# Michael Jackson, you alien fucktard, get the hell OFF this planet and don't come back **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 19, 2002, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612 "2002-11-19T21:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/181 "2002-11-22T18:16:51Z")
Which might also apply to Herrn Jackson. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/182 "2002-11-22T18:17:35Z")
“Asshat” could also imply that a person has their skull firmly implanted in their anus. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/183 "2002-11-22T18:29:08Z")
Ahhhh, the double in you endo. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/184 "2002-11-22T19:50:44Z")
You locked the door, so I came innuendo. ---
**Author:** ![tcdaniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9bd4f/32.png) [@tcdaniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tcdaniel)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/185 "2002-11-22T20:05:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doghouse Reilly \* > \*\*So being white is a good thing which is unattainable to Mr. Jackson? \*\* Doghouse Reilly, I am just pointing out that Jacko is about as genetically white as my dog. For whatever reason Jacko wants to be white is a mystery to all the adoring Jacko fans. I don’t care what color he wants to be, he’s still fuckin’ WEIRD and “loves” children. Nothing racist meant here. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/186 "2002-11-22T20:09:07Z")
I wonder if he takes bleach baths. \ ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/187 "2002-11-22T21:02:45Z")
I wonder if if he held the baby out the way that medieval kings would–“My subjects, I have an heir!” Wasn’t there some scene like that in _The Lion King_? ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/188 "2002-11-22T21:20:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by javaman \* > \*\*I wonder if if he held the baby out the way that medieval kings would–“My subjects, I have an heir!” > > Wasn’t there some scene like that in _The Lion King_? \*\* and so it was written that when the thread had indeed come full circle, it had achieved greatness and should be lionized. ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/189 "2002-11-22T21:45:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Prince Michael Jackson - 5. > Paris Jackson - 4. > Prince Michael Jackson II - 1. > > Like we didn’t already know he was fucked in the head. \*\* The daughter’s name is actually Paris Michael Kathering Jackson. So all three of them are named for Wacko Jacko. :rolleyes: Also, the oldest has apparently had his hair bleached blonde, not born that way. I dunno, I was just googling around, and found that info… ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/190 "2002-11-22T21:47:25Z")
Katherine, I meant My apologies for the bad spelling Another site lists her name as: Paris Katherine Michael Jackson I don’t know which it actually is, but it’s apparently true, Mike is pulling a George Foreman. ---
**Author:** ![AnnaLivia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@AnnaLivia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnnaLivia)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/191 "2002-11-23T01:07:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Larry Mudd \* > \*\ ***AnnaLivia** – Hmmm… Likes Todd Browning films… Presumably into James Joyce… > > How _you_ doin’, Ms. Plurabelle? (I’m sure with my luck, “Missus Liffey” is closer to the mark…) > > Ummm… oh yeah- “Michael Jackson! Whatta jerk!” > > Or something. \*\* (hijack) Well, it is Ms. And all the former is true. But my heart belongs to Lon Chaney Sr. (hijack) Back on topic- how could you think for an instant that when dangling a squirmy child over fifty feet in the air that something bad couldn’t happen? Hell, I’m afraid to handle children four feet off the ground. (forgive any missing H’s. The key seems to have something lodged beneath it. :smack: ) ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/192 "2002-11-23T01:15:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AnnaLivia \* > \*\*(forgive any missing H’s. The key seems to have something lodged beneath it. :smack: ) \*\* I just thought it was your Cockney Accent ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/193 "2002-11-23T01:39:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AnnaLivia \* > \*\* > (forgive any missing H’s. The key seems to have something lodged beneath it. :smack: ) \*\* Pop it off with a screwdriver, blow on the keyboard vigorously and stick it back on. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/194 "2002-11-23T21:16:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*Somehow I doubt his children are interacting with anyone their age, and if they are, it’s in a highly controlled environment. \*\* Which, now that I think about it, is how child molesters _like_ it. Because even if they do manage to brain wash their victims into thinking that there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing, they know that the kid will sooner or later mention what’s going on to someone else who might have very different views about (pardon the pun) child rearing, and turn them over to the authorities. I really do think that Human Services should take a close look at the kids and their environment. