# Menfolk: If somebody physically assaults your wife... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2014, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232 "2014-04-03T05:38:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/41 "2014-04-04T12:57:17Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > You do realize the second grave in the proverb is for you. So, who’s the third grave for, your wife? Why not? If she’da stood in the house and done her house work like I tolds her to, none of this woulda happened. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/42 "2014-04-04T13:07:32Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > It was the prosecutor’s job to avenge this crime so I wouldn’t have to. He didn’t do that, and if I don’t do the job then there will be other victims. I stated above what I would do. If you harm my family I’ll dig three graves if that’s what it takes. [A song for you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO43p2Wqc08) ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/43 "2014-04-04T13:07:36Z")
Cliche, but you never really know what you would do until it happens. I can post all sorts of hypotheticals, but I don’t really know what I would do and hope I never find out. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/44 "2014-04-04T13:38:12Z")
> [@Stanislaus](#): > > 1. Right doesn’t make might. Although I would like to believe that I could transform into an unstoppable violence-fuelled ass-kicking machine the truth is that: > a) I’ve never been in a fight in my life > b) My putative opponent is a guy so inherently brutal that he had no problem beating up my wife. It’s unlikely that this was his first fight. Er, you’d consider fighting fair and giving him a chance to hit you? How quaint… ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/45 "2014-04-04T13:45:20Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > You do realize the second grave in the proverb is for you. So, who’s the third grave for, your wife? It’s for the prosecutor. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/46 "2014-04-04T13:50:55Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I was in a discussion recently, and the question of physical violence towards one’s wife, by a stranger, came up. My brother, the lawyer, pointed out that, even with eyewitness testimony, a prosecutor may decline to press charges. That prosecutor would not have a long career in office. Having said that, I will simply say that if someone attacked SWMBO, I would admire her technique as she educated him on his stupidity. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/47 "2014-04-04T13:51:48Z")
I can’t believe you guys didn’t see the twist coming. The somebody assaulting your wife is _YOU_! ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/48 "2014-04-04T14:02:12Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Law where? OP can’t be arsed to share requested context of where, ‘Here at least…’, actually is, so this is a pointless conversation, I think. > > I’m guessing it is one of those overly macho and backward spots the civilized world views with pity. Yo, **'bows** , your eyes don’t seem to be working so well… 1. T’weren’t the OP that said “Here at least”, t’were **the diego** in post 8 2. He then identified “Here” in post 24 FTR, you came in at post 38. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/49 "2014-04-04T14:03:51Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > Er, you’d consider fighting fair and giving him a chance to hit you? How quaint… I’m not **Stanislaus** , but since he and I have the same attitude about this, let me try: 1. I could shoot the guy. That would probably mean prison time for me, and that wouldn’t be good for my wife. 2. I could sneak up on him and hit him over the head with something heavy enough to knock him out. Or sneak up on him and zap him with a taser. Am I good enough at sneaking, and capable of acting quickly and accurately enough when the moment came, so this would work? It’s iffy. I’d guess a better-than-even chance that my target, at a minimum, gets to retaliate, which isn’t gonna work out well for me, even if he doesn’t come out of it well either. And a significant chance that he even gets in the first blow, in which case I’m pretty much cooked. And of course, I could wind up being prosecuted for a successful attack, or my target might find out who beat him over the head and KO’d him, in which case I’d have opened my family up to the possibility of a continuing series of attacks and harassments from this guy. Unless I’m capable of beating him so thoroughly that the idea of coming round and trying to harass me and mine makes him shit himself in fear (which isn’t gonna happen in this universe), I don’t see how attacking him is going to improve things for my wife, my family, or me. And after **TriPolar** gets a lethal injection for killing the prosecutor, I’m sure his widow will find a more sensible guy for her next husband. ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/50 "2014-04-04T14:18:43Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > Er, you’d consider fighting fair and giving him a chance to hit you? How quaint… What, do you think anger will transform me into a ninja? How many successful ambushes do you think I’ve been part of in my life? Do you really think that, gripped as I am by a burning rage, I’m going to plan out a tactically proficient stealth assault? When you think of all the things that would have to go right for me _on the very first try_ to: a) get close enough to a guy to b) take an incapacitating swing at him c) before he notices me, it’s pretty clear that this is an enjoyable fantasy, not a practical course of action. I mean, I like Batman too but I realise it’s fiction. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/51 "2014-04-04T14:25:47Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Cliche, but you never really know what you would do until it happens. I can post all sorts of hypotheticals, but I don’t really know what I would do and hope I never find out. Dude. You really need to work on your Internet Tough Guyness if you expect to survive a thread like this. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/52 "2014-04-04T14:33:24Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Dude. You really need to work on your Internet Tough Guyness if you expect to survive a thread like this. From what I learned in the manliest weapon thread, the only proper answer to this hypothetical is to beat the perp to death with a flail made of the bloody, torn-off phalluses of the prosecutor and the local policemen. That will learn 'em. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/53 "2014-04-04T15:08:06Z")
…they’ll be picking him out of my stool. ---
**Author:** ![keeganst94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a6a055/32.png) [@keeganst94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keeganst94)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/54 "2014-04-04T17:13:39Z")
You’re going to eat him?! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/55 "2014-04-04T17:20:38Z")
How come you’re always such a fussy young man? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/56 "2014-04-04T17:37:27Z")
> [@keeganst94](#): > > You’re going to eat him?! :eek: Deterrent, cost effective and environmentally friendly. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/57 "2014-04-04T18:25:52Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > An incident dramatized in the infamous pilot episode of _Andy Griffith: Port of Call Tulsa_. A distraught Otis later hangs himself in his cell, after which Andy seems solace in Quaaludes and the tattooed arms of a disfigured prostitute named Moonshadow. A spectacular failure with test audiences, the episode never aired, and the only known reels are said to be buried deep in the Desilu Studios vault. I guess America wasn’t quite ready for a gritty Mayberry reboot just yet. I am ‘whooshed’ or you are calling me a liar or they did base it on what happened, who would have related it to Hollywood(?), or…??? I would really like to know to help me with any further interaction with you on the SDMB or anywhere else. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/58 "2014-04-04T18:28:59Z")
I was hoping more for, pistols at dawn. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/59 "2014-04-04T18:37:55Z")
> [@GusNSpot](#): > > I am ‘whooshed’ or you are calling me a liar or they did base it on what happened, who would have related it to Hollywood(?), or…??? > I would really like to know to help me with any further interaction with you on the SDMB or anywhere else. No, he’s right. It is a hell of a coincidence. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/60 "2014-04-04T18:48:14Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I was hoping more for, pistols at dawn. Pistols are for sissies. It’s cannons or nothing [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232.md?page=4)