# Menfolk: If somebody physically assaults your wife... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2014, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232 "2014-04-03T05:38:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/81 "2014-04-07T19:03:56Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > GunsNSpots, I’m sorry about your daughter’s death and I’m sorry that you never got to see justice. > > I’m a girl, but my first question to the OP is “What kind of assault?” Because there are technical assaults and then there are _assaults_. > > If a drunk in a bar twisted my arm or something, my husband would be able to control himself. I’m not a wilting violet and can stand up for myself against most people. But if a man were to violently attack me and really hurt me…well, there is no one way that my husband (or my dad, for that matter) would let that lie. If it’s just happened? Or three months later, after the DA has decided he’s not going to take this one to trial? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/82 "2014-04-07T19:37:15Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > If it’s just happened? Or three months later, after the DA has decided he’s not going to take this one to trial? The latter. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/83 "2014-04-07T21:36:45Z")
If, as per the hypothetical, the guy can beat up my wife and get away with it, I can beat him up and get away with it. So I would break his knee and his elbow and his nose. Then, if I found he was insensible to kindness, I would sue him. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/84 "2014-04-07T23:15:09Z")
> [@GusNSpot](#): > > IMO, the ability to chalk it up to “let bygones be bygones” or just shrug & walk away is not the way to make the world a better place. > > But apparently many people think that is what it the best course of action and the easiest to live with. I am very sorry to hear about what happened. Just two quick points. First, I don’t think letting bygones be bygones is necessarily the easiest course of action. Frankly, countering your own instincts is often the hardest course of action When I say I wouldn’t pursue vigilante justice, I am by no means saying that I think it’s an easy course of action. Second, if you think about the issue of taking revenge versus not, I think you can illustrate for yourself which course of action makes the world the better place. If everyone chooses to revenge everything, then you kill the guy who killed your daughter. Someone else kills you, because you killed his son/brother/whatever. Then your son kills him. There is never any end to the killing as long as someone always seeks revenge. The violence and the grief increase exponentially. The only way in which we can aspire to a peaceful society is one in which we do NOT revenge every wrong done against us. I don’t choose that out of weakness or complacency. I choose it because it I refuse to live in a perpetual cycle of violence. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/85 "2014-04-08T00:58:31Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > What kind of “Catholic ceremony” asked you that?! Ermmm… during the interview with the priest, part of the preparations before the actual ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/86 "2014-04-08T02:55:46Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > Ermmm… during the interview with the priest, part of the preparations before the actual ceremony. In PreCana? Odd priest. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/87 "2014-04-08T06:16:57Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > ::: snip :::: > > The only way in which we can aspire to a peaceful society is one in which we do NOT revenge **every wrong** done against us. I don’t choose that out of weakness or complacency. I choose it because it I refuse to live in a perpetual cycle of violence. Letting murders go free makes the world better how? Did I say every wrong? ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/88 "2014-04-08T06:28:12Z")
Just as an aside, the ones standing at the end of the day are the ones that are hardest to kill. Be that of themselves or being able to hire guards. Being in the USA at this time in history we get a very limited & restricted view of how most of the world. Much of it, maybe even most of it does not hold with the sanctity of human life to the degree that many here do. I may chose to die for you but I damn well won’t die because of you. I make myself very hard to kill. I did not teach my daughter well enough. That is on me. Not everyone can deal with revenge. I can accept that just fine even if I don’t like or respect it. But that position thought about enough becomes just a very small step from a person who will not fight for anything where he might lose his life. He will give up my freedom in a heart beat. Now that attitude I have a problem with. This is not aimed at or in reference to anyone on the SDMB. Just splainin where I am coming from. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/89 "2014-04-08T12:45:21Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Since always. That’s why there are proverbs like “before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves” in the first place. Well, yes. Somebody attacking your wife and not being prosecuted is not beyond the realms of reality, particularly if it was rape. My friend was attacked and we didn’t report it precisely because we knew her father would go all-out against them. And then he’d get killed, because he was an ordinary man, and they were violent people who probably would count as gangsters in that they operated in an organised way and would back each other up. Reporting meant telling him, which meant him dying. The person who attacked your wife _and_ can get off the charge is probably a lot better at fighting than you are; they probably have back-up, for a start. So if you go after them your wife loses you and feels that it was her fault. I understand the desire to protect your loved ones and I’ve felt it myself, but you have to hold back. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/90 "2014-04-08T13:51:53Z")
