# Metacom, WOW... do you raise an autistic 3 year old, too? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 20, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416 "2004-03-20T17:10:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/1 "2004-03-20T17:10:08Z")
I do not work a nine to five job. Unfortunately I can’t and this is why: I drive my daughter to five therapies during the week and I also take her to a preschool program designed for autistic children. I do all this in hopes that she’ll have a somewhat “normal” life later on. My child was diagnosed autistic at almost 20 months old and it is neither her fault or mine. Now, I’m also divorced from her asshole father who thought that beating her during her first two months of life was a fun thing to do. He’s **GONE** from her life and he also doesn’t take his responsibility to pay support seriously, it might get to us… it might not. Yes, five bucks isn’t much but it’s not something I can spare readily. I’d love to work but there isn’t anyone in my area that is respite trained to watch her (I’m on several waiting lists) while I do, family can’t watch her (not that it’s up to them to help me), and I won’t put her in regular daycare because they aren’t trained or equipped to handle her needs. Some days I still can’t believe my angel has autism, it’s _HARD_, very hard to deal with. There aren’t any real answers or solutions, and it’s incredibly frustrating a condition. So… I opted to leave the boards and when I said so, people offered to help me out. I’m warmed by their kindness and I don’t take it lightly. This isn’t a case of me not wanting to pay. I use the money I receive for her (again, depending on if it actually gets to us) for her and this includes therapy equipment for her sensory integration needs. This stuff isn’t cheap, my friend. There is only so much shopping around I can do when these companies all carry the same products for mainly the same prices. I try to look at Walmart and places like that but it’s not always easy to find the items I need. Anyway, I’m just one of the people being sponsored and this is my situation. Thanks for having a heart. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/2 "2004-03-20T17:15:23Z")
Just take like water on a duck’s back. (But a link would be nice :D) ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/3 "2004-03-20T17:19:52Z")
Ok, **Ilsa** … It’s a locked thread but here’s what I’m responding to: \*I have a truly hard time believing any of the people who claim they can’t afford $5. That’s two gallons of milk, a couple loaves of bread, 6 or 7 apples, a sack of rice, a matinee, a tiny bit more then a Blockbuster rental, etc. If you can’t afford $5 to pay for a years worth of entertainment, I have a hard time seeing how you manage to feed yourself, unless you’re on food stamps or something.\* – Metacom It just rubbed me the wrong way. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/4 "2004-03-20T17:30:43Z")
You can still link to locked threads. He should have said “most” where said “any” in that first sentence but it’s really not that big of a deal. You situation is obviously tough and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but your rightousness is unwarrented. Haj ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/5 "2004-03-20T17:47:21Z")
I don’t see any rightousness. She is simply pointing out that others are in hard places because of illness or other circumstances. I think all the “five dollars??? You can’t afford _five dollars_” people are being a tad insensitive, and **Sanguine Spider’s** post did a beautiful job of illustrating why. ::Runs:: ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/6 "2004-03-20T18:27:52Z")
My sympathies, **SanguineSpider**. I thought _my_ father was bad. If you want, I can cover you for this year. Hell, I could probably do it next year too. ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/7 "2004-03-20T18:35:11Z")
**SanguineSpider** , I have the utmost respect for parents who stick it out with mentally ill children. I don’t have an autistic child, but I do know first hand how devastating that kind of situation can be on an entire family, both financially and emotionally. Your devotion to your daughter in that situation speaks well of you as a person. I still stand by what I said, though: I have a hard time understanding how you could not come up with $5. Do you never, ever buy anything to entertain yourself? Never a paperback, or a matinee, or cable TV, or a dinner at a fast food restaurant? Do you live as absolutely frugally as you possibly can–Is there absolutely no way you could save a couple bucks on groceries for a few weeks by, say, eliminating deserts, or living off bulk rice and bulk (dry) beans for a while? Would you live in darkness if a light bulb burnt out? Do you buy clothing exclusively from thrift shops? If you’re truly living in that kind of poverty–which I know exists, and tried to (perhaps insensitively) acknowledge with the “unless you’re living on food stamps” bit–I’ll pay for your subscription myself. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/8 "2004-03-20T19:02:09Z")
As also described eloquently by **pencilpusher** in [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4664576) (I hope she doesn’t mind me pointing out what she said in _this_ thread – it seems pertinent and insightful), it truly isn’t an issue of coming up with the $5.00 _physically_ but rather the dynamics and rationale behind it. I just wish that everyone in that particular situation, who needs the Dope as escape, really cheap therapy or their only form of communication with the outside world, would please take advantage of the many members offering alternative solutions or to help. Please, don’t go away you guys. We need the compassion, level-headedness (is that a word?) and perspective that you have to give. And to everyone else who’s decrying that this lack of funds can’t _possibly_ be so, remember the old adage about “…but for the grace of God go I” and hope you’re never that destitute. My sincere best wishes for anyone going through incredibly difficult times, especially if they’re indefinite. My prayers is that your load(s) lighten soon and at least a measure of peace is around the corner. (::: crosses fingers that the whole linking-to-a-specific-post thing works right ::🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/9 "2004-03-20T19:24:42Z")
> [@Metacom](#): > > I still stand by what I said, though: I have a hard time understanding how you could not come up with $5. Do you never, ever buy anything to entertain yourself? Never a paperback, or a matinee, or cable TV, or a dinner at a fast food restaurant? Do you live as absolutely frugally as you possibly can–Is there absolutely no way you could save a couple bucks on groceries for a few weeks by, say, eliminating deserts, or living off bulk rice and bulk (dry) beans for a while? Would you live in darkness if a light bulb burnt out? Do you buy clothing exclusively from thrift shops? It’s obviously not a matter of not having five dollars to spare from the bare necessities of life; it’s a matter of sparing five dollars from things that bring her more joy than, say, hanging out with _you_. That’s what you’re asking, y’see – “can’t you give up dessert or cable TV to listen to me tell you how to run your life?” Hell, I wouldn’t do that if my Mom was asking, much less some faceless stranger. The SDMB is an unalloyed joy to me, and I’m paying the five bucks. But I’m giving up nothing to do so, certainly nothing more valuable than the time I’m wasting already. I don’t expect anyone to share my priorities. ---
**Author:** ![agiantdwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8c91f0/32.png) [@agiantdwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agiantdwarf)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/10 "2004-03-20T19:27:58Z")
Please don’t take this as an accusation, but I’m just wondering: How do you use the Internet? Doesn’t that cost money? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/11 "2004-03-20T19:39:53Z")
> [@agiantdwarf](#): > > Please don’t take this as an accusation, but I’m just wondering: How do you use the Internet? Doesn’t that cost money? As has been stated elsewhere, lots of members post from school, the public library, a friend’s or parent’s house, or work. A lot of times, they aren’t footing the bill for their Internet usage. At least, that’s what I’ve read in many a case and have loved ones that do the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/12 "2004-03-20T19:46:08Z")
> [@Nametag](#): > > It’s obviously not a matter of not having five dollars to spare from the bare necessities of life; it’s a matter of sparing five dollars from things that bring her more joy than, say, hanging out with _you_. Then it’s not a matter of being able to _afford_ the SDMB, it’s a matter of _choosing_ not to pay for it because you don’t want to. This thread is about the former; there’s a big difference between the two. **SanguineSpider** is claiming that she can’t afford it: > [@SanguineSpider](#): > > This isn’t a case of me not wanting to pay ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/13 "2004-03-20T20:02:53Z")
I don’t actually pay for an Internet connection. My daughter and I live with her grandparents. OMG, what a mooch I am!! No, it’s me not wanting to struggle any harder and not be able to give my daughter the skills and therapies she needs that are vital to her survival later in life. My folks are just fine with us being here, they know how important it is for me to be with her. The computers are theirs and in fact, I do get food stamps due to my daughter being disabled. It’s a measly amount since my daughter and I are our own household and I don’t splurge on desserts, books, movies or whatnot. I borrow books from friends and every blue moon or so when I do get to see a movie, it’s my very generous boyfriend who treats. I won’t ask my SO or my folks for that fiver to subscribe. As I mentioned before, I posted my “so long and thanks for all the fish” post and got the offer of a sponsor. I even mentioned I felt bad and they didn’t care. They want me here. But I guess I’m just a horrible person for taking the offer. I’m selfish either way, it seems. I’m evil for taking someone’s help or I’ll be evil if I use my daughter’s money for my entertainment. Hey, **sponsor buddy** (you know who you are)… you’re off the hook now, you don’t need to pay for me since I’m just obviously using you. And to all the other sponsor buddies, don’t waste your cash on the rest of the deadbeats who “can’t” pay. We’re all just jerking your chains. ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/14 "2004-03-20T20:09:14Z")
