# Michael Jackson, you alien fucktard, get the hell OFF this planet and don't come back **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 19, 2002, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612 "2002-11-19T21:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/141 "2002-11-21T18:46:41Z")
When reached for comment, Michael’s Junior High English teacher said\* “Shit, I should have seen this comming. You ought to see what he did to participles.”\* ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/142 "2002-11-21T20:40:54Z")
Jeff’s NY Post link is important because it has a picture of one of MJ’s kids wearing the purple semi-opaque veils he made them wear to the Berlin zoo. You cannot persuade me that this person is a normally functioning human being. [http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story\_page/0,5478,5536762%5E2902,00.html](http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,5536762%255E2902,00.html) > [@](#): > > The three do not associate with other children, and do not attend school or nursery. > > They only occasionally see Debbie Rowe, mother of the two older children, Prince Michael and Paris. > > \< snip \> > > To compensate for the three children’s isolation, there are new toys every day; pets, including a year-old tiger cub, at their Neverland home in Los Angeles; and a team of nannies who keep a constant vigil. > > Jackson is with them day and night, and likes to experience every rite of childhood - from sharing popcorn and watching cartoons to singing them nursery rhymes. What about those other, more important rites of childhood, like “being caught in a lie and learning the importance of telling the truth”? What about “getting caught stealing cookies before supper”? What about “being in the spring kindergarten musical with your peer group”? What about “having your friends from school over for a slumber party”? What on _earth_ is this child-man going to _do_ when these cute little preschoolers turn into teenagers and suddenly don’t want him to be their best friend anymore, and when they shout at him, in time-honored teen fashion, “I hate you!” Have them locked up somewhere? Sent away to permanent boarding school? Poor babies. ☹ All four of them. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/143 "2002-11-21T20:53:56Z")
He got his kids a pet TIGER cub? Don’t tiger cubs turn into, uh, BIG tigers? What happens then? Bizarre. And very sad. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/144 "2002-11-21T21:06:57Z")
sorry, you’re taking facts from a paper that calls the subject matter “King of the Freaks”? Duck Duck, you know better than that. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/145 "2002-11-21T21:19:16Z")
His children look like they’re wearing burqas. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/146 "2002-11-21T21:21:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fretful Porpentine \* > \*\* Don’t tiger cubs turn into, uh, BIG tigers? What happens then? > \*\* Pet alligators get flushed down the toilet at some point. He’s crazy, but so are other people. They just aren’t as wealthy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/147 "2002-11-21T21:28:40Z")
> [@](#): > > The three do not associate with other children, and do not attend school or nursery. > [@](#): > > carnivorousplant said:\*\* > He’s crazy, but so are other people. They just aren’t as wealthy.\*\* Exactly. He gets away with this shit because he’s wealthy and a celebrity. If this was some regular Joe Citizen who kept his children isolated and out of school, and took them to the zoo with a drape over their heads, the Child Welfare offices would have been called looooong ago. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/148 "2002-11-21T21:31:29Z")
No interaction with anyone their own age? I mean, surely Michael has nieces and nephews… Then again-what parent is going to let their kids associate with Michael Jackson? GET THESE KIDS AWAY FROM THIS FUCKTARD!!! > [@](#): > > Prince Michael, 5, and his sister Paris, 4, walked around unsmilingly and in silence, holding their father’s hand. Okay, I can understand the need for security, and such. But for god’s sakes-NO SCHOOL? No TUTORS??? How will they learn anything? He claims he loves them. Bullshit. It may sound trite, but when you love something, you set it free. Good GOD, even the children of the last Tsar weren’t this isolated! Yeah, they rarely went out without police escorts-but they had lots of cousins and children of servants and members of the court and their parents’ friends and staff. They were always well-educated and spent lots of time with aunts and uncles and cousins as well. Dammit. Talk about overprotective. This asshole has everyright to hide himself away from the world-but he does not have the right to make that choice for his children. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/149 "2002-11-21T21:38:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\* > > children of the last Tsar …rarely went out without police escorts- \*\* Hijack Have you seen the picture of a daughter-perhaps Anastasia-playing tennis with a young man while the chaperone who looks bigger than Alexander III glowers from the sidelines? ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/150 "2002-11-21T21:41:37Z")