From the womens’ side: The Divemaster and I are both CCL. He carries in public, I do not, unless I’m traveling alone. I would EXPECT him to intervene against anyone who laid a hand on me. Absolutely. Before God, I hope he never has to end up having to put a bullet between the perp’s eyes (he is a crack shot), but if it comes to that, it comes to that. Actions have consequences. Something the liberals in this country have forgotten. And yes. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d do no less for him. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/91 "2014-04-08T15:32:13Z")
> [@Scubaqueen](#): > > Actions have consequences. Something the liberals in this country have forgotten. No, we haven’t forgotten it. We’re just better attuned to pay attention to the full range of consequences. Oftentimes, being the one to impose what you think are appropriate consequences winds up backfiring massively. Conservatives thought it was necessary to impose consequences on a guy named Saddam Hussein awhile back. And we succeeded, in that limited sense. But how did it work out for us, overall? Not so well, did it? If, having been beaten up by some guy, you feel that you’re better off with the guy dead and your spouse in prison for the rest of his life, than you would be if the guy got away with it, but you and your spouse got to spend the rest of your lives together - well, I can’t say you’re wrong, just that we’re in very, _very_ different places. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/92 "2014-04-08T15:47:55Z")
> [@Scubaqueen](#): > > From the womens’ side: > > The Divemaster and I are both CCL. He carries in public, I do not, unless I’m traveling alone. > > I would EXPECT him to intervene against anyone who laid a hand on me. Absolutely. Before God, I hope he never has to end up having to put a bullet between the perp’s eyes (he is a crack shot), but if it comes to that, it comes to that. > > Actions have consequences. Something the liberals in this country have forgotten. And yes. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d do no less for him. Read the op and the thread again. This was about taking revenge several months after the attack, not about defending your partner while she was actually being attacked. Completely different thing. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/93 "2014-04-08T17:04:20Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > Read the op and the thread again. This was about taking revenge several months after the attack, not about defending your partner while she was actually being attacked. Completely different thing. I DID misread the op. My bad. In that case, no. I want the SO at home looking after my possible trauma. Late stage revenge serves no one, least of all **me**. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/94 "2014-04-08T17:52:34Z")
> [@Scubaqueen](#): > > I DID misread the op. My bad. In that case, no. I want the SO at home looking after my possible trauma. Late stage revenge serves no one, least of all **me**. Then please ignore my response to you. Given your misunderstanding of the OP, you weren’t really saying what I thought you were saying. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2014, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/95 "2014-04-11T13:08:10Z")
> [@Scubaqueen](#): > > Actions have consequences. Something the liberals in this country have forgotten. And yes. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d do no less for him. I’m curious. What “consequences” for which actions is it that the “Liberals” seem to have forgotten? ---
**Author:** ![kstarnes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4da419/32.png) [@kstarnes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kstarnes)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/96 "2014-04-11T13:25:04Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I was in a discussion recently, and the question of physical violence towards one’s wife, by a stranger, came up. My brother, the lawyer, pointed out that, even with eyewitness testimony, a prosecutor may decline to press charges. > So, the concept of vigilante justice came up. The overall consensus was that a drubbing such as has never been seen, nor will be again, would suffice. If the perp dies, well, life ain’t fair. > > So, this is a question to manly men: If your wife (let’s add all womenfolk) were attacked, and the prosecutor failed to press charges, do you think that extra-judicial punishment is justified? Would you be open to it? > ETA: I am all for it, but, I would never ask/suggest somebody else do same. Is it possible that this more about your “White Knight” fantasies than anything constructive or practical? ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/97 "2014-04-13T04:59:53Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > No, we haven’t forgotten it. We’re just better attuned to pay attention to the full range of consequences. I suggest that this is fantasy. Can’t help you out on the Saddam thing. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/98 "2014-04-13T05:00:53Z")
> [@kstarnes](#): > > Is it possible that this more about your “White Knight” fantasies than anything constructive or practical? Is it possible that this made more coherent? ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232/99 "2014-04-14T04:15:30Z")
I’d be pissed at my SO if he decided it was worth risking his life for freedom to avenge me after the fact. I don’t want revenge. I want my life, and that includes him being able to come home at night. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/menfolk-if-somebody-physically-assaults-your-wife/685232.md?page=4)