# Mexican-American ettiquette **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 23, 2012, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609 "2012-10-23T09:37:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/1 "2012-10-23T09:37:47Z")
I am a professional cook, with 29 years of experience in the foodservice business. And one thing I’ve never done is authentic Mexican cooking. The thing is, I love Mexican food, and would love to learn how to cook it properly. So, short of quitting my current job and finding a job in a real Mexican restaurant, I’m looking for some private instruction. Which brings me to my question. Two doors down from my apartment is an older Mexican couple, and I find myself thinking, “I’ll bet that lady could teach me a thing or two”. So the question is, how do I properly approach this lady? The Mexicans in my community are typically from southern Mexico, i.e. Oaxaca and Michocan. My understanding of Mexican courtesy is that I should not initially approach the woman; instead I should speak with her husband first. Am I assuming correctly? Furthermore, I have a very limited Spanish vocabulary; most of what I know has to do with food and random restaurant terminology (Hola! Mi nombre es Ricardo, y soy cocinero muy exellente!, or something like that. Mi cabeza es queso). If I should knock on these people’s door and the woman answers, I know enough to ask, “Es su esposo en la casa?” (and I’m not even sure if that is grammatically correct). Habla Ingles? Every time I’ve seen this couple in their doorway, they’ve scowled at me, though I suspect it’s because the lady is holding a small dog and pets aren’t allowed in these apartments and she’s scowling because she’s worried I might report her (I won’t). What would be the best way to approach this couple for some cooking instruction? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/2 "2012-10-23T12:44:43Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I am a professional cook, with 29 years of experience in the foodservice business. And one thing I’ve never done is authentic Mexican cooking. The thing is, I love Mexican food, and would love to learn how to cook it properly. Plenty of good recipes out there. You are more than equipped to try. When you come across something that just does not seem to come out right.. Find a small Mexican restaurant you like, make a habit out of going there when its slow on a day off. Order the thing you like but cant quite replicate, tell your waitress you are a cook yourself and have a question for the chef about how this item is prepared if he has a minute. or find yourself a mexican g/f or I’m sure there are cooking trade/networking groups out there where you can pick up pointers ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/3 "2012-10-23T14:10:18Z")
Maybe you could try making some dishes you think they’d like and offering it to them? Or invite them to your place for dinner? Hopefully they’ll want to learn some things from you, making it easy. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/4 "2012-10-23T14:11:23Z")
Sorry, but there is no way your plan cannot come off as bizarre. There is absolutely no socially acceptable way to ask a complete stranger for private lessons on something you have no concept of their interest in. Nor is there any socially acceptable way to tell a guy you’d like to spend some one-on-one time with his wife. What’s wrong with buying a good cookbook? There are some really good ones by people who travel around looking for the best regional dishes, and they can probably tell you a lot more than some random maybe-Mexican lady. If you really need one-on-one instruction, try advertising on Craig’s List or enrolling in a cooking class. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/5 "2012-10-23T14:36:40Z")
> [@AaronX](#): > > Maybe you could try making some dishes you think they’d like and offering it to them? Hola, Señor & Señora Scowling Mexican! I have come bearing a gift of food, the traditional Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme of your people! Please enjoy them with Mild Border Sauce! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/6 "2012-10-23T14:59:28Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > If you really need one-on-one instruction, try advertising on Craig’s List or enrolling in a cooking class. Or a cooking group from a local university: those need to have a minimum amount of students, but in most universities it isn’t compulsory to be a student in order to join. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/7 "2012-10-23T15:01:50Z")
The SO said I should make chiles relleno this weekend. She says I do them best. I got a recipe off the web. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/8 "2012-10-23T15:04:32Z")
Chiles rellenos. At least in Spanish. Unless you only fill one of them? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/9 "2012-10-23T16:01:35Z")
I’m trying to work and post at the same time. :o ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/10 "2012-10-23T16:07:11Z")