The isolation from other children is the thing I find most disturbing about the upbringing of these children (although, granted, they may well have a lot of interaction with their cousins). While daddy can certainly afford the best tutors money can buy, these children - more than most - need exposure to a wide range of social experiences if they are not to be extremely vulnerable in later life. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/151 "2002-11-21T21:53:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*Hijack > > Have you seen the picture of a daughter-perhaps Anastasia-playing tennis with a young man while the chaperone who looks bigger than Alexander III glowers from the sidelines? \*\* That could be any number of photos. Of course, subsequent photos would also show the girls clowning around said guard. It might be Alexei’s sailor nannies-he had two sailors as companions because of his hemophilia. And the boy liked to play rough-so they had to be careful because any spill could kill the poor kid. But good lord, he was always going with Nicholas to inspect the troops, meet with ministers and staff. Those kids may have been isolated-but not like Michael Jackson’s kids. (If that wasn’t what you were saying, I appologize, I just thought I’d point that out). ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/152 "2002-11-21T21:58:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TwistofFate \* > \*\*sorry, you’re taking facts from a paper that calls the subject matter “King of the Freaks”? > > Duck Duck, you know better than that. \*\* That was me and **Doghouse Reilly** with the NYPost cites. **DDG** was citing the Herald Sun. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/153 "2002-11-21T21:59:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\* > Those kids may have been isolated-but not like Michael Jackson’s kids. > (If that wasn’t what you were saying, I appologize, I just thought I’d point that out). \*\* Oh no, just a mention since you are the SD Romanov expert, and I think of that photo whenever I think of children and chaperones. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/154 "2002-11-21T22:10:35Z")
Somehow I doubt his children are interacting with anyone their age, and if they are, it’s in a highly controlled environment. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/155 "2002-11-21T23:29:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fretful Porpentine \* > \*\*He got his kids a pet TIGER cub? Don’t tiger cubs turn into, uh, BIG tigers? What happens then? > > Bizarre. And very sad. \*\* Speaking of George Foreman (as we were a few pages ago), he was on _The Frank Skinner Show_ last week, and revealed that at one point he owned a tiger _and_ a lion. He eventually had to give them both to a new home when they started playing a little too rough. Dangerous pets and weird child names – is there a correlation? Did Frank Zappa buy his kids a wolverine? Did Paula Yates have a piranha tank? Is Jamie Oliver shopping for a polar bear? Enquiring minds want to know! ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/156 "2002-11-21T23:32:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Dangerous pets and weird child names – is there a correlation? Did Frank Zappa buy his kids a wolverine? Did Paula Yates have a piranha tank? Is Jamie Oliver shopping for a polar bear? Enquiring minds want to know! \*\* I know Frank and Paula’s kids have bizzare names, but what are Jamie Oliver’s kid’s names? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/157 "2002-11-21T23:51:09Z")
From the linked Herald Sun article: [qoute]Jackson is already talking about adding to his family. He would like five children, according to US reports. One can only hope that he is joking. [/quote] A-fucking-men. My god. That was a disturbing article in an already disturbing tale. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/158 "2002-11-21T23:53:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BiblioCat \* > \*\*I know Frank and Paula’s kids have bizzare names, but what are Jamie Oliver’s kid’s names? \*\* Just one at the moment – Poppy Honey – but with another child-to-be-named on the way. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/159 "2002-11-21T23:56:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Speaking of George Foreman (as we were a few pages ago), he was on _The Frank Skinner Show_ last week, and revealed that at one point he owned a tiger _and_ a lion. He eventually had to give them both to a new home when they started playing a little too rough. > > Dangerous pets and weird child names – is there a correlation? Did Frank Zappa buy his kids a wolverine? Did Paula Yates have a piranha tank? Is Jamie Oliver shopping for a polar bear? Enquiring minds want to know! \*\* To be fair, doesn’t neverland have a zoo? MJ may be the only celebrity that could keep an adult tiger as a pet. ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612/160 "2002-11-22T00:02:02Z")
Top 10 things Michael Jackson will have to do to shock us at this point: 1. Claim that the Powerpuff Girls have absolutely nothing to do with anime. 2. By a PS2 _and_ an X-Box, and act like this is the most natural thing in the world. 3. Listen to an N\*Sync album and actually seem to enjoy it. 4. Decry the current mass proliferation of American flags as “crass” and “a cheap attempt to cash in on a tragedy”. 5. Tell the so-called women’s groups protesting Victoria’s Secret to get a life. 6. Get into the goth look because “black goes with everything”, and openly question what’s so cool about vampires. 7. Join the Green Party and denounce Democrats as “Greens who are too scared to do the right thing”. 8. In a video game magazine survey, write down that he thinks Grand Theft Auto 3 is “a bit overrated”. 9. Go to a NASCAR race and act utterly disgusted when the fans cheer Jeff Gordon spinning out. 10. Divorce, give any children he still has up for adoption, and swear off marriage and fatherhood forever, then take his millions and disappear like he frickin’ should’ve done years ago. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-jackson-you-alien-fucktard-get-the-hell-off-this-planet-and-dont-come-back/137612.md?page=9)