# Michael Jackson, you alien fucktard, get the hell OFF this planet and don't come back **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 19, 2002, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612 "2002-11-19T21:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/21 "2002-11-19T21:40:23Z")
Wring: Yeah, me pissed. Me really, really fucking pissed. I can put up with all the other “I’m a Star so I can do whatever I want” bizarro behavior, and I can even explain it to my kids, but this? This is proof that the man is quite definitely inhabiting some sort of fantasy MichaelJacksonLand[sup]R[/sup], where people named “Michael Jackson” are allowed to do whatever they want at all times, and I’m not gonna cut him any slack because he had a dysfunctional childhood, either. You don’t see Donny Osmond dangling any of _his_ baby sons off hotel balconies. And he’s got five so far, so he’s two up on His Michael-Ness, nyah, plus we all know who _their_ mother is, not that I think His Michael-Ness cares where he gets _his_ babies from, probably from the Kamino clone factories for all I know. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/22 "2002-11-19T21:41:27Z")
Dysfunctional childhood? Ooohh, I hadn’t heard that one!! Share, share!! ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/23 "2002-11-19T21:42:08Z")
You know, if the baby knew that Micheal Jackson was his father, he’d already have jumped of his own volition. “Goo, goo, ga, ga, my daddy is WHO? I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to stick around with Captain Crazy Feet for a dad. Let’s try reincarnation again. Damn, if I had known this was the karma I was going to get in this life, I never would have written The Turner Diaries in the first place.” ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/24 "2002-11-19T21:49:20Z")
Well, hey, with the handkerchief/towel thingy over his head, that baby can’t projectile-vomit on his father’s “face”… I can just see the headline, too … “Prosthetic Nose Discovered in Baby Vomit.” ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/25 "2002-11-19T21:50:06Z")
okay, and now that I’m sitting here thinking about it, I’m realizing that it’s not just the “baby in danger” aspect, it’s also the sheer arrogance of it, because you know what he’s doing, don’t you? He acting out “the King showing off the New Prince to the adoring townspeople.” Everybody’s going, “Why would he hang his baby out the balcony?” Well, that’s why he’s doing that. It’s called “delusions of grandeur”, with emphasis on the word “delusions”. I believe I’m safe in assuming that as he stood there dangling the baby with that big shiteating grin on his expensively made-over face, while his “Mufasa and Simba” mental movie played on, he heard applause from all the grateful Little People. Put him one of those Ruritanian operetta uniforms, put the baby in one of those lace christening gowns, load up the street with a cast of extras, and there’s your scene. Fucktard. Assmidget. Doubled. In SPADES. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/26 "2002-11-19T21:50:15Z")
Oh, **DDG** - I absolutely understand, and concur. I’d just seen the thread title and your name before I’d seen/heard the story. It’s not unexpected that some one would have a MJ rant. Nor that they’d use “fuck”. But seeing that it was **you** I knew that something momentous had occured. (waiting for the few inevitable folks to chime in to say ‘how can you claim that’s sufficient cause for CPS, mind yer own bizness’ etc.) and **Eve** - damn that was funny. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/27 "2002-11-19T21:50:20Z")
I have a feeling he’s going to end up in an institution sooner or later. I think he’s seriously mentally ill. _shudders_ I can’t imagine what it’s like to be his child. However, I would think, at least, with all of his people-they aren’t completely isolated…hopefully. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/28 "2002-11-19T21:50:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Captain Amazing \* > \*\*My G-d! Lamarck was right! \*\* Dude, this is probably the funniest thing I’ve read all week. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/29 "2002-11-19T21:53:25Z")
I bet the towel over his head was to protect Mike from his son’s germs. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/30 "2002-11-19T21:54:47Z")
he called his sons the same name? no-one else finds this odd? and his eldest son isn’t just white, he’s a blue-eyed blond kid… genetics sure are funny… ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/31 "2002-11-19T21:54:49Z")
