# Merkin madness **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [September 25, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093 "2006-09-25T17:36:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/1 "2006-09-25T17:36:38Z")
[http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3\_232.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_232.html) Two other tidbits: the Adlai Stevensonesque President played by Peter Sellers in “Dr. Strangelove” was named Merkin Muffley. And supposedly, the members of the 1700s bunch o’ London debauchees known as the Hellfire Club were expected to provide cuttings from their girlfriends, mistresses or wives’ pubic hair to make one big Official Club Merkin. Or so I’ve read. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/2 "2006-09-25T18:27:16Z")
I was surprised to not see the only explaination I have ever heard about it. In oldern times knights or some other high born man would either pick up under age prostitutes or have young mistresses. As they travelled they would require lodging and the innkeepers would legally require some proof that the female with the knight was of age. A quick merkin reveal would take care of that. The idea was that the innkeeper didn’t really care but had to go through the motions. For some reason this explaination was the one that is wired into my brain as the truth since I heard it so long ago. For all I know someone just made it up. I probably heard this back in 8-9th grade. About the time that kids go through the dictionary looking for dirty words. ---
**Author:** ![John\_W.Kennedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_w.kennedy/32/1031_2.png) [@John\_W.Kennedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_W.Kennedy)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/3 "2006-09-25T19:20:09Z")
[QUOTE=Loach] …the innkeepers would legally require some proof that the female with the knight was of age. [/QUOTE] Yeah, and he had to e-mail the King an attached JPEG, too. This was one of the major weapons in the struggle against medieval communism. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2006, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/4 "2006-09-25T20:18:17Z")
[QUOTE=John W. Kennedy] Yeah, and he had to e-mail the King an attached JPEG, too. This was one of the major weapons in the struggle against medieval communism. [/QUOTE] It sounded reasonable when I was 13. Never had a reason since to research it more carefully. Since Cecil came up with nothing either I don’t feel to bad. ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2006, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/5 "2006-09-25T21:38:20Z")
Is this law still on the books anywhere? Because if it is, I’m thinking of getting a job as the night clerk at a local hotel. “Sorry, Ma’am, the law’s the law. I can’t let you register until you show me your muff.” ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2006, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/6 "2006-09-25T22:30:07Z")
[QUOTE=bibliophage] Is this law still on the books anywhere? Because if it is, I’m thinking of getting a job as the night clerk at a local hotel. “Sorry, Ma’am, the law’s the law. I can’t let you register until you show me your muff.” [/QUOTE] Didn’t you take a career aptitude test in school? I think that was number 2 on my results. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2006, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/7 "2006-09-25T23:04:53Z")
Exactly how common IS this problem of women simply not developing pubic hair (one of the explanations mentioned in Cecil’s column)? ---
**Author:** ![Alex\_Dubinsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dbc845/32.png) [@Alex\_Dubinsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alex_Dubinsky)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/8 "2006-09-26T03:37:00Z")
any indication that maybe people back in the day had a thing for huge bushes? hence the enhacement? ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/9 "2006-09-26T05:06:03Z")
Scott Tenorman ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/10 "2006-09-26T17:47:05Z")
From the comments on Cec’s column: > [@](#): > > Despite what that imbecile on the Internet may have told you, the “fur purse” in front of a Scot’s kilt is not a merkin but a sporran. It is simply a pouch and has no sexual significance. --Anonymous Not entirely: A sporran serves to conceal a gentleman’s state of arousal particularly if his kilt is being worn _regimental_. It is worn at the traditional height specifically for this purpose. Also of note that casual (as opposed to “dress”) sporans frequently have no fur, and the military style (long hair) sporrans serve only the purpuse I mentioned, (I don’t consider ornamentation a “purpose”) as they have no compartment inside. ---
**Author:** ![Deege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Deege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deege)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/11 "2006-09-27T18:00:09Z")
I was under the impression that a “merkin” was the male version of a “beard”, in other words, a man posing as the boyfriend/lover/husband of a lesbian. Urban Dictionary has this as its seventh entry for “merkin”: _A merkin in the gay and lesbian set in Hollywood refers to a “usually” straight male escorting a gay woman to public events so as to attempt to camouflage the lesbian’s secret sapphic lifestyle._ ---
**Author:** ![Tigereyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Tigereyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tigereyes)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2006, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/12 "2006-09-30T22:34:25Z")
Deege is correct. I live in Hollywood. It’s considered career suicide for homosexual actors to come out of the closet, on the theory that they’ll only get the rare “gay” role. Hence, the “merkin”, a man posing as the husband/boyfriend of a closeted lesbian, and the “beard”, a woman posing as the wife/girlfriend of a closeted gay man. These terms are used regularly, though apparently not outside the entertainment world. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2006, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/13 "2006-10-01T22:00:10Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] … And supposedly, the members of the 1700s bunch o’ London debauchees known as the Hellfire Club were expected to provide cuttings from their girlfriends, mistresses or wives’ pubic hair to make one big Official Club Merkin. Or so I’ve read. [/QUOTE] I worked with a guy who said he had a thing for nibbling off pubic hair from his girlfriends. Eventually, he was called Adolf Oliver Bush. 😛 He said one of his favorites had two hairs left, so he also was called “Two Hairs.” ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2006, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/merkin-madness/374093/14 "2006-10-14T03:58:04Z")
[QUOTE=HeyHomie] Exactly how common IS this problem of women simply not developing pubic hair (one of the explanations mentioned in Cecil’s column)? [/QUOTE] This actually happened to my grandmother. She survived Scarlet Fever as a child, and it left its mark on her in two ways: she lost the hearing in her left ear, and she never developed any puberty-related hair at all below the neck. There are times when I think to myself that I would give up the hearing in one ear to never have to shave my legs or armpits, nor bikini wax. (This is very often right after a bikini wax…)