# Message to the giant spider....
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 7, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649 "2003-08-07T19:36:33Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Lilacs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilacs)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/1 "2003-08-07T19:36:33Z")
Dear Sir or Madam:
I hereby deny your demand for residency. Although you have offered your considerable talents to assists us in the activity of insect population control, I must advise you we are able to handle the problem on our own. We simply do not need another occupant in our already cramped apartment.
Therefore, I am requesting you immediately vacate your current place of residence: to wit, one bathroom ceiling. I feels quite strongly about you staring down at me as showered this morning: you have made no such promise not to join me in said shower. I have dealt with unwanted shower mates in the past, and do not wish to repeat the encounter. In short, I do not trust you.
If you had seen fit to remain hidden (perhaps in the vent or in some crack) I would have grudgingly accepted your presence and occupancy in my apartment. I understand your necessity in the ecological niche, but it seems that your insistence on owning the bathroom exclusively has influenced my decision to evict you.
I furthermore advise that unless you abide by my wishes before 5:15 p.m. (Central Time), I will have to resort to drastic measures to remove you from the premises.
Yes, I am referring to **hairspray and a very heavy shoe**.
I hate to threaten you, but it seems that after 6 hrs. on the ceiling you have yet to make a graceful exit. I will have no other choice.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
Lilacs
---
### Author:  [@Lilacs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilacs)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/2 "2003-08-07T19:40:53Z")
oops. sorry about the typos. God, I checked it two times and still missed some extra letters.
so much for my future as an editor.
---
### Author:  [@ThatDuckIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatDuckIsEvil)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/3 "2003-08-07T20:32:31Z")
HAHAHAHA I love this.
Is he REALLY big? How big? I usually let the smaller ones roam free in my apt. But if they’re furry or just overly huge then I gotta squish.
---
### Author:  [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/4 "2003-08-07T20:36:57Z")
That’s a relief.
I’d misread the thread title as “_Marriage_ to the giant spider.”
---
### Author:  [@Lilacs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilacs)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/5 "2003-08-07T21:30:13Z")
Oh my God! \*\* Eats Crayons\*\*. Now I’m really going to have nightmares.
The body of the evil thing is the size of my thumb. The legs are very looong. I just hate having to squish anything that large. Plus…spiders this big usually fight back.
---
### Author:  [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/6 "2003-08-07T21:50:09Z")
You know, I really thought this thread was going to be about last night’s _South Parl_. Honestly.
---
### Author:  [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/7 "2003-08-07T21:51:24Z")
Or possibly _South Park_.
---
### Author:  [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/8 "2003-08-07T22:06:29Z")
See, I have this house rule. Spiders have got to stay out of sight. I know they’re there but I don’t want to see them. If they stray into the open the truce is off and it’s into the Dirt Devil with 'em.
---
### Author:  [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/9 "2003-08-07T22:56:11Z")
Don’t squish, you’ll get spider cooties on you.
You really need to just move out. I’m currently looking for a spider-free geographical area myself; let me know if you find one.
p.s. dibs on the bottom of the sea.
---
### Author:  [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/10 "2003-08-07T22:59:55Z")
Since a bug thread has already been started, I would like to take this moment to apologize to the (now deceased) flying-and-possibly-stinging insect that wandered into my home last night.
Mr. Disgusting Bug, I am sincerely sorry for cowering away from you when you came to visit. I regret immensely the fact that rather than words of greeting, all you likely heard of me was the instruction to the cats that went something like “Ew ew ew _ewwwww!_ Kill it! Kill it, boys! That’s it, Sirius, kill him and EAT him!!! But let Khan have some, too.” And I most humbly rue that rolled-up magazine incident. Thank you for your time, and I’m sorry I flushed you down the toilet.
**Lilacs** , do you, by any chance have a resident bug killer of the feline or male human variety? Or can you import one? If not, then the hair spray and the shoe are _definitely_ the way to go, and may the gods go with you. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/11 "2003-08-07T23:07:30Z")
Remember - spray from a distance!
Spiders will jump ON you.
---
### Author:  [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/12 "2003-08-07T23:14:35Z")
**Spiders fight back??**
:eek:
uhm (not sure I really wanna know) how?