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/195 "2002-11-25T21:16:56Z")
> [@](#): > > [Snopes](http://www.snopes.com/photos/jackson.htm) (bolding mine) > Dermatologists also suggested that Jackson has probably undergone Botox injections in his forehead, has had plastic surgery on his eyes, had had his chin squared off, has **lightened his skin using a hydroquinone compound** (not legal in the U.S.), and has tattooed eyebrows and eyeliner. Kinda sheds light on another possiblity, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/196 "2002-11-26T00:53:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duck Duck Goose \* > \*\* > > [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/2498855.stm](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/2498855.stm) > \*\* Scroll midway thru. See MJ at the zool See Gorilla. See Gorilla say “what the fuck?” run gorilla, run! p.s. if Michael jackson had viteligo, why couldn’t he put make up over the spots? I mean, What with all the effort required to acid bleach his skin to ‘even it out’, couldn’t he use medical grade make-up such as Derma-Blend? People use that to cover up port wine stains and tattoos. I aint buying it for a minute. RUN GORILLA! RUN! ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/197 "2002-11-26T00:58:22Z")
If Michael Jackson has vitiglio, I am a purple flying wombat. [Vitiglio is a nasty, nasty disease](http://www.aarda.org/indexf.html) and I don’t know if I should be ticked that he said he had it or not. Eh. I will react to that the same way I react to most things Jacko: with a bemused, yet tired, blink. (Upon preview, I see that the link don’t take you to the specific place. Blast. Scroll down the side to find it. It’s near the bottom.) ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/198 "2002-11-26T01:00:45Z")
p.s. Michael Jackson: I am covering my kids head in case they are kidnapped. But I will find the world’s brightest colored\* scarfs\*\* to do so. you know, gotta be discrete and all. - technically it is Pantone hue “HEY LOOK AT ME, THE WEIRDO ‘HIDING’ HIS KIDS” purple, uncoated. It is matched to Benjamin Moore’s “Scary Freak” number 5679. \*\*“i want to protect my child from kidnappers”. Does Bill Gates do this? Does Bill Gates not have waaaaaay more money the Jacko could even imagine? I thnk someone overestimates his popularity a bit much. Earth to Jacko: honestly… no one cares about you anymore. I swear. heh heh heh and then to top it off, the scarves are sheer. Why not a burka, Jacko? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/199 "2002-11-26T01:17:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bad News Baboon \* > **Scroll midway thru. > See MJ at the zool > See Gorilla. > See Gorilla say “what the fuck?” > run gorilla, run!** He is just plain getting old, and there’s no amount of plastic surgery that will reverse the process. I’d like to see his hands. \*\* > [@](#): > > if Michael jackson had viteligo, why couldn’t he put make up over the spots? > I mean, What with all the effort required to acid bleach his skin to ‘even it out’, couldn’t he use medical grade make-up such as Derma-Blend? People use that to cover up port wine stains and tattoos. > \*\* Assuming he **does** have vitiligo, I’ve heard it said more than once that cosmetics can’t cover it. (Cosmetics can’t help that blue guy either, the Senator or whatever he is.) But I could be wrong on either count. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/200 "2002-11-26T05:18:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by aenea \* > \*\*The daughter’s name is actually Paris Michael Kathering Jackson. > \*\* That’s all well and good, but I STILL don’t see why he didn’t just name them Prince Michael Jackson Prince Michael Jackson II and Prince Michael Jackson III. I had to giggle at the poster (sorry–it was way back on the first page of the thread, and if I go all the way back there with this modem, I’ll be here all night) who pointed out, in essence, that “of course” Kid #2 would have a different name, because she is a girl. For one thing, I can’t POSSIBLY imagine Michael Jackson concerning himself with issues such as either identity confusion or gender confusion in the first place. For another thing, I believe that “Paris,” while a very pretty name, is, indeed, traditionally masculine. (In Greek mythology, Paris was Priam and Hecuba’s son. He gave Aphrodite her apple and abducted Helen of Troy.) So it’s not exactly like Michael Jackson named putative offspring #2 something like Sally. If Kid #2 was going to have two-thirds of a boy’s name anyway, why not just stick with “Prince Michael”? If Michael Jackson felt funny about the whole thing later, he could always have a plastic surgeon build a penis for little #2 out of the leftovers from his nose. (It’s quite possible that he has not yet figured out the fact that it was not a “birth defect” which caused #2 to be born without one in the first place.) Vitiligo or no vitiligo, Michael Jackson is an unmitigated freak and should have no access to children. It’s not because he’s gay, and it’s not because he’s grey – it’s because he is a MUTANT! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612.md?page=11)