# Met a very influential person who could help my kid get into a competitive Uni. What now? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2013, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789 "2013-05-08T13:35:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/41 "2013-05-08T21:14:18Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > I’m just amazed that the US university system has provisions for allowing ‘influence’ to facilitate admissions. Well, partially because there is no “US university system.” There is a pastiche of accredited universities and colleges (some private, some state-sponsored), community colleges, private for-profit institutions, trade schools, etc. Certain high-end institutions apparently grant favor to “legacy” students, generally the children of prominent (and financially-contributing) graduates, while others may be inclined to bend their acceptance standards for various reasons. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/42 "2013-05-08T21:39:32Z")
Thanks **Procrustus** and **Ferret Herder**. Seems I learn something new every day here on the 'Dope. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/43 "2013-05-08T22:01:35Z")
At the very least, bringing your son to a university, and having someone show him around, at the age of 9, would be a fine thing, indeed. Never mind getting into the school, or gaining an advantage from influence that may not be there - stoking interest in higher education at an early age is a good idea. If nothing else comes from it, the visit and tour would be valuable on it’s own merits. Both my kids have picked schools they want to go to since they were each about 10 years old (with no influence from us). They both wear sweaters and shirts from their chosen schools. Sure, their choice changes over time, but talking with them about school, and their future, is always a good thing - and getting them to think longer than the end of the summer is also good - even for a 9 year old. Make what you can of it, and if nothing, then no biggee. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/44 "2013-05-08T22:24:41Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > some people are perfectly happy to take second rate if it means they don’t have to wait until retirement to enjoy life. > > IMHO, people should chill a bit more about their kids’ future, and let things work out, or not, depending on how things work out down the road. Sooner or later, people learn to get enough done to get a shot at their dreams. There are worst things in life then not getting into your first choice of colleges. You know what happens to kids who “settle”? They end up repeating that 6 word phrase: “Would you like fries with that?” ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/45 "2013-05-08T22:26:58Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Which was partially the point of the article. The thesis is that parental interference - including string-pulling - cripples a child’s ability to understand their own strengths and weaknesses, their ability to cope with difficult tasks, etc., leaving them at a loss when things happen like professors actually expecting you to study or bosses expecting you to meet demanding tasks and deadlines. This results in serious generalized anxiety disorders, not in rather bland “worry about the future.” Don’t you realize most of these kids, who get into “the right school”, are set for life, and have underlings doing their biding, while they sit bck and reap in the $$$. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/46 "2013-05-08T22:27:03Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > You know what happens to “settle”? They end up repeating that 6 word phrase: “Would you like fries with that?” Remind me what you do for a living again? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/47 "2013-05-08T22:38:50Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Don’t you realize most of these kids, who get into “the right school”, are set for life, and have underlings doing their biding, while they sit bck and reap in the $$$. No, most of these kids actually have to get a job and perform satisfactorily to do well on life. You are thinking of a subset of kids known as “trust fund babies” whose family wealth leave them free to develop into whatever kind of asshole they want to be. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/48 "2013-05-08T22:46:33Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > You know what happens to kids who “settle”? They end up repeating that 6 word phrase: “Would you like fries with that?” I’m all for giving children some advice. But, ultimately, they have to find their own motivation, and put in their own effort, and deciding how hard to work. A few years of flipping burgers might not be the worst thing either. There’s also is no shame in going to a “second tier” college or graduate school. I know people who passed up Harvard to go to a state law school for example. Similar education, less “connections” and prestige. Once you’re a lawyer, few people know or care where you went to school. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/49 "2013-05-08T22:51:55Z")
Yes. Every kid who decides “You know, I’d have to take out a buttload of loans to afford Prestigious U, or I could go to State U and only have a little debt when I graduate” or “Man, I can’t do college, but I have a real knack for mechanics and I love cars–I’m going to become a mechanic” or “I KNOW my parents are obsessed with Harvard, but I’d be happier at Small Private College” or “College isn’t for me at all–I want to work for a family friend’s computer shop, and he’s already offered me a position” or whatever–they ALL BECOME FAST FOOD WORKERS. Every last one. Proven fact. Only kids who go to prestigious schools their parents selected for them at age 9 or earlier get anywhere in life, and they are also provided with underlings to do their bidding. Pardon me while I call up my parents and yell at them for not doing enough to send me to these fancy schools. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/50 "2013-05-08T22:53:50Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Don’t you realize most of these kids, who get into “the right school”, are set for life, and have underlings doing their biding, while they sit bck and reap in the $$$. What happened to you? That is not how the real world works. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/51 "2013-05-08T23:29:05Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Certain high-end institutions apparently grant favor to “legacy” students, generally the children of prominent (and financially-contributing) graduates, while others may be inclined to bend their acceptance standards for various reasons. My understanding is that many schools use a point system. So many points for an outstanding GPA, so many points for an outstanding SAT score, so many points for being a legacy (and that doesn’t necessarily mean that your family has money, just that you family has a history with the school), so many points for being that rare applicant from Wyoming (when everyone else is from New England), so many points for being a tuba player, when that’s what the school orchestra needs. If you total enough points, you get admitted. > [@apollonia](#): > > Every kid who decides “You know, I’d have to take out a buttload of loans to afford Prestigious U, or I could go to State U and only have a little debt when I graduate” And you’re wrong if you think that the prestigious university is going to cost more than the state university. The prestigious schools have a lot of resources available for financial aid. (At Stanford, for instance, an applicant whose annual family income is less than $100,000 gets a full-tuition grant, while one whose annual family income is less than $60,000 gets a grant for tuition, room and board.) The state schools have little scholarship money to offer. So the fact is that if you can get into a prestigious school, you shouldn’t need “a buttload of loans” to attend. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/52 "2013-05-08T23:31:30Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > And you’re wrong if you think that the prestigious university is going to cost more than the state university. The prestigious schools have a lot of resources available for financial aid. (At Stanford, for instance, an applicant whose annual family income is less than $100,000 gets a full-tuition grant, while one whose annual family income is less than $60,000 gets a grant for tuition, room and board.) The state schools have little scholarship money to offer. So the fact is that if you can get into a prestigious school, you shouldn’t need “a buttload of loans” to attend. I didn’t attend college in the States. My only knowledge comes from friends who did and racked up the debt at both state and private schools. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/53 "2013-05-08T23:35:00Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > What happened to you? That is not how the real world works. He’s the Violet Beauregard of sour grapes. I’m not making a fat joke, I’m making a bitterness joke. I have no idea what \*\*etv \*\*looks like. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/54 "2013-05-08T23:45:54Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > And you’re wrong if you think that the prestigious university is going to cost more than the state university. The prestigious schools have a lot of resources available for financial aid. (At Stanford, for instance, an applicant whose annual family income is less than $100,000 gets a full-tuition grant, while one whose annual family income is less than $60,000 gets a grant for tuition, room and board.) The state schools have little scholarship money to offer. So the fact is that if you can get into a prestigious school, you shouldn’t need “a buttload of loans” to attend. Not if your family has considerable resources. I paid every cent of an extremely high tuition at a prestigious university for my daughter. I’m not complaining (here), but we could have saved around $150,000 if she went to the local state university. Not everyone qualifies for financial aid. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/55 "2013-05-09T00:13:21Z")
If Harvard didn’t confer prestige, and the education at Podunk U. Is equal, WHY would anyone attend Harvard? ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/56 "2013-05-09T00:20:10Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > If Harvard didn’t confer prestige, and the education at Podunk U. Is equal, WHY would anyone attend Harvard? I didn’t say it was equal in prestige. I said the education was roughly equal. An argument can be made Harvard does provide a better education. I’m sure they have some good Professors. I admit that prestige and connections are way higher at Harvard. That matters to a lot of people, and that’s not irrational. Some other people would rather save money, or would rather be top of their class at Pudunk U then the bottom third at Harvard. Maybe they want a school with a good football team, who knows? Everyone has their own goals and priorities. I told my kids to find a college that seemed like a good “match” for them. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/57 "2013-05-09T00:54:18Z")
Proof that all those Ivy League graduates are just sitting back and [raking](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rek-lecounte/us-my-ivy-league-educatio_b_2924315.html) [in](http://www.forbes.com/sites/baldwin/2013/01/18/harvard-grad-seeks-babysitting-jobs/) [the](http://theivylie.wordpress.com/2010/10/03/about-me-an-odyssey-of-hope-and-dillusionment/) [money](http://www.salon.com/2009/05/06/harvard_grad/) However, with regard to the OP, the way I see it is that you met somebody with who you share some interests (at least musical) and you have a son who is interested and a particular college and its sports teams and this person can hook him up. It can’t hurt to get to know the guy and see if you want to be friends, let your kid get great seats to games of the teams he supports and maybe even find out more about the school he thinks he wants to go to. Then, in 7 or 8 years, you can reassess. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/58 "2013-05-09T00:56:56Z")
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with cultivating a relationship that might be helpful in the long run. A friend of mine got into Vanderbilt law school with a recommendation letter from some important someone (I can’t remember the details, I just remember he was rejected from a lot of other law schools but the person who wrote his letter had some significant connection to Vanderbilt). If you can keep in touch with the guy without trying too hard, and your son manages to impress him, he might offer to write a recommendation letter when the time comes. Or not, who knows. ---
**Author:** ![drew870mitchell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drew870mitchell/32/3946_2.png) [@drew870mitchell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drew870mitchell)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/59 "2013-05-09T01:22:49Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > A more typical response would be to make the admissions decision about kid without any consideration of the person of influence (a blind decision), and then after the decision is made, let the influential person know maybe a day in advance of the official notification date. That way, if the kid is admitted, the influential person can have the fun of delivering the news, and implying it was due to his/her influence … or if the kid is rejected, the influential person can break the news gently. In my experience, people love the first option, **but often decline to get involved with the second option.** You _must_ tell us stories about the famous people who choose to get involved in telling a kid their dreams are crushed. “I’m sorry, little Johnny, but your extracurriculars were so disappointing to Admissions that even my pull as ex-VP couldn’t get you in. I went ahead and saved you the trouble of pretending you’re cut out for college and got you a job at the Burger King down the street. Here’s your uniform!” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789/60 "2013-05-09T01:24:58Z")
Yes, Johnnie, I WOULD like to Biggie-size those fries. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/met-a-very-influential-person-who-could-help-my-kid-get-into-a-competitive-uni-what-now/657789.md?page=4)