---
### Author:  [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/13 "2003-08-07T23:16:51Z")
I had a spider trap me in the shower the other day. It was big and ugly, and unafraid of me. It had a bulbous dark brown body with light colord spots on it’s back… and legs that were nearly an inch long. Thankfully I have a detatchable shower head and was able to spray him, knock it off it’s webby thread and wash it down the drain with scalding water… then prayed it wouldn’t make it’s way back up the drain. I’m terrified there is more of his variety lurking about.
---
### Author:  [@Lilacs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilacs)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/14 "2003-08-07T23:26:29Z")
Spiders fight back. Sometimes they start the fight.
I was watching a friend’s house while they were away a few years ago. A huge wolf spider in their basement had it’s little trap/web right by the wall across from the bottom step. It actually ran at me with it’s two front legs raised when I came down the stairs. I just stayed upstairs after that. It could have the basement.
**Draelin** , unfortunately I think the cats are either uninterested or (in Max’s case) frightened of it.
Living on the bottom of the sea??? but… **Masonite** , there’s even odder and possibly more frightening things at the bottom of the sea.
My room mate is currently taking a bath and possibly making friends with the spider. Hmm…if it wants to pay my half of the rent I could move out.😃
---
### Author:  [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)
#### Post date: [August 7, 2003, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/15 "2003-08-07T23:43:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Lilacs \*
> \*\*Yes, I am referring to **hairspray and a very heavy shoe**.
> \*\*
My spiders look better with mousse and open-toed sandals.
---
### Author:  [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)
#### Post date: [August 8, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/16 "2003-08-08T01:03:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> A huge wolf spider in their basement had it’s little trap/web right by the wall across from the bottom step. It actually ran at me with it’s two front legs raised when I came down the stairs. I just stayed upstairs after that. It could have the basement.
EEEP! Mommy! Eeep Eeep Eeeep! _shudder_
We had black widows when I was a kid. The game was called “dueling bricks from 4.5 feet”
But **White Ink** , spiders can’t throw bricks…
My point exactly, 😃
---
### Author:  [@tigandmax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tigandmax)
#### Post date: [August 8, 2003, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/17 "2003-08-08T01:11:05Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Lilacs \*
> \*\*Spiders fight back. Sometimes they start the fight.
>
> My room mate is currently taking a bath and possibly making friends with the spider. Hmm…if it wants to pay my half of the rent I could move out.😃 \*\*
As the roomate who was taking the bath, I saw the “friend” looking down upon me. Afterwards, I first tried the nice method, the capture and release outside. But alas, s/he did not want to leave our rent-free ceiling. Thus, I attempted the not so nice method, squishing until death. Using the broom, I was successful, preventing unwanted advances or attacks from the “friend”. But, me thinks, I got the worst of it. Attempting to gracefully dismount from the tub rim, I found myself on the ground. With a slightly twisted ankle, a bruise from hell on my elbow, throbbing toes, and one sore tailbone, our “friend” is now laughing from her/his spider heaven.
Thus, Ms. Lilacs, I have saved you and your share of space in our tiny abode! And you owe me rent! 😃
---
### Author:  [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/18 "2003-08-09T00:24:00Z")
Judges?
**6.0 … 6.0 … 5.4 … 5.5 … and 6.0**
And what do you think of the scores, Bob?
Awwwwww, I think it’s a pitty, Ed, Tigandmax had an Easy high 9 score going, what with the remarkable “ewwwing” together with the “huh! huh! huh!” breath work with that inventive broom work, but, missing on the dismount! That is Always going to cost major penalitys in the judging. Truthfully, I think Tigandmax was fortunate to stay in the sixes! But I don’t know if that score is going to keep them in for the finals …
---
### Author:  [@Lilacs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilacs)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/19 "2003-08-09T02:14:49Z")
Actually I thought the spider maybe did some kind of kick boxing thing or something. One second, she’s up with the broom.
Next…she’s **down**.
That was one tough spider.
---
### Author:  [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)
#### Post date: [August 9, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649/20 "2003-08-09T02:19:35Z")
Spiders freak me out more than any other type of bug in the house.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/message-to-the-giant-spider/193649.md?page=2)