# Microchip the illegal aliens! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 29, 2010, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705 "2010-04-29T02:54:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/21 "2010-04-29T13:30:42Z")
I had no idea illegal immigrants were tunneling under the fence at the border and emerging in Iowa. Maybe they’re being smuggled into the country by Bugs Bunny. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/22 "2010-04-29T13:39:48Z")
> [@Gustav](#): > > Wow, I just love the ironclad logic there. Personally I think we should catch them and lock them up in tiny cages for the rest of their lives. I can cage my hamster, why can’t I cage an illegal? You’ll know why the first time you change the wood shavings. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/23 "2010-04-29T13:45:52Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I had no idea illegal immigrants were tunneling under the fence at the border and emerging in Iowa. Maybe they’re being smuggled into the country by Bugs Bunny. No, he always takes a **left** turn at Albuquerque. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/24 "2010-04-29T13:57:03Z")
This is just Phase One. Phase Two is when we start having them spayed and neutered before release. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/25 "2010-04-29T14:11:48Z")
You mean cutting their nuts off, but are afraid to say it! Let’s call a spayed a spayed, OK? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/26 "2010-04-29T14:22:07Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > No, he always takes a **left** turn at Albuquerque. No, but he should have. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/27 "2010-04-29T14:38:07Z")
What about simple practicality? Surely microchipping all illegal aliens involves first _catching_ all the illegal aliens? Wouldn’t we then, you know, deport them, like we do now, instead of this bizarre catch and release program? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/28 "2010-04-29T14:45:21Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > We should let Pearson and Bertroche debate this in public. I have a feeling that more than a few Freeper/teabagger heads would explode. > > Speaking of, I’m too short on time and brain cells to go find a thread and see what the Freepers think of this. If anyone has the fortitude, time and brain cells to spare and goes to find a thread, please post the link. I’m dying to hear their “thoughts.” Their site is keyword-searchable. Searching in “microchip,” I found no threads on the chip-the-illegals idea. But, see the following: [Va. Lawmakers Oppose Forced Microchip Implantation, and the Antichrist](http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2481774/posts) [The “Death Chip”](http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2375305/posts) [Will Your ID Soon Be a Microchip Under Your Skin?](http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2286456/posts) [Saudi Arab Files for Patent for ‘Killer’ Microchip](http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2253229/posts) [DO NOT TAKE THE MICROCHIP!!!](http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/2098714/posts) Enjoy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/29 "2010-04-29T15:18:03Z")
There’s no disconnect in the chipping world - we’re only chipping illegals - American’s don’t have to worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/30 "2010-04-29T17:05:58Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > What about simple practicality? Surely microchipping all illegal aliens involves first _catching_ all the illegal aliens? Wouldn’t we then, you know, deport them, like we do now, instead of this bizarre catch and release program? No, no, no, what are you, _retarded?_ We just chip \*everyone \*who isn’t an American citizen! Jesus christ, this isn’t rocket surgery. ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/31 "2010-04-29T17:08:08Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > If you don’t chip them they’ll just come right back! Microchipping sure beats the immigration carousel we’re on right now! Why chip them? Use a long iron or wood. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/32 "2010-04-29T17:14:01Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > I’m dying to hear their “thoughts.” Shh! \*\*Hearing their thoughts \*\*is step #2 in the microchip plot! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/33 "2010-04-29T17:14:19Z")
All this talk of chips is giving me nacho cravings. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/34 "2010-04-29T17:28:36Z")
No, microchip the people when they get their green cards, The chip matches the ID on the green card. Chip doesn’t match, then you ship the guy out of the country because he has an illegal green card. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t mind a microchip, if I could get my medical records burned onto it, and if it matched up to my passport or military ID. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/35 "2010-04-29T17:39:59Z")
So if we round up a stray illegal, we scan him for a chip, and that lets us return him to his owner. Great idea. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/36 "2010-04-29T18:45:29Z")
Can I adopt an alien from the pound to do my laundry? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/37 "2010-04-29T18:55:51Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > If you don’t chip them they’ll just come right back! Microchipping sure beats the immigration carousel we’re on right now! I guess the theory is that before deporting people, we stick a chip in them, right? Then we’ll be able to catch them the instant they slip back across the border? Did you think about this for even two seconds? What, precisely, while your stereotypical low-skill Mexican is on his way to his _coyote_ to get smuggled back into the US, is going to stop him from stopping by a low-rent surgery to get the chip taken straight back out? (And if they don’t exist now, how long will it take them to come into existence if this proposal is enacted?) ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/38 "2010-04-29T19:46:01Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Can I adopt an alien from the pound to do my laundry? No, because you won’t clean up after it and will forget to feed it! Remember that poor Canadian tourist you found and tried to keep in a terrarium? ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/39 "2010-04-29T20:06:55Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Can I adopt an alien from the pound to do my laundry? Sure, but first you really need to research what breed to get. You don’t want an illegal from a tropical/warm climate because they just wear loincloths and thus have very little experience doing laundry. You’d want to pick an illegal from a cold climate like Canada because of the cold they wear lots of cloths and thus have lots of experience doing laundry. > [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > No, because you won’t clean up after it and will forget to feed it! Remember that poor Canadian tourist you found and tried to keep in a terrarium? Oh, oops. I see we already tried this with a Canadain. Maybe someone from Russia then. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705/40 "2010-04-29T20:31:34Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > Remember that poor Canadian tourist you found and tried to keep in a terrarium? I still say it would have worked if he’d have worn the damned green paint. > [@Tahssa](#): > > You don’t want an illegal from a tropical/warm climate because they just wear loincloths and thus have very little experience doing laundry. It’s not \*that \*hard. Really, I can point to the marks they should set the dials to and everything. Plus, if they’re especially primitive, I can tell them that I’ve trapped souls inside the machines to do the washing, and that if they don’t get it just right, they’ll be next. I find that fear is a great motivator when it comes to getting really sharp creases in my pants. > [@](#): > > Oh, oops. I see we already tried this with a Canadain. Maybe someone from Russia then. I don’t like Russians. Too grim. My washcloset should be a \*cheerful \*place. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microchip-the-illegal-aliens/537705.md?page=3)