I would suggest that you begin by greeting them with buenos dias, buenas tardes, or buenas noches everytime you see them. Say it in English or Spanish, whichever they are more comfortable with. To not do this is mal educado in the eyes of Latinos. Every conversation in Mexico begins that way. Do this for a few weeks, or months. And do it with a smile. You will be able to tell when the time is right for more conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/11 "2012-10-23T16:34:20Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I’m trying to work and post at the same time. :o That’s bad: either your chiles won’t be properly rellenos, or your keyboard will end up smelling like chiles. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/12 "2012-10-23T18:21:37Z")
Another vote that approaching a stranger, of any nationality, to ask for cooking tips is a bad idea. It wouldn’t matter if she spoke perfect english; you would still come off as weird, and the fact that she’s female and you’re male would only make it worse; them’s the breaks. Not to mention you’re assuming she cooks mexican food well because she’s female and hispanic; bad assumption, for SO very many reasons. 😉 That said…go to church. Meet some folk. Every ‘authentic’ family of every nationality has their own way of preparing their food anyway, so the chances of your learning anything from this one particular woman that would please everyone as being ‘authentic’ are slim; those who don’t know, would just go ‘mmm, good food!’ and those that do would probably say, or at least think, “pfft, that’s not how nana makes it.” ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/13 "2012-10-23T20:10:34Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I am a professional cook, with 29 years of experience in the foodservice business. And one thing I’ve never done is authentic Mexican cooking. The thing is, I love Mexican food, and would love to learn how to cook it properly. Being that you say you have been a professional cook for 29 years, I’d say that you have a pretty good knowledge base on how to prepare various foods/dishes. I agree with other posters on gettting some cook books and using the internet to look up recipes, as a start. If and when you are able to make a connection with the couple two doors down from you… **after** getting to know each other a bit, that is when it would be appropriate to talk about cooking and share ideas with your neighbor. Invite them over for dinner and perhaps they will do the same. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/14 "2012-10-23T20:16:42Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I am a professional cook, with 29 years of experience in the foodservice business. And one thing I’ve never done is authentic Mexican cooking. The thing is, I love Mexican food, and would love to learn how to cook it properly. > > So, short of quitting my current job and finding a job in a real Mexican restaurant, I’m looking for some private instruction. Which brings me to my question. > > Two doors down from my apartment is an older Mexican couple, and I find myself thinking, “I’ll bet that lady could teach me a thing or two”. So the question is, how do I properly approach this lady? The Mexicans in my community are typically from southern Mexico, i.e. Oaxaca and Michocan. My understanding of Mexican courtesy is that I should not initially approach the woman; instead I should speak with her husband first. Am I assuming correctly? > > Furthermore, I have a very limited Spanish vocabulary; most of what I know has to do with food and random restaurant terminology (Hola! Mi nombre es Ricardo, y soy cocinero muy exellente!, or something like that. Mi cabeza es queso). If I should knock on these people’s door and the woman answers, I know enough to ask, “Es su esposo en la casa?” (and I’m not even sure if that is grammatically correct). Habla Ingles? Every time I’ve seen this couple in their doorway, they’ve scowled at me, though I suspect it’s because the lady is holding a small dog and pets aren’t allowed in these apartments and she’s scowling because she’s worried I might report her (I won’t). > > What would be the best way to approach this couple for some cooking instruction? I’d just go get some of the Rick Bayless cookbooks and give them a whirl. ---
**Author:** ![TimToyGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@TimToyGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TimToyGeek)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/15 "2012-10-23T21:38:38Z")
The thing about most older Mexican-American women is that they don’t keep recipes, and learning to cook from one would require that you become family-close with them. My wife comes from a large Mexican-American family, and learned to cook several different things from her grandmother, but she never wrote down any of the recipes. It’s best, I think, to go with the stated suggestion of starting with one of Rick Bayless’s very good cookbooks - my wife will look up certain things in hers even if her grandma taught her a recipe, just to make sure of proportions. It’s a good idea, too, to shop at a Mexican grocery store if you have access to one. A lot of the ingredients of real Mexican food cookery are not available at most grocery stores, and there are significant differences in the spices, cheese, etc. that will make a dish seem that much more authentic. Case in point - my wife and I both like arroz con leche, which is Mexican-style rice pudding. If you don’t use the correct sugar (piloncillo) and cinnamon (canela) to make the dish, though, it won’t taste nearly like it should. The best thing about Mexican grocery stores - we’re rather spoiled with them in Southern California - is that they are very inexpensive, especially for meats, cheeses and produce. Tim ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/16 "2012-10-23T22:20:50Z")
