# Microsoft: Take your Xbox One, and your paperclip, and stick them both UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 28, 2016, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764 "2016-12-28T09:03:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2016, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/21 "2016-12-28T19:25:25Z")
Paper clips are for resetting routers, too. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2016, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/22 "2016-12-28T21:27:46Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > I did. Not there. > > Besides, as I mentioned, I think it’s ludicrous that any gaming device today needs CD-ROMs. The Xbox One has a 500G or 1TB hard drive. It’s going to download huge amounts of code to run the game, even if the game was just released and you have the CD-ROM. WTF does it need the CD-ROM for in the first place? Not every country in the world (and believe it or not, they sell consoles outside America!) has awesome internet. Australia, for example, has notoriously shit internet by global standards - it’s not unknown for people in major cities to still have ADSL 1 connections - so have a 20gb game come on a disc with a smaller “activation/day one patch” download is preferable to trying to download the entire thing from the digital store. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2016, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/23 "2016-12-28T21:52:11Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > You must live in a different existence than I do. None of my CD players, CD-ROMs, DVD players or Blu-Ray players seem to have a little hole to stick a paper clip into. > [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > I did. Not there. Look closer. Newer drives have the hole behind a very tiny hatch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2016, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/24 "2016-12-28T23:56:45Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > May I interject that Russian Heel is the best ranter on The Dope. By a mile. Piss him off, world!! Yes! I loved this OP. I love it when the OP is genuinely aggravated, and none of this RO shit. I was cracked sufficiently up by this. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/25 "2016-12-29T00:52:02Z")
Actually, I have to agree with that. Genuine outrage over something that perhaps annoys only the OP is more interesting than opening yet another RO thread. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/26 "2016-12-29T01:58:48Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Anyone else think this rant was going to be about Clippy? I see you’re trying to open your optical drive! Would you like help with that? Hey, what are you doing? Put me down! You’re not going to --AAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHH! My wire! My beautiful bendy wire! Wait, where are you sticking me? ---
**Author:** ![SigMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SigMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SigMan)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/27 "2016-12-29T02:21:25Z")
Don’t want ejection problems? Stop pushing on the caddy to close. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/28 "2016-12-29T02:35:16Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes! > > I loved this OP. I love it when the OP is genuinely aggravated, and none of this RO shit. I was cracked sufficiently up by this. You might also enjoy this earlier rant…🙂 > **[Make my email work you LAZY FAT PIECE OF SHIT IT MOTHERFUCKERS](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=790362)** > > I did nothing to change any of the settings on my computer. I log into VPN client once a week, like you suggested, so the admin can recognize my computer. FINALLY, after a busy week, I have a hour or two to catch up on my emails. THEN WHY the FUCK... ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/29 "2016-12-29T08:30:23Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Actually, I have to agree with that. Genuine outrage over something that perhaps annoys only the OP is more interesting than opening yet another RO thread. except OP’s rant was incredibly stupid. tray-loading optical drives nearly all have “emergency” mechanical releases you’re supposed to use a thin wire (like a paper clip) to get a disc out if the mechanism fails. slot-loading drives, not so much. It’s actually interesting that the XBone’s drive allows this, since on the PS4 you have to take the fucking thing apart to get a disc out. OP trying to turn this into some sort of failure on Microsoft’s part is incredibly retarded. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/30 "2016-12-29T16:18:04Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > Besides, as I mentioned, I think it’s ludicrous that any gaming device today needs CD-ROMs. The Xbox One has a 500G or 1TB hard drive. It’s going to download huge amounts of code to run the game, even if the game was just released and you have the CD-ROM. WTF does it need the CD-ROM for in the first place? When the Bone was first announced, it was going to be strictly digital, and it prompted a torch-wielding mob to march on Redmond. Everyone was furious that Microsoft was cutting out pawn shops like Gamestop. Microsoft walked that decision back within a week or so. > [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Not every country in the world (and believe it or not, they sell consoles outside America!) has awesome internet. Actually, big chunks of America have utterly shit internet. Running fiber to every house on the continent is not cost effective for our digital overlords. In truth, there are practical reasons why some people still prefer discs. And practical reasons why optical disc players have a mechanical option for popping the tray when it gets jammed. ---
