# Michael Masterson-- 13 Year Old Wannabe Pussy-Whipped Little Jerk-Off ?? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 3, 2000, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649 "2000-03-03T19:20:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/1 "2000-03-04T06:55:00Z")
Registered in February, Michael Masterson has started the following threads: \*\*enjoy anal sex? \*\* -\> [http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005591.html](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005591.html) \*\*How often U get Off \*\* -\> [http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005568.html](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005568.html) \*\*Prefer shower/bath? \*\* -\> [http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005573.html](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005573.html) **Are you High?** -\> [http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005570.html](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005570.html) **Does SIZE really matter?** -\> [http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005408.html](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005408.html) Comments? ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/2 "2000-03-03T19:20:00Z")
I know I said I would be Masterson free, but since this is about him and not by him, I create my own handy-dandy loophole. Okatym, I have to disagree with the topic, I would guess he is 14. * * * Voted Rookie of the Year in MPSIMs and the Pit, along with Best One-liners. And I don’t plan on keeping this as my sig for long, just until the winning buzz wears off. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/3 "2000-03-03T19:23:00Z")
That’s hilarious. I was just about to post again in the “anal sex” thread. I was gonna ask how long before someone starts a pit thread devoted to this driveling shit-fer-brains. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/4 "2000-03-03T19:27:00Z")
I have to disagree with the topic as well. “Pussy-Whipped” implies he is getting some, and that he is a slave to it. I’m quite convinced that of every individual sperm that’s ever escaped his miniscule cock has wound up either going down the shower drain, in a wadded up kleenex, or in one of his tube socks. ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/5 "2000-03-03T19:28:00Z")
Yeah, it’s getting tiresome. It’s either the hormonal ragings of a Grade niner, or this guy ain’t getting any. Mike, meet some girls. * * * Voted as: **The poster you’d most like to meet.** I demand a recount. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/6 "2000-03-03T19:37:00Z")
I believe it’s another “new name” person that’s been here before. He is using the shock effect with his topics to see how long he can remain on the board. Definitely a teenager. * * * _I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it._ ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/7 "2000-03-03T19:49:00Z")
From the “No, really, I do have a big dick, please believe me” thread: > [@](#): > > Hey, I got 57 posts in 3 days, you bet I couldn’t get more than 30 and > [@](#): > > Damn! 76 replies in three days, damn im good And now he warrants a thread in the Pit? Please, please, _ **DNFTT** _! -andros- ---
**Author:** ![eden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f9b8f/32.png) [@eden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eden)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/8 "2000-03-03T20:25:00Z")
I don’t usually even post to troll-related pit threads, but this guy has got to go; I have seen nary a whit of redeeming value in his posts. How many obnoxious threads is one person allowed to start before he or she gets blocked? Just curious. ---
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/9 "2000-03-03T20:46:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I have to disagree with the topic as well. > “Pussy-Whipped” implies he is getting some, and that he is a slave to it. I’m quite convinced that of every individual sperm that’s ever escaped his miniscule cock has wound up either going down the shower drain, in a wadded up kleenex, or in one of his tube socks. Mouthbreather: I think you misunderstood the Title… I said he’s a “ **WANNABE** Pussy-whipped Little Jerk-Off”. Wannabe is the key-word there… Obviously what you said is true. I wish I had your way with words. ---
**Author:** ![Nu\_Vo\_Da\_Da](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/97f17d/32.png) [@Nu\_Vo\_Da\_Da](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nu_Vo_Da_Da)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/10 "2000-03-03T21:12:00Z")
“It’s either the hormonal ragings of a Grade niner, or this guy ain’t getting any.” What, it can’t be both? ---
**Author:** ![Chrome\_Toaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Chrome\_Toaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chrome_Toaster)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/11 "2000-03-03T21:27:00Z")
Michael Masturbation. I find him quite annoying, but other peoples’ posts to his topics are **highly** entertaining!! I can’t help but keep reading the developing threads, just to read the hilarious replies! I think that Drain Bead’s link in the anal sex thread is priceless! Pure Genius! 😃 * * * A Slightly Altered Perception of Reality… Chrome Toaster ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/12 "2000-03-03T21:28:00Z")
Sorry for the misunderstanding, okatym. I thought you were using Wannabe, Pussy-Whipped, and Little jerk off as stand alone ways to describe our cretinous friend. Looking again at the thread title, [Ed McMahon voice]You are correct! [/Ed McMahon voice] ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/13 "2000-03-03T21:48:00Z")
You guys evidently don’t know who you’re dealing with. Guess what he scored at the I.Q. test in MPSIMS? Sure makes my 125 puny in comparison. > [@](#): > > (WHOOOOOOOHOOOO!!!) I got a 180. ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/14 "2000-03-03T22:11:00Z")
Stop feeding the asshole! We all know he’s a fucking moron. Now let’s just pretend he doesn’t exist. * * * “I thought: opera, how hard can it be? Songs. Pretty girls dancing. Nice scenery. Lots of people handing over cash. Got to be better than the cut-throat world of yoghurt, I thought.” - Seldom Bucket ---
**Author:** ![PurpleCrackwhore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc348/32.png) [@PurpleCrackwhore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleCrackwhore)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/15 "2000-03-03T23:05:00Z")
OMG he has driven me out of MPSIMS and into the pit! What is this board coming to?!? 😉 * * * I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature! ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/16 "2000-03-03T23:54:00Z")
Yeah this Masterson guy is pretty lame. The only thing I can think that might be lamer is to track his every thread, and analyze it, and complain in The BBQ… Oh never mind. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/17 "2000-03-04T00:02:00Z")
but he has 1.2 million dollars! MUAHAHAHAH * * * – “Disco balls create an enchanting, dazzling effect of light shafts, adding movement and glamour to any occasion” O p a l C a t [www.opalcat.com](http://www.opalcat.com) ---
**Author:** ![Cowboy\_Greg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Cowboy\_Greg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowboy_Greg)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/18 "2000-03-04T02:25:00Z")
::snort:: Yeah, it might have taken, oh, nine or ten Monopoly sets to get THAT much! I take comfort in the fact that eventually his drooling will short out his keyboard. * * * +++ Divide by cucumber error. Reinstall universe and reboot. +++ ---
**Author:** ![Studi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Studi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Studi)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/19 "2000-03-04T04:27:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Michael Masterson-- 13 Year Old Wannabe Pussy-Whipped Little Jerk-Off ?? Sounds accurate…but I could add some more adjectives. Studi * * * When I grow up, I want to be the Minister of Silly Walks. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2000, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649/20 "2000-03-05T03:33:00Z")
This guy is the poster boy for the folks who keep purveyors of oddly shaped rubber goods in business. Can we just buy the dweeb an inflatable girlfriend (or sheep) and a can of Crisco and direct his literary ambitions toward the “letters” column in “Penthouse”? Sheesh, I’ve never read such transparent, unoriginal, pathetic drivel in my life. Veb [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/michael-masterson-13-year-old-wannabe-pussy-whipped-little-jerk-off/4649.md?page=2)