> [@harmonicamoon](#): > > I would suggest that you begin by greeting them with buenos dias, buenas tardes, or buenas noches everytime you see them. Say it in English or Spanish, whichever they are more comfortable with. To not do this is mal educado in the eyes of Latinos. Every conversation in Mexico begins that way. Do this for a few weeks, or months. At the end of which the exasperated couple may finally snap “goddammit, we’re _Brazilian_!” ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/17 "2012-10-24T00:38:04Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > That said…go to church. Meet some folk. Every ‘authentic’ family of every nationality has their own way of preparing their food anyway, so the chances of your learning anything from this one particular woman that would please everyone as being ‘authentic’ are slim; those who don’t know, would just go ‘mmm, good food!’ and those that do would probably say, or at least think, “pfft, that’s not how nana makes it.” Some of the best Mexican dishes I have eaten are the pot lucks after the Spanish only Mass on Sundays, 11am at our catholic church. They make the food, you taste it, and then talk to the people that made the dishes you enjoyed the most…try to guess what ingredient made that dish so special, and they will be friendly and more than happy to tell you. Maybe your local church has the same thing going on, Rik. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/18 "2012-10-24T01:32:43Z")
Are you thinking in terms of “hey, I’d like to learn how to make some great chili for myself,” or are you looking for “hey, how do the top-end Mexican restaurants operate?” My brother’s a caterer, and I know there’s a huge difference between the two. My first thought (given that you opened with 29 years of experience as a professional chef) was that you were looking for something to incorporate into your business, and for that, you might well look towards professional instruction, even to the point of going to Mexico or Spain for a few weeks (as people who want to become top French cooks will go to France to study (at? with?) Cordon Bleu). ---
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/19 "2012-10-24T01:59:17Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > That said…go to church. Meet some folk. If I didn’t know better I’d be worried my mother is posting here. That’s her standard answer for just about everything. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609/20 "2012-10-24T04:16:30Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Sorry, but there is no way your plan cannot come off as bizarre. There is absolutely no socially acceptable way to ask a complete stranger for private lessons on something you have no concept of their interest in. Nor is there any socially acceptable way to tell a guy you’d like to spend some one-on-one time with his wife. Yeah, that’s what I get for posting when I have a few beers in me - my “ideas” aren’t always fully thought out. I thought about it this morning when I got up and told myself basically what you’ve said here 😃 > [@Ethilrist](#): > > Are you thinking in terms of “hey, I’d like to learn how to make some great chili for myself,” or are you looking for “hey, how do the top-end Mexican restaurants operate?” The former. As I’ve mentioned in other threads recently, I’ve taken lately to actually _cooking_ for myself at home, as opposed to coming home from cooking for 8+ hours at work and nuking a Hot Pocket or hot dog. So I’m just looking to expand my repertoire a bit with some real Mexican food (as opposed to the “Mexican food” you find at, say, Taco Bell). > [@](#): > > My first thought (given that you opened with 29 years of experience as a professional chef) was that you were looking for something to incorporate into your business Nope, I currently work for my city’s convention center, mostly preparing mass quantities of food for large groups, and have very little input as to what’s on the menus. We do have a buffet option we call the “South of the Border Buffet”, but it’s about as “authentic” as Taco Bell. At one of our company lunches a couple years ago we had prepared this buffet for the staff, and I got a big laugh out of the Mexican ladies from the housekeeping department (my actual employer is the big fancy hotel next door to the convention center) when I grinned, spread my arms, and invited them to enjoy the “comida Mexicana autentica” 😃 I’m pretty sure they understood that I was joking. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mexican-american-ettiquette/638609.md?page=2)