**Author:** ![TimeWinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@TimeWinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TimeWinder)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/31 "2016-12-29T16:32:52Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > In truth, there are practical reasons why some people still prefer discs. None of which apply here, since most games these days require both the disc AND an extensive download (often exceeding the data size of the disk) before running. The physical disk is pretty much just crude copy protection to keep the “same” copy of the game from being on multiple consoles at once. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/32 "2016-12-29T17:22:41Z")
> [@TimeWinder](#): > > None of which apply here, since most games these days require both the disc AND an extensive download (often exceeding the data size of the disk) before running. None? How about [GameFly](https://www.gamefly.com/#!/)? ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/33 "2016-12-29T20:13:02Z")
_Idly glances at the paperclip hole on the DVD drive of his office computer_ Imagine what this rant would be like if they didn’t even include the paperclip hole? EDIT: Although this does present an interesting thought: If you can eject the disk by triggering a switch concealed behind the Clippy Hole, why not just put a mechanical button there all the time, and have the drive’s motor triggered by the same switch? Probably broke too easily from mechanical strain of repeated use I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Debillw3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Debillw3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debillw3)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/34 "2016-12-30T03:33:26Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > OOOOOOOH NO, not with Xbox One. Apparently after spending hundreds of dollars on their piece of shit Xbox One, I have to use a PAPERCLIP, and stick in the right place, in case my NBA game didn’t eject when hitting the proper button on the face of the Xbox. So you don’t have to use a paperclip to eject the game, you have to use it when the game gets stuck. Pretty big difference there. Out of curiosity, what would you prefer instead? The manual drive on the PS3 Super Slim is often highlighted as being one of the few system downgrades, and I assume it’s more convenient to stick something (I often use a toothpick or mechanical pencil in place of a paperclip, sometimes even a ballpoint pen works) into a hole instead of needing to unscrew the machine. > [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > WTF does it need the CD-ROM for in the first place? My question would be why Xbox is still using CD-ROMs… For crying out loud, the PS3, which came out years before, uses Blu-Rays, but current gen Xbox is still using CD-ROMs?! That’s more ridiculous than any of this other crap. Worthy of a pitting on its own, I’d say. Get with the fucking times, Xbox. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/35 "2016-12-30T03:40:15Z")
Xbox one has a blu ray reader. I assume the OP was using CD-ROM as a catchall term for Optical drive. ---
**Author:** ![Debillw3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Debillw3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debillw3)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/36 "2016-12-30T04:18:19Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Xbox one has a blu ray reader. I assume the OP was using CD-ROM as a catchall term for Optical drive. That makes a lot more sense. CD-ROM console games went out as far back as the PS2, which used DVDs. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/37 "2016-12-30T04:19:39Z")
When really the appropriate catch-all term would be Turntable. Seriously. It’s 2016. Why do I still have to rely on a turntable when I want to play Fallout 4? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/38 "2016-12-30T05:41:23Z")
Is anyone else old enough and nerd enough to remember the ti99 and it’s tape drive? It used audio cassettes for data. Took damn near as long to load games as it would to type it into basic. And that horrible eeeeeeeeee kachu kachu kachu kachu sound it would make when loading. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/39 "2016-12-30T05:54:50Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > May I interject that Russian Heel is the best ranter on The Dope. By a mile. Piss him off, world!! Oh, shit! That was beyond incredible! I’m typing and laughing my ass off! Thank you, and I’m in full agreement with you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764/40 "2016-12-30T17:02:15Z")
The CD player in my 2008 Hyundai Elantra didn’t have a paperclip hole. So I was stuck driving around with an error message displayed on the screen for three years, since I didn’t want to take it to the dealer and pay lots of money to fix a CD player I didn’t use. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/microsoft-take-your-xbox-one-and-your-paperclip-and-stick-them-both-up-your-fucking-ass/775764.md?page=3)