# Michael Jackson, you alien fucktard, get the hell OFF this planet and don't come back **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 19, 2002, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612 "2002-11-19T21:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/121 "2002-11-20T18:19:53Z")
MJ: “If black is black, I want my baby back.” ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/122 "2002-11-20T18:34:21Z")
Didn’t he always say that he wanted a bouncing baby boy? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/123 "2002-11-20T18:58:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by reprise \* > \*\ ***chula** , I was referring to **punha’s** “where are the girls” comment. \*\* Only that wasn’t **punha** ’s comment. It was said by **Diogenes the Cynic**. ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/124 "2002-11-20T23:28:46Z")
I don’t know how I came to read **Diogenes** comments as having been made by \*\* punha\*\*, but as has been pointed out, the “where are the girls” comment was made by **Diogenes the Cynic**. Sorry **punha**. An interesting question **minty** is why there **wasn’t** any investigation into the paedophilia allegations when they surfaced many years ago - the dropping of civil action by the parents shouldn’t have trumped the obligation of child protection authorities to investigate such public accusations. I’ve always found it quite odd that the parents **only** initiated civil action; why not launch both criminal and civil actions if you truly believe your child has been abused in the manner suggested? And yep, mud **does** stick - especially when the allegations relate to children. Had the plaintiffs lost in a civil action, there would undoubtedly have been much muttering about Jackson’s wealth and fame influencing the judgement. Hell, there are still a lot of Aussies who believe Lindy Chamberlain murdered Azaria - despite the fact that she received substantial compensation for the time she spent in prison. FWIW, probably the best Jackson could have hoped for in any court case was the plaintiff’s case would have not been proven - that’s a long way from being found “innocent”, and I expect his own legal team made that point to him. His winning the court case would not have reversed the damage caused to his reputation by the allegations. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/125 "2002-11-20T23:33:00Z")
there was a criminal investigation. However, when the alleged victim (and his parents/guardians) no longer would cooperate, there’s not a whole lot that can be done. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/126 "2002-11-21T00:17:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TwistofFate \* > **\Until someone is proven guilty in a court of law, they are innocent of all charges.\** Yea, and OJ is innocent…? I’m not bringing up the OJ issue to (in)flame, but to make the point that money can buy a great number of things such as a great legal defense or even a parent’s silence. In a perfect world, **TwistofFate** would be 100% correct but my mama always told me that if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck…it’s probably a duck. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/127 "2002-11-21T00:43:49Z")
Unless a court says it’s not a duck. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/128 "2002-11-21T02:10:06Z")
AAACK! THE US SUPREME COURT HAS JUST FOUND THAT A DUCK IS INDEED **NOT** A DUCK. FURTHER THE COURT CITES THAT CLINTON DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN AND THAT FLORIDA VOTERS DECLARE BUSH THE WINNER BY A LANDSLIDE… film at 11. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/129 "2002-11-21T04:08:42Z")
Someone **please** tell me that this > [@](#): > > Prosecutors said they would only investigate if they receive a complaint, The Associated Press reported. Doesn’t mean that the child _himself_ has to be the one to make the complaint, and that someone else can! (If German law does allow for _anyone_ to make a complaint, then I’d like to ask one of our German speaking Dopers to please do so.) ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/130 "2002-11-21T11:06:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ruby \* > \*\*Yea, and OJ is innocent…? > > I’m not bringing up the OJ issue to (in)flame, but to make the point that money can buy a great number of things such as a great legal defense or even a parent’s silence. > > In a perfect world, **TwistofFate** would be 100% correct but my mama always told me that if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck…it’s probably a duck. \*\* I don’t mean to be pedantic about this, but is there any actual evidence other than hearsay and opinion that he is actually guilty of molesting children? the only evidence I’ve ever heard offered is that he’s “wierd”. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/131 "2002-11-21T12:32:39Z")
> [@](#): > > “The word dangling is what I would like to look into. I don’t see a picture where he is dangling the child dangerously, I see him holding (him) up above a railing for the press to say hello to his kid,” she said. [Liza Minnelli](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/2498329.stm) . With here a Uri Geller on his side he and the kids are sure to be fine 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/132 "2002-11-21T14:09:26Z")
