicked them across the street, in front of a bus full of church-goers, and of course a prosecutor would prolly decline to press charges…_what then?_ Just one question before I answer, and everything hinges on what you say: _is Hitler driving the bus_??? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/31 "2014-04-04T03:13:16Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Since when? Since always. That’s why there are proverbs like “before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves” in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/32 "2014-04-04T03:28:54Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Since always. That’s why there are proverbs like “before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves” in the first place. It was the prosecutor’s job to avenge this crime so I wouldn’t have to. He didn’t do that, and if I don’t do the job then there will be other victims. I stated above what I would do. If you harm my family I’ll dig three graves if that’s what it takes. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/33 "2014-04-04T05:03:49Z")
> [@DrCube](#): > > What if the perpetrator told you he was coming back to finish what he started? More strongly worded letters? That’ll show him! Well, my first paragraph said that I’ll do whatever it takes to make it stop. So I’ll say it again: I’ll do whatever it takes to make it stop. Vigilante justice would not be the first choice, but if there is current/future harm to me or my family, I’m doing what I have to. My wife and I own a gun just in case it should ever come to that. My eyesight sucks, but I know how to use that gun and would have no hesitation should it be a matter of self-defense. Once the threat is over, though, there’s nothing to be gained from revenge. I don’t even want to see the guy prosecuted because of revenge, but because presumably there’s some preventative/correctional benefit to our legal process. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/34 "2014-04-04T05:32:44Z")
This is just a bizarre hypothetical, is there some kind of point behind it or something? Of course if I witness my wife being assaulted I’m going to defend her, and she’d do the same for me. Fuck fist fighting, I’m putting an ice pick through the assailants ear. I am no good at fighting, but can kill easily enough. EDIT:Oh NM I see the OP refers to after the fact. ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/35 "2014-04-04T06:39:28Z")
Bad enough that your SO was attacked. Worse if in the course of trying to administer a beating you also get hurt, or arrested - or if it goes too far, you having to live with having killed or maimed a man. Also, it allows the perp entirely too much of your emotional real estate if you waste time thinking of vengeance. Why allow him to affect more of your life than is absolutely necessary? Now, if this is something they’re likely to do again, the story changes. But there are plenty of legal ways to make his life difficult which do not involve violence. Get creative. I imagine a guy assaulting my SO without reason probably makes poor decisions in the rest of his life - a likely weak spot is a limited ability to make a living, so attack that first. ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/36 "2014-04-04T09:06:39Z")
There’s another important factor here which I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve only just thought of: I’d discuss it with my wife. This is fundamentally about how we, not me. Her opinion on whether I should try to lay down righteous vengeance is probably of at least as much value as mine. It’s not like my arrest or hospitalisation wouldn’t affect her. (I say that fairly secure in the knowledge that she’d see things the same way I do, of course. But if I did lose control enough to think vengeance was a good idea, I hope I would be able to listen to her when she told me she didn’t want that.) ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/37 "2014-04-04T10:23:40Z")
Outside the law is outside the law. Inside the law, you are protected. Go outside of it, you’re fair game no matter who you’ve married. I’m not even sure how this gets any play at all here and I’m regretting a prior flip answer to a subject where someone seems eager to commit felonies with premeditation. (And yes, this entire thread amounts to premeditation.) ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/38 "2014-04-04T12:35:04Z")
Law where? OP can’t be arsed to share requested context of where, ‘Here at least…’, actually is, so this is a pointless conversation, I think. I’m guessing it is one of those overly macho and backward spots the civilized world views with pity. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/39 "2014-04-04T12:37:15Z")
> [@GusNSpot](#): > > Back in the 1950’s Dad, Mom & I were walking down a downtown street in Tulsa, OK. Dad was curb side, I was behind. As we passed a bar, a drunk rushed out and shoved and cussed at my Mom for being in his way. > My Dad put him down hard with one blow. Dad started walking away with Mom & told me to come on. A cop was standing not 10 feet from us. He said, “Go on, I have this.” An incident dramatized in the infamous pilot episode of _Andy Griffith: Port of Call Tulsa_. A distraught Otis later hangs himself in his cell, after which Andy seems solace in Quaaludes and the tattooed arms of a disfigured prostitute named Moonshadow. A spectacular failure with test audiences, the episode never aired, and the only known reels are said to be buried deep in the Desilu Studios vault. I guess America wasn’t quite ready for a gritty Mayberry reboot just yet. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/40 "2014-04-04T12:45:16Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > If you harm my family I’ll dig three graves if that’s what it takes. You do realize the second grave in the proverb is for you. So, who’s the third grave for, your wife? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232.md?page=3)