Does anyone else wonder what he calls the 5 and 1 year olds at home to avoid confusion? ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/32 "2002-11-19T21:54:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*I can’t imagine what it’s like to be his child. However, I would think, at least, with all of his people-they aren’t completely isolated…hopefully. \*\* keeping in mind that ‘his people’ (aka MJ parasites), are also the ones who apparently don’t point out that \*\*he \*\* so desperately needs help as well. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/33 "2002-11-19T21:58:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silentgoldfish \* > \*\*Granted I’m just seeing the legs, but that kid looks surprisingly white… \*\* He had his sperm bleached white, too. ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/34 "2002-11-19T22:07:49Z")
It’s made even more chilling by his constant “all I care about is the children of the world” refrain. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/35 "2002-11-19T22:08:52Z")
> **[Breaking Celebrity News, Entertainment News and Celeb Gossip - E! Online](https://www.eonline.com/news)** > > Get the latest news on celebrity scandals, engagements, and divorces! Check out our breaking stories on Hollywood's hottest stars! > [@](#): > > Few details are available, but evidently the baby’s name is Prince Michael II. (“That’s correct, Prince I and Prince II,” producer Gary Pudney tells People.) Jackson reportedly refers to the tyke as “the third” or “Number 3.” (Which, we presume, leads to inevitable nanny confusion if, say, Number 3 goes number 1 on Number 2.) > > The child is, according to the magazine, not adopted but rather conceived “the natural way.” While the babe might be Jacko’s biological child, mum’s the word on, well, the mum. (And what passes for “natural” at Neverland is anyone’s guess.) > > There’s some speculation the maternal unit might have been Rowe, who has supposedly remained close to Jackson since their 1999 divorce. “Anything’s possible,” an unnamed Jackson friend tells People. “They still have a relationship.” Debbie Rowe is the mother of the other two, so she would be my guess. It’s logical–His Michael-Ness doesn’t make new friends easily :rolleyes: so I really can’t picture him attempting to recruit someone _else_ to put up with his idiotic “I’m a Star” shenanigans. I mean, what’s he gonna do, put an ad in the paper? “Surrogate Mom Wanted: Must be willing to travel, sign 100-page pre-nup and 200-page non-disclosure agreements. Must be willing to donate egg, carry baby to term, and hand it over to Scary Alien Loon of a father when born. Must be willing to accept possibility that child will be put in danger of its life from said Scary Alien Loon of a father, and must be willing to accept the fact that she will possibly never see child again…” How much would they have to pay you? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/36 "2002-11-19T22:09:44Z")
Well, it could be that they DO know, but they’re trying to avoid it…or something. The King and the Prince-yeah, that’s what it looks like. As for all the same names, doesn’t George Foreman have five sons-all named George? George Jr. George III George IV George V George VI Or something? ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/37 "2002-11-19T22:14:16Z")
Ivylass: Back in the late 80s or thereabouts, there were a bunch of authorized and unauthorized biographies and autobiographies about various Jacksons, saying that their dad was abusive, or something like that, and everybody went, “Oh, so THAT explains it.” ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/38 "2002-11-19T22:23:20Z")
Yeah but at least George was punched in the head a few thousand times. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/39 "2002-11-19T22:23:22Z")
Good God. I wonder what color the sky is in his world. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/40 "2002-11-19T22:25:11Z")
You know, I have never “got” Michael Jackson at all. I’m not denying his talent, but most of it seemed to be used to glorify himself, whereas many other highly talented artists tend to emphasize their work and/or their ideas and not themselves. To me, it seemed that his performances were more masterbation than entertainment. (Of course, some folks enjoy watching a guy jerking off in public, I’m not one of them, however.) While I pray that this gets the kids yanked out of his custody (even if this was a stunt with a doll, you can bet there’s enough weirdness going on at home to get the kids freed from Michael’s custody), I don’t hold out much hope of it happening. The LA District Attorney’s office doesn’t exactly have a stellar record (remember O.J.?). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612.md?page=3)