If anybody’s interested, here’s a nifty summary of his public weirdness-es. [http://www.cnn.com/2002/SHOWBIZ/Music/11/20/jackson.incidents/index.html](http://www.cnn.com/2002/SHOWBIZ/Music/11/20/jackson.incidents/index.html) Am I the only one who forgot that he was married to Lisa Marie Presley for a while? > [@](#): > > Jackson’s marriage to Elvis’ daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, was considered so strange that they were asked on national television if they had ever had sex. > > “Yes, yes, yes,” Presley replied. How could I have forgotten something like that? [having a senior moment here] And then the MTV award thing. > [@](#): > > But he was still surprised at the MTV Video Music Awards in August. > > “If someone had told me that one day I would be getting, as a musician, the artist of the millennium award, I wouldn’t believe it,” Jackson said. > > MTV was surprised too, since that award does not exist. He was onstage to accept a birthday cake from the music network. To sum up: MJ, phone home. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/133 "2002-11-21T14:23:53Z")
The MTV thing wasn’t his fault. It was Britteny’s. she announced him onto the stage by saying “The Artist of the Millenium”. What she meant to say was “My Artist of the Millenium”. That article is surprisingly OP-ED for CNN. ---
**Author:** ![Justhink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/edb3f5/32.png) [@Justhink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justhink)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/134 "2002-11-21T14:54:06Z")
That looks like a considerably good grasp on the child if you ask me. One of the things I think about Michael Jackson, when I do, is that the guy probably stretches every fiber in his body 8 hours per day with all that dance stuff. I’m sure he’s more than compitent to hang a child over a balcony. In retrospect; he could have been shot or fainted, at which point the baby would fall like a stone - maybe to be caught by someone in the crowd? He certainly wasn’t thinking very far ahead in regards to his own mortality to that degree. That said, I’m sure the guy is more than capable of holding a child over a balcony. -Justhink ---
**Author:** ![Justhink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/edb3f5/32.png) [@Justhink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justhink)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/135 "2002-11-21T15:01:35Z")
As for the baby’s identity… We would all know it was Abe Lincoln if the towel was off, why ruin the surprize early? -Justhink ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/136 "2002-11-21T15:01:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Justhink \* > In retrospect; he could have been shot or fainted, at which point the baby would fall like a stone - maybe to be caught by someone in the crowd? > > He certainly wasn’t thinking very far ahead in regards to his own mortality to that degree. Uhh . . . what? > [@](#): > > I’m sure he’s more than compitent to hang a child over a balcony. I’m sure he’s also more than competent to juggle a plugged-in toaster over his childrens’ bathtub while they’re splashing around in it. I’m sure he’s more than competent to drive around with his kid sitting on the roof of the car. I’m sure he’s more than competent to give his kids plastic drycleaner bags to play with, since he’s very attentive and will surely notice when their faces begin to turn blue. Why, Michael Jackson is a parenting genius! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/137 "2002-11-21T15:06:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doghouse Reilly \* > \*\* > I’m sure he’s also more than competent to juggle a plugged-in toaster over his childrens’ bathtub while they’re splashing around in it. > \*\* “Good point”, as they used to say in class, “Well taken”. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/138 "2002-11-21T15:20:50Z")
Now wait… I think I understood **justhink** point. I think. MJ = good dancer good dancer = physically fit person MJ = physically fit person (at least in terms of muscle strength) Ergo, he should be strong enough physically do so, although we all know it’s a pretty bad idea to do so. Also, justhink was saying that MJ obviously didn’t think things through (I know, duh). He probably assumes that everyone outside his balcony is on his side; it never occurs to him that someone might want to do him harm, such as a deranged fan. And exposing yourself like that would give such a person an opportunity to do so. I’m so proud - I think I interpreted it! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/139 "2002-11-21T16:30:15Z")
> [@](#): > > [New York Post](http://www.nypost.com/news/worldnews/62711.htm) > A day after Wacko Jacko shocked the world by dangling his 8-month-old son from a 70-foot-high balcony, the King of Freaks tried to show the world he’s a normal dad by taking his kids to the zoo. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/140 "2002-11-21T17:21:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > Also, justhink was saying that MJ obviously didn’t think things through (I know, duh). He probably assumes that everyone outside his balcony is on his side; it never occurs to him that someone might want to do him harm, such as a deranged fan. And exposing yourself like that would give such a person an opportunity to do so. It sounds as if that’s what Jacko might have considered to have been “wrong” about his behavior–and nothing else. As Dr. Joyce Brothers mentioned in the link **Jeff Olsen** provided: > [@](#): > > Even the usually forgiving Dr. Joyce Brothers said Jacko’s hasty “I’m sorry,” which he issued in a carefully worded statement, was empty. > > “It helps him to try to apologize, but that’s not an apology. I really don’t think he’s capable of putting himself in someone else’s shoes, to have empathy to feel how others feel,” she said. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612.md?page=8)