# Message Boards and Relationships **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 20, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982 "2001-01-20T04:20:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MissMisery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@MissMisery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMisery)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/1 "2001-01-20T04:20:36Z")
I know this is a strange question, but do you think it is wrong to sign up for a message board because your significant other posts on it? I don’t think that I would have thought so until I found myself doing such. This is a great message board with many interesting strands of debate and discussion, and I feel guilty for having ulterior motives in using it. Also, it almost feels like I am invading his personal space, and I feel ashamed for that. Is such rational… Come on, I need help, as stupid as this thread is! This isn’t exactly the moral issue of a lifetime, but I am curious if anyone has any insights at all. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/2 "2001-01-20T04:33:38Z")
I guess it would depend on your reasons for coming here. Are you here because you want to share your SOs interests or because you want to check up on him and make sure he behaves. If the former, I see no problem at all. If the latter, this is hardly the place to come to see how he behaves. There is much flirting and teasing going on, but it’s almost all just harmless fun and nothing comes of it in real life. And I believe your reasons may be the latter, because you say you have ulterior motives and in my Welcome Wagon thread you said you were cyber-stalking. I have 5 virtual wives. You know what would happen if I met any of them IRL? Nothing. It’s just for fun. Some harmless flirting on a message board. In fact I even met one of my wives a couple weekends ago. I got a bit of a back rub, but that was only because the couches at this pub we went to were uncomfortable enough to be a penance. I got the feeling she would have rubbed the aching back of whoever was sitting there. In any case, don’t rush to judgment on anything you may see your SO post here. And if you are here to check up on him, maybe the two of you should sit down and talk IRL. Tell him why you feel the way you do. Sneaking around and spying are no substitutes for honest communication. My advice, ask if he would mind if you started posting here. Then, if you want, email TubaDiva to close this account and start an account fresh, with your SO knowing who you are on the boards. (I would suggest you ask TubaDiva to change your name, but then the name attached to this thread would change too and your SO may learn that you’ve been stalking.) Honesty’s your best bet though. Talk to him. ---
**Author:** ![MissMisery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@MissMisery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMisery)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/3 "2001-01-20T04:38:35Z")
Not checking up at all… Just have heard him talk about this a lot, and that formed genuine(or not so genuine) curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/4 "2001-01-20T04:49:27Z")
Well I don’t see a problem then. I don’t see how this would be any different than going to read _The Onion_ cuz maybe you hear him talking about that place too. If you’re just here to see what the place is like, that’s no worse of a reason than anyone else being here. Kick back, enjoy the posts. ---
**Author:** ![MissMisery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@MissMisery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMisery)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/5 "2001-01-20T04:52:08Z")
Wow Crunchy… How did you know about The Onion thing? Are you stalking me now? hehe ---
**Author:** ![MissMisery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@MissMisery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMisery)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/6 "2001-01-20T04:53:45Z")
And I just told him the truth… he seems okay enough with it… ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/7 "2001-01-20T05:08:32Z")
Check out MPSIMS… looks like your honey is happy to have you on board! Best of luck to you and enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/8 "2001-01-20T05:31:20Z")
**Crunchy** speaks truth…IMO, of course. From what you’ve written, you enjoy this place for its own sake. Maybe you discovered it through your SO but so what? Some people find us through Cecil’s columns, others read about it somewhere, some through friends, by accident…I don’t think it matters much. If you’re enjoying the place and community for itself, well, it’s varied enough to absorb a lot of fascinating (and fascinated) folks. There are plenty of other couples on the boards and it seems to work fine for them. (Some _want_ the SO to check the place out, the better to understand the hideous, time-consuming allure of it. “What’s so interesting there, anyway!?”) Offhand I’d say don’t worry. Kick back and have a blast. [John Wayne drawl] The town’s big enough for the both of ya.[/John Wayne drawl] Veb ---
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/9 "2001-01-20T07:13:15Z")