And one more thing. I never begged anyone here to help me out, nor has anyone else. People just offered. I’ve no wish to be evil, a deadbeat, or a mooch so I’ll email my buddy and tell him I’ve changed my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/15 "2004-03-20T20:59:48Z")
> [@SanguineSpider](#): > > OMG, what a mooch I am!! I’ve never seen anyone accuse you of being a mooch. > [@SanguineSpider](#): > > I do get food stamps due to my daughter being disabled. Then it seems you actually meet the only exception I explicitly made in the post that prompted this fuss. 😕 > [@SanguineSpider](#): > > But I guess I’m just a horrible person for taking the offer. I’m selfish either way, it seems. I’m evil for taking someone’s help or I’ll be evil if I use my daughter’s money for my entertainment. No one has called you evil, or a mooch. By reading something so wild into what’s been said (especially when what’s been said didn’t even apply to you), you make me think that you do feel guilty on some level about taking the “sponsors” money. If that’s so, and for what it’s worth, I don’t think your a bad person or a mooch. > [@SanguineSpider](#): > > you don’t need to pay for me since I’m just obviously using you. I never said you were using your sponsors. Even if you actually could pay, and just didn’t want to, I don’t think you’d be using your sponsors. They obviously think highly enough of you that paying $5 for your continued presence is worthwhile. > [@SanguineSpider](#): > > I’ve no wish to be evil, a deadbeat, or a mooch so I’ll email my buddy and tell him I’ve changed my mind. I’ve never said you were _any_ of those things. Please stop implicitly attributing them to me. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/16 "2004-03-20T22:26:47Z")
Well at the risk of adding to the martyrdom festival being conducted here ;), can I just say that taking care of the carer is a very good idea. I’m speaking as the parent of not one but two kids with autism and I’ve been doing it for a combined total of 17 years. What I have learned the hard way is that if I don’t look after myself to a certain extent, then the kids suffer. 1/2 an hour drinking a cup of coffee in a cafe by myself every once in a while. $5 to participate in a forum which I enjoy is a small price to pay if it helps me keep on with what I have to do. Squawking and shrieking hysterically about how much it all costs to support my kids and their therapy and deciding that I simply must not look after myself is not a Good Thing. If someone wants to sponsor you and you’re choosing to feel guilty and evil etc about it \*\* Sanguine Spider\*\* then consider it a gift to your daughter. You’ll do a better job if you have some needs met. ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/17 "2004-03-20T22:38:32Z")
\*\* Sanguin\*\* I’m right there with ya hun. ☹ Please don’t let some insensitive asshat make you lose something that helps you with your sanity. You owe it to your daughter AND yourself. **hopefool** I don’t mind being quoted. I AM a bit surprised tho. I was actually wondering if anyone noticed my post in that thread. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![htns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@htns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/htns)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/18 "2004-03-20T23:28:00Z")
Holy jumpin’ Jeebus in a dead DeLorean…and I thought I had problems. Good luck, **Metacom**. In the meantime, if your ex isn’t paying child support, I suggest Legal Aid, if you qualify. Now I’m no lawyer, and I don’t know your situation, but they might be able to help you get back child support. Relax, there is nothing wrong with taking handouts when you’re in need. I won’t call you a moocher at all. However, I can understand the skepticism. There are a lot of scammers out there, and the “down on my luck” story seems to be the the most popular. You can see a scammer busted on the web here: [http://www.pownetwork.org/phonies/phonies140.htm](http://www.pownetwork.org/phonies/phonies140.htm) Now, before anyone gets upset, **I am NOT, underline NOT, calling Metacom a phony or accusing her (or anyone else on this board, for that manner) of anything at all, nor should any accusation of deception be inferred from what I write.** I’m simply saying that internet scammers abound, and it’s important to take any internet sob story with a grain of salt. The really unfortunate thing is that people who are really in need are often ignored, their pleas for help drowned in a sea of scams. ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/19 "2004-03-20T23:35:21Z")
**htns** , this “insensitive asshat” deeply appreciates your concern and sympathy; however, I feel it may be somewhat misdirected. ---
**Author:** ![htns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@htns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/htns)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416/20 "2004-03-20T23:35:32Z")
Arrgh, my kingdom for an edit button…I meant to address my last post here to **SanguineSpider** and not **Metacom** Will the admin PLEASE turn on the Edit button? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/metacom-wow-do-you-raise-an-autistic-3-year-old-too/235416.md?page=2)