Thanks for such a kind welcome to my sweetheart, and, since I haven’t gotten around to it (I suck) thanks for your kind email this summer when I found out about Wally. You’re a good pal and Moderatorship couldn’t have happened to better person. –John ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/10 "2001-01-20T07:44:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yue Han \* > \*\*Thanks for such a kind welcome to my sweetheart, and, since I haven’t gotten around to it (I suck) thanks for your kind email this summer when I found out about Wally. You’re a good pal and Moderatorship couldn’t have happened to better person. > > –John \*\* Thanks back atchya, and you most decidedly do NOT suck. People get busy sometimes and wander in and out when they can. Losing Wally was a real blow, wasn’t it? (For any newer folks, this isn’t a snotty “oldtimers” thing. Wally was a wonderful guy and we lost him way too soon. I wish so much he were still around. He woulda been having a blast w/ y’all.) Glad things are good w/ you but wish I’d known sooner you were the SO in question. Instead of worrying and being careful I woulda said, “You’re talking about _John_? Smack him upside the head if he gets huffy. Better yet, let _us_ smack him upside the head. He’s used to it.” Now we get to the important stuff: MissMisery? We’re _here_ for you both. Spare no details. Expectantly yours, Veb [Edited by TVeblen on 01-20-2001 at 01:49 AM] ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/11 "2001-01-20T20:48:44Z")
What she said. 🙂 Also, try not to use this board and its members as weapons, i.e. who has the most friends here, who likes who better, etc. I’ve seen what can happen when personal problems spill out onto the SDMB, and it can be _very_ ugly. Just try to cut each other as much slack with each other as you would with any of us, try not to feel the need to come to the defence of each other at the slightest percieved slight(nothing looks worse than one poster “baby-sitting” another, believe me!), and try not to bring the same dish to any poster parties you attend. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/12 "2001-01-20T21:06:28Z")
For the record, there are quite a few couples on the boards. For example, Satan & Drain Bead, Cajun Man & DrMatrix, myself & quietgirldownthehall, pldennison & Peta tzunami… it’s quite the long list, actually. There’s also some siblings like Monster104 & Spoofe, Bildo & Green Bean… also, iampunha’s mom can be seen on occasion. Anyway, welcome to the boards. 🙂 Now, tell us about yourself so we can affirm John’s taste in women. ---
**Author:** ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/13 "2001-01-20T22:35:49Z")
I signed my boyfriend up here a while ago. As far as I know, he has never posted. I think it’s kind of a good thing, since the boards have become my place to rant about everything, including him. In a good relationship nothing should be hidden, so anything I bitch about on the boards gets said to him eventually IRL. ---
**Author:** ![MissMisery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@MissMisery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMisery)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/14 "2001-01-21T04:40:09Z")
Someone asked me to talk about myself? Ahhhh that’s a new concept hehe… Well, I am a student at the same school John attends in Indiana, but I am a year behind him. My hobbies are watching movies and Eddie Izzard, collecting Sprite bottles, and taking long walks in the rain or snow(John hates the rain, but I make him walk in it anyhow sometimes). Besides the lack of adoration for precipitation, John is a great guy. I met him online when I was looking for information about his school(I was in the process of applying there). I emailed him because it mentioned the school in his profile. In response, he sent me a very rude email telling me that I should not email strangers randomly. That’s when I fell for him, I think. Either that or when he said that he wanted to name his first child Diogenes. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/15 "2001-01-21T04:45:48Z")
psst, MissMisery, not just to bump my own thread or anything, but that’s the kind of info I asked you to post in my Welcome Wagon thread! If you want to be welcomed like the other newbies there, don’t double post that stuff to my thread, just let me know and I’ll cut and paste it and give you a proper welcome. If you would rather avoid my welcome (which you may if you look at how I’ve treated some of the posters there) just let me know. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/16 "2001-01-21T05:28:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MissMisery \* > \*\*I emailed him because it mentioned the school in his profile. In response, he sent me a very rude email telling me that I should not email strangers randomly. That’s when I fell for him, I think. Either that or when he said that he wanted to name his first child Diogenes. > > \*\* :::sighs sentimentally::: Yep, that’s the John we know, too. Bright, honorable, cranky…We’re all so glad he met a nice girl who’s great company, just as bright as he is, just as stubborn but sweeter. We were about to write him off as a vampire or Alphagene’s natural son. I mean for _our_ sakes. We’re enjoying the hell outta ya for yourself, frankly. Kidding aside, great people are always welcome. You’re yourself, not “John’s appendage”. This initial twitting is just the usual welcome. (Actually, it’s much politer than some welcomes: many have featured farm animals–very _unhappy_ farm animals.) Diogenes. _Diogenes_. Damn, that’s great. Veb ---
**Author:** ![MissMisery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@MissMisery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMisery)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-boards-and-relationships/50982/17 "2001-01-21T05:37:35Z")
Crunchy, You can cut and paste my post if you wish to use in the other thread. It bothers me not.